Midnight Swimmer Midnight Sea
by btvshond
Summary: When hate is all that is left to feel, why should one not choose emptiness? As the forces of good and evil continue to clash, Hermione joins Severus’s journey in his search for reconciliation as he becomes caught in the heart of the storm.
1. Chapter 1

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Midnight Swimmer, Midnight Sea

Summary: When hate is all that is left for one to feel, why should one not choose emptiness? As the forces of good and evil continue to clash, Hermione joins Severus' journey in his search for reconciliation as he becomes caught in the heart of the storm.

Disclaimer: All familiar characters and settings that take place in the Harry Potter universe belong to J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc.

Author's Note: 

After writing three SS/HG stories, 'Midnight Swimmer, Midnight Sea' is a departure from them. It is a WIP slated to be novel-length. I don't know what direction the story will be, (Severus and Hermione are too unpredictable) and I don't know if I have a lot of time to write this, but the idea wriggles in my mind, refusing to be ignored. Also, please understand and tolerate any mistakes I may have that contradict details in the canon, especially those of Book 5. I've only read OoTP once so far.

That said, ten points to the one who knows where the title comes from, with a chocolate frog and Severus thrown in. Oh, wait, he claims no one owns him. He's just created by a lady, is all.

Dang.

~***~

__

"Is it true what the old man had said, that everything evil begins with a forgotten longing?"

"No, it begins even earlier, with a disappointed hope." ~ contributed by Jochen Staerk

Chapter 1

"What sir?" Severus asked, with not a single trace of emotion betraying him. Inwardly, he screamed at the wizard opposite him.

Dumbledore answered, as cautious as the young student was. "I have decided not to expel any one of them Severus. Remus is not at fault. He was not aware of Sirius' intention of luring you to him. It was very unwise and reckless on Sirius' part. I can assure you we gave Sirius a sound lecture and he is filled with moroseness for what he's done."

"Was Black the only one who knew what was happening?" The incredulity slipped out of Severus' tongue acidly. 

"He swears that the idea was his. James was not informed until it was too late. He strongly advised Sirius to tell him everything when Sirius realised the seriousness of the situation and the possible dire consequences. James has acted admirably throughout and does not deserve to be punished, much less expelled."

"I see." Severus wondered why he still clung to the expectation that anyone would be on his side, when his parents had never been. He wanted to yell at all of them, at the merciless peers, at the blinded teachers, at the ignorant stranger, at the lofty gods and fight them all. However, this required considerable strength, and Severus was tired, drained of what determination he possessed when he saw that the Headmaster would not budge in his decision of protecting his students, his Gryffindor students. It was easier to obey. "Very well, they will not be expelled."

"I'm glad you understand." Dumbledore said.

Sometimes, Severus thought, Dumbledore knew diplomacy better than a Slytherin did. Then again, he had lived for more than a century. Only, diplomacy never impressed a true Slytherin, which he believed himself to be one. Granted, Slytherins were comfortable with manipulation in general. They prided in their skill even, but they certainly did not use it when the lie was so blatant for both sides to see. Severus considered Dumbledore's words as the worst kind of insult.

Something in him died. He could feel it, though he had no name for it.

"I have told James and Sirius to apologise to you in private."

"Not in the Hall for everyone to watch?" The disappointment in Severus' voice was palpable.

"The students will ask why they have been punished. That will lead to the exposure of Remus and his misfortune."

"That I know."

Dumbledore gave him a calculating look.

"A werewolf is dangerous creature to keep in school professor. Remus Lupin might not be expelled, but he should not stay here either."

"You must know, it is bad enough for one to be inflicted with a curse that is not his fault. Turning one away is nothing but an act of discrimination and ruins that person's future. Remus will not harm anyone."

"The werewolf in him will, happily in fact, if my experience with it counts."

The silence that followed was heavy to the extent that the all-powerful wizard soon looked strained under it.

"Severus, I understand that the ordeal you went through must have been traumatising…"

"Don't patronise me." Severus whispered in a tone of finality. It was done; he had renounced all faith that he had in Albus Dumbledore. The man whom he had always admired in secret had failed him.

For the first time in their discussion, Dumbledore went rigid and fear and sorrow flooded his eyes helplessly.

Severus noted this. So he was at least capable of hurting the Headmaster. Good.

"Severus…"

He stood up. "If that is all Headmaster… I trust you are a busy man."

"Yes, the matter is closed, but…"

"Then I shall not take more of your precious time. Good night professor."

Severus was absurdly glad that he was in control at the end of the conversation. He walked out of the office without turning back. What use would that melodramatic gesture produce?

He walked along the quiet corridors, uncaring of his lack of sleep or the cloaking darkness. He reached the Slytherin Tower and crept into the bedroom without disturbing his roommates who were lost in their dreamland. He did not wish to deal with inquisitive questions to which he was forbidden answer. He did not want the Slytherins to gloat over his horror and scorn at his foiled attempt of expelling Potter and his gang.

Severus sat on his bed, still dressed. Night, treacherous and deceiving, curled about him, giving the illusion that he was the only one in the whole world. All was silent. He sank into introspection.

Under the present circumstances, anyone would fall on the soft covers and bawl, thereby unleashing his or her anguish so that he or she would feel if not joyous, better the next day. Severus knew this, and he waited patiently for the shock to reside and the hysteria to overwhelm him. When his eyes remained obstinately dry, Severus found he was denied the right to wallow in self-pity as well. The hate in him built up steadily, and hardened, as the soil on his robes had dried to become dust.

A few hours ago, he had been tricked by Black whom he considered inferior in intelligence, been lured to the Whomping Willow, been coaxed like a toddler to follow Black's instructions, and been near-death or near-cursed by the werewolf syndrome in a single evening. He remembered the horror that had frozen his brain when he had seen a glimpse of the monster and how he had pissed himself. He remembered the humiliation of having had James Potter see him at his most vulnerable. Since his second year, he vowed not to cry again, after the cruel attachment the Gryffindors gave him, a bastardisation of his name. 

__

Snivellus… the thought hissed in his mind. He had almost succumbed to weeping after the incident. Only his near-apoplexy overrode the impulse.

And then? Under such circumstances, a student who had just undergone a similar terror would have been soothed and fussed over by a guardian or adult. His Head of House had not extended that hand for him to hold, being one who promoted independence, and he had refused that of Dumbledore's. His parents were not to be informed, although it would not make a difference. He was not to say a word of the incident to anyone.

Severus was alone, left to lick his own wounds.

And the blackness of the Night continued to enclose him.

~***~

"Oh, Snivellus!"

__

Bastardisation…

Under the usual circumstances, Severus would have instinctively draw out his wand. As it was, they were in the Great Hall with the faculty within sights. He was relatively safe from physical abuse, if not verbal.

He sat tensely on the bench, waiting for the next blow. He was not totally defenceless. He was not going to accept their gleeful taunts and casual bullying. The events that occurred the night before still rankled. He was fully prepared to attack them back.

Potter, who had been the one to call him loud enough for him to hear but soft enough for it not to reach the professors' ears, leant forward and hissed, imitating the Slytherin's symbol and denouncing it. Severus knew his gaze was icy. He felt his eyes burning cold white.

Potter straightened his body, leaving Severus to see who were with him. Ah, the foursome. Potter, Black, Pettigrew and him. Lupin. What did it matter that that thing was now in human form, thin, frail, shaking and ashen in complexion? He was a werewolf that almost got him killed. 

Potter sneered, "I never thought I would save your ass one day. Believe me, the experience was not my pleasure."

"May I say Potter, that for once, our feelings are mutual?" After years in school, Severus had a lot of practice and upon learning his gift of irony and sarcasm, used them to his advantage. They warded people off him. That, and his near sanguine attitude in the face of threats and mean hand in hexes.

All these did not work with Potter, who was equally deft with his wand. His Gryffindor countenance also prevented him from stepping down from any challenge. Points set aside, Potter had never liked him. Since the first day of school, he had seen Severus and condemned him, as Severus had observed him and concluded he was a snob.

Potter smirked, apparently taking the higher moral ground he felt he was entitled to, "But as much as one hates his enemy, he should save him when he can, right? Sirius was stupid to stoop to your level in this case. I mean, we all want each other expelled, but I don't want you dead."

Black snorted, "Yeah, I thought a little fright's sufficient for you to stop interfering with us. Forgot about," his gaze flew to where Dumbledore sat, "consequences." He turned back to Severus. "Sorry."

Severus realised this was about as much as he could get from Black without pushing matters too far. Besides, guilty as Potter and Black might be feeling, they remained unrepentant to the way they treated him.

"So kind. Apology accepted Black." Severus looked away, wanting to return to his breakfast and avoiding the Slytherins' surreptitious glances.

"Severus, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what Sirius wanted to do…"

Lupin. He had stepped forward and was standing so close to Severus that he could smell the werewolf reek on him. He could have felt sympathy for Lupin's plight. Lupin was also not as arrogant and pompous as the average Gryffindor. And he was at least competent in his studies. However, he committed the unforgivable sin of befriending Potter and Black. He did not include Pettigrew, who was like a non-entity when he chose to mingle with those two.

Lupin continued pleading with him. It would have been an unparalleled delight to see a Gryffindor cower in front of him but for the smell that brought forth memories of his encounter at the Whomping Willow in full detail.

"I'll have none to do with you, Lupin," he said in disdain.

"Please Severus, I'm terribly…"

"Out of my sight you freak."

At this, Lupin paled and Potter and Black shouted. Black sprung forward and drew out his wand, "What did you say you nasty little git?" His cry attracted everyone's attention.

Potter was simmering with impotent rage as well but he was the more levelheaded of the two. He pulled Black to him and whispered into his ear. Black cast another glance at the staff table and nodded. Putting his wand back, he glared at Severus before joining the rest at the Gryffindor table. Pettigrew was trying pitiably to comfort Lupin.

Severus understood. He would not be let off so easily for the insult he hurled at Lupin.

His hand unconsciously reached into his pocket and grasped his wand reassuringly.

He would be ready.

~***~

Hogsmeade outing was not Severus' favourite weekend. It usually meant trouble for him. Today was the same. Conversely, it was not as he expected.

__

[Your mother needs you. Come home at once.]

It was like jumping from the mud into the pit for Severus when he read the curt message written in the familiar scrawl of his father's handwriting. He would very much wish to refuse his father's missive and thought of all kinds of wild excuses not to obey.

Hence, he wondered bitterly what in all sanity had brought him walking to the edge of the Hogwarts ground with his Head of House after obtaining permission from the staff.

"I will meet you here at six in the evening. No later, is that understood Mr. Snape?"

Severus nodded and took the Portkey in the guise of a door-key. He felt a tug in his navel and closed his eyes, begging that he would be brought to somewhere else in mistake.

__

Anywhere…

He landed in the living room of the Snapes' household.

Not that it could be recognised as one. The Snapes were not a rich family like the Malfoys, nor were they influential in status in the wizarding world. At best, they could be called a respectable academic family, at worst, a humble family barely scrapping with what money they had.

Not dragged down by poverty, however, the Snapes were a particularly proud household, fiercely independent and determined. They took scrupulous care of their finances and hygiene. Although Severus was frequently jeered at for possessing the drabbest clothes and appearing as though he were suffering from acute malnutrition, he had been trained as a child to keep clean and learnt how best to use what scarce supplies they had in the kitchen.

The house itself, while small compared to mansions and palaces pure wizarding families inherited from their ancestors, was tidy. The reason why the living room was unrecognisable as one was not because it was messy, but because it was turned by the present head of the family into a laboratory.

Severus was assaulted from all sides by touches of his father's latest experiments. Bottles and vials of various shapes and translucent colours lined along the tables and shelves. Books stacked on one table showed signs of wear and tear. At a corner stood a cauldron bubbling ominously away. 

__

The Casso potion, Severus thought.

Even in his childhood, his father had imparted knowledge and disciplined him extensively in the practical art of Potions. Though a keen passion for Potions ran in Severus' blood, he loathed it for the fact that he seemed to be following in his father's footsteps.

Severus sighed. So his mother was in one of her relapses again.

He stared at the cauldron when a man in his late thirties walked into the room. Tall and swathed in grey robes, his face was austere, belying the violent temper he had beneath him.

"Severus." Although the man was known not to smoke, his voice was that of a heavy smoker, rasp and grating to the ear.

"Yes sir," he said quickly, facing his father.

Acerus Snape was a brilliant Potions Master famed for his intelligence and creativity. His experiments often yielded results, unlike many of his counterparts. Breakthroughs in potions-making garnered him prestigious awards and recognitions for the welfare of the community. He was renowned too for having an aptitude for administration and policy and would have made a fine orator or member of the Ministry of Magic, if not for his sheer inclinations toward research and invention that drove him to keep to his house. As a result, one of the most notable profiles in the wizarding circles was also one of the poorest individuals. There were no such things as patents and copyrights in the wizarding world like in the Muggle one.

Towering over his son, Acerus was the figure of authority and commanded attention to whomever saw him. Severus tensed whenever he was in his presence.

"Your mother's in her room. Go." With that, he returned to his table, and began compiling his notes.

Brilliant as Acerus Snape was, he did not understand that a son might require more than orders and strictness. Sometimes, Severus wondered acrimoniously why he even bothered to marry, if Potions was all he cared about.

He had long ceased to expect anything else from the man sitting before him. It seemed that whoever he tried to get approval from inevitably failed him, one way or another.

Severus went to look for his mother.

Deliah Snape was once a great beauty, so Severus was told. Unfortunately, she had no dowry and marriage prospects were few. She agreed to marry his father and things… deteriorated for her since.

She was highly strung and her husband cold. It was an unsuitable union that lasted simply because separation was unheard of in the wizarding world. It was not that Acerus was unkind, but he was insensitive and scorned what he perceived as weakness in her.

For as far back as Severus' memory reached, they had quarrelled more frequently than they had engaged in a substantial conversation. How many times did he awake from his sleep, disturbed by muffled sounds of fights? How many times did he try to placate his father, hoping the latter would stop shouting at his wife for every mistake she did, however minute? How many times did he end up crouching in a corner sobbing, with no one to listen to him, his father too furious and his mother too scared?

As Severus crept toward the bed she was lying in, he was at least thankful that whatever row they had was over and he was confronted only with the task of accompanying his mother and not the upheaval he feared.

"Mother?" he whispered softly.

"Severus? Oh it's good of you to come. Your voice is so lovely. Come, speak. You will soothe me." His mother struggled from under the covers and stretched her arm out. Severus took her frail hand.

"Shall I read?" he asked dutifully.

"Yes, there's a book of Muggle poetry there. I stopped at page thirty, but please start at the beginning." His mother had discovered Muggle literature just before he was born and had fallen in love with it. It acted as a source of comfort and outlet for her anguish.

He took it and read from what was entitled _Illiad_ by Homer. It was essentially an epic poem, a tale spanning through Greek mythology. There were battles, love, betrayals and intrigues throughout. Severus was caught up in it despite himself.

Soon, the potion her husband fed to the woman took effect. Together with Severus' steady reading, her tattered nerves calmed and she went to sleep, with a speckle of tears on her cheeks. And because he could not bear it, Severus kissed her forehead.

He continued reading until it was time for him to leave.

~***~

"Oy! Snape!"

Severus gritted his teeth and faced Potter, "Yes?"

The students had returned from Hogsmeade just as Severus was walking to the Hogwarts castle.

"We've been looking for you everywhere! Found a good hiding place eh? Thought you could escape us now that dinner's about to start?" Potter strode to him in unbelievable self-confidence, with his cronies behind him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Severus said. He went on walking.

"Yeah? How about your insulting Remus here? Have you forgotten about that?"

Lupin spoke, "James, I don't really…"

"Nonsense, you have to stand up for yourself. You don't have to take that kind of cheek from this kind of git." It was clear Potter was in an unpleasant mood and was itching for a fight. Perhaps Lily Evans had rejected him again.

The thought caused Severus to smile. Now there was a girl who was not blind. Pity she was in Gryffindor, or he might have considered befriending her.

"What are you smiling at?" Potter demanded. By now, students were packing around in vulgar curiousity, speculating if Potter and he would duel.

Severus himself was in no mood to entertain. He was almost at the castle.

He heard Potter curse and then he found himself sprawled on the grass.

It was the first time he was involved in a Muggle fight. Obviously he did not handle it well. Potter, who was broader in built, punched and kicked him. He felt blood trickle down his lips and nose. He tasted it, and it was thick and sickening.

The students were laughing and hooting. Instead of calling for the professors, most were egging Potter on.

"This is for Remus! This is for Gryffindors! This is for me! This is for…" Potter yelled with each strike.

Why did everyone have friends to support him, including that skum Lupin and whimpering Pettigrew? Why did everyone dislike him? What of his problems? He had hidden wounds too. Why did no one see? Why did no one help?

Enough.

Bewilderment, resentment, hurt, disappointment boiled until all that was left was growing hatred and with it came unholy strength.

No one explained to him what happened after that. When he was conscious again, Severus found himself in the Hospital Wing. He only had superficial cuts and bruises. Rather, he was informed that Potter suffered internal injuries. Some bones were broken and he was under concussion. Potter had to stay for two weeks while Severus was discharged as soon as he woke.

Rumours circulated and by the end of the week, everyone avoided incurring "that slinky Slytherin's" wrath.

Severus was surprised he was capable of inflicting such damage. Snatches of memory of how he had roared and how Potter had flinched danced across his head. It thrilled him to think that for those brief moments, he was in control and he had been triumphant. Even the Slytherins viewed him with more than disinterest. Lucius Malfoy, a year his senior, upon hearing his exploits, roped him into his group of select members.

Still, with these significant changes, Severus was not at ease. He hated the students for their cowardice and he hated himself for being used.

After all that was said and done, he was still alone.

~***~

Time rolled on.

It rolled on for months.

Summer approached.

All the students were ready to go home with varying degrees of reluctance and anticipation. For Severus, it was with shades of anxiety and wistfulness, for reasons too complex and intertwined they gave him a headache.

He was among the last students to leave the school premises. The train was not leaving in two hours and he wanted to have some quiet moments before he went to a home where peace was wound tight and anger dormant. The prevailing sense of watchfulness.

Someone called him. He turned his head to see a blond youth leaning against the wall, emitting languid aristocracy and confidence.

"Come Severus," Lucius smiled indulgently.

"Where to?"

"You're going to join me for the holidays."

"What? But Lucius, don't be ridiculous. I…"

"Have you ever seen me ridiculous Severus, as you succinctly put it?"

"What of your family? Your father?"

"You will address him as Mr. Malfoy. Really, don't you learn social etiquette at home?"

"I'm trying." Severus grounded out.

Lucius waved his hand, "It doesn't matter. Anyway, my father knows of your coming. He was the one who asked me to bring you. Your parents have given their consent."

"You go too fast." Severus said hastily, "I had no idea of all these arrangements."

"Surprise then."

"I have no say in this? I can't back out?"

"Do you want to?"

"That's not the point."

"Coming to the Malfoy grounds is a rare honour, staying in it as a guest rarer. If you do not wish it…" Lucius shrugged, "It is your loss. You will miss a great opportunity."

"What would that be?"

"Will you come?"

"This sounds like a transaction, to which I'm at the disadvantageous end of not knowing anything."

"We're Slytherins."

Severus gave up. When Lucius wanted something done, chances were that he would have it. Besides, he wasinterested. He frowned, "My things…"

"They've been taken to my home. I must tell you, I never realised how scarce your belongings were."

"Not everyone's house is a palace with fifty rooms and twenty House-Elves Lucius."

The older boy considered this. "True." He said happily and smirked when Severus grimaced.

Severus wondered why the Malfoys would extend such hospitality to the son of a lowly academic researcher.

He found out on the day he arrived at the palace.

What a palace it was! On that very first day, he was left to his devices and explored the area.

Marble statues, oil paintings and portraits, golden floors, high walls, soft carpets, lush gardens, and the library! Oh, the library! The riches of the world.

Severus stared in rapture at the shelf-covered walls that reached to the top of the ceilings. The smell of books and solid wood was making him dazed.

Where to start? After pondering, he started climbing a nearby ladder.

"You will find the shelf on the opposite wall more to your taste I believe."

Severus paused and looked down.

A wizard cloaked in fine velvet stood four feet away from him. Severus surmised that he was his own father's age. Tall, his excessive leanness accentuated his height. His face was thin and his eyes piercing. His hair was short and black, neatly trimmed at the edges. He exuded vanity, but did not preen. There was class that reminded Severus of the Malfoys.

"Are you Lucius' relative?"

The man smiled, 'Merely a guest, like yourself. Come down, so that I may talk to you more easily.'

Severus cast a glance at the books before manners overtook him.

The wizard continued to smile when Severus walked to him and greeted him with a "Sir".

"Ah, you don't know who I am. You may call me Lord Voldemort." He studied Severus. What he saw evidently pleased him.

"I've been meaning to meet you Severus."

Severus was stunned, "You have?"

"I've been seeking the best witches and wizards to join my little organisation," Lord Voldemort went on, "You see, I think you understand what it's like to be treated less worthy than you actually are. These fools who do not appreciate the mind. Your father has been pushed to the sidelines and you, from what I hear from Malfoy Jr., are not getting the respect you deserve. What I'm planning to do, is to overturn the tide to a different direction. A New Order, if you like, one that is ruled by competent men."

"What does it mean?"

"A new world, whereby the constrictions we live in are abolished. We will raise the old magic the common fear to use. We will purify the wizarding community of all who are inferior. Those who stand in this process will fall under our joint efforts. We will rid the old system. There is no need to feel indebted to the present one. After all, why be grateful to a world when it has done nothing for you?"

Severus' heart began beating rapidly. It was what he always thought.

"And you want me to help?" he wondered at it. Where was this leading?

"I am perfectly keen on having you to join us. We need intelligence like yours for our goal to be achieved. Remember, this is the only time I offer a place for you. Regret if you refuse Lord Voldemort."

Although Severus harboured doubts as to the man's ambition, he was nonetheless sure of his unspoken decision. What else was there? He hated, hated everything he lived with. Severus was a naturally suspicious person. He had been used before and knew he was being used and would be used by Lord Voldemort. Yet he hungered for a change and the man facing him promised fulfillment.

"Very well."

Lord Voldemort's eyes glowed with narcissistic pride, confirming in Severus' mind that the older wizard did not care for him. "I knew you would. There is a meeting tonight. Be there."

The conversation thus ended, they walked together to the drawing room where the head of household was.

Mr. Malfoy shook Severus' hand, "I see you have met our other guest. I presume you could find your way around?"

Lord Voldemort said, "Severus was particularly taken to the library. I feared for my safety."

"I did not touch the books!" Severus protested, although he would have if Lord Voldemort had not entered the library.

"There was an unholy gleam in his eyes when he was there." The man winked at Severus.

This was he whom Severus pledged alliance with and who made him a full-fledged Death-Eater after his final year in Hogwarts. During the beginning, Severus submitted himself wholly to the Dark Lord's will. He tortured, he conducted experiments, he raped, and he participated in raids and bloodbaths… The victims did not affect him. He felt no remorse and did not mourn for their deaths. He hated them for existing. They deserved every pain he had felt in his entire life.

The years whirled past with him not completely aware of time, as though he had sunk into a bottomless hole whereby there was no escape if he so chose.

And then?

~***~

Twenty years later, Professor Severus Snape stood in his private chambers situated in Hogwarts, staring out his windows as the sun set with unseeing eyes. He recalled the events that led to his becoming a Death-Eater and his first step into Hell. He remembered the boy so full of hate he wanted all to suffer with him, or to be trampled beneath him, until the demons he had sought to exorcise in him came back to haunt him.

And Severus the man questioned himself, _Where is that boy now?_

~***~

Notes:

Casso: Latin for 'to bring to naught, destroy, annul, make void'.

Acerus: derivation from the Latin word acerbus for 'shrill, rigorous'.

Author's Note: 

Thank you for reading.

For those who have read my other Severus Snape fanfic 'Turning Points in the Road', you may notice that it has some similarities with this chapter but that's all the two fics have in common. This chapter was longer than what I had expected though.

Hermione will be featured in the next chapter! So not to worry. Lots of SS/HG moments about. 

It'll be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious if you review too!


	2. Chapter 2

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Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued. ~ Socrates

Chapter 2

Hermione looked down morosely at her breakfast tray.

"What are you doing Hermione?" Harry asked innocently.

"Thinking." She slipped out.

"Well, there's a surprise," said Ron with over-exaggeratedly widened eyes.

"Ha ha." Hermione intoned dully.

Being more senior in school was not without its perks certainly. The lessons were more challenging and the students were given more free rein to what they wanted to do. Being a Prefect entitled Hermione with several liberties as well, along with gaining respect and recognition. Right now, unusually for her, Hermione was wishing she could stretch her legs in the open grounds outside the castle, in the warm sun, if not for…

She glared at the two boys sitting at the edge of the hospital bed she was lying on, her sharp eyes swerving their attention from one to the other till they began squirming.

"It's all your fault again."

"Ah Hermione," Ron sighed philosophically, "Will you stop making us feel more guilty than we already are? How much longer are we going to be hanged for this misfortune, to which I swear once more we had no idea would happen?"

"Much longer," she snapped back with the tiniest hint of humour.

What had happened was that the Trio had found themselves embroiled in another adventure throughout their sixth year, whereby they had stumbled over some secrets among the Death-Eaters. As a result, they knew that there was more than one spy other Professor Snape in their ranks. However, those few wizards' motives were shadier and Headmaster Dumbledore was not inclined to enlighten the students when he had learnt of their activities.

At the end, the three of them were caught in an ambush by a group of Death-Eaters before help had arrived, leaving Hermione wounded seriously and healing in the Hospital Wing for more than two weeks. As Ron observed, it was becoming an unpleasant habit.

"At least the exams are over." She poked restlessly at her bacon with her fork, in an effort to get rid of her excess energy.

Predictably, Ron groaned. "Don't talk to me about work. After all we've been through, sometimes I wonder why we have to slog like… like students in school."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "We _are_ students Ronald Weasley."

"You know what I mean. We've got… what, these duties, damn it. Don't tell me Mum doesn't cry when she thinks no one's listening. When is this going to end?"

"A terrible topic for a sunny day like this Mr. Weasley," Madam Pomfrey appeared before them, "You ought to know you aren't supposed to agitate a patient."

"I'm fine Madam Pomfrey." Hermione said automatically.

"Yes, indeed." The maternal nurse took in the details of how much the girl had eaten, or how little in this case. "What, not touching your food? You are not suffering from that silly 'thin-girl' syndrome are you Miss Granger?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Good. I won't collect that tray until you finish it." Madam Pomfrey promptly left them.

"Bleeah." Hermione moaned.

"To put it very eloquently." Ron said. He turned to Harry, "Why so quiet old friend?"

Harry stirred slightly and looked out of the window. There was a forbidding aura emitting from him.

__

Oh… Hermione thought, _It's that mood again._

"I just wish we could have killed more that time," Harry whispered, finally vocalising his inner thoughts, knowing full well he would unsettle his friends. 

Hermione exchanged meaningful glances with Ron. 

Ever since their fifth year, Harry was haunted. The burdens he carried were too much for him to bear without resentment and defeatism. He had confided to his friends that since Sirius' death, which had affected him greatly, he felt drained.

Harry continued in that faraway voice of his, "Now they're just in Azkaban, waiting for Voldemort to rescue them. They will escape. And school just isn't important. I can still be a brilliant Auror without lessons. DADA, Charms, I know them! And Potions… Snape's still the fucked up git that he is." The trio had recently undergone a series of Snape's vengeful lessons conducted in the dungeons for daring to interfere with the Death-Eaters. "I tell you, he doesn't want us to find about his chummy relations with those bastards."

It was unlikely that Harry would ever wholly accept Snape as a sort of mentor and a true member of the Order. Snape and righteousness did not sit comfortably in his mind. He hated Snape, despised him for who he was, what he was before. There was a point of time in the fifth year where Hermione had thought that Harry's attitude toward Snape had mellowed. All that changed for the worse when they were attacked in the Ministry at the end of the year. Mostly, Harry had not forgiven Snape for living when his godfather was not.

Not that Snape was helping to improve his reputation or relations with the Gryffindors. There were his malicious attempts to ridicule Harry's experiments and behaviour. Strangely, all three of them had decided on taking Potions as part of their N.E.W.T.s, if for different reasons. Harry possessed his career ambition and Ron had been threatened by his mother.

Shaking her head, Hermione returned her concentration on her uninviting but less than moody breakfast. She picked up her cup, then gurgled loudly into her tea.

"What are you doing?" Ron asked bewildered.

"I recall you asking that before."

"What are you doing Hermione?" It was Harry this time, with an unmistakable tired touch to it.

"Trying to make things more ridiculous than they already are. Although I seem to be failing since none of us are laughing. You've got to end this childish enmity with Professor Snape Harry." She looked to Ron, "Help me convince him. Why aren't you helping?"

"Are you serious?" Ron cried.

"Fine, go sit on the fence until it breaks. Why am I always the one defending Snape? Oh, shut up Ron. You'll have nothing right to say," She spoke to Harry when Ron closed his half-open mouth, "It's not good for the both of you. It's dangerous for the Order. You'll mess it up."

Harry lashed out immediately, "We are in danger already Hermione. When will we get killed huh? People are dying around me. Have you thought about that? And you worry about my relationship with that repulsive jerk! And yeah, why are you always siding _him_?"

"Because he's on our side. He's saved you so many times! Look how he helps Dumbledore." 

"Wasn't Sirius on our side? Hadn't he been mistreated? I _know_ what's it like to be locked in a house all day! Didn't he deserve better?"

"Oh… so you still blame Snape for not saving Sirius, is it? Don't you question yourself?"

It was a low blow. All three knew it. Of course Harry blamed himself for causing Sirius' death. 

Harry made a noise of disgust and stood up. "I have to be on my own." He walked rapidly out of the Hospital Wing.

Hermione sniffed, "Off for his regular bout of self-pity."

Ron asked tentatively, "You're not going to apologise, are you?"

"I did nothing wrong except to hammer some sense into him. Obviously it bounced back."

"You shouldn't have Hermione," Ron said sadly, "Harry hasn't recovered yet."

"Yes, that's why. He should have moved on by now. We have. There are important things ahead. We can't coddle him Ron."

"Yes, but, in this instance," Ron drew breath and launched into a startling analysis, "It's hard on him, more than we can comprehend, you know? I've always had a big family. Never appreciated till now. Made me… stronger. He hasn't ever had a real one, until he met Sirius. Godfather and all that. Harry loved him. He was the only adult who paid all his attention on him, like Harry's the centre of his life, which in a way, was true. Harry clings… clung to him, an anchor of sorts."

"Not a very stable anchor," Hermione said, because she could not help it. She sighed. Sirius was gone, dead. She was taught not to speak ill of those who passed away but being the realistic person that she was, she needed to clarify that just because Sirius was dead, he did not have to be glorified. "You know, it's weird that for once you are more rational than Harry is. I always thought he'd mature faster than you."

Ron looked offended and said, "Hermione, Sirius was one of the best guys around, other than Lupin. He was fun, liked to keep things light, daring…"

"Reckless."

"Damn, you don't approve of him."

"No, I don't. Look, I'm fond of Sirius, I really am, but he had lots of flaws and… Harry looks at them but doesn't see them. Sirius' impulsive and… It felt bad when Harry kept fiddling that mirror. I hated it. Dumbledore's been trying so hard… Now, it's more exasperating to see Harry wallow in it. I don't think he's accepted that Sirius' gone yet. Everyone's being supportive and all but it's not Sirius."

"Maybe. I'll prefer Sirius to Snape anytime."

"Now you sound more like the Ron I know." Hermoine chuckled in a resigned manner. "I'm going for a walk today. I deserve it. Will you join me?"

"Sure thing Hermione."

She nodded and picked up her bacon, swallowing it distractedly. She immediately made a face, "Why is it so cold?"

Ron shook his head.

Fickle females.

~***~

Hermione sighed as she returned to her bed in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey had felt it necessary for more supervision before she was allowed to return to the Gryffindor Tower.

The walk had done her a world of good. She had a taste of fresh air and was delighted when Ron had gallantly arranged a picnic at one of the cooler corners of the grounds to cheer her up. It was a pity they could not find Harry.

__

"Give him time Hermione. It's not like you to be impatient."

"Yes, but he's the one going to fight Lord Voldemort. Not us."

Ron gave her a hug, "He's always managed to win. Don't fret too much."

"You're just trying to make it easier aren't you?"

"Is it working?"

Hermione smiled and leaned into one of her best friends' embrace, "Maybe."

Hermione slipped into the covers but not into sleep. She lay there, doing her utmost to catalogue her muddled thoughts in her brain. She was not lying when she told her friends that she had been thinking that morning.

With the second rise of Lord Voldemort, Hermione's analogy to the Muggle Second World War, the whole atmosphere reeked with the warnings of worse things to come. People were disappearing mysteriously, the Dementors were leaving Azkaban for the promises of the Dark Lord, Hagrid was failing to convince most of the giants to help them, the Order was rendered impotent despite all the information pouring in, the infamous Daily Prophet and the Ministry still maintaining everything was under control as long as everyone cooperated… Hermione could practically tick the items off the list simultaneously, leading her to a very dire scenario.

She proceeded to turn her thoughts to a more immediate problem. Her parents and only family. With the start of the sixth year, the Dark Lord had begun focussing on his original terror besides other priorities, that of Muggleborns in the wizarding circles. The firmly held beliefs of his ancestor still pressed in his mind and he seized what opportunity he had to devastate the Muggleborns' morale. Sometimes, reports came in that told of someone's parents being missing, only to be found without memory or seemingly drained of all sanity. The witches and wizards who knew shuddered at the implication. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was resorting to even darker arts to suck the essence of the innocent to enhance his power.

__

Like a Dementor, Hermione's heart chilled.

She would not allow that fate to befall her parents. She had to make plans to protect them from harm.

__

Now Hermione Granger, how do we settle this? She mused.

She could request her parents to go on a long holiday far from England. They had always mentioned about exploring America. America was good. It was a large country across the seas and oceans. Lord Voldemort would not expend that much energy to send his minions there just to spite a Muggleborn.

The problem was, Hermione was certain she wanted to stay in England to help in the fight. She knew she was fully capable to help. She was sixteen. There was no way anyone could force her leave simply because they felt it dangerous. Summer holidays were approaching. She suspected that the Death-Eaters and their master would not be lax in their activities despite that. She decided to tell her parents that she would not spend it with them and urge them to go instead. They were levelheaded, prudent people. Surely they would understand she needed to do this, to be here, supporting the Order and her friends.

Of course, she reflected, she had to get the Headmaster's approval first…

~***~

Dumbldore looked at Hermione thoughtfully.

"Do you know Miss Granger, you are not the first Muggleborn to have proposed staying in Hogwarts during the summer holidays. So, don't feel as uncomfortable as you look now."

Hermione stopped fidgeting in the seat.

Dumbledore continued, "As I have said, there have been other students before you, and I have allowed them to stay, after discussing the details with their families and the staff. I'll be happy to accept you as well, which will make the total number twenty-one, provided that you obtain your parents' permission."

"I have talked to my parents Sir. They don't like it, but they understand the severity of the situation. They recently sent me a message informing me they've booked a flight to New York next week. My aunt lives there."

"Yes, these are uncertain times," Dumbledore nodded, "The school must adjust some of its rules. Whilst we wondered if we should disclose that we were willing to have the students remain during the holidays, we were afraid that there might be some repercussion. Voldemort may then pay more attention to Hogwarts. I can only hope that the students come forward themselves, like you have done."

"Thank you. Does that mean I should be discrete as to my non-departure?"

Dumbledore smiled paternally, "Ah, Miss Granger, I am always impressed by your logical thinking. Very astute, if I may add further. Yes, you have to board the train back with everyone and then return by means of another ride."

"What will that be?"

"I'm afraid you won't enjoy it."

Hermione's eyes widened in horror, "Oh no! Not…"

"Broomstick. Yes. It's one of the most careful ways. You won't be detected."

Flying… well, Hermione wailed within, that she did not see coming.

"Isn't there another way? It'll be a long ride. I will fall."

"You can have one of the other students to ride you back," Dumbledore suggested sympathetically.

"But… flying! I was terrified even on the short ride on Buckbeak when I was in the third year."

"I recall that marvellous incident."

"Marvellous, I was compelling myself not to scream. Harry swore he suffered broken ribs after that. I'm sorry sir. I don't think I can survive it."

Dumbledore meditated over it. To Hermione's amusement amidst her distress, he reached out unconsciously for a lemon drop from a crystal bowl on his table. "You have not Apparated before, I presume," he asked shortly after.

"Yes, we haven't learnt that… oh! That'll be excellent. But I'm still an underage witch. I can't use magic outside Hogwarts."

"I know. It was a casual question." Hermione frowned when she saw the professor's eyes twinkle merrily.

"Trying to get my hopes up, sir?" she asked, feeling a little crushed.

Not answering her directly, Dumbledore said blandly, "We will use a Portkey for you."

Hermione immediately felt silly, "Oh, yes." _Why didn't I think of that solution?_

"Don't look so dejected my dear. Would you like a lemon drop? I find it stimulates one's mental faculties."

"In that case, I'll have a dozen," Hermione mumbled, and was suitably surprised when her request materialised in her hands quite promptly.

"Hope you like them," Dumbledore said cheerily.

~***~

Hermione watched the castle diminish into a speck before looking at her friends. Dumbledore had told her that it was her business whether she wished to inform them of her plans. In the end, she decided not to, due to several reasons. The main one was that she did not want Harry to feel resentful that she was able to stay in the place he considered his real home when he was denied the opportunity due to the protection provided to him by living with his aunt. He was already grieving as it was.

The problem lay in that a permanent cloud of melancholy ostensibly shrouded Harry. He did try, but when he believed himself to be alone, he sank into the blackest moods, and needed Ron and her to drag him out.

Hermione saw Harry looking at Hogwarts with whimsical longing.

"I can't believe it'll be our last year here the next time we come back," he said.

Ron nodded, "Good old Hogwarts. It's given us lots of fond memories."

"And bad ones," Harry whispered. Ron and Hermione stared at him and breathed more easily when he went on, "But yeah, it was good."

"No regrets?" Hermione asked coyly.

Harry shook his head, "No."

It was a couple of weeks before that Hermione had chided him. They had been busy packing their belongings to sit down and just talk. Hermione felt a confrontation was about time.

It was milder than she expected. Anti-climax, but she was grateful. She did not want another shouting fest like that in the summer holidays before fifth year started, where Harry had blamed Ron and her for leaving him behind and not telling him anything.

"You know how pushy you can be Hermione?" Harry asked rhetorically.

Hermione smiled, "You've known me for years. You tell me."

Harry pretended to think. "Hmm… Limitless for you."

He laughed, wholeheartedly for the first time since Sirius' death. And Hermione did not realise how much she had missed it until now. She joined him, and so did Ron.

"That was brill," Ron wiped a tear out while Hermione gasped for air. "Isn't it funny? You and I had a fight in the fourth year, and Hermione was the one patching things up. Then she and I had a quarrel and you placated us a little. Then you and she made things ugly and it was my turn to be middleman."

"So, we've gone through the rounds," Hermione said, pleased.

"Right. But I have to apologise." Harry said seriously, "I've been an ass. Took it out on everyone, even Dumbledore. I forgot everyone had his or her own pain. You really woke me up Hermione. We have to fight together. But it's hard for me. I still miss Sirius."

"Harry, we understand." Ron soothed him.

"I know. It's amazing you two still support me after all that mistreatment from me."

Hermione caught Ron's mischievous glance. Knowing him, she grinned back.

"Well…" Ron said calmly, "If you really feel guilty…"

Hermione chipped in, "There are ways to make up for it…"

"Like buying all the candies in the train on our way back…"

"I noticed a lovely book I've always wanted…"

"That wicked broomstick of yours…"

"The little intricate bottles you rarely use…"

Harry stared at them in disbelief, "Oh, it's extortion now, is it?"

"Extortion?" Ron cried dramatically, "Why Harry, we are merely conveying our heartfelt wishes! Suggesting them!"

"Knock it off Ron Weasley," Harry laughed. "All right, I'll buy us a round of gingerbeer when we reach the train station."

Ron pondered over the compromise, "Well…"

"Splendid." Hermione answered.

"If the lady says so," Ron concluded.

"We have to write letters to each other of course," Harry said.

"Absolutely."

As they chatted merrily, Hermione's spirits lifted, glad their last gathering together for the school-term could end this way. 

~***~

The summer holidays were not as dull as Hermione had feared, nor was it as lonesome as she had thought.

She missed her parents, but they kept in regular contact with each other. She was comforted that they were enjoying their holiday. They showed touching consideration as to her safety and what she did in Hogwarts.

There was plenty to do. Finishing her homework in two weeks, she spent the time with the other students. Although she had known them for years, she had not really had the chance because she was usually with Harry and Ron.

They were nice, most of them. Since all Slytherins were pureblood, none of them chose to stay in school. The group of Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravanclaws were somewhat relieved that they could avoid any hostility among the houses. With that threat gone, the students were more relaxed and had a wonderful time together both indoors and outdoors together. Those interested in Quidditch indulged themselves. Sometimes, Hermione and the others went down to watch, and brought along refreshments for everyone, like the traditional lemonade to quench their thirst and cookies baked by the girls in the Muggle way. The gesture was comparatively effortless after the persuasion they had to give the House-Elves when they had told them they wanted to use the kitchen. Hermione thought some of the House-Elves had looked fit to faint at the ardent suggestion. She had not wholly given up on their liberation yet, but it was rather discouraging to check the unsatisfying non-progress she was making. 

She spent the evenings with the other students lazing in the Great Hall after dinner who talked about everything under the sun. She loved the range of topics spanning from literature to history to chemistry to Muggle politics, which at least made a little sense when contrasted with the Ministry of Magic. The latter, in Hermione's opinion, was a bad pantomime. When the conversation turned to sports, she would self-deprecatingly say she could not contribute anything more substantial than "Huh?". Fortunately, her schoolmates tolerated her "one and only deficiency," as a Hufflepuff jokingly put it. This was unlike Harry and Ron who viewed her askance at her lack of interest. Hermione was especially drawn to the Ravenclaws' intellect which impressed her immensely, making her question the reason to the Sorting Hat's discretion of placing her in Gryffindor.

__

"But I won't fit into Gryffindor Mr. Hat," Hermione protested in her head, feeling surreal that she was talking to a hat and addressing it as a mister. After all, who was to say what gender a hat was, even if the voice whispering to her sounded deep. It had an ethereal quality that made it hard to grasp.

"Yes, you will think that little one," the Sorting Hat chuckled when Hermione huffed back at it, "And you will do well to remember that I am more than a man or woman. I am a power designed to do much more than you can imagine. Now," it paused, "you are thinking you should be in Ravenclaw, hm? Yes, you possess one of the finest minds I've ever come across, and that is a great compliment mark you. I've existed for centuries. I will put you in Ravenclaw if you desperately wish, but you have in you something you do not know yourself. Great strength. One wonders what you will do if you are put to the test… No matter, what is your wish?"

Hermione thought for several moments, and the Sorting Hat knew her answer.

"Ah, thank you for trusting an old battered hat… GRYFFINDOR!"

Hermione remained flattered and perplexed by what the Sorting Hat had said.

Sometimes, the staff joined them in their conversation, benefiting from the insight to actual Muggle life and removing what absurd misconceptions they had. The students had laughed when Mr. Weasley visited once and expounded excitedly of the Muggle world having its own magic since it could rain cats and dogs, as he had overheard in a Muggle bar, only to be informed by a red-faced Gryffindor that the phrase was simply metaphorical. The Muggleborns also introduced varied music to while the nights away: classical, jazz, the golden sixties, rock (but only for a short period because Peeves had thought it was another ghost come to cause mischief and was thrilled at having company) and stage operas, something Dumbledore was particularly partial to.

All in all, her time with the others was both stimulating and illuminating, with all of them exchanging ideas and conveying concerns about the imminent war.

Hermione, being the only student to know of the secret resistance, volunteered to help the Order run errands that were not risky and did not direct attention to her. Other times, she pestered some of the professors to teach her beyond the scope of the school curriculum. McGonagall naturally welcomed her and invited Hermione to do some research on being an Animagus. With Dumbledore's tacit agreement, she started learning Apparition under Flitwick, as a sort of reward for her assistance. As the members of the Order revealed bluntly, if they could dispose mundane, time-consuming tasks into another's hands, albeit small and inexperienced, they would be eternally grateful.

~***~

"Focus Miss Granger," said Flitwick in their first lesson.

Hermione could not open her mouth to retort of how hard she was trying because her mouth was at the opposite corner from where she was standing from.

They were in one of unused spacious classrooms where members of the Order had often practised their skills in secret.

Flitwick waved his wand and Hermione was restored to her normal self.

"That must be unpleasant." Flitwick said dryly.

"An understatement Professor." Hermione touched her lips as reassurance, "Splinching is an experience I won't like to undergo again."

"I'll disappoint you when I say you will undergo it several times to perfect the skill." The training went on.

Hermione was surprised that Flitwick could be extremely demanding when he wanted to. The lessons were intense, but she did not complain.

~***~

In addition to these perks of living in Hogwarts, Hermione had the library to herself, literally. No students bothered to step in there to inhale the scent of wood or soak in the quiet atmosphere. Madam Pince, who trusted Hermione enough to behave when left to her own devices, was travelling in Rome. Hermione was unable to reconcile Madam Pince with frivolity yet. And with the backdrop of a war brewing, she could not see any witch or wizard deliberately vacationing. On the other hand, Pince had never been an active participant in the war. She was an entity who lived but Hermione had never seen her interact with anyone else other than her books. Still, it was strange that a person could exude antipathy under these conditions.

One such day in the library, with the area magically lighted, Hermione became so engrossed in _The Ways to test your potential as an Animagus_ that she failed to notice the skies changing colour from blue to orange to black. By the time she finished the last page, she realised it was one in the morning.

~***~

__

I'm not going to get a proper night's sleep again. Hermione bemoaned inwardly. _Ron's right. It's the holidays. I could be having fun right now. I could be standing atop the Statue of Liberty. There are lots of things I should be doing to balance study life…_

But reading was her idea of fun, or at least one of her main sources of enjoyment. She was almost always carried away by a book, even when she were supposed to read just a chapter for preparation.

__

Face it Granger, you'll never be able to leave books if you tried cutting your hands off. Hmm, not a pretty picture.

So absorbed was Hermione in her rambling thoughts, she did not see where she was walking properly.

__

Ouch.

Hermione found herself face flat on the ground, with no clue as to how she landed in that cold, uncomfortable and embarrassing position. She felt her forehead and palms aching as well. There would be bumps and bruises next. She had fallen hard.

She hissed sharply when she rubbed her brow. She felt the scratch on it. What on earth had she tripped over?

Hermione was about to flip herself round on the floor to see the reason for her fall when a voice that was all too familiar sliced through the air.

"Gratifying as it doubtlessly is to see you grovelling at my feet Miss Granger, I suggest you move out of my path now."

~***~

Author's Note:

Gee, this chapter turned out long too.

To the reviewers who ask me to hasten my writing, I have to say this is as fast as I can go. University's busier than I thought and I need to do lots of reading. Whoever says uni life is relaxing?! Ah well, that's me ranting.

Headmaster Cromwell: Hello Headmaster. I'm totally flattered at the invite! Yup, I've signed myself up and have been accepted into Sal Salis. I'm afraid I won't be a very dedicated student though. Oops!

Snivellus: Hi there! Most of us fanfic writers are female, and I definitely belong to the majority.

Thanks to abraxis, Taya, AnnabelleElizabeth, Saerelle, Tracey, Serpens Potio, Greenstuff and Meriadoc/Celithrathien for the awesome reviews.

Next up: Severus swims naked. Hang on, that's the Muse on my shoulder butting her mischievous head in. Darn.


	3. Chapter 3

__

Even in the presence of others he was completely alone. ~ Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Chapter 3

Snape.

Severus Snarky Snape.

Hermione cursed her luck. Lifting her head, she found herself staring at the toes of his shoes. Steadying herself, Hermione looked up and her eyes found contact with his.

He was smirking. He was always smirking or sneering or stern. Hermione wondered if Snape was capable of any other expression. She respected him as much as she did other professors. She even admired his intellect and many varied skills, like the relatively recent discovery Occlumency. That was a skill that was rarer than being an Animagus. She read about it in the _Wizards' Encyclopedia 1786_, a time when information was more forthcoming. There was a whole volume covering Legilimency and Occlumency, proving how important they were, until the potential of it being used too liberally caused it to be erased in subsequent editions. A pity really, because that fear was ungrounded. Not everyone could qualify or master this particular branch of magic. Snape was undeniably a powerful wizard. Hermione felt he was over-qualified for a teaching job.

But his attitude needed a great deal of work. On a 'good' Snape day, it was still enough to drive anyone edgy.

He was the only professor who had chosen not to associate with the students during the holidays, though he ate in the Great Hall sometimes. By the scowls he threw at Dumbledore, Hermione did not need to guess who was responsible for Snape's attendance.

Hermione had considered asking Snape for help in her work and private projects. She wanted his opinion regarding the advanced Potions that she was planning to make. Yet a fearsome air "Disturb-me-not" had emanated from him each time she had picked up her courage to approach him. So she had stopped short of asking him.

Seeing him now, Hermione saw Snape's lips pressed together into a thin line and realised he had just asked a question. So much for dredging up past memories of trying to get his attention. Here was the man himself, and she was behaving stupidly.

"I'm sorry Professor. Did you ask something?"

Snape sighed audibly, "It seems your ears are missing as much as your eyes are Miss Granger. I'm not going to waste my breath on you. Get up."

Conditioned to obey Snape, Hermione pulled herself together and winced as she stood up. Her kneecaps creaked.

Snape gave her a disapproving look. "Return to your dormitory at once."

__

You would think he could at least show a little sympathy at my present condition. Hermione swallowed back her hurt at feeling this unwanted. She was not about to sob in front of Snape, like she did in her fourth year.

__

This is Snape, for heaven's sake. To get his concern, you have to be a Slytherin.

Hermione continued staring at him.

"Eyes, ears, and brain. What next, Miss Granger?" Snape hissed.

Hermione grimaced, "I'm sorry Professor. It's just that things happened rather quickly and I'm feeling woozy."

"The English language will be lamentably butchered by your generation." Snape countered, "Go back to bed."

Hermione nodded, surprised that he did not…

"In case you are amazed at my not taking points, let me remind you that it's the holidays. I shall of course remember this little exchange for future reference when term begins again."

__

Blackmail Professor? Hermione thought idly and quickly looked down at the floor. _Does an Occlumens use his skill all the time?_

"Yes sir," she merely said.

Hermione sped off as fast as she could with her two numb legs. Fortunately, she had concocted some healing salve the day before. It was in her drawer in neat little bottles. There should be enough to apply on all the wounds.

~***~

Severus stood at the corridor for several moments after the Granger girl had left.

__

When the term begins again, he recalled his words.It always did.

Catching himself being maudlin, Severus sighed and strode out of the castle. The Dark Lord had summoned his men tonight for unknown reasons, which made Severus more than wary. Not that the Dark Lord informed the Death-Eaters about everything, but he liked to give hints of what to expect for a meeting to keep everyone on his or her toes. It amused him to make everyone uncomfortable and speculating about what was in store. Except for a few minions, the rest of the Death-Eaters were unable to gain his Lord's full trust. Ever since the Dark Lord was first vanquished by a boy no more than age one, he had been extremely cautious and almost broached upon paranoia at times.

__

Well, Severus thought, _he has every right to be._

Once, there was a traitor in Albus' Order. Now, having been exposed, Wormtail Pettigrew had openly joined the other side, while Severus remained lurking between the two poles, flirting with the Dark, faithful to the Light. The advantage lay on their side.

There were others like him, Severus knew. At least two others. Since the Dark Lord's resurrection, two Death-Eaters had been writing secretly to Albus, filling him with details that Severus had either told him already or had missed out because the Dark Lord was not inclined to inform his Death-Eaters of everything that was taking place. Their identities were not known and Severus and Albus chose to respect them by not trying to find out who they were. Potter had nearly uncovered their secret and Severus had been furious with him for almost jeopardising everything. They boy had not learnt to keep his head low, even after Black's death. Severus snorted irritably at that recurring thought. There was no love lost between the two ex-students, but Black was one of the Order. A colleague fallen was affecting.

With the three 'spies' contributing, the Order was able to prepare itself for any serious attempt to undermine its power, or attack a particular place. There was success, which kept the Dark Lord in check, and setbacks, when the Order was informed too late about a specific plan. These failures weighed heavily on the Order. Severus felt especially pressured. They were frustrating the Dark Lord true, but mostly, the Order had been taking a defensive and not an offensive approach. They were losing ground and support. They were moving too slowly. Severus could see signs of the Dark Lord's triumph.

That must never happen.

Severus reached the edge of the Hogwarts grounds. Albus, as always, had asked him to return as soon as possible. He wondered sometimes if he should remind his mentor of the possibility of him not coming back.

Rolling up his sleeve, Severus gazed contemplatively at the brand he had once hankered for with feverish desire. He touched it, and immediately Disapparated, only to Apparate in a sparse, lonely and unrecognisable field with no dwelling to be seen for miles away.

The air was stale. There was no movement either from the grass or the Death-Eaters, whom Severus could see the outlines of their figures.

He walked toward them and stood in his assigned place in the circle surrounding a huge, tall fire. They were nearly all present, 

His eyes adjusted to the shadow play cast by the fire and the darkness around them, Severus saw the crowd parting for his master to pass through. The Dark Lord halted near the fire, and extinguished it, plunging them into an immediate chill. In place of the fire, the Dark Lord cast a green glow above them.

The Dark Lord relished a dramatic entrance.

When he spoke, it was harsh and foreboding. Everyone could feel the gravity of tonight's meeting.

"We have a traitor in our midst," their lord's words sparked a wave of panic among them. 

"Could there be a mistake my Lord?" an impudent minion asked. "We are each of us loyal unto you…" He ended abruptly when the Dark Lord suddenly glided to him and lifted him a foot off the ground by clutching his throat.

"Lord Voldemort is never mistaken Rowan."

Rowan uttered a strangled plea as answer. The Dark Lord released him and he crumbled to the ground.

Their lord began walking pass each of them slowly. "I am deeply disappointed that my wayward servant has become blinded by the foolishness of his turn of convictions, his rejection of his master and what his master could have offered." Some inhaled sharply at his anger lashing at all of them in a near-physical sense. They felt the power stabbing at them.

Severus was acutely aware that his master had paused briefly in front of him before walking on.

__

He knows, Severus thought dully.

"My Lord, it must be brilliance to have you know who this miserable traitor is," another Death-Eater chimed when the Dark Lord had completed his round of inspection. "You are the most powerful wizard indeed."

"Indeed," the self-proclaimed lord's voice trembled slightly with narcissistic pleasure. Severus suspected the truth had been discovered in a more mundane way. He wondered what slip he had made. Severus gripped his wand and his fingers dug into his palm as he clenched his fist. If he were to die, he would die fighting.

Murmurs filled the circle.

"He or she must be punished my Lord," Bellatrix Lestrange cackled. The twisted bitch. Ever since her escape from Azkaban, and her triumph over Black, it was evident she was one of the Dark Lord's prized followers. She had the power to speak at free will and was put in charge of several important schemes. Severus watched as her eyes widened in anticipation and a grin spread across her face. He had always thought her crazy. Now he knew she was insane. The time in Azkaban must have had pushed her over the precipice.

"All in due time." The Dark Lord smiled indulgently at Bellatrix. "Probus, if you please."

There was such a visible stir from one side of the circle that no one saw Severus going slack with numb disbelief. He forced himself to stand properly.

Like the others, he stared as one of the older Death-Eaters tried to escape and the Dark Lord swiftly cast a binding spell on him. Probus was brought forward to his sadistic master. His eyes told of a man who knew he was doomed.

"Did you try to disapparate Probus? You see I've cast a subtle ward preventing you from doing that. Just for your sake Probus." The Dark Lord chuckled at his little joke.

Probus closed his eyes and recoiled.

The Dark Lord reached out for Probus' wand and snapped it in two. He lifted the spell.

Probus stayed rooted on the spot.

"You have rejected my protection. Now, you must pay. Of course, Lord Voldemort is not without charity…" More chuckling, "I give you a minute to escape before I let my servants loose on you." The Dark Lord waved about the area. "How vast this place is, all for you Pro…"

Probus broke into a run.

Cynical laughter ensued at seeing this desperate man delaying what was inevitable.

A minute passed and they could still see him. Severus's spirits sank. Although he had never conversed with Probus before, he wished he had.

Rodolphus Lestrange was the first to hit Probus perfectly on his back. A firebolt, a malicious one.

The scream pierced Severus's heart.

Shot after shot followed. Some missed the unfortunate target, most succeeded. They were all aimed for torture, and not for the kill for the moment. Severus understood the fun was just beginning for them. There would be plenty of time to mutilate the corpse later.

All the Death-Eaters soon caught up with Probus and surrounded him.

Rookwood cried out and thick, serpentine vines emerged from the ground while wooden poles manifested from the air. The vines swiftly wound up the poles, reached out to Probus and ensnared him. Probus found his limbs outstretched and unmovable.

"Oh gods," he whimpered.

"Cry out Probus. The gods won't help. They're on our side, see?" Bellatrix laughed shrilly. "Oh, I can smell the fear…" She leaned forward and her tongue flickered close to Probus's ear. She moaned, "It's intoxicating."

Probus's forehead was slick with sweat. "You sick bitch."

"Now, Probus, if you beg, we may consider making your passing short." Macnair taunted and cast _Crucio_ immediately.

Many of the Death-Eaters had their turn to torment Probus. Severus stood back in despair. He could not attempt to kill Probus outright to spare him the pain. It would be seen as merciful, and a true Death-Eater was never that. He could only imagine what Probus was going through.

After an excruciatingly long time, Probus was spent and his robes were in shreds. Denounced and humiliated, he gasped for air, after having pleaded, threatened, cursed, and defied them all in the end.

"You'll never win." Probus managed to say through a gaping hole that was his mouth. "Dumbledore will trample all of you." Several Death-Eaters swore loudly at the mention of their greatest enemy. Others sneered at Probus' audacity.

Bellatrix Lestrange took over. "Bored now," she sighed in a singsong manner

She waved her wand across Probus and his skin was entirely ripped off his body, leaving a mass of blood and muscles. Overwhelmed by the pain, Probus slumped forward and lost consciousness. A roaring fire then burnt from within and consumed him.

Above the activity and sadistic celebration, Severus heard the Dark Lord's voice boom.

"You cannot blame your master for letting you down Probus. I am the most powerful being in the world. Bear my wrath if you fail me."

~***~

Severus watched out of the corner of his eyes as the Death-Eaters left the area one by one. He was kneeling down beside the Dark Lord, speculating what the latter intended to do when he had instructed him to stay behind.

"Severus."

Severus kept his head bowed. "My Lord."

"How goes Hogwarts and that meddlesome group under Dumbledore?"

"The same. Dumbledore doesn't have a coherent plan. Now that his link to your own Order is cut off, with that faithless Probus disposed of, I rejoice to say they'll fall into further disarray."

"I certainly predict it will be so. I have no need to tell you how tedious it was that Dumbledore kept interrupting my plans. I am told," the Dark Lord's tone suddenly became harsher, "that there're students staying in Hogwarts. The Mudbloods."

Ah. Severus had warned Albus that he could not keep the information secret from the Dark Lord for long. There were sufficient eyes and ears at the Dark Lord's service to find out what went on around Hogsmeade and the Ministry. There would always be leaks.

"You are ever omniscient my Lord."

The Dark Lord whispered, "Why did you not tell me?"

Severus steadied himself for this. "I didn't think it was important. They are only children. If the fool Dumbledore chooses to protect them, I do not see how that may affect you my Lord."

"It will not. But I want to know everything. It is not for you to question what is or is not important Severus. I alone shall decide."

"My Lord, I apologise."

"Just so you know. You think too much, like Lucius. But you are a rare talent Severus. Remain true to me, and you will be rewarded."

"I am forever grateful." Severus bent over and kissed the hems of his master's robes. The Dark Lord must be immensely pleased with himself tonight and about Probus's demise to not punish him.

He heard the Dark Lord chuckle, "Yes… There is that. You were so different from my other followers, ambitions that were far from lust and power… Tell me, what're your ambitions now?"

"To serve you my Lord."

"And?"

Severus pretended to hesitate. "And to gain recognition as a powerful wizard who's not under the thumb of Dumbledore."

"Very wise of you to tell me the truth. It will not do to hide it. Lord Voldemort knows." Having finished with Severus, the Dark Lord enveloped himself in a cloud of mist.

Only when the Dark Lord was truly gone did Severus allow himself to unleash his wandless magic and vent his frustrations.

~***~

When his immediate surroundings were suitably charred and the wind he had summoned was a swirling torrent howling shrilly and flattening the tall grass in its path, Severus turned to see where Probus last stood. His untamed hair whipped into his face and stung his eyes. Severus impatiently drew the strands back.

No hint of what atrocity the Death-Eaters had done lingered, except for the wooden poles.

There was nothing for him to take back to Albus, no remains, no last words even. How were Probus's wife and two daughters to be comforted?

Did it matter? Words were empty.

Worse, the Dark Lord would surely announce to everyone what Probus had been and how he had 'heroically' died for his master during an 'attack' and vengeance would be vowed.

Severus could imagine the scene. The family would be interrogated. The family would be informed by an unsympathetic Ministry official. The news of Probus being a Death-Eater would explode in waves. The children would be ridiculed. The wife would be stripped of her right to her husband's property and she would be unable to secure a job in the wizarding circles. At best, they would be forced to live among Muggles to escape the magical community's spite; at worst, they would be hounded for the rest of their lives and banished into oblivion.

And who would defend these three innocents in their crisis, bewildered by the revelation of the head of the family? Who could they turn to for explanation?

Severus never had children, but he knew what it would feel like to have your children mistake you and leave an everlasting black mark in their memory.

Probus would never be forgiven.

Maybe, a treacherous whine suggested in his mind, Albus could explain to them that all was not as it appeared. Probus's reputation could be protected. The truth of his death could come to light. Only, oh if only!

Such risks could not be taken. 

"Damn you!" Severus yelled to the skies, his voice drowned by the winds, "Damn you!"

Gradually, the winds died. 

Severus sighed and checked the time. It was approaching six. Well, he would not return just yet.

~***~

Severus felt the warm sea breeze against his face. Unlike his earlier storm which raged and brought upheaval, this one caressed and soothed him.

He was standing on a beach, isolated by precipitous ridges and steep cliffs, facing the dark waters. They beat against the shore rhythmically, washing over the pure sand and Severus's bare feet.

He did not know where he was precisely. It was a place he had frequented over the past two years, when he wanted to meditate in solitude. He had found it after leaving a particularly disturbing and nightmarish revel at Lucius's home. During his disapparation, he had desperately wished that he would be somewhere that was untainted by madness.

The gods had chosen this place for him.

Severus breathed in and tasted the salty air. It was always night when he came, so he presumed he was not in England. Perhaps further west. His eyes roved and rested on the Muggle contraption situated on one of the rock plains, about two hundred feet above the sea level and some huge caves. A lighthouse, the beacon of light that guided the weary sailors and cautioned them the danger abound at sea, more powerful and reliable than the moon above. He envied the guard supervising the lighthouse, whose duty was no more to protect and whose life was infinitely simpler than his was.

He could see the trail leading up to the lighthouse, amid salal meadows and Sitka spruce groves. He observed the ships out in the open sea, tiny from where he was. His eyes strained to see the ends, where heaven and earth met. The stars shone silently, contributing to the area's inherent nature.

The night was beautiful here.

Severus stared for some time at the rocks lining the coast. Then he removed his clothes until he was wearing just his shirt and pants. He threw the rest aside.

Severus plunged into the sea and began swimming.

The tide was strong. It dragged past him, challenging to pull him back to the shore, but Severus proved the greater in will. When he pushed past the boundaries to where the waters were calmer, he lay there, a part of the boundless sea.

~***~

Hermione woke to the sound of her schoolmates' chatter and the sunlight filling her room.

__

Good grief, is it noon already?

It was ten, and Hermione hurriedly showered and put on clean clothes. It was a lucky thing that she did not have to do anything in the morning.

The Gryffindors had left the tower by the time she stepped out of her room. Hermione walked briskly to the Hall for some late breakfast.

__

Let's see, coffee, make that two cups, toast maybe, no eggs today and ouch.

For the second time in less than twelve hours, Hermione found herself face to face with the Potions Master. They had bumped into each other outside the Great Hall.

Snape. _Snape?_

Although there was a lot to criticise about his choice of colour of clothes, meaning they were all unflinchingly black, Hermione admitted that he had an impeccable style and was neat.

What was in front of her was a professor with hair slick with water and robes splattered with sand in some parts.

__

Sand?

"For Merlin's sake Miss Granger, will you not look where you're going?"

He looked worse for wear and Hermione felt a pang for not suspecting that he might have had gone for one of his 'undercover duties'. What was it like to see Voldemort whenever he so pleased? What did he have to do to retain his position among the Death-Eaters?

Hermione decided not to argue back that he too, was apparently not watching his step properly. "Yes sir."

"Hurry along." Snape commanded.

Hermione burst out, "I hope you are well Professor."

This time, she did not know why another pang hit her when Snape looked startled.

"Impertinence," was all he commented before turning into the Hall.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. Strained or not, Snape's tongue still cut in a mean fashion.

"Good morning Miss Granger," Dumbledore greeted her.

Hermione turned to see him, "A very good morning to you sir."

"Yes, fine day isn't it? Was that Professor Snape who was speaking to you?"

"Of course. Who else could it be?"

Dumbledore did not reply. "Excellent. Come, let's have our breakfast."

They strolled in together. Hermione took her seat at the long table beside Mandy Brocklehurst a Ravenclaw girl. She was surprised that Dumbledore went to sit beside Snape instead of taking his customary seat. Had something serious happened?

Snape was shaking his head and his mouth was drawn into a grim line. Hermione lip-read and understood Snape was answering one of Dumbledore's questions in the negative.

A plan that was botched perhaps?

Hermione unconsciously dumped grounded pepper into her coffee as she concentrated on the hushed conversation between the two. She had an inkling that there must be a silencing spell around them to prevent people from hearing. Realising she was 'eavesdropping', Hermione shook her head. She was becoming as bad as Harry was in interfering with others' business.

Hermione picked up her cup and gulped down her pepper-laced coffee. She valiantly stopped herself from coughing from the concoction she had unwittingly made.

"Are you all right Hermione?" asked Mandy when she spat the dark liquid out.

"The coffee doesn't agree with me."

"Oh," Mandy said prosaically, "Have another cup then."

Hermione gratefully took it.

~***~

After finishing his full report, Severus sank deeper into his chair. He watched the students walk out of the Hall. "I'll have another cup of coffee."

Albus poured for him, "Sugar? Cream?"

"Albus, I always have it black."

"You do indeed. Why coffee? Don't we British drink tea?"

"Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense."

"And there you disrupt the English tradition."

"Headmaster, don't be frivolous."

Albus pinched the bridge of his nose. "We can't stop Voldemort from proclaiming about Probus, but we can assist Probus's family in secret. I'm sure the others will not begrudge us using some of the funds."

"That will help. Do you think you can persuade Fudge to allow his children to enter Hogwarts as well? One is turning eleven next year."

"We'll make the arrangements. One step at a time. Perhaps it's time to find out who our third informant is, so as to better ally with him or her."

"Too slow. We're moving too slowly."

"Yes, but he is too. Voldemort's not as powerful as he was when he first came to power. Otherwise, he would be launching a real battle against us all instead of this… guerilla warfare."

"Such an apt term… You read too much."

"I'm a hundred and eighty. You pick up Muggle culture and history along the way. And the Muggleborns have been especially helpful this summer holidays."

"Ah." Severus sighed, "Victory in the majority. I was the only one proposing that we didn't accept them to stay during the holidays. I am proven correct. They are rowdier now than they ever have been during school-term."

"You were most vocal, but in the end you can only blame yourself for losing. You didn't have the heart in it."

Severus refused to concede that point and merely conveyed Albus a blank expression that said he did not know what the Headmaster was talking about.

"I went to your office by the way. Did you just return?"

Severus frowned. He knew the direction of this thread of conversation, "Yes."

"The meeting should have ended hours ago. Where did you go?" Albus whispered, "I'm not trying to intrude Severus, but this place you've been going. It _is_ the same place, isn't it?"

"Yes." Severus did not wish to divulge where it was. Some part of him guarded it jealously. He did not want to share it with anyone. After all, what use was the place to anyone but to him? Others had people to confide to. He resolutely held to the belief that he must never burden anyone with his sick and tired thoughts and fears. Albus came close though and he felt slightly guilty for staying quiet.

Albus said, "Places can arouse the most wonderful feelings, especially when they are aesthetically beautiful. But a man must learn that they are but an escape from reality, a brief respite from problems."

"Like the Mirror of Erised?" Severus remarked drily, glad Albus did not think him childish.

"Yes."

Severus appreciated the older wizard's concern, "I can take care of myself Albus."

"Just a reminder that you'll always have me."

"Yes sir."

Albus smiled affectionately as Severus poured himself another drink.

There was hope for the boy. After all, he was only thirty-eight.

~***~

Author's Note:

A couple of Buffy the Vampire Slayer references in this chapter.

First, the attack on Probus. It's taken from "Villains" in Season 6, where Willow hunts down Warren. I was really disturbed when I watched that part. Willow was so… sadistic.

Next, "Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense." is from Giles in Season 3.

Thanks for all the reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:  
Hey abraxis, you're right. No naked Snape yet. I was fooling around. Besides, he'll probably hex me if I do that. *grinz*

That said, on with Chappie 4!

_It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. ~ Judith S. Martin_

Chapter 4

**The Daily Prophet** (with brand-new screaming headlines)

_5th July 1996___

_The Ministry has disclosed some startlingly grave news to all reporters, confirming the rumours that have been circulating for the past few days._

_As was reported in this same paper before, five Death-Eaters serving He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had appeared unexpectedly in the middle of Hogsmeade on 1st July stating that one of their comrades had been killed by an Auror and that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had sworn vengeance on the Ministry. They immediately disappeared after their announcement._

_When the Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge was questioned intensively by various reporters about the incident, he had denied everything._

_Only now is the Ministry willing to reveal it all._

_The Death-Eater who has been killed is none other than Narculus Probus, a highly respected member of the renowned society "Fellows in Charms". Often seen as serious and quiet, the Ministry has discovered the horrific truth behind this seemingly harmless persona. The Ministry is now ready to openly condemn this wizard as they have done so when they sent the Aurors to capture him. Probus refused to surrender and was killed in the process._

_The Auror who killed him however was not named, in order to protect him or her. Nevertheless, this paper wishes to salute this brave person and convey its approval at the way the Ministry has handled the matter. It is in the interest of the good public that all Death-Eaters must be dealt with severely._

_In response to Probus's death, the Ministry has stripped his living family of all his property and the family name is publicly disgraced. His wife and two daughters, who apparently did not know of his background, are now homeless._

_Nevertheless, it is speculated that the Headmaster of __Hogwarts__School__ of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore, has stepped in to help them by providing shelter in a remote part of __England__. He is said to believe that even a Death-Eater's children should not be persecuted. Minister Fudge is evidently not pleased._

_This paper wonders what Headmaster Dumbledore is up to. Is this another attempt to deteriorate relations between the Ministry and Hogwarts, which have been, to put it politely, disastrous since it was proven that Dumbledore was right about You-Know-Who returning in our midst? Is Dumbledore trying to prove himself more powerful…_

Hermione stopped reading. The rest of the article was, as she had scanned through, mere sensationalism. The kind that reporters gleefully jumped at, making up a person's history and deriving all sorts of previously unheeded 'clues' and 'signs' from a person's everyday behaviour. The other students, she saw, were reading the article in mingled fascination and scorn. She heard one of them exclaiming in satisfaction.

_They don't know any better._

Hermione rubbed her forehead. So the rumours were true. For the Death-Eaters to have such a public display… it was unheard of. Surely they would not go to that extend just for a fallen colleague. Voldemort would not glorify one of his minions just because he was killed in action.

She thought back at the past events. Fudge would not have denied the initial claims. On the contrary, he would seize any opportunity to show how competent the Ministry was and to assure the public that they had nothing to worry about. And she knew for a fact that Dumbledore was indeed helping the deceased's family. She learnt about it when she was talking to the staff last night.

That led to one conclusion.

The official version of Probus's death was false. The reporters were fed the wrong information.

Hermione pushed the Daily Prophet away, as she had with her breakfast when the morning mail had arrived.

Observation, deduction.

This man Probus was definitely a Death-Eater. It was the only thing that would fit the scenario. There was also the evidence provided when the Ministry went down to Probus's house and ransacked it until a set of Death-Eater's robes and mask was found.

Observation, deduction.

Hermione studied the staff table, and noted the varying expressions. Mcgonagall's pinched lips, Flitwick's puffy cheeks, Hagrid's bowed head and Dumbledore's solemn eyes.

This Death-Eater had been working for them. One of the spies Harry, Ron and she had been on the brink of discovering. Like Snape.

Snape himself was looking downright haggard. Seeing him, Hermione recalled that Probus was reportedly killed on the same night she had met Snape in the corridor. The following image of a dishevelled Snape in the morning hit her as well. 

_Oh, poor man. And his wife and children. How terrible._

Hermione refused to delve into what might have had happened that night, when Probus was uncovered by the most ruthless and sadistic creature in the entire wizarding world.

~***~

"Severus, Remus is here. There is news from Glasgow." Albus informed the younger wizard. He motioned for him to enter the staff room.

Severus's face paled, "Glasgow? That's where…" Albus nodded.

Two days had passed since the Ministry's 'official' account was reported all over the wizarding world. In retaliation, many witches and wizards had targeted Probus's family and vented their rage toward them. As a result, Probus's wife and daughters had chosen to go into hiding.

Albus had tried persuading them that he could help. However, bitter and bewildered at her sudden change of life, Mrs. Probus had refused to see anyone and had returned all Albus's letters to Hogwarts.

Severus had been greatly disheartened that they could not openly declare their support for the family.

As Albus and Severus stepped into the staff room, they found all the staff who were members of the Order present, together with Lupin. Lupin greeted Albus and nodded at Severus. The latter nodded back. No point in being uncivil. There were more important things at stake.

"Tell us Remus," Albus requested as he sat down.

"We followed your instructions and tailed the family once they left Hogsmeade. You know, of course, that their house has been sealed. They didn't have that many belongings to bring with them…"

"Tarry along, tarry along." Severus said irritably.

Remus frowned, "It's no good Severus. I'm sorry. We followed them all the way to Glasgow. To a Muggle inn. But then they went missing."

A solemn weight settled on the occupants in the room immediately.

"What?" Minerva exclaimed in shock.

"Oh very succinctly put Minerva." Severus growled sarcastically, "I might have said that as well." He turned on Remus, "How did you let this happen?" He was on the brink of screaming bloody murder and he showed it.

Remus gritted his teeth, "This is why Mundungus opted for me to come instead of volunteering himself. He knew you'd react like this."

"How in hell is one expected to react in another way?" Severus spat. "Incompetence, we're surrounded by incompetence. _I'm surrounded by incompetence."_

"Severus please. Hold your peace for the moment. Let Remus finish." Albus said.

When Severus bowed his head and sulked, Remus felt safe to continue, "We scoured every part of Glasgow, knowing Mrs. Probus can't apparate without leaving the children behind. We even questioned the inhabitants there discretely and searched their lodgings for a clue. But as you see, we failed to find them."

"This is terrible…" Flitwick hiccoughed.

"Yes thank you for reflecting all our sentiments Professor." Severus could not stop himself from keeping silent any longer. He asked Lupin, "Did you check if anyone else had followed you? The Dark Lord's followers?"

"I checked for signs Severus…" Remus replied. He looked at the thunderous expression on Severus's face. Severus was not going to like this. Remus wished he had dragged Mundungus along, at least to share in Severus's wrath.

"There was a dark aura in their lodgings," Remus admitted, inching back into his seat, "Nothing more."

"I beg your pardon? You checked only_ after_ you had discovered them gone?" Severus said indignantly, "We should have asked Moody to watch them! An Auror would have been sharper than the two of you combined!"

"I'm sorry."

Severus made a guttural sound of impatience.

Albus studied Severus from under lowered eyelids. Naturally, he too, was upset. But it would appear it was nowhere near what Severus was feeling.

He did not pursue it yet and went on to discuss what needed to be done. After everyone agreed that Remus and Mundungus should have another week to look for the three missing people, they talked about other arrangements to be made. Hagrid was busy with his half-brother, Minerva had to watch over the students, Albus had to juggle with the politics to prevent greater interference from Fudge, Arthur and Molly were helping to recruit more people in the Ministry to join them, and the school timetable was quickly settled.

After everyone left the room, Albus and Severus remained.

Fingering with the edge of the table for want of things to do, Albus spoke, "We'll do all we can to find them."

Severus was leaning his head against the back of the chair. Motionless, his eyes were shut tight and his mouth was drawn into a grim line. For a minute, Albus thought Severus had not heard him.

Then Severus sighed.

"Why does it feel this way Albus?" Severus asked softly, "I've seen killings before. Why does it feel this way?"

"That wasn't a killing you saw Severus. That was a hunt. You witnessed the hunter capture the hunted."

Albus gazed at Severus when the young man faced him squarely. There was determination in Severus's countenance, but a world-weary sorrow in his eyes. This was a man who had wallowed more in the dark side than Albus ever had. Severus had touched and tasted it and had chosen to reject the temptation in the end. This was a man who had seen too much and understood too much.

"It could have been I," Severus said simply.

"And you must forgive a selfish man when I say I am grateful it wasn't you Voldemort uncovered." Albus whispered. "I know, you worry for his family."

"I feel responsible for them."

"Severus, you shouldn't feel guilty." 

"I feel responsible. I could have saved him. Somehow. Maybe… An affinity between Probus and I. We have something in common. Bound by our crimes and penitence…"

"We few… we happy few…" Albus exhaled.

"We band of buggered." Severus concluded roundly.

They would be really damned if they could not defeat the Dark Lord.

~***~

Hermione sneezed into the book and it protested.

"Sorry," she sniffed and wiped the page to cease the book's twittering.

After spending another grueling lesson with Flitwick, who had seemed particularly pensive, if no less affectionate, Hermione was confident she would be able to master Apparition. She had then come to the library to research on some materials Harry had asked her to.

_Hermione, _(Harry had written)__

_I've been trying to practise Occlumency. You're right. I should have done it a long time ago. Better late than never eh? I'm doing it myself, because I don't want Snape to teach me. If you call me stupid, then I'm stupid. I just won't let him. Anyway, it's the holidays. Not to fear, I'm making progress, honest to everything held sacred. *inserts grin*_

_I also tried Legilimency, just in case. But I'm having difficulties. Snape didn't teach me much of that. We were concentrating on Occlumency. I try focusing on __Dudley__ but I only get blurred images and a headache._

_Help me won't you? I promise to buy I-don't-know, any book you want I guess, once we return to Hogwarts._

_How are your hols? I'll bet __America__ is fun. Don't do homework in the Statue of __Liberty__ though. Take a good view!_

_Hugs, Harry_

Hedwig had delivered the letter to her in the Great Hall. So Harry's owl knew where Hermione actually was residing during the holidays. They had the understanding though, that Hedwig would not hint to Harry about the truth.

Faithful Hedwig, but not without discretion.

Hermione had already written a reply to Harry, promising her assistance. There was nothing better to do than make full use of the library when the skies were grey and everyone was told to stay indoors should the rain come.

After four hours of flipping through the books and taking down notes among the shelves, Hermione carried a stack of selected books and her file to a nearby table to compile her stuff. She plopped the books on the table clumsily (there were a lot of books), and was rewarded with a sardonic comment.

"Really Miss Granger, you shouldn't abuse the books even in your relentless pursuit for knowledge."

~***~

Severus poured the potion into several vials before handing them to Lupin. "Remember to drink each of them regularly."

Remus stored the vials in his pockets carefully. He smiled, "What would I do without you Severus?"

"Find another Potions Master I suppose."

Remus shook his head, "It's not easy to become a Potions Master."

Severus said smugly, "I know that."

Remus stared at Severus. He found it difficult to match the image of a bygone age of a young, frail, twitchy and sour boy with the image he now saw, a man no less sour, but so much more confident and powerful.

"Sometimes, I wish to know whether the Severus Snape you present to the world is an act. No, I know. There's no clear answer for that. A person is what he chooses to be. Nevertheless I must thank you for all of this. We're the only ones left in our generation who are in the Order. What with Sirius dead…" Remus choked at the memory of his last friend. The ring of the Marauders had truly fallen apart. James and Lily killed, leaving Harry behind, Sirius gone from the living, Peter… Peter was alive, but he would never be one of them anymore.

Severus said quietly, "Tonks is about our age too, and just… don't Lupin. I may consider tolerating you if you refrain from mentioning Black in front of me."

Remus smiled, "You don't mean it Severus. Besides, you are already tolerating me. We work for a common goal remember?" He hesitated. Would he be crossing the line if he said… "We can be friends Severus."

The idea was so absurd Severus laughed out loud. "You and I? Potter's comrade and a Death-Eater?"

"Stop calling yourself a Death-Eater." Remus said harshly. "You sound so flippant."

"I am never flippant when the Dark Lord is concerned." Severus countered sharply. He saw his ex-schoolmate look wretched, and cursed himself for being affected by Lupin's feelings. He was going soft in the head over the years, and he blamed it on Albus's relentless behaviour. Trying to lighten the mood, he continued, "Then let's consider ourselves as a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, divided by what we are."

"Foolish rivalry. James was a child back then. We all were."

"If you say so." Severus did not want to continue their conversation. They could talk forever and still find themselves walking in circles, without any real reconciliation. It only brought pain to Lupin, and Severus was incapable of providing comfort. It only brought a hollow regret to him, which he had learnt long ago, would always stay with him.

"All that's over Lupin. The past may be buried, if not forgotten. I'm not angry, oddly enough. I'm merely stating a fact." He turned his back brusquely on Lupin. "You are wasting your time here. Go look for Probus's family."

Remus understood. As he walked out of Severus's office, he said, "It's good to know you are with us Severus." He left before allowing Severus to respond.

Severus scoffed. Gryffindor sentiment.

But he was touched.

Gods, he must be tired to let all his emotions surface.

Work, he should start working. 

Severus headed to the library. There were Potions syllabuses to prepare, books to be updated, new books to be bought…

Severus found himself sitting in the library for over an hour without accomplishing anything.

The nightly meetings and visiting to and fro to the Death-Eaters' homes had taken their toil on Severus's mind and physical frame. He had been in this dream-state frequently whenever he was alone in recent months, thinking of events past, sinking into retrospect. People said only the dying reflected on their past… So distracted was Severus by his thoughts that he gave a start when he heard a thud on a table near his own. Jerking out of his self-induced trance, he looked up to see Hermione Granger not four feet away.

Severus was surprised. _How long has she been here? Was she here before I was?_

It did not matter. He was resigned that he would not be able to make substantial progress in his work. He decided he needed sleep. But he wanted to stay in the library, where the warm sun shone into it, alone.

So he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Really Miss Granger, you shouldn't abuse the books even in your relentless pursuit for knowledge."

~***~

Why did she always run into him?

Hermione bit her lower lip to stop herself wincing and faced Snape. She said, "Yes sir, I'll remember it."

"I see you have found what you are looking for. Do leave the library at once. I wish to use it."

Of all the unreasonable demands! Hermione was suitably outraged. She may have had tolerated all his cruel remarks and ill treatment of the students, but this was the library. This was her territory as much as his. She refused to barge.

"I'm sorry Professor, but I am not finished yet. I'll leave when I am done."

The beginnings of what was akin to indignation stirred in Severus. "Did you not hear me Miss Granger? I want the library to myself."

"You said you wished to use the library sir. All right, I promise I won't disturb you."

"Miss Granger!"

"The library is large enough for the two of us to use Professor."

Severus did not believe it. This may be comparatively mild behaviour from Potter to rebuke him, but this was close to rebellion on the know-it-all's part.

"You are insolent."

Hermione frowned. Why was he so uptight about being by himself here? True, she did not think he was a social person, but this was ridiculous. Childish. "The library, Professor, is open to all who wish to learn."

Severus blinked. Her words echoed his when he was a student, when he had sneered at all the chattering idiots who had come to the library to while their time for no reason.

Hermione watched as Snape's expression went through a transition of authority, rage and in the end, blankness. She took the opportunity to see fit that he had granted permission for her to stay.

She sat down and was about to start on a book when Snape suddenly appeared by her side. His thin hand reached out for a book.

"Why are you reading this Miss Granger?" Severus snapped. He knew what the contents of most of the books on the table were. Surely this was not for preparation of Advanced lessons. Legilimency was not part of the education in the magical schools. He glared at her suspiciously.

Hermione saw no reason to lie. "I'm helping Harry find out more about Legilimency and Occlumency sir."

Snape growled, "I thought so." Albus would be pleased by Potter's effort, but he was unimpressed. This was something Potter should have accomplished long before. Because of the boy's tantrum, they had risked more than a year of the Dark Lord manipulating Potter. They had already lost Black as a result.

He asked, "And pray, what does Potter want with this information?"

"He wants to learn."

Severus said smoothly, "The Boy Wonder wanting to learn? Doesn't he know everything? Did he not say before that he had enough, in front of Headmaster Dumbledore?"

Hermione frowned, "Harry's trying sir. He's really trying."

"Do you think repeating it will make it seem more important?"

"You're being difficult sir. We're trying to help."

"Help? Help in what exactly Miss Granger?" Snape's eyes bored into Hermione's. His voice was low and silky.

_Uh oh… I know that tone. That's a bad tone. _Warning bells rang in Hermione's head.

Snape leant forward until his face was mere inches in front of Hermione's. She could feel his steady breath on her face.

"Tell me Miss Granger, since you seem to have all the questions to my _difficult _questions. Satisfy my curiousity I beg you. Tell me, how you can help in a war that started years before you were born. A war being fought in ways both in the open and in stealth, ways that, for all your vast knowledge, you cannot begin to conceive. Tell me," Snape bared his teeth and Hermione winced, "how a little girl and two little boys can fight against the master of darkness who succeeds in killing even the most experienced of men? Men have died in the war. Numerous men, good men, who chose to forsake their lives for one monster to fall."

Hermione stared at the professor. She was taken aback. She had always caught glimpses of Snape in the meetings of the Order. She had known he was a member. She had constantly reminded Harry and Ron of where his true loyalties lay. It only struck her forcibly now, that Snape actually cared. He cared that they win the war. He cared that the world emerge, basked in the light. He cared for the people around him, be they working for him or in his responsibility.

It was then that the cold, unfeeling entity in front of her became human, no different from the rest of them.

Hermione's defensive stance softened. "I'm sorry sir."

Whatever Severus expected, it was not this. He wanted her cowed so that he could chase her out of the library. What he saw was a girl looking at him fearlessly. What was more, she was apologising sincerely to him.

"For what Miss Granger?" he asked guardedly.

"For appearing to overreach. For appearing to show off to everyone that three students can save the world. I know you think we can't handle it. But you can't deny that Harry is destined to fight Voldemort…"

"Don't speak his name."

Hermione frowned. "Yes sir. I mean to say, we're not little children. Harry's young to all of you but he's always managed to hold his own against…" she pause. She had used Voldemort's name so often she felt silly to say You-Know-Who. "…him. Harry's not quite prepared sir. He'll kill me for telling you, but he's frightened. But he's trying. He… And as his friends, Ron and I won't abandon him. We'll do all we can to support him."

"Even if it means cooping up in a dreary old library?" Snape's voice contained no bite.

"Even that." Hermione could not help smiling, "You forget to whom you're talking to sir."

"Yes… the Gryffindor prefect who prefers books to make-up." Severus gave up at intimidation. He deduced it was useless. Hence, he walked over and sat opposite her. In a cynical environment where Severus moved in circles that could not be trusted, it moved him to know the strength of friendship that could survive in these circumstances. There was hope in the innocent if they still remained untainted by the ugliness surrounding them. Screw Albus. Screw Gryffindors. "Your… loyalty… to Potter is commendable Miss Granger. But I suggest that when the time comes, you do not stand in the way."

"Meaning…"

"Do not be a heroic Gryffindor and fight in heat of the battle. That is not your place."

"Is it yours?"

"Miss Granger."

"Sir, we know you're in the Order."

"Be grateful Miss Granger, that you speak in the freedom of Hogwarts. Within these walls you may say anything safely. But if you had said that in public, I would never trust you with secrets again."

"I know, Professor Flitwick told me about _silencio_charms cast about the castle. They are for those who know about the Order."

Severus sighed. Yes, the others would have informed her of most details. He had heard of how she was helping them. So be it. As long as it took her mind off the silly tries of freeing the House-Elves.

"Very well. So long as we understand."

"Yes sir." Hermione nodded. "Professor Flitwick also told me about Mr. Probus's family."

"You should be asking Professor Flitwick about it."

"Yes, but I thought you'd know more. Because you and Mr. Probus…" Hermione trailed off. _Oh dear, there isn't any way to put this nicely._

Snape supplied it for her, "We're Death-Eaters yes. But we don't know each other. Professor Flitwick however, is a member of 'Fellows in Charms' too. He's more familiar with Mr. Probus."

"I see. I hope his family's fine sir."

Snape's face twisted into a scowl.

"Oh…" Hermione panicked. Professor Flitwick had reacted that way too when she had talked about them. "Are they… dead?"

Severus did not know how to answer. He was naturally a pessimistic person. Although there was no news yet of Mrs. Probus and her daughters, he expected the worst. So he evaded her question.

"Aren't you in a library Miss Granger? Aren't you supposed to be learning? And here you are needling me with these unwelcome inquiries."

"Ah, but learning comes in forms other than books doesn't it? I won't be so bold to speak for you sir, but on my part, I've learnt a great deal from our conversation."

Severus studied her shrewdly, before admitting, "As have I Miss Granger."

Hermione could see Snape was truly exhausted. His cheekbones were prominent and his dark eye rings were stark against his sallow skin. She decided not to push him anymore. Picking her books up, she said casually, "I think I'll head back to the dormitories to read them sir. I shan't disturb you further."

Respect succeeded where threats did not. And both were aware of that. Severus had inspired fear and hate in students other than the Slytherins in his entire career that it shocked him to know that a student could genuinely look up to him.

Hermione, on the other hand, greeted Snape with a "Good day Professor" and walked out with the books. 

She was surprised at how easy it was to communicate with him. _Once you forget that he's the arrogant git of a Potions Master and stop being provocative, he's not that mean._

Hermione's thoughts were interrupted when she met McGonagall at the entrance of the library. "Hello Professor."

McGonagall said warmly in return, "Hello my dear. Working in the library?"

"Only a few hours madam."

"Tut tut, do watch your health." McGonagall stepped into the library, only to step out quickly. "Oh, Professor Snape's in there." She looked at Hermione, puzzled, "Didn't he see you?"

"Yes, of course he did."

"Why, but…" McGonagall observed Hermione carefully till Hermione began to worry. Then McGonagall smiled, "Ah, I see. You are really quite amazing."

"What is it Professor?"

"Professor Snape's never allowed anyone to be in the library when he's inside. He even shoos Madam Pince out when he uses it. But he accepted you."

"Oh…" Hermione had not realised.

"If that is the case…" McGonagall gave such a mischievous grin that Hermione could only gape in wonder. It was almost too much to bear that the professors she had always interacted with had more sides than she had suspected.

"I must take advantage of it." McGonagall strode in. Soon, Hermione heard an unexpected exchange between the two Heads of House.

"How wonderful to see you Severus."

"Minerva, I'm in here!"

"I see you clearly."

"Out."

"I'm staying put. What do you plan to do?"

"Two infuriating Gryffindor females one after another! Did you know your precious Hermione Granger was here as well?"

"My dear boy, do behave… Don't you remember your lesson, when you were just twelve, all eager to try Transfiguration and prove I was wrong? You were so scrawny, proudly telling me as I stare you down until you shut your mouth."

"If I stand now, I'll tower over you!"

"Don't be childish."

"I am not childish!"

"You are."

"Not!"

"Yes."

"Merciful Merlin! What have I done to be tortured like this?"

When Hermione reached the Gryffindor Tower, she was still grinning madly.

~***~

Author's Note:

Don't think there's anything to disclaim, except that the lines "We happy few…" and "We band of buggered" are from Buffy Season 5 "The Gift". Jeez, can you see how much I miss the show?

And gosh! The reviews are really flattering. Thank you thank you. =)

(inserts squeak: Keep them coming!)


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note:

I first posted Chap. 5 right after finishing it, without checking. This is just a repost of the same last chapter, with all the grammar mistakes corrected, and parts edited.

Plus, I can't help but write to some of the readers as soon as possible.

Lorraine, Greenstuff, Sharkbait and mewho'stoolazy: Thanks much. Like I said (or typed before) I will continue with this. Like many, I hate to see a story left dangling halfway. So I will update. But please be patient. Midnight Swimmer Midnight Sea is going to be quite long and I have to take my time. I've got life aspects like school to cover. So please understand.

abraxis: oooh, so kind. And it's positively weird to see myself cute, with a cute little computer and snacks and all. Don't usually do it, but I can't help giggling.

__

Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater. William Hazlitt

Chapter 5

Severus was walking down the corridor to his rooms when the Headmistress called on him from the end of another corridor.

"Severus, we have more news." Minerva gestured the Potions Master towards Albus's office.

Severus suppressed a groan. He had in mind to research on the properties of vampires' blood, but his plans had to be delayed. "I wonder how much more we can take," he merely commented.

"Not all news is bad." Minerva said, but without conviction.

They reached the entrance to the office. "Chocolate mint," Minerva said. Severus idly thought that the name was relatively bland considering Albus's tastes.

They entered the office and both greeted Albus, who was sitting upright on his chair. He smiled and asked them to sit. Severus's spirits lifted a fraction. It was a good sign. Albus did not play at deceit when the people he trusted were involved. If Albus was smiling, then the news had to be optimistic, or at least, matters boded well.

"Remus and Mundungus have not seen any of the Probus family yet. But, they have tracked them down to London. Mrs. Probus and her children are apparently safe. They were spotted in some Muggle accommodations. Bed and Breakfast, if you're familiar with it. Remus and Mundungus are waiting for them at the present." Albus announced, and Minerva sighed.

"Finally." She huffed. "If they can find them and persuade them to stay here for the time being, then we won't have to worry about them."

"Hogwarts's becoming a refuge for misfits." Severus observed wryly. "When did they inform you about it?"

"Two hours ago. I'm hoping we will be getting more news. Ah!" Pleasure exuded from Albus when a House Elf, as if on cue, popped into the office.

"Headmaster, Professors, Hazzie has the Mr. Lupin's letter to you sirs, ma'am. It's the owl comes sirs, a big brown owl. Hazzie brings it food."

"Excellent. Thank you Hazzie. You may leave now."

"Would the professors likes food too?"

"Now that you mention it, I'll have apple crumble and a nice spot of tea. Minerva, Severus?"

Minerva indicated that she would like some waffles topped with peaches and syrup. Severus simply grunted.

As Hazzie left to prepare the refreshments, Albus read Remus's letter for the other two.

__

Headmaster,

Thank Merlin, we've found them. They're with us, or rather, as Mr. Probus's second daughter has corrected me, we're with them in their lodgings. We've convinced Mrs. Probus that we were concerned with their safety and that it was best that they go to Hogwarts. However, she has a few conditions which we've already agreed to.

Firstly, she and her daughters will accept food and shelter, but not money from us. Secondly, she insists that she helps in Hogwarts. From her words, I believe she already suspects there's more to her husband that is not known. Headmaster, it's possible she'll find out about the deceptiveness of alliances forged and about your Order. She's a rather persistent woman. At least, she knows not to tell anyone about their whereabouts. We leave it to you to decide what precautions to take while they stay in Hogwarts or how much we should trust her with any secrets.

Lastly, she wishes to draw a promise from you, that should she leave Hogwarts at any time, you will look after her daughters.

Naturally, Mundungus and I feel that it's better to bring them to Hogwarts immediately. But the children want to explore London. In truth, the second child doesn't know what has happened to her father yet. Mrs. Probus is pretending that they are on a holiday. And she also needs to settle some Muggle accounts. Unfortunately, we do not have Muggle notes with us and Mundungus has plans to carry out in some other part of England. Merlin knows what he's up to. You know how he's like when a task is accomplished. So I'm soon to be without aid and I am not inclined to leave the family alone while I collect some Muggle money. Can you please ask someone to join me? We'll follow the family for the day and bring them to Hogwarts in the evening.

Remus

"The less they know, the better." Severus said.

"Agreed. We don't know if they can be trusted with secrets of this magnitude. Besides, with Probus dead, his wife may well be seeking revenge. The thirst for vengeance is too volatile." Minerva nodded.

Albus approved of their stand. By the time the refreshments arrived, all three were visibly more relaxed. After three rounds of tea, Albus noted.

"We should send someone to London now. Remus will get worried. Severus, you go."

"I beg your pardon?"

"There's no one here better than you to go. I'm busy with administration. Minerva has to oversee the staff and students. You're one of the most powerful wizards around. And the others won't be able to find their way in London."

"Oh, I used to be familiar with Muggle culture and the streets of London," At Severus's overly languid tone, Albus looked at him sharply. Severus chided himself. Shaking his head to assure Albus of his lack of insinuation of what he had last said, and baffling Minerva in the process, Severus continued, "I haven't been immersed in them for a long while. My limited experience has become, ah, rusty." Severus smirked. He gleefully tossed the problem at Albus to irritate the headmaster for bestowing him the unwelcome assignment. "You'll have to call someone else."

Then he saw Albus's eyes twinkle merrily, and knew he was in trouble.

"You'll see that no one follows your group. And we'll get you one of the…"

"No, absolutely not. It's enough to bear that the students flutter about the school like the hormonal teenagers that they are. I am not going to have one accompany me. Nothing you can say will make me accept…"

"The student can distract the children and save you from having to brush them aside with their needling questions."

Conniving, dotty old wizard.

"And seeing how she's been helping so much, we could ask Miss Granger."

Severus scowled. He did not forget the meeting in the library. But it appeared she was the only option. "Confound it. Mind you, I won't entertain and protect her."

"I daresay it'll be the other way round." Minerva remarked lightly and went off to search for Hermione. Severus muttered darkly while Albus watched on, tickled.

===

Hermione tried to recall what the most striking aspect about London was to her. Ever since she entered into the magical world, she rarely had the opportunity to visit the Great City. Her home was fairly distant and her parents would bring her to London on occasion so as to watch a performance in the West End or to meet up with a few relatives. Hence, the streets were strange to her.

She stole a glance at Snape, chagrined. He knew the Muggle city in greater detail than she did. They had taken a Muggle train to travel to the outskirts of London, since Hermione could not Apparate without the Ministry of Magic detecting her use of magic outside Hogwarts. From the station, Snape had been the one guiding Hermione across the area, heading towards the place where Remus and the Probus family were waiting for them. Seeing Snape blend in among Muggles was disorientating. The impression was enhanced further by his wearing Muggle clothes. Black, typical. But what a cut! Long-sleeve cotton shirt with a maroon tie, sleek pants, on top of which he adorned a billowing jacket, which fitted perfectly with his present surroundings where his billowing wizard cloak would not. How did he know what the appropriate Muggle fashion at present was? Snape certainly appeared comfortable in them and positively dapper. He was equally unfazed with Muggle culture. He did not flinch when a car sped past him with a loud blast of the horn. He knew what the man in the blue uniform was when the copper had come to them and asked if they were lost. It defied everything she and Harry and Ron knew about the Potions Master who cooped himself in the dungeons.

As they stood at the pavement, Snape found Hermione observing him. "What?" he asked snidely.

"Nothing," was her immediate reflex.

Humour flickered in Snape's eyes. But the humour was grim. He looked away.

"Come," said he, when he saw the red light turn green.

Hermione had no choice but to follow him. She had lost count the number of road junctions and well-known buildings they had walked passed. "Why aren't we taking the Tube sir?" She had a feeling he knew what that particular transport meant.

Snape frowned. "At this hour? We'll be properly flattened."

Hermione blinked.

__

Good grace, he even knows the peak hours?

Too surprised was she in this series of revelations of Snape that she did not notice a negligent sports-car driving towards her. She gasped when her arm was suddenly in Snape's vice-like grip and she was pulled to the other side of the road.

"This is not Hogsmeade Miss Granger. We're in London and in case you haven't noticed, everyone lives for himself."

Hermione stared after him, rubbing her upper arm where she swore Snape had left finger marks. Her mind was in a whirl and she was unable to piece the puzzle together.

__

Best not to let him out of your sight.

They soon reached the location.

===

Severus viewed London with loathing. It was the center of England's high life, and elegant modern day culture. There was the grandeur of Buckingham Palace and the changing of guards at regular intervals. There was the beauty of Hyde Park and the liberty of the Speaker's Corner. There were pretty horse-carriages and smart policemen marching in discipline. There was Trafalgar Square, where visitors spent time feeding pigeons. Besides the stylishly old quaintness, there were the magnificent buildings and the hustle and bustle on the streets and sidewalks, which purportedly added life to the cosmopolitan place. People rushing to and fro, red London buses, the West End with its plays and musicals, fashion-houses showcasing the latest trends and even Baker Street, home to the legendary literary characters Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. This was what was depicted in traveling books and promoted by tour groups to lift the economy. They made a silent pact not to mention the dregs of the earth and the filth clogging the alleys that only the foolhardy and hardhearted would frequent. There was no time in those parts of London, for the sun never touched there. Severus knew that all too well. He saw the seedy underbelly with decidedly unromantic clarity.

Fortunately, the Granger girl was not disturbing him. He had been mildly apprehensive that she would question him incessantly on their way. But save for the one incident where she was not careful in watching out for automobiles, she had been remarkably restrained. He could see that she was bursting with curiousity.

He smirked. All his discipline in class _had_ paid off. She _had_ learnt tact.

When they reached their destination, Severus, ever keenly observant, spied a wizard trying to act like a Muggle pacing outside the building. It was none other than Jogson. Severus shoved Granger to a corner. He hissed, "One of the Dark Lord's followers is there. Go up the building yourself. The room's on the third floor, number seventy-six. Don't worry. I'll watch your back. Go."

He watched the girl's eyes widen in shock. Inwardly, he begged her to obey.

Granger frowned in concern, but knew better to dispute. She was about to run to the building when Severus stopped her, "Slow. Walk casually. He won't recognize you." He knew Jogson had fought in the Department of Mysteries in Potter's fifth year. Yet he was certain of what he had told his student.

Granger nodded. It struck Severus that she actually trusted him. There was no time for reflection.

Granger did as he had instructed and when she was safe in the building, Severus counted a minute under his breath before joining his fellow Death-Eater.

===

"Do you think I look pretty in this Hermione?"

"Oh, yes." Hermione smiled genuinely at the girl who had just come out from the closet wearing a yellow frock. The colour was somewhat faded, betraying the Probus family's poverty.

She watched the younger of the children spin merrily on the floor, marveling the carefree attitude she was enjoying. She turned to Mrs. Ellie Probus, "Serena's sweet."

"She is that." Ellie's face fell. "I don't know how long I can keep this up, lying to her and saying her Papa's gone to do research…" Her lips trembled as she held her tears back. Hermione tried her utmost to provide moral support. She patted Ellie's back awkwardly and handed her a napkin.

All Hermione said was, "When the time comes." At least, Hogwarts was available to them. And they had the formidable backing of the Order, not that they knew of course.

Ellie let out a sob, "I don't understand why he did that."

Hermione bit her lower lip. She asked cautiously, "What do you mean?"

"Why Narculus joined them. I know he was always bitter at the way the Ministry treated academics, but…" Ellie grabbed Hermione's hand, "Do you know?"

Hermione hesitated, "I'm only a student Mrs. Probus."

"But Dumbledore trusts you. They send you here. You must know. They won't tell me anything."

"Believe me I don't." Hermione sighed, "Mr. Probus… You understand, don't you, that he joined the Death-Eaters a long time ago. Before he met you. Before he had a family. And we do… things, foolish things when we lose hope of society and are careless of ourselves."

"But what he did, what he did was weak."

Hermione said sadly. "Yes. We all have moments of weakness."

"And I'll never know… whether he had ever felt repentant. Never."

Hermione hated herself for being hardhearted in not telling Mrs. Probus's that her husband had realised his mistake and chosen to make remedies. That he was a brave man for defying Voldemort.

Lupin was beckoning her. Hermione excused herself and went to his side. Ellie was left to entertain her children. Hermione had observed the daughters, and concluded their personalities were utterly different. Serena was delightfully playful and energetic, while Adora was more silent and reserved. Then again, Adora knew about the gravity of the situation. At times, Adora possessed a desperate look when she thought no one was looking.

Remus whispered. "I'm worried. Why isn't Severus here yet?"

"It's just ten minutes Moony. Professor Snape knows what he's doing. He'll handle it."

"I know… I just…" Remus ran his hand through his already rumpled hair. "It's the noise. Outside. Making me uptight."

Hermione pointed out, "It's London." _Oh dear. Now I sound like Snape._

"How can one stand to live here?" Remus fidgeted in his slightly mismatched Muggle clothing of tweed jacket and striped pants. Odd, Hermione did not see Snape do that. Perhaps he was had more control over his actions.

"Muggles are used to it."

"I certainly don't wish to try it."

In unspoken understanding, they entered in nonsensical bickering, and pulled the children into it, as they tried to forget the danger surrounding them.

===

"What's this about?"

"What're you doing here?" Jogson fired back. "Did you know Probus's family is here?"

Severus shrugged, "What, here? I had no idea. Dumbledore sent me to purchase some Muggle materials." He made a face of disgust, "It's degrading. But what is a spy to do?"

"Trusts you that much eh?" Jogson asked sarcastically. Then he changed tactics. "I thought you were sent to help the family. Dumbledore wants to protect those weaklings, doesn't he?"

Severus said nonchalantly, "He doesn't care about the family as much as the papers lead us to believe."

When you let a little bait out, the fish swallowed it whole, together with the hook. Jogson's eyes shone at his own cleverness, "Sowing discord between Dumbledore and the Ministry? It suits our Lord's purpose. Then why are you here?"

"Passing the area. I may ask the same of you esteemed colleague."

"The Dark Lord wants to make sure the family won't be any trouble. Did you think he bothers to kill the family? They're nothing in his eyes, lower than dirt. Once the Dark Lord succeeds in controlling the world, the family cannot escape our clutches."

"I see."

Jogson's chest swelled in pomposity, proud at being given this secret task. "I've been watching them for days. They will do nothing against us."

"Don't they receive help?"

"They are always alone."

So Jogson had not seen Lupin and Mundungus. Severus's approval of the latter two rose somewhat.

"Why do you linger then?"

"I'm about to leave."

Severus was not convinced. There was more to this charade. He decided to play along. Giving a curt nod, he walked away, leaving Jogson behind. Turning round a corner, Severus watched as Jogson stared at an upper window. The man was muttering under his breath. Severus cast a _sensitio_ spell and managed to hear the last few words, "…time for regaining. Not yet." It did not rest well on Severus's ears. Then he saw Jogson leave.

After waiting a few minutes, he joined the rest upstairs.

===

Remus hushed Severus when he saw that his partner was on the verge of exploding. "Now Severus, humour Serena just once more. This is perhaps the only chance she will get to explore London. She promises this will be the last shop."

Severus glared at the six-year old girl. Unfortunately, she did not quail under his notorious glare. "Please, Professor Snape," she pleaded in her high-pitched voice. "One more?"

"Please sir?" Adora cut in on her sister's behalf, "One more. We will follow you to Hogwarts after this."

Severus looked at Adora, who looked back fearlessly. Secretly, he approved of her. She was one of those rarities in the younger generations who had innate wisdom. She respected authority and had given him ample privacy but, as could be seen, she did not follow authority blindly.

He gave in with poor grace. He said brusquely, "Very well. But I am absolutely not entering that abominable toy-shop. Remus, you can go in with them. I give you an hour."

Remus smiled, "Ah, erm. Thank you Severus. Come children. Mrs. Probus, please." He opened the door them all and stepped in after Hermione.

Hermione was grinning behind her hand. Snape was behaving like a frumpy chaperon. When he had joined them in the lodgings, they had quickly discussed what they should do. After Snape had informed they were not in immediate danger, Lupin had suggested that they spend the day in London, in an effort to cheer the family up. Whilst everyone appreciated the gesture, Snape predictably did not. The only reason why he had conceded was because he had no reason why they must not.

Hermione was pleased with the arrangement. After staying in the wizarding community, she felt out of touch with the Muggle one and soon acquainted herself with the sights and sounds together with the others. They had also gone into several shops, where Mrs. Probus bought a few items and Lupin insisted that the school pay for them. Ellie had accepted with reluctance, for she really did not have money.

Now, in the toy-shop, Hermione was reminded of her childhood, where she would play in. She had loved to delve in her own world of imagination and built castles and sent princes to rescue princesses. Unlike most girls though, she did not like pink and would grimace whenever the salesperson produced a doll dressed in that bright colour.

Toys had become more sophisticated since her days. Serena and Adora were looking about with wide-eyed awe, not daring to touch anything. Hermione picked up two teddy bears and showed them to the children, "Do you like them? Shall I give them to you?"

Serena squealed and clapped her chubby hands "We've never had toys before!" Adora simply stood still, staring at the bears as though they were precious jewels sent from the angels. Their reactions made Hermione all the more determined to buy them, despite Mrs. Probus's protestations.

After procuring the toys and placing them in the girls' arms, Lupin said it was best not to keep Snape harping mad. The imagery made Serena giggle but Hermione, who had witnessed what Snape was like when he had lost his temper in her third year, was not amused.

However, when they stepped out of the shop, Snape was nowhere to be seen.

"It's not like Professor Snape to be irresponsible." Lupin said in puzzlement.

"He must be certain we won't be harmed." Ellie suggested.

Lupin was unconvinced, "Yes, well, we have to find him."

Serena chimed, "I know where he is."

Everyone turned to stare at her. She continued, "I was looking out of the window and saw the professor walk there." She pointed at an alley between two seemingly abandoned red-brick buildings.

Remus nodded, "Thank you Serena. I better fetch him."

"No, I think you should stay here with them." Hermione said, "I'll go."

"All right, be careful. Professor Dumbledore says there are thugs in London."

Hermione sped to the alley and came to a dead-end. Frowning, she wondered if Serena had seen wrongly. Then she noticed an opened doorway on the wall of one of the buildings. The metal door itself had fallen off the hinges. On instinct, Hermione walked into the building and encountered a flight of wooden steps. It looked particularly hazardous, with rotting wood and a lack of railing to hold on to. And Hermione could not use magic to repair it. Maybe Snape had not come by this way after all.

Then she heard a creak above her. A floor?

"Professor?" Hermione called out. When she did not receive any reply, her brow furrowed. Maybe Lupin should have come here. Hermione was about to head out when she heard another creak. Apprehensive, she cast a mistrustful gaze at the stairs before climbing them slowly.

===

Why? Of all districts in London, why did they have to come here? It was his fault really.

Too familiar, everything looked too familiar. The shops, including the toy shop, had not changed. Even the old hag selling dubious sweets in a corner was still there. Severus threatened to revert himself back to the boy he used to be.

After wandering around London, Severus, whose footsteps guided the group around London, had led them to this place. For the others, it was seeing the less glamourous area of the city. For him, it was the return to, for want of a more appropriate term, his previous home. The others did not mind the place. He was hard put not to flee the dreaded place that had brought him a singular lack of joy.

He stood outside the toy-shop, lost in memory, seeing and unseeing. Someone knocked against him, and he found himself sprawled on the ground. A curious bubble of laughter broaching on hysteria threatened to erupt from him, _Where a witch or wizard cannot overcome you, a Muggle succeeds. Where the magical world fears and hates you, the Muggle world ignores you. Maybe you should have stayed here for all your life. Get caged up like your father._

There was no apology from whoever had knocked him down. And no one had asked if he were fine, or helped him up. Not that he had expected it.

__

But you can't deny you want it.

Like a reluctant moth drawn to the lamp, Severus faced the old building his family used to live in. He walked to it and entered mechanically. It was wholly vacated and everything within was in ruins. He traced back his life, almost seeing the shadow of his young self outside. His step was similar then and now. He reached the second floor, where there were three units there. He passed the first two and stood in front of the door of the last one. He pushed it and the door creaked at its hinges.

Deliah Snape had died in the year Severus had graduated from Hogwarts, and Acerus had decided to move into the lodgings the research department. Severus had chosen a different path.

Every piece of furniture remained since his father and he had moved out, though each was covered with white cloth, dirtied by years of dust. Spider webs clung to the corners of the ceiling. In one, he watched in fascination as a fly became trapped in one of the webs and a spider scuttled rapidly to its prey.

__

Nothing escapes. He thought fatalistically._ Nothing._

He turned to his parents' room and removed the cover on the sofa. His hand glided down the side. He saw a white cloth hanging on the wall and took it down, and stared at what was behind. He sank into the sofa.

It was in this state that Miss Granger found him.

===

"Sir?" Hermione asked.

She had never seen him like this before. He looked terrible, like a ghost. It was eerie.

When he spoke, he spoke in a voice that she thought came from another dimension. "No matter how you avoid it, your past comes back to you."

"Sir?" It was then that Hermione saw the picture.

It was unmistakably a wedding photograph, Muggle style. The young bride was radiant. She glowed with bliss and was smiling tenderly, the embodiment of feminine loveliness. Blonde tresses tumbled onto her round, fair shoulders and her amber eyes were framed with dark, curled lashes. The groom, by contrast, exuded masculine strength even though he was rake thin. He reminded her awfully of…

"Who are they?" Hermione blurted out.

"My parents. We used to live here."

"I see."

"She loved living in the Muggle world. She did not have to be chained by false standards and needless social mingling." Hermione could not help noticing that he referred to her in the past tense.

"Your mother's beautiful sir."

"Is she?" Snape asked huskily. "I never knew." He roused himself from his self-induced trance. "Is that you Miss Granger?"

Hermione jumped at the abrupt change in tone. He had returned to the professor students saw each day.

Snape stood up, "We're wasting time. I take it they are finally willing to go to Hogwarts." At Hermione's blank expression, he grimaced, "Let us leave this place."

They walked in silence. As they reached the ground floor, Hermione screamed as the stairs suddenly gave way. In the crumbling mess and confusion, she heard Snape shout and felt him grab her.

She lost consciousness after that.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note:

Warning, not nice stuff takes place near the end.

I don't even know how I came by writing this chapter. It's bizarre. And disturbing. If the reader is confused by some parts, you'll see that Hermione and Severus are in the same boat. 

_Maybe Zhuangzi was the butterfly, and maybe the butterfly was Zhuangzi? This is what is meant by the "transformation of things". ~ Zhuangzi's (Chinese poet, 369?-286? B.C.) "I Dreamt I was a Butterfly",_ _on the uncertain distinction between dream and reality.___

Chapter 6

Hermione was in a room, alone. Four walls reaching up so high that she could not see the ceiling. There was little furniture inside. Everything looked grey, including herself. Grey walls, grey chair, grey table, grey candlesticks, grey light, grey hair, grey robes. _Curiouser__ and curiouser._

"Hello," she called, or at least she knew she did, but no sound reached her ears. The sensation was similar to that of being underwater, of being in a misty dimension. But she was not swimming, nor was she floating about. She was in a room, standing. But where exactly in the universe was she?

"Hello!" Hermione called again. This time, a light flared from one of the walls. The rays stung her eyes. As they dispersed, she saw a door emerge. There was neither handle nor hinges, but when Hermione pushed it, the door disappeared to show an opening to another room. She crossed the threshold. Turning back half-expectantly, she saw that the doorway was longer there. The room she was in was considerably larger than the first one. But it was empty. Then Hermione realised the room was filled, with invisible, undistinguishable voices. They echoed about sharp and haunting, until she was reduced to tears.

"Sir…"

"Stand up and receive what you deserve young man."

"You're weak."

"Master, I beg you…"

"Enough, you whore!"

"…I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't cry…"

"What is that?"

"Focused on the pain, the only thing that's real."

"Forgive? I do not forgive, nor do I forget."

"Born a sinner. That is what you will always be."

"Defiled…"

"… upon my liar's chair…"

"Taintless soul, soul tainted."

"You'll never feel again."

Hermione whimpered and curled into herself. She shook involuntarily. Somehow she knew there was no help here. She was alone. Time, or what passed for time in this strange unearthly place, elapsed. Hermione was spared the torment when the room evaporated and she was among green, refreshing meadows. But the area where she stood was badly burnt. Before she could orientate herself to her surroundings, they changed to her sitting on sand. But the sand did not stain her clothes. She scooped some of it into her hand and it did not feel gritty. There was no texture at all. Looking up, her eyes widened to see an open sea. The endless skies above were sparkling with white stars. 

"I know this place." She exhaled in revelation, shocked.

And Hermione woke up from the depths of the strange realm.

~***~

"You didn't knock yourself out Miss Granger." Madam Pomfrey confirmed a few minutes after Hermione had regained consciousness.  "You panicked, and hence blanked out."

"How long have I been here?"

"Ah, you want details hmm? I shouldn't worry too much if I were you. It's the holidays."

"How long?"

Madam Pomfrey pressed her lips together, signaling something grave had happened and she did not know how to tell Hermione. Hermione wondered if the nurse had discovered something wrong with her, and then remembered someone else.

"Professor! Professor Snape, is he all right?"

Madam Pomfrey sighed, "They tell me I can't hide it from you. You've been resting here for the past night. Professor Dumbledore will join us shortly to explain but in brief, Professor Snape seemed to suffer a blow on the back of his head. Mr. Lupin was in time to bring the both of you and the family here in the quickest time possible. Wizards are wary of Muggle health institutions in general, though I could have told him he should have brought Professor Snape to the nearest one. Anyway, concussion."

"Concussion? That's all?"

"No," Madam Pomfrey admitted, "It could be coma."

"Coma. Oh Merlin…" Hermione's voice died in her throat. She remembered now, how Snape had sheltered her from the main wreckage, blocking the larger pieces from her, while struggling to take out his wand. He had shouted a few spells but they were unknown to her.

"He did something…" She bit her lower lip. _To me.___

"Here's the Headmaster." Madam Pomfrey left Dumbledore and Hermione by themselves.

Dumbledore drew a chair to the bedside and sat down, "I presume Madam Pomfrey has informed you of what had happened. Mr. Lupin's currently in Hogwarts. So is the family. They are settling down admirably well. Serena insists on visiting you, but her mother has dissuaded her from it, Merlin knows how."

"That's good to hear. But I need to know about Professor Snape."

"It's a physical injury, not magical. There is no power among us different from the Muggle methods that can revive him. He's a determined, stubborn man. He'll return to us."

"But Madam Pomfrey said it may be coma." Hermione insisted.

"We must be patient. Miss Granger, at the building, where you and he met with the accident, do you recall his casting spells on you?"

The moment of reckoning.

"He said something."

Dumbledore nodded, "I expected as much. Did you ah, experience anything after that, anything unique?"

Hermione wanted to tell him about her dream in detail, to ask what it meant. But deep down, she knew the truth.

"While I was unconscious, I thought I dreamt. But it wasn't like that. I was exploring memories. His… Professor Snape's memories." There, she had said it. Ridiculous, impossible as it sounded, there was no way she could have known those things, felt those emotions, unless she had somehow steeped herself into Snape's mind.

"Yes well, you'll relive some of his life no doubt. Are you aware of the _Quadriva_ spell?"

"No…" Hermione searched frantically through her mind, but the spell did not ring a bell.

"It's not your fault. Witches and wizards don't discuss or write about it, because there are few who can will it and the opportunity is rare. Among those who can, they choose not to because it means to sacrifice or to share… I apologise. I get ahead of myself. Quadriva, derived from quadrivium, translated from Latin, means crossroads, or a place where four roads meet. In the spell, these four are the mind, the soul, the body and the heart. The spell is meant for the caster to protect another in the face of peril. When the two of you meet with the same accident, whoever suffers the more serious injuries would be the caster."

"You're saying that I could have been the one with coma?"

"No. You're definitely the one who should have had the concussion. In this particular spell, it is about exchanging in the crossroads. What you contributed is your physical injury, analogous to the body. What Professor Snape then had to transfer in return for your injury would be one of the remaining three. Apparently, he chose the mind."

This was too much. Snape saving her, and relinquishing his privacy to her too? Months ago, she would have scoffed at the notion, saying it was impossible. But the holidays had shown that Snape's meanness and repulsiveness did not constitute who he was in full. Hermione's innate fairness overrode her other impulses when she cried indignantly.

"But… that's unfair! Professor Snape worsens his condition and he has to give a part of him to… me?"

"It is how the spell, one of the most effective ways of protection, works. You see why we know very few such incidents, and in each of them, the repercussions vary. Yours is another knut to the collection."

"How did you know that he had cast that spell on me?"

Dumbledore smiled, "There were signs. But without them, I would have known. It's Professor Snape's instinct. He cast that spell on me years ago."

Hermione was speechless.

Dumbledore continued, "I wouldn't have disclosed that to anyone, but it is clear Professor Snape trusts you. As to the circumstances that led to him saving me… that is for him to tell… or for you to discover."

Hermione was sure Snape would rather not, so she turned the course a little, "Those memories were confusing, unlike those of a Pensieve. I haven't seen a Pensieve but Harry's told me about it and the memories weren't like that. They clashed and blurred. They were imprecise and nothing but impressions."

Dumbledore shrugged, "I wouldn't know. During our spell, Professor Snape ended with the more serious injuries, so the spell, by default, did not work."

"Is there a way out of this? His mind can't be with me all the time right? It'll not fuse with mine?"

Dumbledore said, "Only the owner of the memories can take it all back." At Hermione's look of horror, he patted her hand in encouragement, "You will have to wait."

~***~

When Dumbledore left, Madam Pomfrey returned to check on Hermione. Declaring she was satisfied, Madam Pomfrey allowed Hermione to leave the Infirmary. The professors who saw her fussed over her. But when she asked about Snape's whereabouts, they either told her not to worry or that they did not know. Hermione doubted they were telling her the whole truth. Maybe Snape did not want her or any student to know where he was. She had an inkling, after observing him during the holidays, that he was intensely private. But he was unconscious. But he was Snape.

_It's this stupid two-mind phenomenon. It's making me nervous._

Since she was awake, his mind did not inflict itself upon her. If Dumbledore had not enlightened her, she would have thought what she had encountered was simply a dream. As it was, she was free for the moment, even though the knowledge of his mind within her bothered her. Hermione sought out the family. 

McGonagall had arranged for them to stay in the guest quarters near Dumbledore's office and far from the Houses and Great Hall. When Hermione stepped in, her feet sunk into the soft red carpet. The furnishings were lush and the colours were not gaudy. They suggested homeliness and openness at the same time. The French windows, covering the whole of one side of the room, enhanced the feeling. By magic, the windows appeared as walls if seen from the outside. 

Serena was ecstatic to see her and Mrs. Probus thanked her profusely for everything. She added that she was most glad to see her recover. Adora remained her quiet self. She sat on a large couch, hugging her legs tightly.

Hermione walked over to her, "How are you Adora? Are you settling down? Is there anything I can do for you?"

Adora took her hand, "It's good of you."

Hermione smiled. At least the girl had not suffered trauma to the extent where she withdrew inward and refused to communicate. She was wary, but she had not rejected the world fully, unlike… Hermione shook her head.

Adora did not notice as she was pointing out the windows to a hut situated at the edge of the woods, "Whose is that?"

"That's where the Keeper of Keys lives. His name's Rubeus Hagrid. He also teaches Care of Magical Creatures." Hermione missed Hagrid. He had left with his half-brother to find help. It never ceased to amaze her that Hagrid managed to teach Grawp to speak and touch him with his huge heart. When people had dissuaded him, Hagrid did not give up. In the end, his success boiled down to Hagrid's faith and love. Hermione had to smile at that. It was people like Hagrid who proved the world had hope. "He's not in Hogwarts at present. But his dog is. His name's Fang. We can go down if you like. Fang will like the company. You may see Hagrid when the next school year starts. You're turning eleven aren't you?"

Before Adora could reply, Mrs. Probus commented, "Rubeus Hagrid? That's the one they say is a half-giant, isn't it?"

"Yes." Hermione frowned in uncertainty.

Mrs. Probus sighed, "Another sign of the Ministry's infirmity and the witches' and wizards' bigotry."

Hermione did not react. She merely stared.

When Mrs. Probus did not continue, Adora spoke to break the silence, "Will I really be able to study in Hogwarts? Mum?" She ducked her head, as though saying it out loud would be tempting fate.

Mrs. Probus choked back a sob, and rushed to her daughter. Hugging Adora, she cried, "Of course you will, of course you will. The Headmaster will let you. Damn the Ministry! Oh, my poor child…" After being brave and defiant in front of her daughters, this last vulnerability broke down her defences and Mrs. Probus shook with anguish.

Serena, who did not understand, was naturally frightened. "Mummy?"

Mrs. Probus pulled her into her embrace and the three held each other for strength and support.

Hermione watched on in helplessness, before stepping out of the room quietly.

~***~

Severus was incredulous.

It was his first time in Limbo. At least, this was the only word appropriate enough to describe this unknown realm of existence he had been walking in ever since he left London. Perhaps not physically, but assuredly mentally. Severus had listed the facts to himself in order to analyse his current situation. He had cast the spell for the third time in his life. For the first time, the attempt was successful. He wondered how his physical state was. But that was not what was supposed to worry him right now.

He had been walking. That was the only fact that he could concentrate on. There was neither sky above him nor earth beneath. Sometimes, the scenes would change. Once, he had been in a deserted forest during winter, where the snow lying on the ground was unmarred by footprints or dirt. As he had strolled along, he had looked back to see that he had left no sign of his passing on his path. He had examined his shoes, and had found that the snow had not clung to the soles.

Another time he had soared in the rising columns of air. He had ridden on a huge, magnificent eagle with golden feathers and unblinking eyes. He had been unafraid. Clutching onto its back, he had known, somehow, that he had flown high, so high that if he had reached out, he could have had touched the heavens. Everywhere had been so bright, but the light had not seared nor burnt him. It had embraced, cleansed and moulded him into something unrecognisable even to himself. Somewhere, he had heard music beckoning him. 

He had been close to losing his self.

Most time however, Severus had been walking in a grey realm, with neither substance nor form. He had walked, but on what he had no idea. If he had come across anything distinguishable and thus focused on it, the image would disappear into the invisible background.

How long time had lapsed did not matter to him, until Severus had realised that a concrete path had emerged under his feet. He had reached a junction. A crossroad. To find Sirius Black waiting for him. 

Hence Severus's incredulity. 

As usual, his infuriating colleague was grinning smugly, as if nothing in the world could daunt him, because he was a Gryffindor.

"I'd have expected Albus, nay, even the Dark Lord, but you?" Severus asked. "You're not Black, are you?"

"Merely a form taken for the sake of convenience. We can take only those who have gone through the passing from your world to the next. You humans are so lowly in intelligence and understanding. You always need a focal point, something to see, hear, smell, touch and taste to know that it's real. But what's more real? Without or within? The tangible or intangible? There's a riddle to ponder." 'Black' gave Severus a sly glance, "But perhaps you know a little more about truth than the ordinary philosopher."

Severus frowned, "So you knew I was coming here, this place."

"Quadrivium. You do recall what happened, don't you Professor Snape?"

Well, at any rate, the address to him confirmed to Severus that the ghost in front of him was not Black. "Yes, I remember London. Where are we?" he demanded.

'Black' sighed irritably, "I said. Quadrivium. You fell into a coma by the way."

"My physical self."

"Yes. You're earlier than I expected though. You'll have to wait a little."

"I see. How is the girl?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

What the hell did that mean? "Are we in my mind?"

"No." 'Black' scoffed. "Do not imagine yourself capable of creating such a massive universe and conversing with your essence. You will trap yourself."

"I almost did." Severus said softly.

'Black''s eyes dimmed slightly in compassion. "Yes, I know. Not many things escape us. You wanted it, making yourself more susceptible than most who wish to return to their own world, because they have strong attachments there that they are reluctant to give up. While you think yourself friendless and that no one would want to hold you back. Take care Professor, there is more in you than you believe."

"What are you?"

"Ah, the question is 'What are you Severus Salis Snape?'. The child his parents cast aside, the boy his peers treat as an outcast, the servant the most ambitious wizard walking the Earth values, the teacher his students find cruel, the wizard others dismiss, or the stubborn fool who defies what befalls on him?"

Severus was stumped. Was a person's life to be decided on one dominating aspect? Besides, how was he to answer? He remembered Albus's words. "I am what I choose to be," he regurgitated emptily.

'Black' smiled and Severus was reminded of Albus again. "Ah, Professor. You did not mean it, but at least you were taking a step. There is hope yet for you, in your grey world." He tilted his head upwards, as though straining to hear a distant call. "It is time. Goodbye Professor."

As 'Black' started to evaporate slowly, Severus said quietly, "I wasn't sad when you died… but I wasn't happy."

"He knows, Professor. It doesn't matter."

"No, it doesn't, does it? Nothing does." Severus yelled in a flare of anger. He hated this shadow play. He had enough of that in the wizarding world. He deserved concrete answers. "Then why should I return? What is there? Nothing! You're the fool. There is no hope, no light, no dark, no good, no evil! All is naught. What use is fighting? When all is but a cycle?"

The voice was becoming fainter. "You do not mean that either."

Severus cried and collapsed in the center of the junction, "I'm tired."

"I am sorry."

'Black' was gone. At the end of one road stood the Granger girl.

~***~

When Hermione went to sleep that night, she was instantly thrown into that other realm. More confident than before, she boldly moved ahead. She stepped forward and a yellow brick road appeared for her, to her wonderment. _Toto, I don't think we're in __Kansas__ anymore._

Had Snape actually read _The Wizard of Oz_? Hermione could not help giggling at that.

She turned a corner, and entered a classroom.

"Mr. Snape, I'm sure you're articulate enough to answer this simple question."

Hermione's head jerked up and found an old witch scrutinising her. She realised she was actually sitting, with a wooden table in front of her. "Well?" The witch raised her eyebrow. "Lost your tongue?"

Snickers. Hermione saw eleven-year students making fun of her. No, making fun of Snape. She was assuming Snape's persona when he was eleven. But this was exactly what she had encountered before when she was a mere child in kindergarten, when her classmates jeered at her for being overly eager to "show off" her knowledge, when all she wanted to do was prove her worth.

In Snape's case, he was more of a withdrawn type. Or more of a lashing out type. Hermione jumped when she heard his voice projecting from her.

"Mindless idiots."

At that, the students turned ugly and started hissing and booing. The Slytherins, Hermione noticed, did not interrupt the commotion. If anything, they were watching in aloof idleness, like Greek gods staring down in amusement from Mount Olympic at the miserable pawns. Hermione realised that these were Snape's thoughts she was thinking too.

Fordham, whom Hermione now recognized as the substitute Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, ordered the class to be quiet, or she would threaten them with vampires. "Now Mr. Snape. You must be aware that that is not the tone to use on your peers." Her tone was both mocking and conciliatory.

Hermione/Snape lifted her/his head and spat in rage, "I know the answer sir! It's utterly simple."

Hermione did not have a chance to find out what it was, for the scene started changing. She found herself unable to control Snape's mind. She failed to manipulate it to her will. On top of that, she had a splitting headache, what with the duel play she had to juggle with.

She gritted her teeth and persisted in her exploration, for there appeared to be no other choice. She was stuck here invariably until she woke in the morning.

She was now in a library, decorated more grandly than that in Hogwarts, or any other she had visited. On the mantle above the fireplace, she saw the carved words, _In the Name of the Malfoys_.

"Severus, won't you pay attention?"

She/He turned to face the other. With a jolt by what was akin to electricity running down her spine, Hermione knew that the wizard was Voldemort. He was nothing like how Harry had described to Ron and her. Not the repulsive, cold monster. This was a much younger version, before his complete transformation. This was a man in his prime, exuding confidence and charm. This was once the boy whom Ginny had come to befriend. Small wonder, that so many fell under his spell.

"My lord."

There, there it was. More information. Even when Snape was studying, he had already been in Voldemort's service. 

A blink, and now Snape was twenty, and Hermione felt his nothingness, not hate. And Voldemort had changed to become the wizard the world feared.

Voldemort's blood-red eyes stared deep into her/his eyes and Hermione/Snape fought hard not to reel back. _Don't think, don't think…_ Snape chanted to himself. Hermione wholeheartedly agreed.

"You are not concentrating on our little game."

They were still in the library. Hermione/Snape looked down at a brown leather map. There were two lines running haphazardly across, one green, one silver. The former was even more erratic than the latter, appearing weak and indecisive. Hers/His was the green one, marking out the territory belonging to her/him. Hermione realised this was a wizard's game similar to Muggle Risk.

As Hermione/Snape and Voldemort continued conquering vast lands, it was clear who was winning.

"You don't have the heart in it Severus." The Dark Lord chided.

"Your lordship is right," Hermione/Snape bowed her/his head to her/his chest. _When will this end?_

Then before Hermione could react, Snape suddenly drew out a line on the map, and everything fell into disarray. Suddenly Green seemed to have more than a fighting chance. The erratic line became logical in its maneuvering, surrounding Silver's territory. It was Voldemort who now fumbled to keep his lands together, until one by one they diminished, falling into Snape's hands. Hermione was watching in fascination at Snape's ruthlessness and cunning.

Green won.

Hermione/Snape fell to her/his knees, "My lord!" she/he cried apologetically, her/his body trembling. Yet Hermione felt no fear. Maybe, she, no…, _he_ was aiming for this, this calculated gamble that he may upset the Dark Lord so much that he would…

Lord Voldemort chuckled, "I see how I've lost." But Hermione's heart chilled for she detected cold anger in his laugh. The Dark Lord was not pleased. "You are very shrewd, Severus. You make a fine wizard. Someday, you will be of use to me."

"Such compliments, my lord. I do not deserve them."

"You don't? Perhaps, perhaps not. Rise Severus."

Hermione/Snape stood up, to find herself/himself in a Dark Revel.

There reeked the smell of death, corruption and decay. All around, Death-Eaters were drunk and shouting nonsensical bawdy humour. To Hermione's affronted senses, she witnessed several of them raping captured Mudbloods and Muggles. Then she heard screams and saw people being tortured.

Hermione/Snape walked. A Death-Eater bumped her/him and vomited onto the robes. Hermione/Snape brushed him away in disgust. She/He turned to see Lucius Malfoy join her/him.

"You've finally come." Malfoy's shining, flowing cloak trailed behind him. He was the epitome of nobility, looking oddly out of place with the surrounding crudeness. Only his grey eyes betrayed his cruelty and sadism. "I've got a fresh young thing for you." He gestured to a nearby door, smirking. "I know you like to be alone when you are busy with your little plaything."

Hermione felt apprehensive about what Malfoy meant but Snape gave her no time to question. Instead, Snape led Hermione into the room and locked the door, blocking out the noise outside.

A woman had been tied to a table. Hermione/Snape covered her/his face with a mask before going to the innocent victim.

"I will let you go." She/He said curtly. The nameless victim looked at her/him in mixed fear and gratitude.

The woman sobbed, "They tell me they will kill me."

"Ah, a Muggle then."

"You people keep calling me that. Is it your term for bitch?"

"It doesn't matter. You won't remember soon enough." Then Hermione knew what Snape was planning to do.

_No!_

Snape lunged atop the woman and proceeded to tear her clothes. He was not filled with the power of lust, but the lust for power. It sickened him, revolted him. He hated himself for doing this, but still he continued. This was all that was left for him. He had forsaken the light, he would live in hell. And Hermione felt all his vehement pain and self-loathing.

The woman screamed as Snape parted her legs with brute strength.

"You said you'd free me!" she pleaded.

"I promised nothing else."

_Oh gods this is not happening. I want out. I want out._ Hermione begged.

She was thrown out, and fell onto a grey patch. All was silent. She was herself and not Snape anymore.

Hermione stared ahead, and saw him on the other end of the road.

~***~

"Professor Snape. Where are we?"

"This is where we exchanged before, when we were in London. This is where we exchange again. No doubt Headmaster Dumbledore's told you?"

Hermione nodded.

"Very well. Give me your hand."

Hermione moved to the center and held her right hand out. Snape looked at her hand. His eyes wandered to hers. Hermione watched in awe as he smiled without malice. How sharply it contrasted with what she had learnt of him in the last few hours. She should be unnerved, but she decided that it was the most surreal, beautiful thing she had seen in this place. Years would pass with the image imprinted ever distinctly in her mind. 

Snape took her hand gently and rays of white light wove and danced their way round their wrists and through their fingers.

They stared, she mesmerized, he resigned, and found themselves back in Hogwarts, Hermione in the Gryffindor Tower, and Severus in the secret Infirmary, set up by Albus for members of the Order of the Phoenix.

~***~

Author's Note:

_Curiouser__ and curiouser_ is the line from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland.

"Focused on the pain, the only thing that's real." and "… upon my liar's chair…" are lyrics from Nine Inch Nails' song "Hurt". The late Johnny Cash had a remake of it too.

I realise I took a few liberties with creating the "Quadriva" spell. Oh sue me.

Salis: That's Latin for wit, or bitterness, or er, salt. Eh, I inserted a middle name for Snape.


	7. Chapter 7

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Humour is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him. ~ Romain Gary

Chapter 7

To say she could have become well rested after her sleep was a gross over-estimation. Hermione felt as though she had lived through several years in one night. Snape's years no less.

Hermione drew aside the bed covers and stepped out. She needed to do some mundane things to achieve a right equilibrium in her life again. Face washed, teeth cleaned, hair brushed, clothes changed, still Hermione felt out of sync with reality.

If she and Snape had known this was what it would be like, she would probably have chosen not to have the spell cast on them both and he would have wholeheartedly agreed.

Snape… If they had met at that crossroad, it could only mean that he was already awake, like she was. His concussion or coma had passed. She very much wished to see him, even if it might lead to a destablilisation of what she had heretofore tried balance out. And she wondered at the reception she would receive from him. Ah, by heck. It was useless going round in circles.

Hermione set out of her room, determined to find the Potions Master, wherever he may be. It did not matter if it took her the whole day just looking for him. It did not matter if he did not welcome her with open arms, which thought had caused her to halt in her steps for a while. True, the Snape, she reminded herself, the Snape she had known during school-term was not the whole Snape. But him letting loose and hugging her was stretching the imagination too far. Certainly, he had acted contrary to himself in that other realm, but he could well revert back to his old sarcastic self in this world.

Hermione shook her head. As she settled on before, it did not matter. She would search high and low for Snape, never mind the professors' and Madam Pomfrey's overt hints not to bother the man. She deserved answers. She would demand them and leave only when she was satisfied. She would…

"Good morning Miss Granger."

Hermione's heart leapt but she swiftly greeted, "Good morning Headmaster."

"How are you this bright day?" 

She knew that practically nothing could be hidden from Dumbledore. Hence, she replied rather flatly, "Not as bright as the day."

"Come along. We've been expecting you."

"We being?"

"Why, Professor Snape and I myself."

"Oh, did you know I was looking for him?"

Dumbledore led the way to his office. "He woke up at dawn, like you, I suspect. He's informed me of what's happened."

"Is he all right?"

"As a matter of fact, he's remarkably lucid for one who's just recovered from concussion. You'll find him as normal as you can imagine."

That could be interpreted in a lot of ways. In Snape's context, normality was not an ordinary part of his vocabulary. Hermione's unasked question was answered when Dumbledore continued, "It means he's his grouchy self."

When they entered Dumbledore's office, Snape was pacing the floor at a furious speed. Dumbledore spoke, "You're making us quite dizzy Severus. Really man, you should rest. Sit down and have breakfast."

Snape headed straight to a chair when he heard Dumbledore. He did not acknowledge Hermione's presence. It gave her a chance to take in his appearance. There were no outward signs that he had met with an accident, save for the pure white bandage wrapped around the forehead region. Hermione recognised that he was frowning and not scowling ill-naturedly. His whole demeanour was one of defensiveness and not rage. He was not grouchy. He was nervous.

When Hermione took her seat beside him, Snape still refused to look at her. "No doubt you have inquiries," he merely commented.

"Yes sir."

"First, tell me what you know."

Hermione told him her account of passing through his memories. Dumbledore listened with deep interest, and Hermione had to clarify some parts which Dumbledore was not aware about.

"That last one… with the woman…" Hermione watched Snape tense, "There was something about that. A feeling, like that memory was one of the most earth-shattering incidents in your life. But I don't understand why… why it could be. It's happened before, hasn't it?"

"Yes, it has. Only that memory that you visited… was the one when I finally stopped. I found myself incapable of raping her."

"Incapable of raping her because you didn't want to or because you were unable to…?" She left the question dangling in the air.

This time, Snape faced her and spat brusquely, "Of all the disrespect! I didn't think _you_ were _capable_ of such rudeness Miss Granger." Then, his eyes shifted away from hers when he realised she was deliberately provoking him. Hermione wisely refrained from apologising. She had been in his mind. This was what he needed. To talk. To reconcile himself with his past. That much she learnt, because she had become aware that Snape bottled all his feelings too much. That was why it was always frightening when his fierce hold on his anger broke, like when he had found out Sirius had escaped from Hogwarts with Harry's and Hermione's assistance. Even now, she could recall his extreme reluctance to show the world his vulnerability, and burden Dumbledore with, in his opinion, meaningless self-hate and self-doubt.

Snape was silent for a long time and Hermione thought he would never answer her. Then he spoke again.

"Incapable because… I didn't want to. I took pity on her. I let her go when the others were deadened with alcohol. It was terrible… for me. Because it meant I couldn't conform to the lifestyle I thought I was forever condemned to. When I first became a Death-Eater, it wasn't that important that I was unlike my counterparts in many ways because our aim was the same. But when circumstances… altered and I believed there was no way out… I knew no one would trust me and I was afraid of Azkaban. I convinced myself to continue this life I've chosen. For months, I succeeded. That was the incident that… signified everything had changed."

Hermione was sorry to see Snape struggle to express himself. It jarred with the persona he presented in front of his classes, but she was also secretly pleased. She was beginning to get a measure of Snape.

She asked him a few more questions, before thanking him and leaving the room. She was not fully satisfied, but she did not want to pressure Snape too much. Besides, she had a task not yet fulfilled. She smiled to herself. _Snape was going to get one heck of a shock._

When Hermione was gone, Albus said softly, "You didn't tell me."

Severus shrugged, "It was unnecessary."

"You give yourself too little credit Severus," Albus said affectionately, "I'll have to watch you my boy, I can tell." 

"Haven't you been doing that all this time?"

"Not enough, it seems."

"This is getting depressing."

"You don't like depressing conversations?"

"Alas, no one does." Severus looked up at his mentor solemnly. "It's time to move on then," he finally conceded.

"I'm glad. That's all that matters."

__

That's all that matters. It contradicted what Severus had told 'Black', back at Quadrivium. It rang true then. It sounded hollow now.

Severus sighed dejectedly. Life would be so much simpler if he could just throw down his burden. But his conscience would not allow it. And he had returned to reality.

He told Albus his experience in Quadrivium. Albus was by turns surprised and disappointed. At the end of Severus's account, he studied the younger wizard in a detached manner. Severus began to fidget, and raised an eyebrow in an effort to convey reticence.

Then Albus laughed out loud, uncontrollably. Severus was caught off-guard, and he raised two eyebrows this time in genuine irritation. However, he soon joined the unpredictable Albus Dumbledore, though his laughter was more subdued. For a good while, all problems dissolved in this mutual understanding. When everything spiralled toward lunacy, the only way to deal with it sometimes was to see the absurdity of it all and laugh until one was sick in the stomach.

"Sirius, serious with you?" Albus gasped out.

"Unprecedented. Believe me, it was unpleasant to see him wiser than I am. That terrible pun was merciless Albus."

After more verbal repartee, Severus and Albus were calmer than before.

"Can you forgive me?" Severus asked Albus.

"Whatever for?"

"I almost didn't come back."

"But you did… Maybe we didn't show you, that you weren't isolated…"

"Albus, I am the last person a person wants to cuddle." Severus snapped. There was a pause, "I really said that, didn't I?" The trip to the other realm was doing permanent damage to his brain. He was visibly embarrassed and Albus visibly tickled. "For Merlin's sake Headmaster, you know what I meant. I'm not someone who should be cuddled. I'd suffocate under that kind of attention."

__

No. It's just that you are not ready. But Albus did not say that.

~***~

Severus was walking down the corridors heading back to his rooms when two little whirlwinds whose heights did not reach his elbows clashed into him.

"You and you. Five points off from whichever House you will be in, in advance," he said grouchily to the two Probus girls, before proceeding to hoist them up from the floor.

"Sorry, Professor Snape." Adora said and looked as though she wanted to add something else, but Serena interrupted.

"We're playing catch Professor. Mama won't let us ride broomsticks yet." She stared wistfully out to the Quidditch field, where several students were having a friendly match.

"Is that right?" Severus felt uneasy talking to children. More often than not, he did not know what to say. He asked them, "I trust that you are all well in Hogwarts?"

Adora nodded, her face going red. Severus grimaced, "Well, spill it out girl. What is it you want to say?"

She let loose a series of giggles. It seemed Adora was slowly emerging from the shadows of her father's death. She was regaining her confidence. "It's just… sir. I hear people say you don't take points from your own House. What if Serena or I got into Slytherin? You'll be breaking a record sir."

It really was not funny, in retrospect. But when Severus next burst out chuckling, it may be attributed to the after-effects of his conversation with Albus. Laughing twice a day was more than he ever did for the past several years. He was amazed at it.

Serena, who did not understand what the joke was, laughed along anyway. She boldly tugged at Severus's pants.

Severus abruptly cut off his laughter, and looked down in surprise.

Serena brought up her two arms, beckoning him. The child was innocent. Yes, there was hope in the world of witches and wizards. Serena continued holding out her arms, her whole countenance poised in anticipation. "Please sir? Papa does. And he's not as tall as you."

Well, why not? It seemed this was destined to be his ridiculous day and he might as well submit to it with grace.

Serena squealed in delight when he lifted her off the ground. He grinned wickedly when he spun them both on the spot, causing them to become quite dizzy. Serena flapped her arms in abandonment. "Fly! No wings!" It felt oddly right, after the tumultuous walk down in Quadrivium.

When he set Serena back on the ground, his voice shook with mirth as he said, "That's punishment young lady, seeing that I shall have to retract my previous one." Serena clapped her hands. Severus turned to Adora, "Your turn."

"But sir, I'm too old for this," but Adora was grinning too.

"Never mind that." Severus picked her up easily and acted like a merry-go-round. Even if he had not enjoyed his childhood, it did not mean others should be deprived of a happy one. True, when he was a teenager, he had wanted everyone to suffer with him. But he was different now. Albus said so. He placed his trust in his mentor. Perhaps, perhaps, there was indeed hope to redeem himself. Perhaps there was something good in him after all.

Serena's and Adora's whoops of joy attracted some of the Hogwarts occupants.

"Oh, my god. I so did not see that." Justin Finch-Fletchley said to no one in particular. Laura Madley, another Hufflepuff gave a hiccup. Filch, who was also present, looked on in horror. Whatever had happened to his favourite professor? "Professor Snape! Are you ill? Did you drink something wrong?"

Minerva was finding it a formidable task to refrain from laughing. Tears were forming in her eyes. "Calm down Filch." She called to Colin Creevey, "Where's your camera Creevy?" but Colin was already busily snapping away.

Realising an audience forming, Severus quickly put an end to the show. "Right, you two. Dismissed." Serena and Adora obediently sped off. He next sneered at the gaping students, "Are you all stone? Don't you have anything to do?" He smirked, amused when they, conditioned for so long in his classes, dispersed hurriedly. The only ones left were Minerva and Granger. Another two women. He was surrounded by headstrong women. He was being over-compensated for having a weak mother, he thought in a fit of black humour and snorted. These two would be more difficult to tackle.

Minerva spoke first, "Paternal feelings for the children Severus?"

"Do hold you tongue," Severus said good-naturedly.

"Of course," Minerva assured him, "Creevey's pictures won't be published. They will just be circulated among selected circles, hm?"

Severus refused to show that he was affected, "Creevey will be disappointed, but thank you Minerva. How kind."

"By no means." Minerva dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. "I daresay Moody will think you are someone else impersonating as Severus Snape. Polyjuice, isn't it? Now, if you'll excuse me, I must attend to more serious matters. Good day. Lovely to see you up on your feet again Severus."

One gone, one remained. "Yes, Miss Granger?" He started walking, and she followed. "You'll pardon me for being in a hurry, but I have missed a day's work and the full moon approaches."

Hermione blinked. The full moon… Oh… "Are you going to make the Wolfsbane Potion Professor? May I watch?"

"I plan only to prepare the ingredients today. And even if I am going to make the potion, what makes you think I will allow you to watch?"

Hermione pretended to consider, "Well, it could be your sudden affable mood today sir. I thought I should take advantage of it."

"You're being cheeky with me all of a sudden too Miss Granger." Severus frowned. They had only just been through what he believed was one of the most tiresome journeys last night, especially for her. He had thought that after the meeting at Albus's office, she would be avoiding him. Trust a Gryffindor to wrong-foot him.

Hermione, on the other hand, smiled. After seeing him with the children, she believed all the more she was taking the right step. "Like I said, it's your mood that encourages me."

"I suspect it's because you have some ulterior motive." Severus said drily, and he smirked when she blushed.

"Is it that obvious?" Granger looked unrepentant, "Ah, well, I had a splendid day. After all those endless dreams, well, they weren't really dreams, last night, I took a nap and woke up rejuvenated. So you must forgive this burst of energy Professor. I also went to the library and read _The Obscure Side to all Things Magical_. It parallels with _Hogwarts: A History_, in terms of length and style."

Severus chose not to react to her striking up what appeared to be idle chitchat. When he reached his office, he went straight to his cupboard and took out several ingredients. He gave tacit approval for the girl to watch him. After all, she already knew more about him than most everyone. What was the point of hiding from her?

As Snape began preparations, Hermione was at leisure to study his office. She had only been here once, during her second year. Then she was too anxious to be in here for as little time as possible. She took a high stool and sat on it.

It was extremely neat. Hermione expected that. A Potions Master was usually careful and precise in his work. The furniture was sturdy and comfortable, nothing fanciful. The table was made of thick oak, with some Latin carvings at the corners. Although the sunlight did not shine in this place, the air was neither stale nor damp. A few faded tapestries portraying medieval times hung on one of the walls, which had probably been there for centuries. There were few personal touches of his own in Snape's office, but all held interest. There were vials of unidentifiable potion sitting neatly on the mantelpiece over the fireplace that was not lighted. There were academically-inclined magazines stacked beside a rolls of parchment. There were shelves crammed with books, but before she could study them, the professor himself called her.

"Why are you here?" Snape asked authoritatively, startling Hermione out of her reverie.

"What?"

"Why did you come and find me?"

"I just… to tell you that I had a splendid day."

This was unusual. Severus was cynical, but he understood that not everyone else was as cold as he was. He knew what Granger was up to. "I don't need saving Miss Granger," he said sternly, though not unkindly. Tried as he had, he did not dislike Granger as the students speculated. Intelligence and diligence were not to be scorned at. He could tolerate her Gryffindor generosity.

"Of course not," she said, "You do it fine yourself." 

Severus scowled warily at her. Initially, he thought she was provoking him again. But Granger's sincerity convinced him. He was getting soft in the head. "So why?" he prompted.

Hermione took a deep breath. _Drum roll ladies and gents…_ "Because I've decided to become a friend of yours."

"Really." In just one word, Severus managed to convey his mockery.

"Yes."

"I see. Do you wish that I break down and weep in ecstasy in front of you now?"

Hermione smiled warmly, "No."

"Really." Severus was wondering how one handled this sort of situation. He did not possess that much expertise in this foreign territory.

"Yes sir."

"You realise this does not mean giving Gryffindor points or treating the famous Trio with servility?"

"Wouldn't dare think about it sir." Hermione grinned unperturbed and relieved this was going better than she hoped.

"You're not going to change my temperament Miss Granger. I am what I am." Severus paused, thinking that previous statement sounded as weak as he expected, "The Headmaster's failed for more than a decade."

"I'm not trying to change you. For now, let's just be friends. I'm graduating soon anyway. So we won't be teacher and student. Who knows what's going to happen?"

There was another pause. Again, she had used "friends". "Very well," Severus said, and proceeded to ignore Hermione, leaving her to her own antics. He put on his gloves and crushed the belladonna petals, chopped asphodel roots and added a few drops of dragon blood to the mixture, letting the familiarity of work soothe him. The problem with the Wolfsbane Potion lay not in the ingredients, which were common enough in themselves. It was the later part of the procedure involving boiling and stirring the potion in the cauldron that was difficult. He soon accomplished the first steps and almost believed himself alone and that all the events that had occurred in the past hour or so were hallucinations when Hermione started giggling.

Severus growled, "Do you mind Miss Granger? If you cannot behave, I suggest you leave at once. This is not frivolous work!"

Hermione apologised and pointed one of the shelves, "It's just… I didn't realise there were Muggle books."

"Not many people bother to see what there is here." Probably because they were more uneasy in his presence. With the exception of Albus, he gave no permission to anyone to be in his office or private rooms unless he was inside.

"And that!" she cried, "The Wizard of Oz. Do you like it? I remember walking on a yellow brick road when I was in your mind."

"I was curious to see how Muggles depict wizards. Unfortunately, the title was deceiving. It's really more about a little girl and her adventures."

"Well, at least you enjoyed it, or you won't have it here." Hermione continued reading the titles imprinted on the book-spines. Amazing. Many of them were either first or limited editions. "You read extensively sir. It's wonderful you don't keep to selected genres."

"Yes, well." Severus stored the ingredients separately. They would be used when night fell. "Reading was the only pastime I had. I used to visit the library when my family stayed in London."

"The library was my second home when I was younger. Dad and Mum had to drag me out from there."

Severus turned his back to her so she could not see him smile. "Yes," he said drily, "I can imagine."

Maybe Granger would not be as infuriating as he feared after all.


	8. Chapter 8

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It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. ~ Walter Lippman

Chapter 8

In the course of the next seven weeks, Hermione and Severus saw each other quite regularly. It was not completely by intention, since Hermione continued helping the Order, and Severus procured her assistance now and then like the other members. Often though, Hermione made it a point to pop into Severus's office. He always hid his surprise, because each time she left him, he thought it would be the last, as the novelty of having a sour professor as a conversational partner wore off for her. But still she came, and after a few weeks, Severus found it was actually possible to look for her without feeling it was unnatural to do so.

Hermione was glad.

It was remarkable how easy it was to converse with him, to convey her ideas and thoughts to him. He stopped being aggressive, once he knew that the other intended no harm. It allowed for real communication. They started off picking each other's brains, since they knew virtually nothing of each other except for what they had learnt from Potions lessons and some misadventures. Severus was pleased that Hermione was not merely diligent or capable of storing information. She impressed him with her sharpness and skills of observation and deduction. He accepted that she solving his riddle in her first year involving the Philosopher's Stone was not a fluke.

They also exchanged ideas and confessed what their interests were. She challenged his theories, and he too, fed her mind with unconventional viewpoints. There were several occasions that in the heat of an argument, they spent the whole afternoon locked in battle, forgetting time and hunger. Both relished these intellectual or philosophical debates, which would baffle others and intrigue academics if they listened. There were light-hearted topics, like discussing Muggle culture and tradition. Hermione and Severus were both great travellers. Her family had brought her to many countries in Europe and Asia. Severus obviously had the advantage over Hermione in terms of age and travelling mode. He had been to more places than Hermione dreamed possible, with the aid of Apparition. There were secluded parts that were daunting to go using Muggle methods, like rural areas of the countryside and vast spans of desert. He enchanted her with tales of walking in the Sahara under the stars, as though he was the only person in the whole universe and he ended up mocking her eagerness.

Of course, there were hindrances in their association. They had to be careful not to appear friendly in front of the other students, to prevent the risk of speculation reaching the ears of the children of Death-Eaters when school term began. There was however, a distinct lack of hostility between them. There may have been gossip, but Hermione had not heard of any. She and Severus still addressed each other on the teacher-student basis, which constantly reminded them of the distance to be maintained in-between. Even if they were of the same gender, a certain degree of professionalism and formality was necessary. Being of opposite genders made it all the more inconvenient. Albus trusted Severus not to commit impropriety. More, he encouraged Hermione to befriend Severus.

"There's more life in him than I've ever seen in a good while Miss Granger. He's been grey lately." Albus smiled, "This holidays benefit him. Don't tell him I told you that."

Hermione thought that the trickiest obstacle was Severus himself. He had always been a recluse, even when he was younger. In retrospect, she realised that he had indeed been stagnating. In the beginning of the holidays, his constitution had been terrible. There had been hollows and in sallow face and dark smudges under his bright eyes. She suspected that he had been taking Dreamless Sleep Potions once too often. She would wager that he was rake-thin under his billowing robes, the consequences of too much work and lack of rest. Only Severus's will drove him on to continue his duties and not collapse. Severus had also been dulled by the monotony of his everyday life. For all the work he was doing, his mind had been stifled by the environment he had lived in for close to two decades. Students, mostly dunderheads, served only to irk and bother him. He could mark their assignments blindfolded, metaphorically speaking. The curriculum did not test his mettle. N.E.W.T.s to him was too simple. The few staff, including Albus, whose intellect was on par with Severus's were busy themselves and Severus had declined to seek company when he was free. Severus had thrown himself to research initially and had gained success. He was partly responsible for the Wolfsbane Potion, but that was all. If not for his goal and desire to redeem himself, Severus would probably drug or bore himself to an early death.

Hermione was there to watch him, and saw the improvements. He was looking more like a human being than a ghostly apparition. It meant that he was treating his life with more worth than he had and she was comforted.

It did not occur to her until much later, that she was later to spend time with him, not only as a companion, but also as a pupil.

~***~

"Is Filius around?" Severus walked into the staff room, seeing only Poppy and Hagrid.

Filius was polishing his wand and chatting with Sinistra. He waved to Severus, "Here Severus. What can I do for you?" He went on speaking with Sinistra before she walked away to talk to Trelawney.

Severus took a seat near the Charms professor. He went straight to the point, "It is about Miss Granger."

Filius's eyes widened, "Is something the matter?"

"Assuredly."

"Severus, I understand you've been getting along quite well with her. I hope…"

Severus waved his hand, "It's not about our… association. Albus tells me you've been teaching her advanced lessons during the holidays. Apparition and the sort."

"Indeed." Filius replaced the cap on the bottle of polish and concentrated on Severus.

"Tell me how she is like as an apprentice. One on one."

"She's extremely dedicated and disciplined. She follows instructions and, when in doubt, never fails to ask. It helps that she is highly intelligent and absorbs lessons quickly."

"Was she ever arrogant or impudent? Does she intrude on a person's privacy?"

"Gracious no. She is always respectful. Why do you ask?"

"I thought it quite obvious. I plan to take her on as an apprentice."

Filius was speechless.

"Of course, I have to ask for the Headmaster's permission."

"I say! It's not like you to accept an apprentice. Not that I am not happy to hear this, but may I ask why this sudden interest?"

"She has the… potential." Severus admitted, "Trained properly, and she will become a real Potions Mistress. Not those nincompoops who parade around as one. Granted, this does not prevent her from becoming Mistress of anything else. But I've been trying to find someone I could pass my skills on to."

Filius said understandingly, "You are by far one of the best Potions Masters in England."

"One of the best? You couldn't say the best?" Severus feigned disappointment.

Filius grinned, "I'm sure Miss Granger will be the most suitable candidate. And yet, you don't have to be anxious to look for one. You are only, what, thirty-eight?"

"Age isn't the issue. I could be dead anytime. I want to be sure there's someone else others can turn to for information. The passing of the baton, if you will."

Filius's smile was wiped off his face. He stared uneasily at Severus. Were it any other man, Filius could say he was saying it in self-pity. Not so Severus. There was no way to comfort a man who believed he did not need comforting.

"Well, you know the answer Severus. You should some faith in her. You and she have, after all, known each other better during the past months."

"What with having Potter before…" Severus shrugged, "You cannot blame me for being sceptical."

"At least she has more respect for you."

~***~

Henceforth, whenever Hermione visited Severus, he was not simply humouring her with anecdotes of his research. He was training her in his field of Potions.

First they would talk, then he would show her his recent experiments. When she professed ignorance, he would explain the background of the test, the process and the uses of the potion. He would pile her with arcane books not found in the library and she would stagger back to her rooms with aching arms. Step by step, he allowed her to conduct experiment under his supervision and they reviewed her work at the end of the lesson.

All in all, it was a relatively peaceful, albeit strange, relationship. Then Severus met with a mishap.

It was a Tuesday. Severus was heading to the dungeons when the Bloody Baron came to inform him that The Grey Lady had told him that some Ravenclaws were experimenting with new formulas for potions in their Common Room. Knowing Filius was away on an expedition with other members of the Charms Circle, Severus went personally to stop the "dunderheads, all of them dunderheads". He was too late to stop them, but in time to witness one of two cauldrons exploding. His hands were splashed with scalding potion and the blast had caused him to fly backwards and crash into a table. He ordered all those were hit to go to the Infirmary immediately. There, Madam Pomfrey tended to four students while Severus refused her aid and nursed his own wounds. He grimly noted that his hands would heal in twenty-four hours. Bruises were also forming on his back. That left him practically crippled for the whole day. He listened to Albus's advice and stayed in one of the private wards. When lunch was brought to him by a House-Elf, Severus stared gloomily at it. He could always skip a meal, he thought. 

But Hermione came along.

"For Heaven's sake Miss Granger! How can Potter and Weasley stand you?" Severus asked vehemently, ten minutes later.

"Hey, I have to tolerate them sometimes too! All that dull talk of Quidditch and them not doing their homework properly!" Hermione replied just as heatedly back. She thrust the bowl forward till it was half an inch away from Severus's nose. "Now, will you just eat? I have better things to do you know."

Merlin, but the girl was a miniature version of Molly Weasley, all fuss and strictness.

Severus glared at his bandaged hands as if they were the cause of his troubles.

Hermione tapped the spoon on the rim of the bowl, indicating her displeasure. "Stop sulking Professor." It was a sign of how at ease she had become with him that she could admonish him lightly and not be afraid. "If it were not me, it'd still be someone else." She decided to manipulate him a little, "Serena and Adora are visiting you, you know, as soon as they finished their own lunch. You wouldn't want them to see me feeding you right?"

It was strange how he liked those two children so much. Hermione had observed him with them. There was no sign of his irritation. He was genuinely touched and flattered that they liked him as their companion. It could easily have been Lupin and Hermione that they were attached to, but somehow, they had settled on him as a sort of surrogate father to look up to. Adora found it easier to talk to him about Probus than to her mother, as Mrs. Probus could get emotional. Serena adored Severus. There was once Serena complained she could not sleep, and crept out of the rooms to seek him out in the Great Hall. Fortunately, the staff was there, or Severus would be hapless as to what to do. Serena was greatly entertained by Hagrid, and appeared positively tiny in his arms. Hagrid did not mind that she kept playing with his beard. Minerva had the House-Elves prepare warm milk. But in the end, Severus had to Summon "Tom Sawyer" from his bookshelf to read to her till she fell into deep slumber. She would later say she liked the adventures very much, but that the characters "talk funny." When Severus passed a sleeping Serena to Mrs. Probus, he took in his colleagues' expressions and deliberately misinterpreted them, "What? You can't expect me to read her _Crime and Punishment_, can you?" Many of them did not read Muggle literature but knew better to correct Severus. Albus, equally well-versed in the subject as Severus was, said blandly, "Always full of surprises Severus."

The fact that Serena and Adora were Probus's children could have contributed greatly to the civil way Severus treated them. It may have started with pity or some dim desire to make amends for their loss, but it was clear that he had learnt to become fond of them as themselves. Of course, save for the incident at the corridor, Severus did not show his affections openly to the other students.

Severus's mood lifted a little, "I think you've been spending too much time with me Miss Granger. There's potential in you yet to be a cunning Slytherin."

"Only you can pay a compliment and twist it to your advantage." Hermione said bemused, "Should I be insulted or happily flattered? Now, will you please eat?"

Severus grumbled throughout the meal. After that, it was Hermione's stomach's turn to grumble.

"I've been keeping you from your lunch," Severus said.

"I can only blame it on myself." Hermione heard footsteps storming into the Infirmary. "Here come the little terrors." She carried the tray away.

"Good afternoon Adora, Serena." Severus greeted. 

Serena asked, "Are you all right?" When he nodded his head, she jumped onto his bed and hugged him.

"All right," Severus grunted, "but not without pain."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Never mind that. Come Adora, sit by me." She obeyed and sat on his right. Severus waited for Serena to scramble to the other side of the bed and lean against him. In Serena's mind, he knew, she was merging her father and him into one image. She was still oblivious as to where Probus was.

Sighing, he turned to Adora. "Are you excited about entering Hogwarts?"

"Oh yes. Mum took me to Diagon's Alley to buy everything. See, here's my wand." She produced it from her pocket proudly, "Nine inches, ash with pixie dust as core."

"Ash, vivacious, talented, very reliable and trustworthy. Pixie dust, impulsive and playful. An unusual combination." Adora looked delighted. "How did Ollivander describe it?"

"He said most of what you said and that ash is the tree of amibition and pixie dust likes to tempt with fate."

"Yes." Severus sighed. He had a sense of foreboding "You said you've prepared everything? Does that mean you've already decided which House you wish to be in?"

"I want to be in Slytherin," she replied promptly.

"I'd rather you not." Severus said regrettably, "Although not all Slytherins are dark witches or wizards, there are underlying politics within I don't want to see shrouding you. Besides, it's dangerous, what with most of the Death-Eaters' children in Slytherin."

"Oh." Adora's face fell. "What will you have me join?"

"Good grief. You should make your own decision. Besides, who knows where the Sorting Hat might place you in?"

"True."

"You're going to have to face many difficulties Adora. You know that, don't you?"

"Meaning my father's a Death-Eater and everyone will despise us?" Adora retorted angrily.

"Vivacious you know. Don't let bitterness control you." Severus warned, "Don't follow your father's footsteps."

Adora gazed at him in melancholy. Children should not be burdened by what their fathers did, but it was always so throughout history, and it would not change. Severus watched her stubbornly hold her tears back. She said softly, unquestioningly, "You knew my father."

"I told you Adora. I can't say anything."

"But… at least… if he were here, what would he tell me?"

"I honestly can't say."

Adora knew that pleading was useless. She shook her head in resignation and slipped down the side of the bed. "Come Serena."

The little girl was surprised, "But I wanted Professor to finish his story!"

"Can't you see he needs rest? We've disturbed him long enough."

"I promise to read to you when I've recovered," Severus placated Serena. "Remember what I've said Adora."

"Yes Professor." She took Serena's hand and they left him.

He did not see them until the Sorting Feast.

~***~

Once more, another school term was approaching. Everywhere in the castle, last-minute activities were taking place. The House-Elves had always been dedicated in their work. Yet, ever obsessive that everything was in perfect condition, they scurried across the castle, combing every inch of the rooms to ensure they were tidy, with the furniture in place and ready for the rest of the students. The armours in the hallways were polished with such shine that they gleamed with vanity. Occupants in the portraits had to flee hastily to other pictures when the House-Elves came with buckets of _Restoration-Mixture_, else they were tickled as the pictures were being wiped. 

The students were brimming with excitement and disappointment that the summer holiday was coming to an end. They could not wait to see their other friends again, but school meant more work too, and many hurried to finish what assignments they had been pushing aside during the holidays.

The staff had to check that arrangements were made to receive the students, that the Hogwarts Express was not delayed, and that timetables were drawn up and that classes did not overlap one another. Many had to do last minute purchases either at Hogsmeade or at Diagon Alley.

Only the ghosts were their usual passive selves. They conversed with each other and did not participate in the activities, taking it upon them to ensure that Peeves did not cause disturbance at this time of the year.

Hermione, having finished her homework, was packing her belongings in the trunks. Soon, she and all the Muggleborns who had been staying in Hogwarts would leave for Kings Cross Station, where they would pretend that they had all been home during the holidays, like the rest of the students had. In Hermione's pocket was her parents' latest letter, telling her that they were fine and enjoying their time together. Strange, how little she had missed them. She had thought she would be miserable in Hogwarts. Instead, she had made new friends, including Severus, and was happy. She asked her parents if she should be guilty. 

"_You're growing up. One day you'll leave us. But you'll still be our little girl_." was their reply in the letter.

One day, she would have to admit she belonged to the wizarding world and not her parents'. But she would always love them.

Hermione studied herself critically in the long mirror. She had not changed much in appearance, but she knew she had become wiser. She wondered if Harry and Ron would notice.

She was severely irate when they did not.

~***~

"Harry! Over here mate!" Ron shouted and waved jubilantly.

Hermione waved to Harry as well. She had been the first to reach the station. When the whole Weasley family arrived, she joined them and they eagerly exchanged news.

Harry's relatives had driven him to the station and were still with him. Dudley was there too, for some unknown reason. Hermione had seen pictures of him before. Now, he still looked like a kid, albeit an overlarge one. The Dursleys did not say much. They tried to look disdainful, failed, and just looked apprehensive. Dudley was keeping ten feet away from them all. He was glaring at Fred and George with ill-concealed venom. Possibly, he was remembering his humiliation inflicted upon him when they gave him those sweets charmed to lengthen his tongue.

"Hello, Mr Dursley. How do you do." Arthur Weasley greeted politely, striving as always to improve relations between Muggles and magical people.

Harry's uncle's face blanched. He said gruffly, "Well, well, well. We better be going. Got an important place to go to." He took his wife's arm and said to Harry, "See here Potter. We've taken care of you right royally during the holidays. We brought you here…"

"Yes Uncle Vernon. I'll tell my friends that they don't have to bother going to your home to say thanks." Harry said flatly.

The Dursleys fled from the station with as much dignity as running could bring.

Ron slapped Harry's back, "Was it all right?"

Harry grinned, "Yeah. Ever since Lupin and the others came with me in fifth year, they've been loads better. At least, even if they still don't talk to me, they give me enough to eat." He gave Hermione a hug, "Thanks for all the help in Occlumency. You look fine Hermione. But the Californian sun didn't do anything to your skin. You still look pale."

"Oh, erm. I don't tan easily," Hermione managed to choke out.

__

Oh no… Hermione felt her face going red. She hated lying to her friends. Molly, who was standing beside her, squeezed her hand. Of course, both she and Arthur knew of what took place in Hogwarts. "Never mind love." She whispered to Hermione when the boys went to put their trunks in the train. "They'll understand."

Hermione nodded.

When the train was about to leave, Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione boarded the train and waved goodbye to the Weasleys. "Don't forget to send those SlimeBalls," Ron yelled. "We won't!" The twins yelled back.

"SlimeBalls," Hermione questioned in bewilderment as they settled in one of the carriages. "Is that another wild idea of theirs?"

"Don't blaspheme the great Twins with the fastest-selling fun products in Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley." Ron scolded. "It works great. They pour slime anywhere you want and last for more than two days. Oh, yeah, they stink like dragons' shit too."

Hermione rolled her eyes and looked up with despair.

Harry kept staring out of the windows as they chatted, "Our last year. Well, and Ginny's second last. Everything happens so fast…"

"Let's make this year our best one yet. Leave with a bang, you know?" Ron suggested.

"Won't you miss it?"

"Of course we will. But there's no helping. Look on the bright side. We won't see Trelawney or Snape again."

"Professor Snape isn't bad." Hermione was quick to speak out, wondering if they could tell that this time, she was not merely defending Severus out of respect, but also out of friendship. She frowned angrily at them.

"You're always singing the same tune Hermione." Ron complained. Harry did not say anything.

Apparently not.

Ginny engaged Hermione in conversation, telling her how Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were very busy with the Order and how they still did not allow she and Ron to learn anything.

Hermione listened gloomily, devising in her mind how she should tell the truth to Harry and Ron. They wouldn't like it, but she did not know how furious they would be.

She was grateful when they were nearing Hogsmeade Station. 

Then Harry said ominously, "This year will be different."

~***~

Notes: 

Flitwick's first name Filius comes from Harry Potter Lexicon, which says that in an interview with Warwick Davis, the actor revealed that was what J.K. Rowling had told him.

Hermione's and Severus's relationship is heavily influenced by Laurie R. King's "The Beekeeper's Apprentice", the first of the Mary Russell/Sherlock Holmes series.

Author:

I've got my own livejournal! (bounces like a rabbit) And thank thee all for your reviews.

And ThreeOranges! You've got it! Someone got it right!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"Evil, begone, Satan! Lord, have mercy! Forgive us our sins!"

Severus had just arrived when he heard these words. Although all the Death-Eaters, including himself, wore masks, he managed to distinguish Lucius from the rest. He gave his former schoolmate a nudge with his elbow. Lucius looked at him disparagingly. After all these years, Lucius still thought Severus inferior to him. Nonetheless, Severus was the only one he felt was discreet enough to hold a conversation with.

"Watch," was all he instructed Severus to do.

Voldemort was standing in the moonlight with an unknown man kneeling in front of him, his arms waving frantically to dispel the all-too-real vision bearing down on him.

"The Devil overcomes the man, but the will of God prevails! Back, back!"

"What is it," Voldemort asked in genuine curiousity, "that makes a Muggle believe in a being higher than he is in the face of danger, and only when all else fails? A Muggle's foolish pride? A Muggle's weakness?"

He caressed the man's head lightly, and the essence of that man transferred to him. When he removed his hand, the Muggle crumbled to the ground, and whimpered incoherently. "Mummy, mummy, bad, bad."

Voldemort sneered in disgust and kicked the man away from him. Two Death-Eaters hurriedly walked forward on their initiative to remove the Muggle. One learnt to read his master's gestures and act on a little prompting. They enchanted a hat to become a Port-Key and the victim was transported to where he had been captured.

The Dark Lord did not have to live or retain his strength by sucking a Muggle's essence, or soul, or mind… Severus had never known for certain what it was that Voldemort took from these Muggles. It was a branch of the Dark Arts which he shied away from. He might have delved in it, but by the time he was prepared, fortune, or ill fortune, saw fit for him to have a change in heart. He had his chance; he rejected its lure. To take this step was to become part of the Dark Arts, as Voldemort was now.

It was Severus's first time witnessing this… phenomena, as he could only describe it. There was nothing impressive about it. A faint light had moved from the Muggle's head to Voldemort's palm, that was all. It explained why Voldemort had not let them see what the process was like. The mystery was far more frightening than the truth.

So, why was the Dark Lord revealing it to them?

"I have decided that I am ready to start the next level." Voldemort gave what passed off as a smile, seeing that a snake could not actually smile. "I will turn to using wizards."

There was a stir, and Voldemort waited for the congregation to settle down. "As some of you are aware, a useless Muggle may not benefit me, it is merely a transition, but draining a wizard of his strengths will not merely bind his own powers to me. It will make him my servant. I understand, naturally, that I must be careful."

Severus was clinging on to his master's words, anxious to find out Voldemort's plans. Oddly though, Voldemort chose to leave them in suspense. Instead, he turned to other comparatively placid affairs. Giving instructions to various Death-Eaters, he ordered Severus and Lucius to remain behind when the others had dispersed.

"To Hogwarts, Severus, Lucius. How go Slytherin's students?"

Lucius smiled, "As always, my Lord, Draco has assured me that his influence on the younger students has not waned. He is also eager to join the ranks here as your loyal subject."

Severus murmured something to that effect, adding, "I watch over the Slytherins ever closely my Lord. They show promise. I hope that you will be pleased."

"I hope so Severus. My army is starting to gather strength. Soon, we'll return to the glory we once had. Then, we strike terror in their hearts again."

Sometimes, Severus's mind irresistibly wailed, the Dark Lord turned to clichés a trifle too much for his tastes. Evidently, Lucius thought likewise. But Lord Voldemort was no mere villain. He was too powerful and shrewd to be disregarded. He was a true heir of Slytherin. And they shook before him. Fortunately, the Dark Lord favoured Death-Eaters who were from Slytherin, and embraced them more easily than those who were not. It was a calculated move to motivate the others to prove their allegiance with him. Severus was all too painfully aware of the extraordinary zeal many who were not Slytherins possessed. He reeled from it.

"Severus?"

"My Lord."

"The Probus children."

Severus was grateful for his mask, "The children?"

"What think you of them?"

"As far as I gauge, they will not be worthy to serve you."

"I do not expect them to be, after their father disappointed me. What I want to know is their magical skills."

Foreboding welled inside Severus. "Their magical powers are raw my Lord. They have not been taught in any magical art. Probus neglected them, or perhaps thought that Hogwarts was an appropriate place to start learning…"

"Enough. It is enough I know they have not honed their powers," Voldemort said curtly. "There will be less danger to tackle an untrained child than a witch or wizard who has fully realised his potential. I want them, Severus. Bring the elder child to me first."

"Why my Lord?" Severus tried not to sound desperate, "There are other children untrained, but possessing greater potential than they."

"Ah, but they are Probus's. I shall consider it as his last service to me." Voldemort's sadistic laughter was high-pitched and carried over the meadows.

~***~

"You'll stand here and wait like the other first-years. Professor McGonagall will be coming." Hermione brought Adora to the stairs outside the Hogwarts castle. She squinted at the lake and said encouragingly, "See, the boats are coming."

Adora followed the direction, where Hermione's raised arm was pointing out. Sure enough, tiny dots that sparkled brightly grew bigger and became boats, each carrying students whose faces were lit with excitement.

"I'm afraid."

"Nonsense, what's there to be afraid about? Chin up. Then you might have a chance to get into Gryffindor."

Adora forgot her worry for a moment and cringed at Hermione's comment. "If only every Gryffindor's like you."

Hermione wrapped her arm round Adora's thin shoulders, "Don't you worry about the others, hear? They know nothing. Try for our sake, all right?"

"All right," Adora replied gloomily.

"There's the spirit." In her efforts to stay light-hearted, Hermione's voice turned squeaky. She knew that the situation would not be as optimistic as she hoped for, but perhaps it would be better than she feared.

As soon as Hermione had reached Hogwarts, she had hastily made excuses to Harry and Ron that she needed to see McGonagall. When her friends went into the Great Hall, she had run all the way to the Probus's chambers to fetch Adora. She had felt that someone should at least accompany Adora for a while on the first night of the school-term, the night where first-years met and joined the Sorting Feast. Now, Hermione was wont to leave but as the boats approached the banks, she was pressed not to let them see her there. 

"I'll be off now. Don't let them get to you, ok?"

Adora said feebly, "You've told me a lot of times Hermione."

The seventh-year grimaced, "I'm beginning to sound like old Aunt Polly, aren't I? Don't answer. I know." Grateful that Adora was regaining some measure of confidence, Hermione sped off to the Great Hall.

Chewing her lower lip, Adora stood still at the top of the stairs as all the other first-years clamoured up the steps, buzzing with energy. Those who were in front of the group were the first to notice Adora. Gradually, a hush overcame the group. Adora's gaze swept across the crowd, as she remained separate from all of them. Adora resented at how they were staring at and whispering about her with varying degrees of fascination, as though she were a freak exhibition, as though she had no feelings about how they talked about her father in front of her.

"That's Adora Probus, you know. Her father worked for You-Know-Who."

"Can't you recognise her from the photographs?"

"They've been thrown out of England…"

"But she's here…"

"That means Dumbledore managed to get Fudge's agreement."

"Maybe he didn't." There were snickers.

"Yeah, he is Albus Dumbledore."

It had not occurred to Adora the trouble Dumbledore and the Hogwarts staff had taken to ensure that she could have an education in Hogwarts. She had forgotten about the Ministry. Though utterly thankful, the students' remarks stung. She trembled at their insensitivity towards her family. Nervousness turned to rage, and Adora straightened her posture, her eyes staring back at them coldly, defiantly.

"So, it's true. We have a Death-Eater in our midst."

"I am _not _a Death-Eater," she scowled at the boy who had spoken out.

He shook his head in disbelief, "Like breeds like. That's what my parents say. I'm glad I've got good parents."

Adora knew that she should keep silent. Snape always told her that people became tired of provoking someone who did not react. But she could not stand by and watch others condemn her parents, especially not from ignorant, pimply-faced boys. "You'll take that back."

"Oh, oh I'm scared. What are you going to do? Curse me?"

Adora drew out her wand, "Gladly." She was grimly satisfied to see his face blanch.

Another student, who was not as obnoxious as he was, said, "Come on Derek, quit it. She's harmless. And we're all going to be classmates anyway."

"She's going to be in Slytherin Vinea. I'm going to be in Ravenclaw. You are going to be in Hufflepuff. We won't be associating with people like them."

"But…"

"Do you think she'll end up anywhere else?"

Vinea threw a glance at Adora, and said nothing. The other students, who had been watching, absorbed the truth of Derek's words.

So, this was the kind of schoolmates she would be with for seven years, Adora thought bitterly. Ones who did not trust her. Ones who scorned or feared her. She saw a few who bore the resemblance of strangers her father had brought back home, whom Probus had called colleagues, or partners. She knew that they were children of Death-Eaters too. Many of them were sniggering and did not help her. The rest observed her in a detached manner. And somehow, just because of that, Adora believed she was different from them, and her father was different from the other Death-Eaters. They were the ones who should be mocked, not she. She and Serena were innocent.

Derek continued blithely, emboldened by everyone's silent agreement, "It's a good thing her father's dead. One less in the world."

Shock numbed Adora's senses for several seconds. Then, her temper broke loose, and she lunged forward, her hand outstretched to strangle him. "I'll kill you!"

She would have reached him, but for a strong thug at her collar which pulled her backwards. Without thinking, she hurled a punch at her assailant.

"That will do Miss Probus," Severus said steadily.

"I'll kill him! I swear I will!"

"It will be messy and I will not have the place dirtied with blood. You may kill him for all I care, but you will not do it in school. Do you understand me?" Severus shook her roughly.

Tears flowed out of Adora's eyes. She did not understand why she had to listen, when no one else did. Did Dumbledore not preach strength in unity? But she was already condemned before she was given a trial by her peers. She did not understand how Snape could be nice to her throughout the holidays, yet easily pretend to be distant from her. It hurt that she had to deal with this situation alone. "It's not fair! It's not!"

"Miss Probus, do you hear me?" Severus lashed out at her. He dragged her to a corner and released his hold on her. Walking forward, he pointed at the boy guilty of the last comment. Severus's eyes glinted eerily. "A Monto, am I right?"

The boy swallowed and his hands gripped his robes,

"Stop gulping like the carp I had to disembowel and store in a glass jar." Severus's remark caused Monto to hiccough, "I asked you a question."

"Yes sir. Derek Monto sir."

"Montos… Ravenclaws all the way, if my memory serves me correctly."

"Yes sir."

"Unless the Sorting Hat deems it frightfully amusing to sort you into another House… ten points off Ravenclaw."

"What?" Monto's face flushed, "But she was the one who attacked me."

"Five points more for contradicting me."

It was at this time that Minerva appeared. "Professor Snape? What's all this about?"

He told her.

"This is highly irregular," she chided. She signalled Adora to come forward. The girl's face was a mess. Tears and mucus mixed and she sniffed loudly. Minerva thrust a lace handkerchief into her hands.

Severus sneered. "If it is highly irregular, I take back the points. But, you must agree that Monto is not to go unpunished."

"Quite right. Mr. Monto, you will apologise to Miss Probus for your cruel remark."

Monto complied grudgingly.

"Now, Miss Probus. You should never attack your classmate."

"I won't say sorry to him." Adora choked with rage.

"Do it Miss Probus, or I will report to the Headmaster."

"I won't!" Adora went on like this until she remembered the extent the Hogwarts staff had gone through to get her to be accepted here. She sobbed a little more, before she did as she was told. Neither Monto nor she looked at each other. She did not see Severus leave quietly.

"Now then. This has taken too much of our time." McGonagall gave a brisk introduction to the school and its customs. Then she led the subdued group into the Great Hall, where everyone else was waiting for them.

Adora followed, her mind in a whirl. What the Headmaster said was lost on her. She kept herself far away from the others, focusing on the humiliation she had endured, unaware of Hermione and Severus, who were both looking at her worriedly.

Ron, sitting beside Hermione, saw who she was looking at, and exclaimed, "Hey, isn't that…"

Hermione hushed him up, "Yes. Now keep quiet."

Ron wanted to protest but Hermione hushed him up again, "I'll explain another time."

Harry asked curiously, "What's going on?"

Hermione refused to reply.

Severus was equally anxious. If Adora ended up in Slytherin, it would be one less obstacle for him to bring Adora to Voldemort. Obstacles, he needed more obstacles. But he saw Adora's expression, and despaired.

After the Sorting Hat sang its new song, McGonagall began to read out the students' names form a list. One by one, each first-year had his or her House announced. They were cheered on as they joined their Houses. Adora stared as Monto became sorted into Ravenclaw. Just like everyone had predicted.

"Adora Probus." McGonagall called.

The girl felt everyone's gaze fall on her. Stealing a glance at them, she saw hostility in many faces and coldness in the Slytherins'. Adora heaved and walked up the steps determinedly. When she sat on the stool, McGonagall placed the hat on her head.

~***~

_"You knew my father."_

_"I told you Adora. I can't say anything."_

_"But… at least… if he were here, what would he tell me?"_

~***~

_What do I care? Everyone knows I'm going to be in Slytherin._

_Where do you think you're going to be then?_

Adora's heart flip-flopped at the voice in her head. Of course, the hat.

_Fine, sort me._

_Yes… Let's see… Ambition, talent, oh yes… and a thirst to prove yourself. Strange, I know I said those words to someone years ago._

Adora ignored the hat's drivel and thought to herself. _I wanted to be in Slytherin, didn't I?_

_Mm?_ The hat responded in an absentminded fashion.

_But the professor said there are considerations._

_Old people like to think a lot, yes?_

_Snape__ isn't that old._

_Snape__?__ Oh, Severus Snape. Well, I remember sorting him into Slytherin…_

_Did you regret it?_

_Regret? Regret is a human emotion, is it not? Now, where were we? Oh, where shall I put you?_

_I don't know._ Adora replied glumly.

_You are angry._

_They don't want me with them. Everyone says I belong in Slytherin. It's family tradition, right? Weasleys, Gryffindors. Montos, Ravenclaw._

_Ah, yes. Tradition. But in this case, we may break out of tradition, yes?_

_How do I know?_

_You are the worst sort of students I have ever come across. Very indecisive._

_You are supposed to be the one sorting me!_

The hat considered this.

_True._

~***~

People were fidgeting. Even staff members were becoming restless. Severus remained vigilant. And grim.

_Is Adora so difficult to sort?_ He questioned angrily. It took all of five seconds to sort him into Slytherin. Then again, he did not want her to be like him. He should be hopeful at the length of time ticking away. But Severus remained vigilant. And grim.

Meanwhile, the students were asking each other if the hat had gone defective.

"Maybe it knows that Adora Probus is going to be a Death-Eater. That's why it refuses to sort her," Ron suggested.

"Don't be mean Ron," Hermione said.

Ginny, however, nodded, "He's got a point. McGonagall should just remove the hat."

"No one removes the hat unless it proclaims its decision," said Hermione harshly. "Anyway, if the hat has such discretion about refusing students, it'd have refused Malfoy a long time ago."

However confident she sounded, Hermione was still tense. She had met Severus on her way to the Great Hall. He had told her of his meeting with Voldemort. Later, she would wonder why he told her about it at all. For now, she concentrated on Adora. It was crucial that she was not in Slytherin. But the fatality of bitterness was not to be easily dismissed. She jumped when the Hat finally shouted.

"Ravenclaw!"

Adora looked as stunned as everyone else was, perhaps more so. When McGonagall lifted the hat off her head, Adora remained immobile. The Ravenclaws were hesitant as to how to accept this unexpected member in their ranks.

Adora looked about the Great Hall, from the students to the staff.

The stool crashed to the floor. And Adora fled.

She ran all the way out of the Great Hall. She ran to her mother and sister. She ran to her room and locked herself inside.

~***~

Hermione dropped her books onto the floor and sank into one of the sofas in the Common Room. She drew her legs to her chest and propped her on her knees. She was on the verge of insanity. At least, that was how she tried to convince herself. Insanity was an attractive option, when her recent life was brought into consideration.

She was a student, she fumed inwardly. A normal student. Worrying over N.E.W.Ts and burying herself in books in the library. Hanging out with her friends at meal-times and helping them during lessons. A normal student. If she kept repeating it to herself, she believed she would believe it. Then maybe insanity would leave her to find another victim.

_A normal student_. She thought. Then she winced, _in unusual circumstances_.

Not only did she continue aiding the Order, covering up her absences with fumbling excuses in front of Harry and Ron, she was also trying to comfort Adora.

School-term had passed for several weeks. No one had befriended Adora yet. Ellie and Serena, who had to compromise and coop themselves in their rooms for a better part of the day, did not know the actual occurrences that went on in Hogwarts. Adora resolutely stayed silent about her days, except to say that lessons were fascinating, students were really kind and she was having loads of fun.

Adora obeyed the rules and slept in the Ravenclaw dormitories. She slept reasonably well, but she would wake before the sun rose and slip out to see Severus or Hermione. Severus, when he was not too busy; Hermione, when she was carrying out her duties as prefect. Both made an exception to not deduct points off her.

As for the students, most treated her with thinly-concealed contempt. Many left her alone, but there were those who made jibes at her with every available opportunity. First-years who were Muggleborns did not fully appreciate the dynamics of the wizarding world, but were warned to avoid her. They only looked on curiously. They behaved rather sympathetically to Adora's plight, but later on, they would hear stories of what Death-Eaters were capable of.

Adora gritted her teeth and pressed on. She poured herself into her studies, determined not to be scorned for bad results. Dark shadows were beginning to show below her eyes, and the staff was concerned.

Hermione gave an exasperated sigh, frustrated over her haplessness. She had talked to the Ravenclaw Prefects and they had agreed that Adora should be taken care of, albeit tentatively. But the seniors had their own activities and were extremely busy. Adora

"Knock knock."

Hermione did not look up, "Hello Harry."

Harry sat beside her. Ron joined him, "Penny for your thoughts. You've been gloomy the whole day."

"Yes, well." Hermione said nervously. 

Forget Adora's problems. She could not even deal with her own.

She started off with, "I've been mulling over what to do with Adora."

At Harry's and Ron's blank faces, she added, "The first-year?"

"Oh." Ron said, "The Death…"

"Don't say that. It's not like that. Hasn't Dumbledore told you anything?"

Ron frowned, "Come to think of it, Dumbledore was talking to Harry and me last week. He asked about us three. Said something about expecting Harry to charge into his office any minute. Then he asked whether we wanted Chocolate Frogs. But that's Dumbledore."

Hermione rubbed her eyes wearily, "Maybe he wanted me to tell you first."

She had cast it aside for weeks, but she had decided to tell Harry and Ron the truth about her summer holidays. Now, there was no turning back. She stared at her feet when she talked. She was not sure whether they were listening. When she finished, she waited several minutes before looking at them.

Ron was the first to speak, "So that's what's bothering you. You could have said Hermione." He gave a little huff after registering what Hermione had said, "Hey! It's not fair. You got to be in the thick of things. You have to tell us every secret Hermione."

Hermione stared at him gratefully. She had been afraid that Ron would have been offended for not telling him. Instead, he was pretending to be offended. She told him some of the things she did, showing that she was not having fun, that the work she did was rather boring, except for the lessons with Flitwick. She glossed over the account of her associating with Severus during the holidays. Understanding as Ron was behaving, she felt that telling him about Severus would be pushing her luck. But she was upset by Harry's response.

"Oh, so you've been here, all this time." Harry said accusingly. He refused to show he was hurt. He had been trying his best to handle the knowledge of what Fate had in store for him. He had tried not to let anyone down by kicking a fuss and refusing to learn his Occlumency lessons. However much he tried, it seemed, he did not get Dumbledore's approval.

"You know I hate staying with _them_. I don't understand why _he_ can't keep me here if he can keep all of you."

"The Dursleys aren't treating you as badly as before Harry. And it's your aunt's blood protecting you…"

"But Voldemort's got my blood now, right? Dumbledore just doesn't want to see me. He knows he's to blame for Sirius. Me being here reminds him that."

"That's not the point." Hermione grabbed Harry's arm in an effort to make him see what was important, "I'm sorry that I lied. But I had to. We weren't supposed to tell anyone we were here."

Harry shrugged her hand away as though it stung. He did not listen. "Oh, you are right Hermione. Maybe he doesn't trust me, how's that? He thinks I'll spy on the Order, how's that?"

It was Hermione's turn to rage, "Oh, I can't talk to you."

"You made me a fool Hermione. I thought you were my best friend. I thought you were trying to help me. But you didn't even ask Dumbledore to let me stay, did you?" Harry stormed up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. 

Ron, who had tried in vain to calm his two friends, whispered to Hermione, "I'll talk to him."

Hermione stormed out of the Gryffindor Tower.

Ron sighed and asked a monkey-shaped statue. "Why me?"

And the statue replied, "Peanuts?"


	10. Chapter 10

__

A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Chapter 10

Hermione strode along the corridors, in a bid to work off her anger that had flared because of Harry's lack of understanding. She had thought he had already come to terms with what they had to handle. Instead, she found he had merely repressed his misguided thoughts to force himself to be resigned.

How was Harry Potter going to save the world like this?

The walk had a different effect on Hermione than she had expected. She wanted to cool her nerves. She found them more and more frayed as she went on walking.

Hermione's footsteps took her all over the school. Through the hallways, past the library, up the towers, down the dungeons, across the fields, along the lake, back to the castle. She kept up her pace, until Snape stopped her.

"It's two in the morning Miss Granger," he said disapprovingly when they met at the west entrance into the castle.

"Well, why are you here then?" she fired back.

Snape raised an eyebrow and said slowly, mockingly, "I am patrolling Miss Granger. Unless I am much mistaken, it's not your duty tonight to patrol the compounds. What are you doing?"

And since Snape presented himself as such a convenient target, Hermione let loose her pent-up rants.

"What am I doing here, he asks? What am I doing here?" she talked as though to herself, "I am here because there is nowhere for me to go professor. I am here because, unlike you who can easily take points off Gryffindor for no reason other than to show your displeasure, I cannot do that. I cannot yell to my fellows that it's wrong to condemn someone just because of her family. Just because of what her father was. I'm here because I'm helpless in dealing with people who don't believe in second chances. I'm here because I don't know how to help Adora. She's so sweet and she doesn't complain. She tries to take things into her stride but she doesn't deserve to have them in her hands in the first place. Unlike how Harry is behaving. The Boy-Who-Lived is blaming everyone when all of us are trying their best to fight for their lives. My best friend says he's trying his best but he's not. He damn well is not. And everyone is panicking, because we can't stop Voldemort." She did not see Severus flinch, "Because he's too clever and the Ministry's in inner turmoil, fighting among themselves."

Hermione yelled on and on, until her words were spent. 

Sadness crept back into her heart. Always sadness, after one's anger. And there were no tears to shed. It was just a bone-deep exhaustion she felt. "I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish Harry didn't have to be whom everyone is counting on. I wish Adora could be a normal, happy girl. But it doesn't work like that." 

She quieted down.

Severus was well aware of the feeling. He said simply, "You lost me when you started talking about Potter."

Hermione sighed. She waved her wand and dispelled the silencing spell Snape had cast immediately when he realised she was going to throw a tantrum. She was grateful no one else had heard her, but she was annoyed with how Severus could remain in control so easily in the face of thunderous, self-righteous students. He had said it came with practice, like all other things. She told him what had happened.

Severus's remark was, "How predictable of Potter to behave so childishly." He smirked, very satisfied to know that Potter was still a brat whom he could look down on in justification.

It was what Hermione had been thinking, but having it reflected in Severus's tone sounded… Whatever it was, it did not rest well in her ears. Hermione rolled her eyes and said, "You will say that sir."

"And you will think it Miss Granger. Why else do you feel frustrated?"

Hermione nodded, and began to walk away.

"Where do you think you're going Miss Granger?" Severus said in clipped tones.

Hermione jumped and realised she was heading out to the open again, "I won't be able to sleep tonight… this morning. I'll just walk some more. I need some air, some sort of release. I can't…" She cut off her sentence. She was rambling. "I'll… be on my own for awhile. Don't let me keep you sir."

Severus shrugged nonchalantly, "When have you allowed me to walk away when you wanted to talk to me? When did you listen when I said I wanted time alone?" Before, he had not expected that their roles would reverse, but the more he knew Hermione, the more he felt that they had something in common. A sense of isolation perhaps. Although Hermione had Potter and Weasley, she was a solitary person. He had noticed for some time that although everyone treated her in a friendly fashion, she was not close to them. And when she needed to ponder out loud, he found that she would come to him, because she trusted him to give his objective view, however ruthless it might be.

Looking at Hermione, he asked, "You wish to be free of inhibitions?"

Despite her current mood, Hermione smiled. One would think Snape was a noble's son and not a poor academic's, the way he talked sometimes. The reality was that there was nothing romantic about Snape, or his past. She suspected he had learnt his English from those Muggle classics and novels. "Yes sir. But it's not possible."

"Come along then." Severus headed to the gates, and did not check to see if Hermione was following.

She was, after overcoming her initial surprise. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he replied, and Hermione caught him muttering, "A youth's impatience."

When they stepped out of the Hogwarts grounds, Snape said, "I'll Apparate first. You will go next. Think of going to the place where I am."

"Beg your pardon sir?" Hermione was stunned.

"You know how to Apparate, don't you? Professor Flitwick said you can."

"What about protocol? I'm still an underaged witch."

"One would think that being with Potter and Weasley would be reason enough for you to be bolder." Severus said sardonically, "You've broken a number of rules before Miss Granger."

"But not with your permission."

"True. But you are a member of the Order. You are allowed to Apparate." 

"But how can you Apparate by thinking of an unknown destination? You can't think of a person and be at his or her side just like that."

"Only if that person gives his or her permission." So saying, Severus vanished into thin air.

Hermione hesitated. She was less confident about her skill than Snape appeared to be. Maybe he wanted her to splinch all over England. She could not always fathom what he was thinking. She had discovered a long time ago that he had a penchant for shrouding things in drama and mystery. _Bottle fame, brew glory… _He was in his subversive way like Dumbledore, which was both bad and good.

Hermione steadied her nerves and closed her eyes. She could do this. Concentrating hard, she Apparated.

~***~

"You can open your eyes now Miss Granger."

"Did I splinch?" Hermione scrunched her face up at the sound of her squeaky voice. Like someone who had just inhaled helium.

"So little faith in your abilities Miss Granger?" Amusement reverberated in his voice, "You are all right, as far as I can see. For pity's sake, open your eyes. If the wind changes, your face is going to be stuck in that state forever."

"That's an old grandmother's tale," said Hermione reproachfully.

Now that Snape had mentioned it, Hermione could feel a strong gust of wind blowing against her face and her hair and robes were pulled irresistably back. When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring out at an empty sea, whose surface reflected the stars. She had not known what to expect. Certainly not torture chambers. She knew Snape well enough that old rumours no longer swayed her. But she did not expect something as beautiful and raw as this.

"Oh my," was her first response.

It was a place that retained an air of untamed nature; that defied human invasion and corruption. The antiquated, lonely lighthouse tucked faraway among the cliffs did not reduce that feeling. It enhanced it, moving her to believe no one had come here for centuries. It was a place unexplored and filled with mystery. This was a moment captured in time, lost to the living world. At least, she could dream it. Night was wont to make people dream. They ceased to be tied to practicality and be free of inhibitions. And what a night this place presented. She breathed in the refreshing air, which contained hints of salt and wet moss.

"I know this place," Hermione looked at Snape. "It's the beach."

"I know it's a beach Miss Granger, thank you for stating the obvious."

"I meant it's _the_ beach. I've seen it in your memories. You come here often."

"Not often," Severus corrected her, "I come infrequently, as a respite."

He had regretted bringing her here. It was an impulse, seeing her downcast and inexplicably forlorn. He should have known better than to trust impulses. This was a place where he could pretend that nothing existed. Not Hogwarts, not the Dark Lord, not the wizarding world. He, on the other hand, was a tiny entity in the vast universe, unworthy of mention, willing to be swallowed up. Here, he could pretend that the sea washed away thoughts and memories as easily as the incoming tides smoothed away his footprints in the sand, leaving no trace that he had been there. The faraway ships did not disturb him. The lighthouse keeper did not notice him. But Granger was a reminder that he could never possibly throw aside his responsibilities. Reality had intruded into his private space. What was worse, he had been the one to let it in.

Then he heard her say "Oh my." and it told him all was well.

"There's the North Star." Hermione observed, after a while.

He looked up, and saw the brightest star. 

"You can see it here because it's so dark. Let's test your astonomy sir. Tell me what constellation that is."

"I thought we are here to rest."

"Aren't we sir?"

To indulge her, Severus marked out the stars that connected to form a picture and said with ill grace, "The Big Dipper." He had learnt basic astronomy in Hogwarts.

Hermione smiled brightly, "Right. And if we can see it, we can find Ursa Major and Ursa Minor."

She plunged on, pointing out one star after another until she was satisfied with her results. "This is a better place to observe stars than at Hogwarts. Where are we professor?"

Severus was rubbing the back of his neck, which had been aching after being bent up for a while. He was more used to bending his neck down, over potion ingredients and cauldrons. Besides, he was never much of an astrologer and Granger's enthusiasm subdued him, because he knew little of the subject. He glared at her.

"I don't know where we are. I've never found out." He was not prepared to supply her with more information as to how he came about this haven.

Hermione frowned. It was definitely not a Death-Eaters' meeting place, or Snape would not come here unless he could help it. She wondered if he had come here by chance, which was dangerous because if one did not have a place in mind before one Apparated, he or she could disappear into oblivion. However, she only commented, "Well, we are in the northern hemisphere at any rate or we won't be able to see these constellations."

She sat down on the sand and Snape followed. Their gazes went out to the open sea. For an hour or so, the sounds that could be heard were the wind and the waves tumbling against the coast. When they started talking again, they continued staring in front of them.

"Thank you sir. This is lovely."

Severus said nothing.

"You know, if you behave this nicely to everyone, or at least to those you trust, seeing you can't really… Anyway, life will be better for you and for us."

"I've been described as many things Miss Granger. I've been called a snivelling git and a weakbone. There are whispers as to the elusive Potions Master who learnt about the fifty-one properties of dragon scales before turning thirty, a feat I'm told only six have been recorded to do. Blood-sucking vampire, fiendish coward, overgrown bat, constipated… please Miss Granger. I'm aware of what my students call me behind my back, always the worst place to exchange opinions. It is what people say behind your back that is important. However, no one has ever accused me of being nice."

"You shouldn't care about what people say. They don't know." Hermione mused, "It's just… If you don't act like you do…"

"Do you think it is an act?" Severus asked, horrified.

Hermione shook her head, "I wouldn't make that mistake. But, to each his own. It's true though. If you are more like Professor Flitwick or Hagrid…" She paused again when Snape threw her a look of woe. "If you are more like them, no one will care if you were a Slytherin. Maybe no one will question your past too. They'll see that you keep students from attacking each other every year, that you help Professor Dumbledore as much as Professor McGonagall. But you're arrogant."

"Oh I don't mind arrogance with intelligence. It's arrogance with stupidity that I cannot tolerate, like dunderheads who think they're capable of what even their professors approach with caution." Severus's mouth twitched at the corner, as he tried not to smile, "You'll probably add narcissism to your list of 'Better Understanding Snape' next."

Hermione said, "You're not Lockhart. And I don't have a list."

"A list doesn't have to be a piece of paper."

Hermione bit her lower lip. She could not hide much from Snape. The truth was that ever since befriending Snape during the holidays, she came to like Snape. Very much. It was her plan that he should have someone else other than the faculty to support him, but it was not her intention to like him. She did not think it possible. But that was because she did not know him. She was going in circles trying to find an explanation.

Snape was a good conversationalist so long as he knew he had your respect and attention, and he was a good teacher if you were not Neville or Harry. She did not approve of Snape's treatment towards Neville (her friend continually exploding cauldrons was not a valid reason). In fact, she did not approve of many Snapish traits. That was the problem. Being Snape's friend did not erase any of his non-admirable qualities. But they did not stop her from liking him. So she settled for learning and analysis, and tried to accumulate as many justifications as possible for liking Snape.

"A person Miss Granger, is not a puzzle to disentangle."

"For one so anti-social, you know a lot about human nature."

Severus spoke blandly, but she recognised the glint in his normally cold eyes that terrified the general population but betrayed to the few who knew him that he was amused.

"Perhaps, Miss Granger, one should say that the passive bystander who flitters round the edges of society is better equipped to form a clearer study of human nature. Or perhaps I should say that Professor Dumbledore is more than sufficient social interaction for me."

Hermione asked wryly, "So how does that help me sir?"

Severus scooped up a handful of sand and let it glide through the spaces between his fingers. "I remember you are very good at questions." Granger was not a responsibility. She had become more than that. She had become a… his brain struggled with the word 'friend'. It would take getting used to, like how it took him to becoming used to having her as a companion. And she was the second person who ever cared to ask.

"Why hate? Why hate so much it made you something you rejected in the end?"

Hermione gave Snape time to answer.

Severus rubbed his brow, for want of a better thing to do. Why hate? He had asked himself that for years. What happened to the boy who hated? "It's… self-preservation. If not hate, what then?"

"What now? What's it like to know if life were different, you could be different?"

Severus sighed, "I have many regrets. I cannot waste thinking of them. But they leave a hollow pain," he said curtly, "Unlike what poets will have you believe, it doesn't destroy. It's what I'll live with for the rest of my days."

__

And sometimes, all a person needs is another chance. And a hand to pull him up. Hermione thought. 

She stood up and took off her outer robes, "I need to swim in that gorgeous sea."

"You'll catch your chill," Severus warned.

"Won't you join me?"

For a moment, she wondered if he was going to turn down her invitation. Then he got up. With the outer robes removed, Snape proved to be rake-thin. His height accentuated the fact. Together with his lanky hair blown wild by the wind, he looked oddly young.

Hermione did not wait for Snape. She wadded into the sea until the water level reached her waist.

"Race you to the horizon professor!"

"Do you think that's wise Miss Granger?"

"It's night! Night makes us fly," and Hermione swam.

Severus, the stronger of the two, closed in on her. Soon, they were swimming side by side. They shouted to each other and reached an agreement to swim for a quarter mile, with Severus's bullying tactics and Hermione's insistence that the horizon was not too far away.

When they returned to shore, Hermione was laughing merrily.

Severus's comment was "You're incorrigible Miss Granger. I had high hopes you could be a Slytherin. Alas, you are a Gryffindor still."

~***~

Physically exhausted but well satisfied with their expedition, Hermione and Severus arrived back in Hogwarts as dawn approached.

"Oh, and Miss Granger?"

"Yes professor?"

"It is two days early, but may I wish you a pleasant birthday."

Hermione started and was rendered speechless. Staring at Snape, she nodded in acknowledgement.

Severus left for his chambers.

It occurred to Hermione when she crept into her dormitories, that bringing her to that place was Snape's present.

A frustrating enigma, but a generous one.

~***~

After several hours in classes, Hermione found herself in the library, as usual. Books were stacked on the table she was sitting at. Unlike most of the books that spelt musty and were bound in leather and were Hermione's cup of tea, the ones she was currently reading had crisp covers and were not as hefty.

Muggle Studies had never been a popular subject in Hogwarts. Purebloods like the Slytherins made it a point to despise it, whereas the rest like the Ravenclaws were under the misconception that Muggles were boring creatures. Muggleborns wanted to prove they were as much a witch or wizard as any of the others, so they preferred to spend time amassing more knowledge about the magical community. Through some of the more earnest students' efforts, and Dumbledore's expertise, the library recently acquired many books regarding the Muggle world, which included up-to-date atlases and tourists' guides. After all, as Dumbledore said, this was just a good a time as any other to further witches' and wizards' understanding of Muggles. Hermione remembered her experience during Qudditch World Cup all too well.

After researching on lighthouses and beaches, she had come to the conclusion that she and Snape had been to Oregon, America. There were pictures that fitted the description of the beach they had been to, and the lighthouse she had caught a glimpse of matched Heceta Head Lighthouse, dubbed as "Oregon's Jewel". To think she had been in the same country her parents were staying in.

Reality did not suit fantasy. The beach with the lighthouse was not a deserted area at all. It was a tourist attraction near US-101. Travel around the area had been somewhat minimal until the highway was completed in 1932.

Furthermore, unlike several lighthouses on the Oregon coast, Heceta Head Lighthouse did not offer stories of life and death. This particular site was so named because of Captain Don Bruno de Heceta of the Spanish Royal Navy who had sailed past the Oregon coasts in 1775. Up to1932, due to its remote location, few families had lived in Heceta Head, where children had attended school together in a single-room. A couple of years later, electricity had finally arrived at the lighthouse and the old lamp was replaced with a bulb.

Probably the most excitement Heceta Head ever experienced was during World War II, when the Coast Guard had sent seventy-five men to ward against prospective Japanese attacks.

The interesting bit was the name of the beach Snape and Hermione were at. Devil's Elbow preserved the steep cliffs and sandy beach at the base of the cape. If the gods had chosen this place for Snape, the gods must have a rather twisted humour.

The name, in mundane truth, referred to the park's L-shaped ocean cove, where tricky currents had bedeviled mariners in the late 1800s. In the 1990s, bureaucrats, who were determined to purge satanic references from state park names, rechristianed the place Heceta Heaf Lighthouse Viewpoint. But the sanitised name did not quite catch on among the locals, partly because the park did not have a good view of the lighthouse.

Hermione wondered if she should tell Snape. He did not seem interested to know. All he cared was that it was his sanctuary.

And maybe that was all that mattered to a person who wanted a little peace that he could not find in his world.

"Hermione?" a nervous voice called to her.

Hermione looked up to see her two friends. She had not forgotten about her spat with Harry. Yet it felt like it had happened a long time ago.

Harry was about to speak again when Hermione shook her head.

"Not here." She put the books back onto the shelves and Harry followed her wordlessly out of the library. Together with Ron, they walked out of the castle and came to rest under a tree near the Quidditch field.

Hermione leant against it and cocked her head to one side, "All right."

"Er… yes?" Harry responded in panic. Did he miss something?

"You were looking for me. What do you want?"

"Oh." It was not going as Harry had predicted. He had expected Hermione to either shout at him or walk away. Instead, she stood there, waiting for him to explain himself. She was always the mature one in the Trio. And he had disappointed them once more, just when he had promised to change. He thought he had it under control. But no. A person did not change as the fickle seasons did. He cleared his throat, wishing he could do better than "Ahem."

Hermione sighed.

"Are you going to apologise?" she took in Harry's pained expression, "I'm not going to lie and pretend it didn't hurt, last night."

"Yeah, yeah I know. But I was hurt too."

Hermione nodded, "I had hoped you'd handle it better."

"Not everyone's as strong as you are Hermione."

Hermione reached forward to touch her friend's arm. "I'm not stronger than you are Harry. We learn everyday. But it still hurts, even if you didn't mean it."

Harry covered her hand with his, "I'm sorry. I didn't know what came over me." He paused, "Well, there's a stupid thing to say. I was angry because I felt left out." He had been ostracised by the Dursleys' all through his childhood. When he came to the wizarding world, he thought he would finally be accepted. He was, but not in the way he needed.

The Boy Wonder. The Champion of the Dark Lord. Saviour of fellow schoolmates. It sounded like a lark when Fred and George said it. Like something from a comic book. Yet, under the rage and indignation, Harry was still a hapless lad. In his first year, Ron and Hermione had helped him through the tests leading to the Stone. In the Chamber of Secrets, he had Fawkes. So what if he knew Parseltongue? It was just something he took from Voldemort. So what if he saved Sirius and knocked Snape unconscious in his Third Year? That was because Sirius was innocent and Snape was not listening. In his Fourth Year, he was not the Champion. He only won because Voldemort wanted him to. And Cedric died because of him. His Fifth Year… hell knew what happened that year. And to think he had believed Fourth Year was the worst. Everything had gone wrong.

And each year, he had survived not though any supreme power or skill, but sheer dumb luck. One day, his luck would run out. How then was he to fight Voldemort? He was right to be frightened, even if he did not show it.

Everyone wore a mask. It was the safest way to hide your weaknesses.

Ron patted Harry's back, "Don't be so hard on yourself Harry. Treat yourself as a normal student who makes mistakes."

Ah, the damned hero complex. Not wanting the burden, and wanting it at the same time. Harry hated himself for it.

Hermione answered his unasked queries, "Not all things mend by themselves."

The three of them stood there for a while, unsure what to do next. Harry tugged Hermione's hand into the crook of his arm, "Thank god it's not your birthday today but tomorrow. I'll have to make sure to celebrate it with double treats."

"Double double treats," warned Hermione. She tugged her other hand into Ron's arm. Not wholly light-hearted, but much cheered by each other's presence, the Trio went for dinner.

And Severus, watching from the Slytherin Tower, smiled.

Hermione would be fine.

~***~

Author's Notes:

The scene at Heceta Head is inspired by Laurie R. King's "O Jerusalem". I got the information about the place from various websites. If anyone wants to see some pictures of it, here's a link. http:// lighthousegetaway. com/lights/heceta. html

Thanks Hawklaw and Melissa (can I call you Melissa?) for the terrific reviews. Made me blush.

To Anon: Thanks for the constructive criticism. I can't explain why I interpret Death-Eaters to behave as such. Sex and alcohol? I don't believe they're above that. In GoF, it can be seen that they pick on Muggles just for the fun of it. They most probably have other diversions, just that I haven't got down to thinking about them.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"It is a strange proposition." Hermione commented drily.

"Yes very strange." Ron unchracteristically kept from shouting.

Harry frowned in exasperation. "First you want me to stop being a git. Now you don't approve that I stop being a git?"

"Oy!" Ron shouted this time, "This isn't fair. What you're suggesting is not something you've done before. You've always been known as a hero Harry, but you've never used it."

"It being…?"

"Don't be difficult Harry," Hermione chided, "It being your status. That power that comes with your kind of status. That privilege. We've already had a huge task of showing the world during our fifth year that you're not some self-deluded boy who's going around telling everyone Voldemort's back so as to draw attention to yourself. You've proposing to ruin your image all over again."

"But now everyone knows that Voldemort's back." Harry said. "And it's not that big a deal."

"There are those who still think that you're crazy." Hermione pointed out flatly. "And we're talking about a Death-Eater's daughter, although I hate to say it. This could backfire. People might think you're being all important and too full of yourself."

"I'm not pretending to become the next Dumbledore, giving even people like Snape second chances." Harry insisted, "And I know what it means if this thing blows. It's not just my reputation. I don't give two hoots about my reputation. I care about Probus's life here. The way you've been telling us about it sounds an awful like what I went through during our second year, when people thought I was the Heir of Slytherin."

"You know," Ron later decided, "it's not _that_ crazy. We shouldn't be harping so much over it." He added, "To think I thought we've done everything that's not normal."

"Well, I for one am not about to dissuade anyone. I'm simply trying to show possible consequences before we agree to do this. It is a bit out of line, but we're doing good here," Hermione smiled and hugged Harry, thanking him, "You can be right decent when you want to Harry. This is very generous of you."

"Hey," Harry huffed, offended, "You mean I'm not decent all the time? Anyway, you said that Probus isn't bad."

"No, she isn't Harry. She's very nice."

"So you've told us a thousand times." Ron dodged Hermione's wagging finger that threatened to hit his nose.

"Only so I can hammer that fact into both your idle brains." But Hermione was looking forward for Harry to carry his little plan.

~***~

Severus frowned at the pile of homework he had to mark. He was at the phase where he believed that the more he marked, the more the pile stacked up. Of course, it was impossible in terms of physics and whatever science they purported to have in the Muggle world, but after teaching for close to twenty years in Hogwarts, Severus could believe anything.

Hence, when an owl flew into his office, carrying an ambiguous message from an anonymous person, the only outward reaction he had was that of his trademark-raised eyebrow.

__

Snape, I need help. I'll see you in The Leaky Cauldron now.

"Well, your master is an impatient fellow. Demanding too. Does he think that I'm at his beck and call, leaving my work just to see him? Besides, you can tell him I am easily wary of people who do not leave their names in their notes. More often than not, they are your enemy."

The owl looked at him passively. He was large and formidable, his expression unusually sharp, and Severus instinctively respected it. There was no hostility, and Severus relaxed a little.

"I suppose with an owl like you, I should not worry about your master." Severus was lucky that his training allowed for his fast reflex reaction, when he removed his hand from the table as the owl tried to jab at it with his beak. "Silly bird, I wasn't insulting you. I meant it as acceptance. But I think I'll take it back, seeing that you don't appreciate it."

Tentatively, he gave the owl a pet on his head. Placated, the owl hooted and flew away.

"Won't you stay for refreshments?" Severus asked belatedly.

Waiting for a little while to gather his thoughts, Severus sighed. It appeared he had no choice but to see this unknown person. Whichever way he looked at it, Severus knew that the meeting would be to his disadvantage. Severus disliked the prospect immensely. Clearing his table, Severus headed for _The Leaky Cauldron_.

~***~

They were surprised to see him there, Severus noted. He loathed the place. It was everything that reminded him of his childhood. Dark, unkempt and dismal.

"Why, Professor Snape," one of the occupants greeted nervously, "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I didn't expect myself to be here too Merollun," Severus said dismissively and was disturbed when another voice rang out.

"Can I get you anything Professor?"

"No, thank you," Severus replied curtly. _Just leave me alone._

"All right Professor. There isn't need to get worked up."

__

If you continue talking, I will show you "worked up". With two spoons. 

Severus's eyes, having adjusted to the dim lights, wandered about to see if he could find the person who had called for him. They landed on the owl that had visited him. The owl was perched on his master's shoulder, which belonged to recognisable face. Scowling visibly as a sign of displeasure, Severus moved to where one of Cornelius Fudge's trusted assistants was and sat opposite him.

"Why, hello Everett, such a lovely surprise," Severus's voice contained none of the politeness his statement presented.

Everett sneered back in response. "I didn't ask you to come so that you can bestow your acerbic wit on me Snape."

"I can't think of what else you could possibly have asked me for." Severus took a good measure of Roger Everett. The wizard was young, around Charlie Weasley's age. He was neither well known nor formidable in the wizarding community. Severus did not remember much of him, only that Everett was an average student who showed no special skill nor quality in any area of magic. 

Severus said slowly, "I must protest at your message. It lacks deference and name."

"I can't afford for any mistakes. Merlin could be intercepted."

Severus gave a glance at the owl, which looked at him back. "Trust a Muggleborn to name a good owl Merlin." he sneered, "Besides, you're being paranoid. Who would want to know about your private affairs?"

"The Dark Lord for one."

Damn it, but Everett kept disarming him at every turn. Severus kept his face schooled to a partially interested expression.

"You mean You-Know-Who?"

"Will you stop pretending? I thought you were cleverer than this. I know you're a Death-Eater and you're spying for Dumbledore."

It took several moments for Everett's sentence to sink into Severus's mind with every ounce of the weight it deserved. Severus had always been prepared for the day when he would be discovered as the one who was working for Albus under the guise of the Dark Lord's men. But that it would be by a subordinate of Fudge… It was a rather bitter potion to swallow. Everett seemed to know this and allowed time for Severus to appreciate what he had said.

"How long have you joined the Death-Eaters?" Severus asked coldly.

"I pledged my loyalty to the Dark Lord after his resurrection during the Triwizard Tournament." Everett said, "He came to me, knowing I was working in the Ministry. I promised I would give him whatever information I could." He paused a little, waiting to see if Severus wanted him to elaborate. Severus nodded, and Everett proceeded, "I don't have the Dark Mark. We decided it was safer that way. I may not be a powerful wizard, but I can assure you I make up for it using logic. I scheme my way through. A little eavesdropping here and there, a discreet letter professing myself to be the Minister, is sufficient for me to find out what many witches or wizards are unable to grasp."

"So, informative minion that you are, what makes you turn to me, another of the Dark Lord's minions, for help?"

"There's no need to be so hostile Snape. I was the one who tipped your precious Order off about the attack in Hogsmeade last year."

"Indeed." Severus commented drily. They had been looking for this other informant ever since Probus was killed. Realistically speaking, they needed all the help they could have and could not afford more casualties on their side if they were to defeat the Dark Lord. With Probus dead, they had to ensure that the other was safe. That Everett was the one they were looking for was surprising, though not impossible. The Dark Lord was a wizard who used whatever resources he could. Even he would use a Mudblood. But the few Muggleborns who were recruited had never been trusted. They did not receive as much information as the rest did and remained mostly at the peripheral of all the plans. It would appear Everett was an exception. But first, Severus had to make certain Everett's words.

"Why do you say that I'm spying for Dumbledore?" 

"I work in the Ministry. I'm allowed access to the old records at trial. No one bothers about them, you know." Everett answered matter-of-factly, "The only person who will give your true identity away is Karkaroff and who knows where he is. I've kept those records away as soon as I laid my hands on them. A little extra information no one knows is always useful."

Yes, the Order had wondered how Severus had not been exposed at all. Arthur had gone about discretely trying to look for the records but to no avail.

"How do I believe that what you're telling me is the truth? Don't give me the lamentable answer that I have no choice but to believe you. It's easy for you to claim credit for informing us about Hogsmeade. Every one of us knew how furious the Dark Lord was when the plan was foiled. How did you know about Hogsmeade? The Dark Lord did not even inform Lucius and I officially until two days before the attack."

"Who else could tell him that there would be a huge convention in Hogsmeade a few months in advance before it was publicly announced? How did you think he had the time to arrange and plan for the attack? But it's a good thing I sent a warning to Dumbledore when I knew what he was doing isn't it?" Everett shrugged nonchalently, and said, "The Dark Lord wants information Snape. I supply it to him. He is satisifed. I live."

"And now?"

"He's beginning to suspect that I am not as zealous as I was. Or as willing. I try to evade his questions and not lie to him. But he can be very paranoid. In my case, he's right to be I suppose. Look, he's losing. Any fool can tell that. I don't want to hang around him," Everett said pragmatically. 

Severus could understand where Everett was coming from. "You want a guarantee from us." 

"A guarantee that I will not be harmed should the Dark Lord fall."

"And if he wins?"

Everett leaned back against his seat, "Ah Professor. It is enough to know with whom you're dealing with. I'm on your side."

For now at least. Severus knew this was a dangerous alliance, an uneasy one they should not rely on, but it was an alliance, and he had to be content with the arrangement. 

"You're not very trustworthy." Severus concluded.

"And you my dear professor, will have to learn to accept that. I don't like where the Dark Lord is headed. And I will help, in my limited way," Everett added modestly. "I have changed my stance and am willing to throw my lot with all of you righteous people." 

"No one changes like that," Severus's eyes flashed with menace.

Everett stared at Severus calmly, "That is only when a person has convictions. Beliefs are hard to change. But I'm a man whose only conviction it is to survive. I joined the Dark Lord because I knew that his return could mean his domination. But it's different now." 

Severus rubbed his eyebrows wearily. By Merlin, the man was more ruthless than he was. It did not sit well with him. "The Hat should have put you in Slytherin." 

"Yes, but then, I'm a Mudblood. Not even a Half." Everett said in amusement. "Gods, when I heard that word… Mudblood! Do you know how laughable it actually is?" 

Severus did not, and chose not to answer. He processed their conversation in his mind and made a few deductions. If Everett could get to the old trial records, he was cunning enough to trick others into revealing their real loyalties. When Probus's wife gave birth to the two girls, many could tell that there was a marked change in Probus's countenance. He had become more optimistic and less morose. And Probus had not that skill or discipline to ensure that he acted carefully all the time. A stray message or a misguided owl could easily betray him. 

"You were the one who gave Probus away."

"Listen. It was either you or Probus. I had to sacrifice the old man. You are far more useful."

And one more life and one man's blood rested on Severus's hands, and not through Severus's own doing. For a moment, Severus hated Everett and his arrogance.

"I have a Potions lesson," Severus said, trying to gain some measure of control of the conversation.

The young wizard, knowing he was being dismissed despite he being the one who had initiated the meeting, humoured Severus and prepared to leave. "Discuss it with Dumbledore and I'll contact you again tomorrow." Everett paused and could not refrain from adding threateningly.

"Remember Snape. I protected you from the Dark Lord. I can destroy you if you fail me."

~***~

After Potions ended for the first years in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, the students in general were more than ecstatic to leave class. Some of them were still shivering from the chill of the dungeons and the cold wrath of Master inside. Even Adora was a little shaken at the intensity of the lessons, and she knew Snape better than most anyone did. He was especially ruthless today, yelling at everyone and reducing two of them to tears.

"I still can't believe Snape told us to do fifteen pages!" Vinea moaned to her friends.

"What do you expect? He's Snape! Everyone knows what Snape is," someone else whom Adora did not know the name of quipped, "Did you know he deducted sixty points off Gryffindor today?"

"No!"

"At least he isn't that harsh on Ravenclaw." Vinea observed.

"But he deducted twenty points from us just because we didn't read our books before going for classes. Even McGonagall doesn't do that." The unnamed someone said and shook her head, "He's evil."

Adora bit her lower lip. She had to admit she now understood why Professor Snape's reputation of terror preceeded him before a student stepped into Hogwarts. They were only first years, but he treated them as though they had graduated. He grilled them to test their knowledge, when technically, it was he who was supposed to teach them. But he was a good teacher at the end, if they were objective enough. He managed to fill their heads with impossible amounts of information, and gave out more work to check that they had absorbed his lessons properly. And Adora defended him.

"Professor Snape isn't evil."

She rolled her eyes when Derek Monto turned to her. Ever since the spat at their first feast in Hogwarts, he had either been pointedly ignoring her existence or making sly jibes at her. He had been quiet lately but it seemed Monto still harboured a grudge against her.

"Yeah, you would know. Nothing's more evil than a wizard who's gone over to the Dark Side."

Before Adora could retaliate and give the people around another chance to see if a fight would finally break out between the two of them, someone from a distance shouted.

"What's all this nasty talk about?"

Everyone was surprised to see the famous Trio walking towards them. More, they were in awe of Harry Potter.

"Er… Hello," one of them plucked up the courage to greet the three of them.

"Hello yourself." Harry winked at Hermione and Ron. Facing the first years, he introduced himself, which really was unnecessary. "I'm Harry Potter."

"Yes. We know," another piped in, encouraged by Harry's friendliness.

"So… what were you talking about?"

In rapid speed, everyone started telling them about their life here, how exciting it all was and how disasatrous Potions was. Somewhere in that mass of information was the ongoing-dispute Adora and Derek had. And how Derek was not wrong and Adora was a Death-Eater's daughter and no one could figure out how she had bewildered the Hat into sorting her into Ravenclaw.

Hermione seethed within and kept her silence. This was Harry's thing. She and Ron were merely there to provide moral support and add to the strength in numbers.

After the barrage of information, Harry maintained his cool. He smiled. "Good. So you're all against Voldemort."

Several of the first years winced at hearing his name blatantly spoken out and they all nodded eagerly.

"And you know I'm fighting against Voldemort and his Death-Eaters right?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then you know I protect the innocent."

"Oh yes!" And the students chattered about what they had heard about his adventures.

"The wonders of a reputation." Harry muttered in ill humour, "This is the only time I find it useful. But one day it's going to be the death of me." Hermione and Ron exchanged bemused looks.

When Harry spoke aloud again, his voice was filled with forced cheeriness this time. "Well and good. I want you to stop harrassing Adora Probus. From now on, she's under my wing."

This abrupt announcement effectively ceased their chattering. They were of course, stunned.

"But, she's…" the student shut his mouth when Harry stared at her.

"Yes." Harry said.

"Why?"

"Why? Because everyone should have a second chance." Dumbledore's words echoed in Harry's head and he now understood what the Headmaster meant. "Ease off on Adora." Catching Adora off-guard, Harry took her arm and pulled her out of the crowd. He turned her so that she was facing her fellow schoolmates. Placing his hand on her shoulder as reassurance, he said, "She's one of you." Looking at the Ravenclaws until they shifted uncomfortably in their position, he continued, "She's also a Ravenclaw. Doesn't that mean all the more you should look out for her?"

Adora blinked in confusion. She looked at Hermione, who was smiling at her.

Hermione mouthed, "It's all right."

"There then." Harry said. "Hopefully, you'll take my words seriously. See you Adora."

Adora found her voice, and whispered to him, "I don't know you."

"You know Hermione and she knows you. That's enough for me. Feel free to talk to us if you want." Then, Harry spoke to Ron and Hermione. "I'm famished. Let's go have tea."

With that, the three of them left.

When the first years followed and left the dungeons too, Severus stepped out of the shadows. He had heard the commotion and had come to check. He had arrived at the scene just as Potter did. Curious, he had stayed away to see what the Boy Wonder would be up to. Little had he suspected that Potter would actually use his reputation to cull the first years' hostility toward Adora. It was a clever move and Severus wondered if Hermione had a hand in this.

He asked her when she next visited him in his office.

Hermione explained and Severus remarked sourly, "So the boy is growing up faster than his father did at his age. How disappointing."

"My sympathies lie with you," Hermione said testily. "Sir, when will _you_ grow up when it comes to Harry?"

Severus raised his eyebrow and said unrepentantly, "I'm not sure you want to use that tone when you talk to your professor Miss Granger."

"I don't need reminding. You use your position to your advantage whenever you like it and whenever you know you are losing an argument."

Severus pressed his lips together, appearing grim when he was in reality refraining from laughing.

"Never forget I despise James Potter Miss Granger. And his son has not yet done anything to impress me or warrant my respect. Except, perhaps this instance. I am grateful, although I will forcibly feed you _Freezing Tongue Solution_ if you told that to anyone."

"I don't believe that there's such a potion." Hermione huffed, "I will not be intimidated Professor."

"As you please. But we both know that there is such a potion as the _Decessio Drink_, because I taught the class about it only last week. Tell me its properties and how improvements can be made to it."

"And then you can tell me how your trip to Thailand."

"Ah, that," Severus simply said and they spent a good part of the day locked in conversation. 

~***~

Adora Probus had the backing of Harry Potter. She only appreciated the significance of this when a week had passed. 

Word had naturally spread of what went on down at the dungeons. No one bothered her. Some eyed her with new light. Others speculated on what it was that made Potter do such a foolish thing, but did not dare contradict the Dark Lord's nemesis.

If anything, some students were even kind to her. They helped her when she ventured to ask. Her classes became more enjoyable, and although only a week had passed, Adora managed to befriend a few who were either more open-minded or not as aware of the tension between dark wizards and the rest of the wizarding community. It was a marked improvement to her life.

Then Monto approached her.

"Probus," he beckoned her to follow him after Transfiguration.

As they stood in a corner, Monto said stiffly, "As you know, my father is a distinguished member of several boards, both in the Ministry and in Hogwarts."

"Fine. Are you throwing the fact into my face to make me feel ashamed? Because you better spare us both the effort. It won't work on me."

"Just listen, will you?" Monto said exasperatedly. "It's just that Dad's been, well, he's looking terrible these days and he's not telling us what's going on. And… well, I don't know why."

"So?" Adora asked, still suspicious as to where he was leading her in the conversation.

"Well, you know Harry Potter and everyone knows Harry Potter and Dumbledore are fighting against You-Know-Who and everyone says Dumbledore has his own army… So, I thought you would, I mean…"

"You're stretching the lines a little too much, aren't you?" Adora remarked, but she understood his worries because she had experienced it before. She still was, but now her family was in the safety of Hogwarts. It was not as bad as they could imagine. "If you're asking me what's happening, sorry. I don't know anything."

"But…"

"Look, I'm only a first year in their eyes. And you know how those older ones always talk about us having to be protected."

Monto was downcast and Adora let down her guard a fraction.

"I'm sorry I can't help."

"'s not your fault." Monto said softly. "Father says he hides things from us to protect us too."

At this, Adora said jokingly, hoping to ease his fear, "You know, that's about the most decent thing you've ever said about me."

Monto was startled and blinked several times before resuming his composure, "Oh, that. Well."

"Yes, well."

There was an awkward pause. Monto cleared his throat for want of things to do.

"Best be on our way then. Erm, all right if I call you Adora?"

Adora shrugged. "Fine."

"You can call me Derek. It's weird to call each other by our last names. We are Ravenclaws after all."

"That's… very generous of you. I guess. You don't think I bewitched the Sorting Hat now? You don't think I need to be ostracised?"

Derek frowned, "All right, we have issues to settle."

Adora shook her head, "We don't. Look, forget it. Just forget it."

They stared and measured each other in a new light. Having concluded that they could like what they saw, Adora and Derek smiled.

"This is very strange." Derek could only say.

Adora had the right answer to their sentiment. "We're in Hogwarts. Anything can happen."

~***~

A/N:

I really must apologise for the long spell of the lack of updates. Campus life turned out to be more hectic than I thought.


	12. Chapter 12

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick. Bible, Proverbs 13:12

Chapter Twelve

One evening, Hermione was in Severus's office hoping to meddle with his work.

"Miss Granger," Severus snapped when he realised that subtle hints did not have any desired effect on Hermione, "Your behaviour has severely irritated me."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop looking over my shoulder. You take too many liberties."

"I'm just here to tell you that I'm done with the report you've asked for."

"And you've already handed it to me." Severus said testily. "Why are you still here? I would think that with your pernicious drive for knowledge, you would be in the library by now."

"What are you doing?"

To satisfy Hermione's inquisitiveness in order that she would leave him alone, Severus replied prosaically. "I am writing to a Ministry agent named Roger Everett."

Hermione was surprised, "Why would you have any connections with such an odious man?"

Severus looked up. He blinked several times. When he had given Everett's name, he did not expect Hermione to attach any significance to it. "Do you know him?"

"By way of accident." Hermione explained as Severus called a school owl to bring his letter to Everett. Apparently, the Weasleys had introduced Everett to her and Harry when they met at Diagon's Alley.

"I don't know him well but I know enough to dislike him. He has this furtive way of looking at you and finding out more of you at every opportunity. I shouldn't wonder that he's training up to be spy of sorts." Hermione concluded, not realising how close she was to the mark. "Why are you writing to him?"

"To tell him that the Headmaster's agreed to his conditions." Severus said carefully. "He knows I'm working for the Order and that I'm a Death-Eater."

"Oh."

"Well said."

Severus confided in her the meeting he had with Everett and Hermione was bewildered by the turn of events.

Severus shrugged, "It was bound to happen." But there was something in his shrug that was a touch too nonchalant.

Hermione frowned in anxiety and Severus noticed it.

"Don't worry about it."

"I am worried." Hermione said.

"You and the entire army." Severus said drily. He was not used to people, Albus being the exception, showing concern for him, let alone telling him out right that they were worried for his safety. "Don't worry about it."

"So you say. Professor, there's going to be trouble, isn't there?"

"When isn't there trouble Miss Granger?"

"Is there anything else that's important that you can tell me?" Hermione asked after a while.

Severus decided not to tax Hermione's patience and he told her about the task that Voldemort had given to him.

"I'll have to discuss it with the Headmaster. He'll come up with some brilliant strategy I haven't thought of."

"But whichever plan you take, you'll fail to obey Voldemort. That will mean…"

"Yes well, if I don't deliver Adora, the Dark Lord will give the appropriate form of punishment."

"Which is?"

Severus shrugged, "Whatever strikes his capricious fancy I suppose." He paused, remembering that Lestrange meted out most punishments and torture these days. "Or whatever my colleagues will come up with."

"They're not your colleagues."

"Don't be naïve Miss Granger. I have some whom I can call my friends as well."

Hermione sighed, "Those rumours about Lucius Malfoy…"

"We have some ties yes."

"I thought so. You two really are friends?"

"Yes. Should you be surprised? In our way, Slytherins look out for each other."

"But he doesn't know that…"

"Of course he doesn't." Severus snapped. One thing about Hermione, he realised, was that she was still some way from understanding the complexity of relations. He could still like Lucius although their principles had become dynamically different. He could not forget that it was Lucius who first found him worthy to befriend and take under his wing. It made life in Hogwarts tolerable. One of his many regrets was that he was aware he was forever separated from the rest of the Slytherins he once called comrades-in-arms, however much he pretended that things did not change.

Hermione said. "That I believe." Having Severus as company taught her many things, one of which was to look deeper beneath the surface. As she studied social dynamics more, she realised that Slytherins was arguably the most close-knit House of the four in Hogwarts. Gryffindors disputed too much due to their hot-headedness and refused to accept or respect another's opinion if it was different from theirs. Ravenclaws were more then capable of looking after themselves. Being intelligent, they did not rely on others to excel in their schoolwork. Hufflepuffs were just… nice Hufflepuffs.

But Slytherins… Hermione suspected that despite their cunning and instinct for self-preservation, Slytherins acknowledged strength in unity in a way the other Houses did not. This was mainly due to the fact that the House of Slytherin was despised all round by the rest of the school. A first-year Slytherin learnt to his or her detriment, and pain, that no matter how much effort he or she took to befriend other students, those others would not return a hand in kind. No, the only way to seek help and protection was among Slytherins. And they banded together.

Draco Malfoy understood this, or had learnt it from his father. And his supporters rivalled in number to that of Harry's. Draco's followers were perhaps even more faithful. Blind loyalty perhaps, whereby Draco's actions were not questioned, something Gryffindors were not capable of even when it came to Harry. All told, Slytherins might be overbearing and play dirty. They might also scorn fellow Slytherins, but Hermione had to admit grudgingly that they did not stab each other in the back.

She only knew one who did.

Now she looked at him and realised the effort it must have cost him to cut himself off his friends in every significant way. Worse, he had to incapacitate them before they destroyed the rest of the world.

When it boiled down to it, Hermione did not know much of Severus yet. But his memories helped her become aware of the great weight with which Severus looked upon betrayal.

His father abandoned him. His mother wasted away. In school, he often met with derision. When he nearly died in the face of Lupin, Dumbledore let him down. Then he joined Voldemort, and realised what it meant. All his life, he wanted something to cling on to, to believe in, but every wooden plank he grasped turned to ashes as he swam aimlessly at sea. But never in his life had he betrayed anyone, until he left Voldemort and his fellow Death-Eaters. Hermione remembered the constant bitterness Severus lived with.

Clearly this man has issues.

"Sorry professor. What was that?" Hermione said, when she found Severus glaring at her and realised he had asked her something.

"I would have thought you could comprehend it Miss Granger. Nevertheless, I shall put the question to you in a simpler fashion. What were you thinking about?"

"Just, what you said." Hermione smiled sadly, "It's difficult being you. You really should talk to Harry sometimes."

Severus was startled by the ostensible non-sequitur. "I beg your pardon?"

"It'll help the both of you. You two are the only ones around here besides Professor Dumbledore who's ever seen Voldemort before I think." She refrained from saying that she thought that the two were similar in many ways. Harry never knew happiness in his family. His parents died a long time ago and Hermione had not doubt that Harry felt he had even been robbed of Sirius. There were times when Harry confessed that the whole world was against him. It was something Severus probably felt too.

Severus did not see it from Hermione's perspective. He was naturally appalled. "No, absolutely not. I will have none to do with Potter. We only have mutual loathing for each other. We'll sooner hex each other than have a man's talk."

Hermione giggled both at his expression and at the image of Harry and Severus chatting and drinking beer together. "Put that way I can't argue with you. But think about it, won't you?"

Severus was nonplussed. "Impossible."

"Whatever you say professor." Hermione remarked blandly and managed to make Severus suspicious.

"You think that I'll do it, don't you?" he sneered. "You really think the world can become a happy ending."

To which Hermione replied, "I can hope."

Hermione's heart chilled instantly when Severus next laughed. It was harsh, cynical, and unexpected. It was nothing like the laughter she had heard from him when he was playing with Adora and Serena down in the hallways, a long time ago.

"Stop it." Hermione pleaded shakily, when she was certain she could talk.

He did not.

"It's not funny professor."

Severus continued laughing in an increasingly raspy way.

He's bordering on hysteria. Hermione realised. _What in the world…_

"Professor!" Hermione shouted. She paused for a moment in desperation before yelling. "Severus!"

That effectively cut off his laughter. When Severus finally subsided, he looked as shocked as Hermione did. Whether it was because of his maniacal laughter or because a student had called him by his name Hermione did not know. They stared at each other.

"I apologise Miss Granger. I…"

Severus stopped abruptly. Then he walked out of his own office, leaving Hermione frustrated and even more worried.

===

"I don't understand it." Hermione was lost in introspection as she sat on her bed together with Crookshanks. She absent-mindedly tickled Crookshanks's throat.

"What was that? What made him to laugh like that?" She drew in a deep breath, "It was scary."

Could it have been an accumulation of past events and her words somehow triggered that reaction? It was what books described as laughing and crying at the same time.

"He's unstable Crookshanks, that's what it is," she concluded unhappily. "Maybe he's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." She gathered her wits. "No, not like that. He's just… Snape."

What was it that Dumbledore had said in her third year? Something about him not being disturbed but severely disappointed.

"He doesn't know how to take care for himself. Trying to mend things. Obstacles everywhere. Damn the man." He was affecting her. Her thoughts led her to how she had called him by his first name. It was a natural reaction. After all, she really thought of him as a friend, who was equally important to her as Ron and Harry. There was nothing to be embarrassed about. She wondered if Severus would see it her way though, or maybe he would deduct points from her House.

"Never mind that. More is at stake here," she said firmly. She had set out to help Severus and she was not going to give up just because he had acted contrary to what she had learnt of him.

===

"How do you sleep at night?"

Severus pondered over the infernal question whilst he waited for Albus in the Headmaster's office. It was the kind of question righteous people threw at those they thought evil, repugnant, malicious. It was the kind of question asked in indignation and justification. If so, what did these people expect that evil person to answer? That he spent every waking moment guilty and miserable? That he slept a troubled sleep, disturbed by nightmares manifested from their wicked deeds? At that point, Severus snorted. Even if said evil person knew right from wrong, his actions would not give the tiniest prick in his soul. Severus imagined the scenario.

"How do you sleep at night?"

"Perfectly sound thank you. Now die."

In short, Severus found it to be a stupid question.

How did he sleep at night?

As any other person would he presumed. Although Moody constantly made sly remarks about Severus screaming himself awake and prowling the corridors at night to work off the terror and haunted feelings. Well, that showed Moody actually thought he had a conscience. But Severus did not have nightmares, at least not frequently. He stayed away from sleep as much as possible if truth be told. But it was not because he wanted to avoid nightmares. To him, sleep was a luxury he could little afford while the war was still being fought. And when he slept, it was with a bone-deep weariness that his mind did not have the energy to conjure up images. Of late though, he had been dreaming.

Mostly, they were snatches of what he did in the day and Severus would wake up in the morning like he had not slept at all but had passed the night in sub-consciousness. Stray bits of conversation, half-forgotten emotions and glimpses into his lessons. One memory drifting into another in his slumber. However, there were dreams that sent him floating and tumbling in a surreal atmosphere. They were by turns puzzling and almost logical and Severus was bewildered.

One vivid dream involved a walk with Hermione by the beach. They were chatting as usual. Severus could not recall much of their exchange, except for one truly strange portion.

"Can you see how beautiful this is?" Hermione asked cryptically. She picked up a baby turtle and placed it into the sea.

"Perhaps I can." Severus replied just as ambiguously.

"Will you rest?"

"I can hope."

And Severus kissed Hermione's cheek.

Severus was no Seer. Fortune telling was already a tricky thing in itself and he did not believe his dream was a vision of the future. He could not imagine both of them to be that close. So, the dream was a product of his own thoughts. Perhaps it was a distortion of a memory of her calling him by his name, and raising the level of their intimacy. Now that was unexpected. She seemed a hell lot more comfortable doing it than he listening to her. But he did not resent her for that.

They did not mention about the whole incident whenever they met. Hermione seemed determined to forget it and Severus did not talk about it because he did not know how to explain himself.

"I can hope." Severus whispered.

Those were the words she and his dream-self had spoken. He did not even know why he had laughed like he did when Hermione first said it. Had he not been hoping for a better future himself? Perhaps he was finally becoming mad. About time.

Severus turned his head round when he heard the door open.

"Good evening Albus."

"Severus." Albus walked to his desk. He frowned as he quietly studied the younger wizard. Merlin, but Severus looked tired. The strain of the recent activities was beginning to break him.

"You shouldn't drive yourself like this." Albus admonished him.

Severus let the Headmaster's remark slide. "Is everything ready?"

"Filius will bring Miss Probus here after the dinner. Severus, do you think it wise to tell her everything?"

"We have to. When Potter came to Hogwarts, you thought eleven was too young to burden a child. But he still found out about his history, and he overcame the incident with the Philosopher's Stone. Rashly, but successfully. Adora is well-equipped to know the gravity of the situation. It will make her more prepared."

"What will we do after that?"

"Simple. I'll just have to tell the Dark Lord that it's not possible to lure the child away from Hogwarts. He can forget about touching her."

"Ah. But there are ways." Albus said, "What will happen?"

"Miss Granger asked me the same thing and I'm not going to repeat my answer." A ghost of a smile appeared on Severus's lips. "In all probability, I'll live" _Although in what condition I can't say. Oh, do stop whining._ Then something beckoned at him in his mind.

"Abandon every hope, all you who enter." Severus said and frowned. He looked at Albus whose eyebrows had disappeared behind his fringe. "Do you know it?"

"What?"

"I know it's a line from somewhere, I can't remember." Severus repeated the line. "Damn it if I can't recall this." He sighed.

Albus tried to steer Severus's woeful thoughts into another direction. "How are things going on with the seventh years? The N.E.W.T.S. are coming."

"Fine fine. As judged, much to my dismay and Minerva's joy, Miss Granger will be top in Potions."

"And how are things getting along between the both of you?"

"Minerva and I? We bicker."

Severus was glad that it made Albus laugh a little. Serious people though they both were, they could afford to see the world with humour sometimes. Admittedly, their senses of humour were dynamically different. Scar above his knee that looked like a map indeed. Severus could never behave so irreverently.

Albus shook his head as he laughed, "No, I meant between you and Miss Granger."

"She wants to do double projects, one with me and one with Filius. I've advised her to think about it only after N.E.W.T.S."

"Quite right. I'm happy she still makes the effort to see you in your office. Our brave Gryffindor."

Severus said bitterly, "Especially after my outburst."

"Outburst?"

Severus realised his Freudian slip. Glancing at Albus, he knew he could not escape.

"She asked me to talk to Harry and I said that she was silly to believe in happy endings. Then she said she could hope and I laughed."

Albus was slightly stunned by this seemingly non-devastating recapitulation. "You laughed. I'm sorry Severus but I can't see…"

"I laughed like a maniac Albus. I laughed like Lestrange. I laughed like a Death-Eater."

Albus silently went over what Severus had said.

"Abandon every hope, all you who enter?" he asked.

Severus nodded wearily. "Yes."

"I'll find out for you. No doubt it's from a book… I don't believe you laughed like those people Severus. It might have been frightening but I don't believe what you said. You're not them Severus."

Severus shrugged. "If you say so Albus." He was comforted with Albus's assurance and faith in him. He only wished he could be as certain as Albus was.

"There's always hope Severus. Don't lose yourself." Albus said, before the door opened again when Filius arrived with Adora.

When everyone was settled, Albus explained the situation to Adora, including Voldemort's plans for her and her sister. Severus was pleased to see how calmly Adora was taking it in.

"I will be careful sir."

"Don't wander around too much and don't interact with the Slytherins."

"There are Ravenclaws who become Death-Eaters too sir."

Severus spoke up, "What the Headmaster means is…"

"I understand professor. But I've seen the Slytherins and I've experienced prejudice before." Adora said.

Albus nodded his head in approval. "Very good Miss Probus. If everyone can think like you, we will be so much better off. You will do well. And your family will be proud of you."

At that, Adora trembled a little. "Thank you sir. That's very nice of you."

"Off you go then. It's up to you to tell your mother about it. We're telling you because of your greater exposure to danger."

"I think I won't sir." Adora decided, "As long as I stay in Hogwarts, I'm safe."

After the student left the three wizards behind, Filius said lightly, "That went well. Miss Probus is a remarkable child."

"She'll have to be." Severus said, with a touch of pride. Adora had not let him down.

After Filius left the office too, Severus picked up the conversation with Albus. "Have I ever thanked you enough for everything?"

"Not in so many words Severus."

"I'll remember to give you a pair of socks for Christmas."

"Not one with green and silver stripes."

"No. How do you like yellow and black?"

Albus paused for a while at the Hufflepuff colours. "I'm not a bumblebee Severus."

"You remind us of one."

Albus considered this.

"All right. A nice, warm, woollen pair of bumblebee socks."

Severus smiled.

===

"Hello Professor." Hermione greeted Flitwick when she stepped into the staff room. "I'm looking for Professor McGonagall. One of the first years has tried to sneak in some Pepper-Joint from Fred's and George's shop."

"Ah." Flitwick moaned, "The infamous twins strike again. What is it now? The fifty-seventh time this year that we've had to confiscate their inventions?"

"I wouldn't go that far Professor." Hermione grinned, "But even I have to admit that this one is a winner. Very crafty piece of work."

Flitwick smiled back, "If you say so my dear. Don't let Filch hear you say that. It's not the proper sentiment a Prefect should have. Professor McGonagall is teaching the third years. I suggest you look for her later."

"Thank you Professor. And may I see you some time this afternoon to tell you about the project I have in mind?"

"Any time. Come all you who enter to learn."

"What was that?" Hermione asked in astonishment.

"It's a line I've modified. 'Abandon all hope, all you who enter.' Professor Snape's been fretting over it all week. I don't know why. He's particularly bothered by it for some reason. He keeps insisting that he's come across it before."

"Oh."

When she left the staff room, Hermione went down to the dungeons. Seeing Severus alone, she walked to him and said, "Dante. Inferno Canto III."

Severus was startled. "Pardon?"

"Before me nothing but eternal things

Were made, and I shall last eternally.

Abandon all hope, all you who enter."

Severus put down his quill and leant back. Dante. Of course. He had been scouring the Muggle books in his shelves to see if he could find the line. But Dante was missing in his private collection because he was still looking for the original editions of his books.

After a brief moment he said, "Yes. Thank you Miss Granger."

"Why didn't you ask me? You never mentioned it when we met… Is it because you didn't want to frighten me again?"

"Don't you realise how maudlin I've become?"

"Ah. Then all the more you should ask me to irritate you tremendously so that you can't be maudlin." Hermione sighed, "Professor, what's wrong?"

Severus remained quiet.

Here we go again…

Hermione asked calmly, "If I call you Severus and ask you to talk to me like a friend, will you answer?"

Severus raised his eyebrow and appeared to be mocking her. However, he replied without any hint of malice.

"No Miss Granger. It will not work. For the simple reason that I myself have no idea what is wrong, as you put it. Come now, there are problems that cannot be solved. You have helped me solve one of them. Let this one lie."

Hermione did not want to. Her instinct to persist until something was resolved perfectly screamed at her, but she knew better than to try Severus's own instinct to keep everything to himself. Very well, she would obey him for the time being.

"You have a way with words Severus," she sighed. "Almost poetic."

"And you have a most direct way of talking Miss Granger. Imagine your friends' response when they hear you call me Severus. Reckless Gryffindor."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Cynical Slytherin."

"Unrepentant know-it-all."

"Impossible bat."

"Miss Let-Us-Free-the-House-Elves-Even-If-They-Don't-Want-To-Be-Freed."

"Professor Let-Me-Terrorise-You-Into-Thinking-I-Eat-Babies. Imagine a Head of House who deducts points for coughing."

"I do not. I only deduct points for sneezing, the student who dated Viktor Krum and had fangirls send her boils."

"Hey! That's not fair."

Severus could not care less. "Slytherin," he said, by way of justification.

Hermione huffed. "Git."

"What?" Severus was suitably upset, "What happened to greasy?"

Hermione laughed.

===

A/N:

abraxis! Thanks for your drop-in and encouragement.

olka-polka and Greenstuff: Thanks for your patience.

MetallicHiss, velvetglove, Babyblues, Paprika: Updates? Definitely.

Severus is getting mental, isn't he? And things are becoming darker from here, because Voldemort's becoming impatient.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"How kind Professor. I am much obliged to you people." Everett told Severus, after the latter conveyed Albus's wishes that they continue their alliance. They were in the Leaky Cauldron at the wake of dawn. To the few patrons and workers who were there, Everett and Severus were having a civil chat.

Severus shrugged. "It would appear that we have no choice. Let me say how grateful we are to know that we have your assistance." The bite in his words was almost tangible.

Everett gave a theatrical bow, "Anything for Hogwarts Professor Snape. Once a Hogwarts student, always a Hogwarts student."

Both knew that was a lie.

"Scout's honour?" Severus remarked sardonically, referring to the Muggle tradition and hence Everett's background. Tried as he might, Severus always viewed purebloods and Muggleborns with different perspectives. It was neither racism nor contempt, feelings he once had for Muggleborns, including Lily Evans, who was the only one who had ever genuinely helped him during his schooldays. That was a time of bitterness and idiocy; a hatred born out of hearsay and ignorance. He had needed someone to blame, something to make him believe he was better. There were always social ranks, and a person had to be higher than one rank at least, even if it were just vermin.

Then, things changed as Severus grew older and perhaps wiser, and he moved on, but he could not see Muggleborns as being similar to purebloods. They were all equal in terms of status, or should be, that much Severus understood and accepted, but they were still different from one another. You could point out quite easily which group a witch or wizard belonged to, if you were observant. A touch in their mannerisms or quirks in their speech or dialect could give insights to a lot of things. The simple explanation was that both groups lived under different circumstances. The Muggleborns brought their brash ways, colourful language and new ideas that purebloods found repugnant. And there were impressive steps that Muggles had taken that the wizarding world was only beginning to follow. Torturing students as punishment, for example, was only abolished in wizarding schools decades ago, compared to the added century Muggles had on their side. Severus was well aware also, that were he a teacher in a Muggle school, he would have been hounded long ago by indignant parents to whom weeping children poured their grievances to.

That was not to say that Severus did not have his fair share of encounters with parents and their complaints. Once, a parent had sent a letter, indicating her outrage that her daughter could have received such a low grade for her Potions in O.W.L.S. and the result must certainly be attributed to Severus's terrible taunts and impossible methods. Severus sent a reply stating:

_Dear Mrs. Galba,_

_If Miss Galba wishes to ask why she has deserved such a dismal grade, I shall not be happy to enlighten her. It is a considerable waste of time and I have no doubt that as I write, your daughter is preening in front of her mirror as she often does in my classroom. However, since you have demanded an explanation in your somewhat long and unoriginal letter, let me point out the truth to which it appears sadly, Miss Galba hasn't realised. If she wishes to further her education in a positive manner, she has to pay more attention in class and read her materials. Oh, and stop shrieking whenever a bubble bursts in her cauldron. There is no secret formula about achieving a decent grade. Your daughter, unfortunately, cares more about her porcelain face and vapid expression than the important things at hand._

_Professor S. Snape_

He thought he had already shown remarkable restraint and courtesy in his letter. He could have written a much shorter one. But it seemed that his kind intentions were not appreciated. He received a Howler during a staff meeting on the following day. The woman had a powerful range of pitch, comprising of high shrills and low growls. McGonagall and Hooch had been impressed. Amongst other things, Mrs. Galba had scolded Severus for his insensitivity and ungentlemanly ways and had threatened to put her daughter in Beauxbatons instead. Severus told Albus later that his regret was that Mrs. Galba had not carried out her threat.

So much for reminiscing. Severus had the advantage of living in a Muggle environment when he was a child. Although disgusted by some parts of their culture, he embraced the rest of it. An inventor's sharpness or an artist's sublimity did not fail to touch him. The wizarding world had adopted many of the Muggles' inventions unconsciously, incorporating them with their own magical touch, like the Knight Bus. But still they did not see how much they had benefitted from Muggles' imagination. Severus understood the Muggle way much better than most of his fellow purebloods, who were wealthy and lived in mansions or palaces. A poor pureblood was a rarity, or to put it in a cruder term, an oddity. It was the reason for Severus's lack of connections with the other purebloods and his initial state of isolation when he entered Hogwarts. He was an outcast, just like any Mudblood, only worse, because Mudbloods looked out for each other and the other Houses did not mind them. Slytherins did not associate with him because he was inferior, and the other Houses shunned him because he was a Slytherin. That fight with James Potter in their third year certainly had improved matters since Lucius finally took notice of him and brought him under his wing.

Or, perhaps, it had worsened matters for him after all. Joining the Dark Lord was definitely not the most glorious part of his life, even if he had to keep up the pretense of serving as a faithful servant. If he had not beaten Potter and won, he would not have gained Lucius's approval. If Lucius had not chosen to accept him, he would not have been introduced to the Dark Lord. That was the start of what Severus perceived as his life that was a falsehood. A life in deadened dread and perpetual bleakness.

So many ifs. So many sins to atone for.

Severus was a morose and sullen person by nature. He was not the optimist that Lupin was despite his werewolf state. He did not doubt that any amends he made were insufficient to redeem him. Nor was Severus the kind of man to go around waving flags with his students during Qudditch matches and consoling them when they met with mishap. Adora and Serena were exceptions. Hermione was also an exception come to that. He had let her in without making conscious effort. But at sixteen, Hermione was as much an adult as any Severus had encountered. She was sensible, intelligent, brave, and mature. And she was generous, very generous to tolerate his many faults. After a meeting like this one with Everett, Severus could not help looking forward to listening to Hermione's no-nonsense voice and logical opinion. Whether it was discussing a about Sussex or working to help the Order, Hermione was always an interesting and illuminating companion and partner. More importantly, she was trustworthy.

Severus stared at Everett and wondered what the probabilities were that Everett would ever feel the same kind of emotions he and the rest of the Order felt, of the pressure, the fear and the necessity to win the war. He stared as Everett whistled to a witch close by and beckoned her to clear their table. And he knew that the probability was less than that of Hermione failing her N.E.W.T.S.

Merlin how he despised the man. It might be that Severus loathed being around him more than golden boy James Potter and his lackeys, which was something Severus did not think possible. Lupin was right in a sense: People changed with time. And while time did not heal all wounds, it did put them in their proper places for the wounded to know what the priorities were.

It was useless hating those who were dead anyway. First, it was Potter, and Severus could not bring himself to care for the Potters' deaths at the time because they were dealing with the aftermath of the Dark Lord's unexpected demise. The reality had not sunk in, and when Albus had brought him to visit the Potters' tomb, Severus had been reluctant. Albus had eventually convinced him to pay his last respects, but that was merely an excuse to let Severus come to grips with reality. Potter and Evans did not die by his hand, but Severus believed he was partly responsible. He was supposed to be the spy for the Order! A part of his hate for Harry Potter was because he was constantly reminded of his failure to protect the boy's parents whenever he saw his student. However, Severus was harsh on his own character to be aware that for most part, his hate stemmed from pettiness.

When Severus learnt that Black had died, he had felt vindicated for his years of scorning the Marauders for flouting the rules and believing they could walk the earth unscathed, that they knew what was best for everyone. Black was a reckless fool, just like the dog he had been. But then Severus could derive no joy from any death. He had delved too much in violent deaths and was sickened by it.

He had attended a quiet ceremony in memory of Black. It was not technically a funeral, for there was no body to bury, or weep over.

Not even Harry Potter had wept. No, Severus would not be surprised if Potter was bottling all his anger and anguish for when it was needed. And Severus swore he would be there when he watched Lestrange fall.

There was so much at stake.

And to think they were relying on an untrustworthy member of the Ministry for aid.

Everett burst out laughing at Severus's sarcasm, startling a few of the customers.

"Oh yes Professor. If you say so. Scout's honour. There's not much of that left anyway."

"I'm sorry to hear it."

"Do you know what the problem with the world is Professor?" Everett was in an unusually frank mood and he always wanted someone to talk to about his philosophy of life. In his opinion, his mind was the more lucid for it. It was not bogged down by what people called principles and morals. Both the dark and light side had them, even if they opposed each other's. He could not talk to anyone without pretense. But he reckoned Snape would understand.

"The problem is there are no bloody absolutes in this fucking world. You never know. Nothing's ever right or wrong. You never know who your enemies are. Or who just might betray you, eh? You are one good example." Everett smirked and gave a mock salute to Severus, "The master in our kind I'll wager on it. Makes you wonder what kind of lousy world we live in. Fighting and fighting all the time like a fucking cycle. Who cares if you smite the wicked today? They'll beat you tomorrow."

"Yes, that I know. But we fucking keep on fighting." Severus matched Everett's tone and diction.

"That's why everyone should follow my example. Be free of the shackles of a so-called conscience that was invented by those afraid of something they can't even fucking conceive."

"Not the religious sort, hm?"

"Wizards usually aren't." Everett said, "What good has come out of fucking religions anyway?"

"Tell me Everett." Severus said after a short pause, "Were you always like this, even in school?"

Everett dodged the question slightly. "Every man for himself Professor. That's how it is."

"Then you and Pettigrew truly are a sorry lot." Severus said. "You're blind if you think yourself clever. You are nothing more than weak. You refuse to take a side but wait to see who will win."

"Don't fuck with me professor. You might get Pettigrew all wimpy over what you just said, but it doesn't work on me."

When Severus left, Everett was still fuming over Severus's words, which had ruffled his impeccable, placid self.

"A Firewhisky boy," Everett yelled to the counter. Then he ordered a few more.

Everett was drunk when he left the Leaky Cauldron. He was no longer smarting and felt a dizzy triumph that he, Robert Everett, could fool both the powerful Albus Dumbledore and the great Lord Voldemort. In his delirious state, he had forgotten the number one rule of being a spy. You never let down your guard.

Two men trailed behind him until Everett turned into Knockturn Alley, a place that could just as well not have anyone in it.

"Eh?"

"He's waiting for you."

"Eh?"

"Have you forgotten your duty to the Dark Lord?"

And that got Everett's undivided attention.

===

When Severus returned to Hogwarts, he was just in time for breakfast. Walking across the Great Hall to the staff table, he nodded surreptitiously to Adora and Hermione. He let himself smile a little at the thought of him greeting two students from other Houses apart from his Slytherin. He wondered what Harry Potter might say if he told him that Hermione was just as much his friend and Potter's. But he could not imagine himself doing it. He might think that Hermione was better off without Potter but she evidently did not think so. How trifling Fate was, yet how significant it played out. If not for the troll in Hermione's first year, she would probably not have befriended the famous Potter and Weasley. One little event was all it took to throw one's path in another direction.

He was surprised to see Hermione leave the Gryffindor table and walk towards him.

"Impudence, thy name is Granger," he said when she was closer. He discretely cast a Quietus spell about them, knowing the tricks students were capable of.

"And a very good morning to you Severus." Hermione greeted, "Alas, my eagerness to see how my friend is faring has been rebuffed."

"I've only been to see Everett Miss Granger." Severus raised his eyebrow and smirked. "He didn't give me any trouble."

"Wonderful."

"Why not see me in my office? You're always poking your nose about there. Now you're letting the whole world observe us."

"There's been a change of timetable so I won't be able to see you all morning. What better opportunity than now to check that you're all right? Go ahead and frown. It won't bother me and it'll please Malfoy. He's watching us."

"Really? Well, Potter and Weasley are doing a poor attempt of what people call 'throwing daggers'. Miss Granger, are you smiling? Do you find this amusing?"

"No. Erm, yes." Hermione pressed her lips tightly together until the urge to laugh subsided. The result was that she looked as though she was about to cry. "We're standing here while both camps are betting on who'll triumph over who."

"I daresay Potter will think you mad and Mr. Malfoy will think I should lecture you more ruthlessly. We've provided enough entertainment and as I read from Miss Weasley's eyes, speculation on what your business is with me. Good morning."

By the time Severus reached the staff table, he was feeling much more cheered. He did not realise it, but Hermione had a calming effect on him. Severus thought her to be many things, all of them good, but in accessing Hermione's character, he had unintentionally blocked out what emotions he had for her. Too many years of distancing himself from humanity had made him more misanthropic than he naturally was. After his Death-Eater days at the first fall of the Dark Lord, Severus had been listless. His years of teaching in Hogwarts, Albus's steady friendship, the staff's faith and the goals worth striving for had given him strength to carry on. Gradually, his self-loathing and emptiness were replaced with a will and desire to live. His work and private research made life bearable and his brain did not remain as stagnant as he often lamented. All it needed now was for someone to tell him that it was time to open his heart.

As breakfast continued, everyone could hear the distant thunder and see thick, grey clouds hovering above them.

"It's going to rain soon." Adora commented to Derek after observing the weather through the enchanted rooftop. "I say it'll come in an hour."

Derek munched on his eggs and shrugged, "'oesn' maeer. 'e 'an't o out anyway."

"You're not going to go on talking like that are you?"

Derek swallowed a mouthful of eggs and helped himself to the waffles. When teased about his appetite, he merely defended himself with "You're talking to a hungry boy who hasn't eaten since dinner." Then he repeated himself, "I just said it doesn't matter because we can't go out and enjoy the sun and fresh air anyway. We're having lessons all the way to lunch today."

"Really?"

"There's a sign McGonagall put up this morning. We're having double Transfiguration and double Herbology today."

"Lessons all the way to lunch. Not a single break. But…" Adora almost wailed at the change of timetable.

Derek nodded with the same sentiment, "It's why I'm stuffing myself up. You better eat more too. We need the energy for all the brainwork." An idea struck him and he wrapped a few waffles in a napkin. He handed it to Adora and said, "You have this. I'll pack more for me."

Adora watched him and slipped the food into her bag. Derek was a considerate boy, exceptionally so to her to make up for his initial bigoted and hostile behaviour. It was amazing how someone's perception, when clouded by a few rumours, could also cloud his or her personality. She was relieved they had managed to overcome that obstacle.

She told Hermione after breakfast and Hermione replied, "That's how I felt in my first year too. I was pretty much alone too, and everyone thought I'm a stuck-up know-it-all. Including that git of a Professor Snape."

"Are you sure you want to talk to me like that about Professor Snape Hermione?" Adora giggled, "I just might tell him."

"You tell him and he'll probably tell you the sufferings he went through when he had me in his classes. Don't you believe a single word when he does. Off you go."

===

Hermione was busy all morning, like she told Severus. For once since her third year, she thought of the usefulness of a Time-Turner. But it was a dangerous tool and retrospectively, Hermione questioned the wisdom that Dumbledore's decision to place in Hermione's and Harry's hands that enormous task of rescuing Buckbeak and Sirius. Things had turned out successfully, but one little slip could have altered the whole course of the future. Or history, or whatever it was.

Ron was moaning about the terrible lessons they had to undergo just for the N.E.W.T.S.

After a particularly harrowing Defence Against the Dark Arts class, Ron yelled, "I could just pull off a stunt like Fred and George and leave this place. To hell with the establishment."

"Mrs. Weasley won't like that." Harry said, although he secretly agreed with Ron, "Education is important. Plus you are a Prefect."

"But look at Fred and George! They didn't need N.E.W.T.S. to become rich."

"Well, I want to be an Auror, so that means I've to grit my teeth and push on. Besides, it's our last year in Hogwarts Ron. Aren't you going to miss it?"

Ron sighed and turned to Hermione, "You going to miss it?"

"Of course. But there'll be so many exciting prospects out there after Hogwarts. Harry's going to be an Auror, I might take up apprenticeship and you can join Quidditch or help your Dad in the Ministry. Or you can even be Auror Ron! Just think. And we can always come back here."

They walked down the corridors, chatting about possible careers. Hermione spotted two students whispering in a corner.

"You do it," one of them urged.

"You bloody hell do it."

"Toss a coin."

"If it's Head's-I-Win-Tail's-You-Lose I'll kill you."

"Can't we not do this? Hell Lammy, what's he want? It isn't funny at all."

"He'll spill if we don't do what he says."

The Trio walked up to them and Ron asked conversationally, "Something the matter?"

The two students started. Upon closer inspection of their robes, Hermione saw that they were both Ravenclaws, but none that she knew of. Ron, however did.

"You going to tell Flerigin?" he asked the one called Lammy.

"None of your business Weasley." Flerigin sneered.

"There's no need to be uptight. Ron was just asking." Harry defended his friend.

"Yeah? Well, we're telling you really nicely that there's nothing the matter so you can just walk on Potter." Lammy's friend chimed in, more out of resentment than courage in front of the famous wizard.

"All right." Hermione could understand if people wanted to keep their secrets but the Ravenclaws' hostility was suspicious. However, they did not have anything concrete to base their suspicion on so Ron let the two boys go and nodded to Harry and Hermione. "Come on."

===

The lessons flew by even as the rain poured heavily outside. Without a break in between though, the students became easily exhausted after each lesson. By the end of Herbology, the second lesson before lunch, the students were eagerly anticipating what they felt was a well-deserved rest. Of course, Herbology was not very absorbing or intellectually challenging for some, but it could demand great physical work frequently. A few stomachs were heard growling when the students were studying dubious plants attacking each other. Adora and Derek handed the waffles secretly among the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, who consumed them quickly. They continued the lesson uninterrupted, except when a senior Ravenclaw came in to pass a message to the professor. Adora rolled her eyes as the senior clumsily crashed into their bags which were neatly piled by the door.

When Herbology ended, Transfiguration was next but to Adora's dismay as she ransacked her bag along the way to McGonagall's classroom, her Transfiguration textbook was missing.

"It's gone." Adora checked again. "I had it during DADA I swear."

"It's all right." Derek tried to reassure her. "McGonagall doesn't use the book all the time."

"It must be in the greenhouse." Adora turned around and began to retrace her steps. "I must have taken it out with the other books and forgotten about it."

Derek shook his head, before catching up with her. "Forget it Adora. We'll get it back later. There's no one in the greenhouse now and Dumbledore's told us not to wander around by ourselves outside the castle. We can always tell McGonagall the honest truth."

"She won't like that. She'll deduct points off Ravenclaw." Adora's eyes widened at the prospect of Ravenclaw being deducted points on her account. Her pace quickened. "Go on for class. Don't worry about me."

"We're nearing the place anyway." Derek said. "There's still a bit of time so there's no rush."

Sure enough, when they entered the greenhouse, there was not a soul in sight. As Adora and Derek searched for her book, they failed to notice two Ravenclaws behind them.

When both the first years fell to the ground after they heard a couple of spells being cast on them, they heard one of their attackers ask his partner, "What about Monto?"

"Leave him."

===

"Rain. Glorious rain."

Hermione sighed in delight. She loved rain, especially when she had nothing to do but curl in the sofa and read a book. What she was currently reading was Beckett's _Waiting for Godot_. Severus had told her flatly that it did not make sense to him. He commented that it might be a masterful piece of work, but it was drivel. He agreed that it could be a reflection of the elusiveness of life, but he did not need a play of symbolism to tell him that. She was trying to prove him wrong, not because she was an avid Beckett supporter but more for the sake of argument. At the same time, Severus was reading Hermione's proposal for coming up with a potion that would neutralize the effects of Veritaserum. He was initially dubious of her theory, but allowed Hermione to continue exploring the idea until he decided whether to consent to her project. It was ambitious, but Severus could trust Hermione to know what she was doing.

Besides the book in her hands, Hermione also had other books stacked at the foot of the sofa. They were mostly material for her research. One look at the pile was enough for even a Ravenclaw to be daunted.

There were no lessons in the afternoon and Hermione spent it in the Common Room, which was quite empty with only five others lazing around. Harry and Ron were with the rest of the Quidditch team in the field, practising in the rain in case of emergency during the actual game. Hermione was more than a little relieved that Harry's spirit had lifted substantially. He had had the chance to talk to Adora and was impressed with her guts. Her fierce instinct to protect her family gained his admiration all the more. He had even gone down to visit Mrs. Probus and Serena. Serena had made him promise that he would teach her to ride a broomstick.

The thought made Hermione smile and look out of the window. She could not see the Quidditch from where she was, but she could imagine.

Hermione flipped to another page of the book and her thoughts went back to Severus. He too, had calmed down after his brief bout of sulkiness. Well, he was always sullen, but that whole episode of "hope lost" was unsettling. Was it an omen for more mishaps to come? Hermione was not given to fanciful thoughts. Even now, she lamented the time that she had wasted on Divination lessons.

She realised that she was not really reading the book. She was much too distracted by the surrounding events. She had to agree with Severus's assessment. With the war prevalent in everyone's mind, it just was not time for fiction and escapism. Hermione tossed the book aside after skimming through half of the play. It was not like she had not read it before.

Hermione reached out for the books she had borrowed from the library and her hands made contact with Harry's.

She looked up to see Harry's pale face. He had been in such a hurry to find Hermione that he had not bothered to dry himself before entering the castle. In fact, so anxious was he that he had flown his way into the Gryffindor Tower with his broom. Ron swiftly followed him from behind.

Harry said laconically, "Something's up."

===

A/N:

To everyone 333

George dear, I'm going to kill you. No touching my computer next time.

abraxis: LOL!

tomato: I want to be nice to Severus. He won't let me.

Greenstuff, chink, wackoramaco87: Thank you.

Hope everyone enjoyed HPPOA! It was brill.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Ron, please! You know I hate flying!" Hermione screamed as she clung on to Ron's shirt. They were speeding after Harry's Firebolt and passing students left stunned in their wake. "What's going on?" Ahead of them, Hermione could hear Harry yell in warning to other unsuspecting students. Ron muttered apologies to some of those who dodged out of their path in time.

"I don't know. Harry just… He nearly fell off his broom during Quidditch practice. Then he grabbed me and asked where you were. Then we came to fetch you. I don't know Hermione. Harry's got hit one too many times by the Bludger I reckon." Ron shouted back. He steered his broom with sheer skill and recklessness, until they reached the entrance to Dumbledore's office, where Hermione and Ron saw Harry halt his broom.

"Password," Harry turned his head to them and said hoarsely. "What's the password?"

"Harry," said Hermione unnerved, "What happened?"

"No time… no time." Harry shook his head in a way that betrayed his increasing franticness. "Password."

As if the gargoyle sensed Harry's urgency, it leapt back even though none of the trio had said the password.

"What do you know." Ron shrugged and realised that Dumbledore was standing behind the gargoyle.

Dumbledore frowned.

"I wanted to see Professor McGonagall but it seems that you have some pressing matters." He led them to his office, where Ron landed his broom unceremoniously into an unexpected cupboard that he swore appeared out of nowhere. When Ron and Hermione got off the broom and walked to Dumbledore's table, Harry was already standing there talking to Dumbledore rapidly.

"He got into my head professor. Somehow. I tried to block him. I really did!" Harry cried, "But he still managed to break in."

"Are you referring to Voldemort?" Dumbledore asked quietly as he sat behind the table. Beside her, Hermione felt Ron flinch as usual whenever the name was uttered.

"Yes! It can't be! I practised really hard." Harry gestured at Hermione, "Hermione's been helping me Professor. I've been practising! It hasn't happened. Not since the holidays. I practised!" There was such a wild desperation in Harry's voice that Hermione and Ron could not refrain from reaching out to their friend and comforting him. "He got into my head!"

"You have been practising Occlumency on your own I believe." Dumbledore said and he glanced at Hermione. She understood that Severus had informed him of their summer activities.

"Yes. I have. Oh Professor I have! And now he's messing up my mind again!" Harry appeared so affected, that Hermione knew that whatever event he had witnessed, real and fake, was devastating.

So Voldemort had not given up his hold on Harry. Nor had Harry successfully repelled Voldemort's attempts to read his mind or even possess him. And Voldemort had just done what Harry had prayed would not happen when Harry was conscious too. Hermione worried for Harry, but if anything, she was also relieved that she had not told Harry and Ron yet of Severus's friendship with her. It would have put Severus under unnecessary and serious risk of being exposed to Voldemort through Harry's thoughts.

"Calm down Harry." Dumbledore said. "You must calm down and tell us what you saw."

"I saw… I saw… Probus Professor." Harry said unsteadily, causing Hermione to gasp. "Adora Probus sir. That can't be right, can it Professor?" Harry's forehead creased as his eyebrows lifted in bewilderment. "And I heard him laugh. Oh god, that laugh…" Harry closed his eyes momentarily as he recalled the piercing, maniacal laughter that would chill even his most loyal followers. "He was pleased. Very pleased. And then… then I saw someone else… Another wizard. Not so much older than us. He looked familiar. He looked so familiar! I can't remember!" He said wretchedly, "My god, he's dead!"

And the images flooded Harry's mind. A memory, as seen through Voldemort's perspective. The deliberate interrogation that Voldemort subjected his man to, until that unknown yet familiar-looking wizard realised that he had been discovered to have betrayed his master. That slow, agonising revelation that he was going to die could be read from his eyes. Then Voldemort attacked him. Blood, bone, screaming and then more screaming. Until… until…

"Harry!" Ron shouted as Harry staggered backwards and would have collapsed if not for Ron's strong grip. Ron said, "Easy Harry. I've got you."

Dumbledore summoned forward a sofa to the front of his table for the three students to sit in.

"That was inconsiderate of me." Dumbledore murmured, "I should have summoned the sofa when you came in. But… I was anxious."

Bit by bit, Harry managed to describe the horrors the wizard had undergone before he finally died. He also described the wizard's appearance, which prompted Hermione and Dumbledore to exchange looks of fear when they realised just who it was Harry had seen killed.

"You saw Roger Everett Harry." Hermione whispered, "Oh, of all the wizards, you saw him!"

Harry was too shaken to wonder at Hermione's intense tone but Ron glanced swiftly at Hermione.

"What do you mean Hermione?" Ron asked.

But before Hermione could respond, Harry spoke up, "I don't even know if it's real."

At that, Dumbledore stood up. He walked over to them and grasped Harry's arm firmly.

"We should take you to the Hospital Wing. You don't look well Harry."

"I'm fine. I will be. I'm not a child." Harry said without a hint of resentment. He was worn out.

"Nevertheless a rest will do you good. Come." Dumbledore brought Harry out of the office and Ron and Hermione followed closely, after remembering to carry their brooms with them.

At the Hospital Wing, as Harry was put to bed and fussed over by Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore asked solemnly, "You say you saw Adora Probus Harry."

"A flash. That's it. Is it real Professor?" Harry asked.

"We shall find out. For now, rest." They watched over Harry as the young wizard swallowed down a bottle of Dreamless Sleep Potion and soon drifted into slumber.

===

Days would pass before any further news of Adora was heard. After Harry had fallen asleep, Dumbledore made quick inquiries as to Adora's whereabouts. Soon, word spread that Adora had not been seen since Herbology class and that Monto was also missing. A hurried search in the school's premises done by the Prefects and the professors revealed Derek Monto lying in one of the unused storerooms.

When Derek regained consciousness, he related what he and Adora had gone through and was anxious to find out what had become of his friend. Question after question put forward by Dumbledore or Flitwick were met with confusion and vague recollections. All Derek could say was that they had gone to look for Adora's books in the greenhouse when they were attacked. The voices he heard were assuredly male but he had no idea to whom they belonged. But he believed that he could point them out if he heard those voices again.

Hence, not taking any chances, Dumbledore compelled all the male students to go before Derek and speak the words he had heard the two attackers uttered. Dumbledore stayed beside Derek to make sure that none of the students tested had placed charms on themselves to alter their voices. It was a weary task, but Derek staunchly stuck to it, determined to help find Adora. A couple of days later, he cheered to uncover one, even though it was unexpected and devastating for the young Ravenclaw to know that it had been a senior Ravenclaw who had betrayed them.

Flerigin stormed and protested and accused Derek of lying. After much persuasion, stern warnings, and finally, a death-threat of poisoning from Severus, a pale-faced Flerigin admitted his crime and told the staff who his partner was. Between the two of them, they confessed everything they knew. According to Gaudeo, Flerigin's partner, someone disguised under a hood had approached them while they were in Hogsmeade one day. This person somehow knew that they had been breaking several laws of sneaking out Muggle equipment they had tinkled with Charms of their own and selling them to the shops in Knockturn Alley. He had then blackmailed them into following his instructions or he would have told the Ministry what the two boys had done.

And so Gaudeo and Flerigin had obeyed him. After knocking Adora unconscious, they had brought her to the mysterious wizard who had been waiting for them in the Dark Forest. Both students swore that they had no idea the wizard would take her away. They swore too, with shaky voices and trembling hands, that they did not think things would become so serious.

"They didn't think. They _never_ think," was all Severus said to Hermione regarding the matter when they were together in his office.

The Hogwarts staff was kept well-informed of the proceedings in the days that followed. Several members from the Order were dispatched to seek out Adora. There was no need for secrecy at this point as in the previous time Remus and Mundungus had set out to look for the Probus family. Hogwarts had officially announced that one of their students had been seized, and that it was most probably Voldemort who was responsible for her disappearance. It was not just an ordinary search for a witch or a fight against the Dark Lord. This was now personal. Everyone in Hogwarts felt the gravity of the situation. Adora was now just like any other Hogwarts student, regardless of her family. Like everyone, she had been under the protection of Hogwarts and yet had been snatched under everyone's nose. The staff was angered, the students were solemn. Even the ghosts knew better than to disturb the living.

Everyday at lunch and dinner, the students would look furtively at the staff table, wondering if there were any news. But there was none, and as the days passed, Hogwarts was plunged into deeper sorrow.

The staff agreed, as did Hermione, that it was most probably Voldemort who had forced Everett to kidnap Adora. But if Harry's account was genuine, and Everett was dead, it could also mean that Everett, in his attempt to redeem himself in Voldemort's eyes, gave whatever valuable information he had, including Severus being a spy for Dumbledore. That logical supposition would explain why Voldemort had not waited for Severus to fulfill his duty of bringing Adora to him. Voldemort was now aware that Severus would never have harmed the Probus family. Thus, he had struck quickly and decisively. It was a massive blow to the Order, and to Severus, most of all. Severus had taken upon himself to look after the Probus children. Hermione knew how particularly attached he was to them, although he did not show it to the rest of the world.

If anything, Severus had grown harsher and colder to the people around him. His replies to any inquiry were curt and detached. He did not even bother to wrap them in sarcasm anymore.

Hermione watched him and worried. She saw the black despair he was wallowing in, as if everything was his fault. For a moment, she hated Voldemort. Severus had just begun to hope, but Voldemort had robbed him even of that ray of light. Now, the fatalistic streak Severus had suppressed was threatening to break out.

===

"Longbottom! Why I have never known a student to be this _blind_!" Snape cried when he saw that Neville's potion was not orange but red.

"It's… it's not so bad is it Professor?" Neville tried to salvage the situation, "It's just a darker shade…"

"A darker shade? A darker shade? And you call yourself a wizard?" Snape scooped a ladle of potion from Neville's cauldron and his nostrils twitched in disgust, "This, Longbottom, is failure! It must be orange and nothing else. Not red, not yellow, for pity's sake. Orange!"

Neville's head bowed in dismay. Hermione wondered that he chose Potions as part of his N.E.W.T.S. and decided that after all, it was natural for Neville to desire following in his parents' footsteps and become an Auror. Her heart went out to Neville whenever she thought of how he had never truly known a parent's love too, much like Harry, despite Neville's parents being alive. Strange that Neville should fear Severus so much, even though he was one of the strongest and bravest lads Hermione knew. At age seventeen, Neville did not stutter in front of Severus, but remnants of fear remained and Neville was still quite clumsy in Potions now and then. With the tension the whole school was feeling in this difficult period of time, Neville was especially careless. Severus was just amazed that he had allowed Neville to pass the O.W.L.S. and have a place in his Advanced Potions classes.

"Clear up clear up clear up." Snape sneered at Neville. "It is a useless concoction. Make another one Longbottom. And this time, _try _to remember to put in the beetle wings when the potion turns _orange_."

"We're just on edge professor." Harry tried to explain for Neville. "It's Adora Probus and we…"

"You are of course naturally worried." There was a curious infraction in Snape's tone. Everyone recognised the warning signs and discretely turned their attention to their books or cauldron. Not so Harry Potter. Although the animosity between Snape and him had lessened because they had avoided each other as far as possible since their last disastrous Occlumency lesson in Harry's fifth year, there was no love lost between them. Harry might not blame Snape for Sirius's death anymore, but it did not mean that he had begun to respect Snape. Nor was Snape anxious to make up to Harry for his foul display of temper when he had thrown Harry out of his office for looking into Snape's Pensieve.

As Snape strode towards Harry's table, Harry was slightly taken aback. He had almost forgotten his face-to-face confrontations with Snape and now it was happening in front of his class.

Snape stared at him for several moments.

"Does the fact that Miss Probus has gone missing distress you Potter?" Snape's voice was dangerously soft. As it were, Harry saw that Snape was trying to contain his rage.

"Yes of course."

"Sir."

"Sir."

"And how does distress help the situation?"

"It doesn't… _sir_." Harry said resentfully.

"Ah… it does not help… but it disrupts our daily activities so much." Snape gave a swift glance in Neville's direction, and Neville gulped. Snape turned his attention back to Harry, "Then why do we waste our energies in distress?"

Harry was seething. He knew where the discussion was leading and he hated it.

"We distress because we care for our friends."

"Touching." Snape said grimly, "But still undeniably it gets in the way of what needs to be done. Emotion, Potter, tends to block our better judgment and cause us to become reckless. Emotion is unnecessary to make a successful potion and as Longbottom demonstrates so lamentably, it ruins any attempt at all. Don't you agree, Potter?"

Harry had enough of this kind of talk with Snape during their Occlumency lessons. And hence, he yelled.

"How are you be this cold?" Harry's outburst rang throughout the classroom and everyone stopped his or her work. They were entranced by Harry and Snape, the one indignant, the other unmoved.

"Don't you care? Don't you care what happens? How can you stand there and pretend that Adora's not with Voldemort?" As usual, everyone gasped at the name. Snape continued staring at Harry. Both ignored the rest.

"She might be…" Harry did not dare say that unspoken thought out loud. "How can you be so inhuman?"

No one heard Snape mutter, but Harry did.

"Because it is wearisome to be human."

And Harry remembered what he had told Dumbledore after Sirius had died.

Snape next spoke for all to hear.

"If you cannot help how you feel, then you must learn to take your emotions in their stride. If you want to do well in your lessons and come out of them as a wiser student, you must work to make sure you succeed. Do not say that you have tried. That is not enough. You must succeed." And although Snape wrapped his message in terms of schoolwork, how odd it was that everyone was hearing something else. Something closer to the danger that surrounded them and the impending war all were secretly preparing for.

There was silence for a terrible while. Then, all the students jumped at the sound of bells signalling the end of Potions.

"Class dismissed. Clean up and get out." And as though it were an afterthought, Snape said, "And ten points from Gryffindor." He then swept out of the dungeons leaving everyone too stunned to react. When finally, a cough broke the spell, the students gathered their belongings and things settled to normalcy, or what passed off as it. When Harry went to join Ron, he learnt that Hermione had long left the classroom.

===

"Severus." Hermione whispered uncertainly as she approached him. Severus was sitting on the stairs leading to one of the unused towers. She sat beside him, waiting for Severus to acknowledge her presence. His stillness was frightening. Hermione wondered at it. It seemed that the more distraught Severus was, the more reclusive he behaved. It was, as she believed, a defence mechanism.

"Hermione." Severus exhaled her name. It sounded hollow and far away. Severus looked up and said, "Tell me. In all honesty, do you think Adora's dead?"

Hermione reached out and grasped his hand, cold under her touch.

"In all honesty, Severus, I do not. Vol—He wouldn't simply kill her."

"Then is she… incapacitated?" Severus shuddered at the thought of Adora meeting a fate worse than death.

"I don't know." Hermione replied.

"Why isn't there news yet? What game is the Dark Lord playing at? Does he enjoy toying with us? Oh yes. Oh yes he's enjoying it. He revels in our torment as we turn around every corner not knowing what to expect…"

Hermione realised in shock that Severus was trembling.

"See how you reprimand Harry and you yourself are worried sick." She chided and wrapped her arm round Severus's thin back.

Severus jumped at her touch. Then he realised with a sort of surrealism that she had been holding his hand and he had not noticed. He looked to see Hermione's eyes filled with sympathy and that same fear he read in everyone's eyes. Gingerly, he embraced her in return and wondered at both of their boldness.

"What a damned fool I was to become attached to those two girls. Look what good it has done." Severus hissed in anger, "A member under the Order's protection ought to be a unit, nothing more. A student in Hogwarts is a factor to be taught, nothing more. Would that I have stuck to that policy. And," he added bitterly, "extended that same treatment to you too I perceive. Do you realise we are holding each other?"

"Like the friends we are." Hermione responded firmly, conveying her belief that this was no mere gesture but a genuine exchange of trust and reliance. "Just as it should be.

Severus sighed in release. "What a Gryffindor you are." Then he observed, "Potter looked unwell."

"He hasn't been sleeping soundly." Hermione replied. "Ron says he wakes the whole dormitory with recurring dreams of Cedric and Sirius. And Harry worries about Voldemort manipulating his mind."

"I must have a word with the Headmaster. He must do something for Potter. Everyone pins hope on him… if the prophecy is anything to believe in."

"What prophecy?" Hermione asked.

"No one has told you?" Severus was surprised.

After Hermione listened to Trelawney's prophecy, she said carefully, "It's not… unexpected. Shocking, yes, but… Harry and Voldemort are so linked together." She paused, "Maybe Harry didn't tell us because he didn't want us to know that in the end, he'll either turn martyr or murderer."

"I do not call killing a monster murder Hermione."

"Severus, Harry has never killed anyone before."

"Yes. He'll have to come to grips with it, the sooner the better." Severus continued in a strange sing-song fashion, "And they say that a hero will save us."

"Harry doesn't want to be a hero." Hermione said sadly.

"There are times when a person cannot stem the tide that overwhelms him. It is an evil wind blowing. What will become of us Hermione?"

They sat together for a long time.

"You should go Hermione." Severus said, "If anyone were to find us here in this somewhat compromising position, it would be…"

"Don't think so little of me professor. I put a ward around the area as soon as I found you."

"And so did I when I saw you come."

Both chuckled.

Hermione continued, "Anyway, there're no lessons for the rest of the day. I can stay here."

"How considerate." Severus said dryly and then solemnly, "It is very good of you Hermione."

"You must be tired if you pay me such compliments." Hermione observed bemusedly. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Ah…" Severus said in a long-suffering manner. "My poor, self-abused being is surrounded by good-willed people who insist that I eat three hearty meals a day and sleep eight hours every night. I slept Hermione, not well I grant you, but I did sleep."

"Then a simple draught should help you."

"Perhaps." Severus said, "But I wish to remain alert. The Dark Lord is wont to summon me in the nocturnal hours."

"He hasn't, has he?"

"No. If he had, I would have found out what the deuce he's done to Adora. I…" Severus stopped abruptly. Then he pushed Hermione away brusquely. Eyes widening, Severus rolled up his sleeve automatically. Then he paused. "No, you should not see this."

He stood up, and Hermione followed suit. Both of them started walking down the corridor. Severus instructed Hermione to tell the Headmaster that he was leaving.

"Voldemort's calling for you." Hermione whispered in fear.

"Yes. Speak of the devil eh?"

It was horrid to lose Adora. Seeing Severus walk to uncertain death was just as unbearable.

"But Severus," Hermione pleaded, "He knows about you."

"We don't know what Everett's told the Dark Lord. Don't worry. The Dark Lord has a tendency to channel his emotions through the Mark on our arms. He has no intention to kill that much I can sense."

"Severus I'm frightened."

Severus stopped walking and moved to her. But to Hermione's acute pain, his arms fell back as quickly as he had stretched them out and she saw Severus step away from her.

"I have my duties Hermione." Severus said quietly, "I must find out what the Dark Lord's up to." Then he winced at the burning sensation coming from the Dark Mark on his arm.

"Are you very much in pain?"

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes. I'm trying to put a brave front to you." Severus said in self-deprecation. "Now go."

And Severus was caught off-guard when Hermione brushed her lips against his cheek and said, "Keep safe."

===

"My Lord, I am here." Severus said calmly.

"Severus." The voice was one of deceptive sorrow. If Severus were his younger self, he would have been persuaded that the Dark Lord was still capable of compassion. But years of associating with Voldemort made Severus keenly aware of his master's false humanity. Therein lay Voldemort's success. He could charm anyone, including Dumbledore when he was a student, into believing that he was an innocent and earnest person, who wanted only to help everyone. Coupled with his intelligence, Voldemort advocated new and impressive doctrines and ideas that perplexed the conventions and fired the imagination. The Dark Lord could be very seductive when wooing any wizard's or witch's support. However, when one drew close to him, one realised that Voldemort was nothing more than a madman.

How Severus recoiled from this formidable wizard. Yet how he revered him, even now that he was working against him and their viewpoints were different. Severus understood completely what drove Voldemort. Like Barty Crouch Jr., he saw the similarities he shared with the Dark Lord. They all felt that life had shortchanged them and society had been unkind. They had groped about in vain for some kind of answer and tried to impose their very perception of order on a chaotic world. Severus saw in the Dark Lord what he could have become, had he been blinded too, by the hunger for power and prestige. He pictured himself succumbing to the Dark Arts and all they had to offer. Whatever the reason was, he had held back. And he managed to survive with a sort of broken conscience.

And now, Severus understood fully why he was summoned. He did not exactly lie to Hermione. But he had omitted the feeling that Voldemort knew to soothe her. Hermione's kiss, he admitted secretly, felt as if it were her goodbye.

Faced with Voldemort, Severus bowed and said. "My lord, you are displeased."

"Have you been prepared for this Severus?" Voldemort whispered. He gestured at Severus and together, they walked around the caves that Voldemort adopted as his lair.

"I have come prepared my lord, if it means anything." Severus said.

"Always so respectful Severus. Oh my boy, how shall I deal with you?" Voldemort sighed. He lifted his wand and whispered a charm. "Here is someone for you to meet Severus."

For a fleeting second, Severus nearly fainted when a decomposing corpse appeared in front of them. But on closer inspection, the body belonged to an adult, and definitely not Adora. Already there were maggots crawling out from it.

"My lord, I cannot recognise the face."

"But you can guess." Voldemort said sternly.

"It is Roger Everett my lord."

"Yes. I have been suspecting his loyalties for some time. When he went to you, he implicated both you and him immediately."

"You sent that vision to Potter to warn Dumbledore that Potter was vulnerable and to test my reaction. To see if Everett's words were true."

"Yes, that is astute of you. You knew and still you came." Voldemort admonished, "That is unwise of you. A Slytherin thinks first and foremost for himself, unless you are my true servant. Then you will do everything for me. But I know you came to see the Probus child and not me. I am disappointed, very disappointed."

"Will you show her to me master, or will you kill me?"

Voldemort laughed, "You know me well Severus. That quivering Everett had tried to negotiate with me. I! Lord Voldemort does not negotiate with anyone."

"He does not know you indeed my lord."

"At least he had valuable information for me and succeeded in engaging those two Ravenclaws." Voldemort said, "And what have you to give me Severus?"

Severus sighed. "Nothing you want. No more games my lord."

"Yes, no more games. You were once my worthy servant and companion Severus. The wars we fought side by side would always be our glorious memories. You have been my worthy opponent who turned spy for the enemy. But now, it is checkmate Severus."

Voldemort swished his wand and from one of the tunnels came Adora, controlled under _Imperio_.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Dear all.

The family's off for a holiday so it's off the computer for at least two weeks. Any updates will only take place after three weeks. Many, many "Sorry"s for the wait. bows head low in an apologetic manner

For those who've already read Chapter 15 before, there's an additional scene for you. Hope you like it!

===

Chapter 15

As Adora stood in front of them, dazed and pale, Voldemort gave another flick of his wand and the spell was lifted from her.

"I assure you I've not done any permanent damage to her yet Severus. I wanted to wait for you."

Severus watched as Adora collapse to the ground, conscious but weak. She gasped and looked at Severus, wide-eyed with worry. He suppressed the urge to grab the child and Apparate. He knew full well that Voldemort must have taken precautions to prevent the both of them from escaping. Instead, Severus moved to stand between Adora and Voldemort, for fear that Voldemort would further harm Adora.

The Dark Lord taunted at him.

"Very protective Severus. I am surprised, to say the least." Voldemort paused a little, "But then, I've never truly known you, have I, Severus?"

"You have my lord. But you've never understood the full measure of me." Severus replied steadily. At the back of his mind, he wondered at himself. _I'm not sure I have either._

"And what do you intend to do by blocking her from me Severus?"

Severus shrugged.

"Taciturn as ever. It won't do Severus, it won't do. And Voldemort swiftly attacked Severus, who was ready for him.

Severus frowned in stern concentration and shouted spell after spell to counter Voldemort's. Locked in a duel, it was clear that Voldemort was gaining the upper hand, because Severus was duelling in a defensive mode. He dodged and stumbled about, protecting himself, while making sure that Adora was still safe on the floor. Eyes darting about, Severus tried to plan an escape. With these distractions and his reluctance to attack Voldemort, Severus noted with wry humour that he really was doing badly, when Voldemort managed to wound him with another spell.

"Severus, you cannot think to win me if you don't fight back." Voldemort said exasperatedly.

"I've no desire to fight you my lord." Severus said and was not surprised that he meant it. After all, evil or not as the good people would label him, Voldemort was the first person who had ever shown interest and confidence in him. And Severus, no matter how much he regretted joining the Death-Eaters, was at the bottom of his heart grateful for Voldemort for being once a mentor who looked after Severus and whom Severus looked up to.

He had another mentor now. And Albus, whilst not understanding the seduction of the Dark Arts, was not unlike Voldemort. Both were powerful wizards, widely considered as formidable in the wizarding world. But Albus knew his limits whereas Voldemort wanted greater and greater power. The essential difference, Severus knew however, was that Albus embraced humanity while Voldemort rejected it. Albus often remarked on human frailties and how one should face them squarely. Voldemort, by shunning them, was in a way surrendering to them in actual face and acknowledging defeat.

And although Voldemort was the first to treat Severus in high regard, Albus was the first to genuinely care for him. No matter how well Voldemort praised Severus, Severus was only a servant in the Dark Lord's eyes at the end of the day. Albus, to Severus's amazement all those years ago when he finally turned from Voldemort and confessed to Albus, treated him like a son. It was what made Severus love Albus more than he dared admit. For to love someone was to give a commitment Severus was afraid he would fail to fulfill. To see Albus's disappointed look was not uncommon in their years of friendship and working together, but Severus had not become used or immune to it. One of their disagreements was naturally Severus's attitude towards Potter, but none of them were going to compromise his position about the boy.

Severus wished he could see Albus now and tell him that he had never thanked him enough for trusting him with not just his, but also everyone's lives.

He also wished now that he could see Hermione. He tried to grasp her voice in his mind to calm a rising fear that he and Adora would not get out of this place alive.

"Impedimenta!" Severus shouted almost automatically as Voldemort became more and more aggressive.

What was it that Muggles said about one's past flying past his eyes when he was so close to death? There might be some grain of truth in it because Severus felt he was sinking deeper and deeper into forgotten memories. But he was still alive and he remembered Albus saying that one should live in the present.

Right now, the most important thing was to save Adora.

Severus could ill afford to be sentimental anymore. Lives were at stake. Hence, saying goodbye forever to his spying days and his master, Severus drew deep breaths and launched into a proper attack.

Voldemort was pleased.

"This is really quite invigorating." Voldemort said in delight. "Ignitus! I haven't duelled for a long time Severus. Instead I have, Conjunctivitis, been cooped up in these caves making all sorts of plans. Isn't it a treat to have a chance to pit one's skills against another face to face, Crucio, to break the monotony of battling wits in secret?"

"Protego! If you say so my lord."

"Indeed. Ah Severus, why do you resist?" Voldemort paused when a series of spells were exchanged in rapid succession. Then he continued talking as though they were in a polite conversation. "There is no escape."

So saying, Voldemort gestured a signal and Severus saw several Death-Eaters emerge from various tunnels. All of them with pitiless expressions, condemning Severus silently. The duel stopped. All wands were pointed at Severus, daring him to retaliate as Voldemort paced the ground.

Severus froze with dawning comprehension.

__

A game. It was nothing but a game.

"This is the man who betrayed us my dear Death-Eaters." Voldemort told everyone as though they did not know it. "He was part of the reason why so many of you were captured by the Ministry. He was responsible for my first, and last, setback when I dealt with the Potters. A setback that has cost us close to two decades of wasted time. And he was also responsible for mine not getting the Philosopher's Stone. Mine not being able to fully break into Harry Potter's mind…"

"Shall we kill him my lord?" Lucius asked coldly. Lestrange giggled madly.

"No we shan't kill him." Voldemort turned to Severus and stared at him. He smiled. "For his past service, he shall leave this place unscathed. He shall watch everyone work desperately whereas he's no longer of any use to the Order. He shall watch as we triumph over Dumbledore and the Order. His foolish notions that they could overcome use will be crushed. And then, only then, shall I break him."

__

He was playing with you all along Severus… From the moment you came here, from the moment Adora was taken, you've lost. You never had a chance…

"And now, this is just the beginning of you seeing how terribly you've failed in your mission."

Severus watched, helpless, as Voldemort placed his hand on Adora's head.

Half an hour later, Severus was alone with Adora in an open field, cradling her in his arms.

The effects of whatever mind-sucking spell Voldemort had inflicted were different compared to the Muggles. Adora was still currently sane, but she was rapidly losing her senses.

"Professor, am I dying?"

"Shush. No child."

"I'm sleepy…"

"Rest, rest then."

"You're here professor?"

"Yes Adora. I'm here."

Adora said sweetly, "Then there's nothing to fear now." She coughed out blood.

Severus looked on in horror. "Oh gods. I've to take you back to Hogwarts. There'll be medication…"

"No." Adora grasped his arm. She shuddered a little, before continuing, "Don't fret professor. I'm all right." A ghost of a smile appeared as she tried to be brave.

"Papa used to sing us a lullaby… tell us stories…"

Severus's eyebrows creased together in pain. "Child."

"Tell me a story professor…" "Where do I start?"

"From once upon a time of course."

"Once upon a time."

Adora said helpfully, "Where there's a land full of flowers and rainbows…"

"The fields were golden with wheat and the streams flowed and sparkled. Everything in that land was full of goodness and warmth. There were birds singing…"

Severus kept on talking and talking, until the light in Adora's eyes went out.

And then the real struggle began.

===

"Oh gods, oh gods Albus!" Minerva cried in mingled horror and anger.

It was late afternoon, and the students were kept within the castle while many members of the staff stood stunned in the Hospital Wing. The sight of a deranged girl once full of vitality and eagerness was a crushing blow for the teachers. It took all of their efforts to subdue the girl.

"If the students see this…" Filius shook with sorrow. He touched Adora, who was lying on a bed immobile due to several soothing charms, gently. "This is terrible."

"Someone will have to tell Mrs. Probus." Poppy whispered. It was a long time she had felt this sick in the stomach.

"Severus. Where is he?" Albus asked worriedly. In their anxiety to look after Adora they had neglected Severus.

Albus berated himself. He had seen how attached Severus had become to Adora and was certain Severus was badly affected. Many people thought Severus cold and unfeeling, but Albus knew the young wizard was far from such. No. Severus was capable of deep emotions that did not just include rage and hate. Severus loathed to show his softer feelings but Albus knew and was touched. True emotions were difficult to conceal, even for an Occlumency expert. Severus's deep devotion for him stretched a mile wide. Many a time Albus had seen Severus saddened or disappointed by his decisions but he had never scorned the Headmaster. There were heated arguments certainly, for they were both exceedingly stubborn and rigid men, but at the end of the day, Albus still had Severus's respect.

Severus cared for the students too, Albus knew. Minerva told him of how, when she had announced that Ginny Weasley was captured and taken to the Chamber of Secrets, Severus had gripped the back of a chair in despair. And Miss Weasley was not even a favourite pupil.

Oh yes, Albus was worried for Severus.

Poppy replied, "I don't know. Severus hasn't come back once at all." She checked the time, "And it's a good two hours since he brought Adora in here.

"This is dreadful. First we lost the child and she's come back…" Minerva choked, "like this. And now we're missing Severus?"

Minerva was another professor who was more perceptive towards Severus's personality. They did not agree on a number of issues and it was no guise when they argued over teaching methods and students' punishment to emphasise their House rivalries and Severus's pretended loyalties. But remarkably, they understood each other as friends and colleagues. Harry would be hard put not to shout in surprise if he saw them drinking whiskey together in the staff room, as they were wont to do after a particularly stressful day.

"Professors?"

Everyone turned to see a few of the prefects, including Hermione and Ron, looking distressed.

"Any instructions Professor?" One of them asked Albus.

"Tell the students," Albus inhaled deeply. "Tell them that lessons are cancelled for the rest of the day. And… tell them to hope for Adora Probus's recovery." He almost cracked at the last word. There was no cure, at least, no known cure, for Adora's problem. Voldemort had sucked out her mind. If it were like a Dementor sucking a person's soul, then the process was irreversible.

When the prefects filed out of the Hospital Wing, Albus called to Hermione, "Oh and Miss Granger, could you stay here for a moment, please."

Ron shot Hermione a look, but she shook her head, indicating that she did not know why Dumbledore wanted to see her. She had a good idea, but it might not be correct.

When she was alone with the staff, Hermione hurried to Adora's side.

"Adora, oh sweetheart." Hermione took Adora's limp hand and turned to the staff, "What's to become of her?"

"Miss Granger, are you all right?" McGonagall asked worriedly, "You don't look well yourself."

Hermione shook her head quickly.

News spread quickly around Hogwarts, what with the paintings and ghosts transcending from room to room faster than the humans in the castle. When Adora was brought in, Severus had been careful not to cast any spells on Adora, for fear that it would have aggravated her situation. Hence, her screams and wild kicks were witnessed by many of the occupants, causing widespread trauma among the younger students. The image of a frothing schoolmate was nothing to joke about. Seeing what Voldemort had done to Adora aroused both sympathy and anger in them. With all attention on Adora, no one saw those students who looked on detachedly, some even triumphantly. The Slytherins understood the measure of things better than most did even if they were not children of Death-Eaters. After all, being in close association with the likes of Draco Malfoy, regardless of where one's sympathies lay, one heard things in greater depth than what the Daily Prophet dared cover. Unknown to them however, they would soon be put into a near-impossible situation, when their Head of House would challenge them to make a choice.

Hermione had been controlling herself admirably when she helped settle the students into their respective dormitories. But now, in front of Adora and the staff, there was no need to hide and Hermione was fast succumbing to her worst fears. She was particularly attached to Adora and was reminded of her own sister whenever Adora approached her to talk. Hermione shivered as her heart ached at seeing the innocent girl become Voldemort's victim. She fought not to cry.

"Shall I… What do you want me to do for her Headmaster?" Hermione kept her eyes on Adora as she asked Dumbledore.

Dumbledore said softly, "That's not what I've come to ask you here for Miss Granger. It's… useless for you to stay here. Professor Snape is missing."

That managed to get Hermione's attention. "What do you mean sir?"

"You know that he brought her here two hours ago. But he hasn't returned. Miss Granger, Hermione. Do you know where he is?"

"I…" Hermione started and stopped. Dumbledore was scrutinising her carefully. She said slowly, "Yes, I might know where he is."

"Then you have my permission to find him."

There was nothing else to say. Hermione stammered a few greetings to the other professors and rushed out.

Things were utterly bleak now.

===

Hermione searched the beach for Severus. There were a few visitors around. Severus was nowhere in sight.

Aware that her school robes would make her conspicuous, Hermione Transfigured them discretely. Then she went about asking passerbys if they had seen a tall, dark-haired and thin man walking around.

"In his late thirties." Hermione added when she came across an old couple.

She met with all sorts of people who could not help her but were terribly garrulous, due to their recognising that she was a British tourist. Also, the old couple commented on how terrible Hermione looked and asked gently if she was fine.

Hermione began questioning whether Severus was indeed here, and whether she was being overly sentimental, until she had a stroke of luck with a blonde-haired teenager. He reminded her vaguely of Draco Malfoy, because of the confident and rather sickening smirk he wore on his face. When she described Severus to him, he asked.

"Bat-like?"

"Bat-like?"

The boy made flapping movements, "Yeah, fucking black coat. Don't know how he can stand the shit in this heat."

"Oh. Then yes. Where did you see him?"

"You might like to try there." He pointed out a direction. "Hey, can I have your number?"

"Thank you." Hermione said vaguely and dashed off.

"How about a name? Do you prefer old men? Hey, lady!"

When he saw Hermione disappear behind the rocks, he gave up. Sticking his hands into his pockets, he sulked and looked up at the grey skies.

"Ah fuck. There's a storm coming anyway." He whistled and walked off.

Hermione looked into the more deserted areas, hoping to catch a glimpse of Severus. As evening turned to night, she found him at the far end of the beach, flinging stone after stone into the sea.

"Severus, Severus, I was so worried!" Hermione ran to his side.

She jumped as Severus grunted loudly in frustration and flung another rock into the sea.

"I didn't have a chance to talk to her. Not a word. To comfort her… Damn!" He did not look at her but started laughing, and Hermione was reminded of that time he laughed hysterically, as though he had foreseen the things to come. The laughter was more subdued now, but no less chilling.

"Severus, you can't go around blaming yourself. You've done what you can. If there's anyone to blame, it's Voldemort."

"You speak his name as though there is no need to fear him." Severus sneered. He still refused to look at her, "You underestimate him. As have I."

"What use am I to anyone now?" Severus yelled, "To teach Potions?" He laughed bitterly, "The Dark Lord knows. He wants to see me despair. To feel, to feel _useless_!"

"Then he underestimated the regard we have of you. You're more than just a spy Severus. Can't you see that?"

Severus was not listening.

"Dumbledore told me to look for you. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"It's all gone to Hell. We're losing. We're losing." Severus stretched out his arms in abandon.

It was then that Hermione realised, with a jolt, that they were caught in a storm. A storm created by Severus. There was no thunder, no lightning, but strong, twirling gusts of wind that pulled at them and forced Hermione to shield her face from stinging sand particles. Afraid and awed at the same time by Severus's power, Hermione's eyes widened as she saw Severus, unheeding to her predicament, gesture at the sea and make the waves crash against the shore majestically.

"A tempest! A tempest to swallow us all up. And up and up and…"

Severus was working himself into a fit and Hermione had enough.

She stood in front of Severus, and slapped him.

The intensity of the storm lowered dramatically.

Severus reeled from her audacity. It did not matter that Hermione looked as shocked as he must be appearing. She had no right. Angered at her lack of comprehension, he pushed her aside so roughly that she fell onto the sandy ground. He immediately regretted it. He intended to pick her up and apologise. But when Severus bent down, he found himself kneeling, hovering over Hermione. Gingerly, he took Hermione's arm and helped her to sit up, wondering if she was angry with him.

"Hermione…" Severus stopped when Hermione lifted her face. She was weeping openly.

"Severus… I'm frightened."

"Oh gods, Hermione." He held her tightly. Hermione buried her face into his robes and sobbed. It was awkward at first, for they were both tense.

"What have I done?" Severus whispered as he rocked her a little, hoping that it would soothe her.

"Getting your clothes ruined." Hermione whispered back, attempting at humour as she continued crying.

"Tears and mucus don't hurt," Severus said. He rested his chin on Hermione's head. There was a pain growing in his chest. "Hermione, I'm sorry."

"You should be, treating yourself and me like that." Hermione gradually quieted down. Face still wet with tears, she said, "You can't let go Severus. You can't. You've to think for us."

For a flitting moment, Severus wondered if "us" meant only he and she.

To her he merely said, "The Order won't need me anymore."

"That's not what I meant!" Hermione scowled, "I meant you have to think of your friends Severus. You can't have us worry about you. Dumbledore knew you would be affected. That's why he asked me to look for you."

"Hmm."

"Don't you go hmm."

Severus sighed, "I needed a little time alone Hermione. Are you feeling better?"

"No. It's horrid. But I'm calmer."

"How is she?"

"She's… They've put her under some sleeping spell I think." Hermione tried to comfort him, "At least… at least… The last thing she saw was you fighting for her…"

"The last thing she saw was that I failed her Hermione."

They fell into silence for a while. They stared out into the sea, glittering as it reflected the stars above.

Severus was the first to speak again.

"Things are spinning too fast for me. It's… it's struck me hard." The personal loss of Adora was almost tangible.

"Yes. It's hard for me too."

"I've never said this but I loved her."

Only a year ago Hermione would not have believed Severus and love could come together in the same sentence. Nor did Severus believe he would ever utter that word, that one simple monosyllable that carried with it the noble beauty of humans.

"What will Vol… he do next?" Hermione asked. Yes, yes, discussing the state of the affairs was safe. It was familiar and would ground them both.

Severus heaved. "Who knows? But what's left for us to do is to fight him to the very death."

"For Adora."

"And for us." Severus echoed what she had said earlier on. Was it to be vengeance? It was something that had occupied his whole life together with hate. Vengeance could be sweet… He remembered catching Black in the Shrieking Shack. And he remembered Albus telling everyone of Black's death. The price… could be too heavy.

"Has Albus told her mother?"

"Not that I know of."

"If he hasn't, I'll do it."

"If you like, I'll wait for you."

===

It was not easy going back to Hogwarts.

All was quiet when Hermione and Severus arrived. The latter's expression was severe when he walked to Dumbledore's office. Hermione did not go in with him. Instead, she went to the Probus quarters.

Mrs. Probus was in a chair, and was twisting her handkerchief convulsively. Evidently, she had learnt about the commotion outside.

"Miss Granger. What is it? Why don't they tell me about my daughter?" She asked immediately.

"Mrs. Probus, Professor Snape will be here shortly." Hermione frowned when she saw the lunch on the dining table left untouched, "You should eat."

"How can I? My daughter!"

"I'll get you a drink. Something warm perhaps." Hermione tried to look for something to do.

"Is it bad?" Mrs. Probus asked softly.

"It's… She's…" Hermione stopped short. Looking about, she asked in turn, panic rising, "Where's Serena?"

"Don't worry Hermione, she's here." Severus walked in carrying Serena. "She was playing outside." He handed Serena to Hermione. "Could you bring her to her room? I'll stay with Mrs. Probus."

On a similar occasion, Serena would have pouted and pleaded Severus to play with her. But even she sensed the gravity of the situation, when she saw Severus looking grimmer than usual.

To keep Serena entertained, Hermione read a story for her. Being weary and sad, Hermione performed listlessly but Serena did not complain. She did not even protest when Hermione skipped a page unconsciously. She simply sat beside Hermione. When her mother came into the room, eyes stained red from crying, Serena was already asleep. Severus followed Mrs. Probus. Standing by the bed, he nodded to Hermione.

"We should go now."

They left mother and daughter without another word. It was close to dinnertime when they were in the corridor.

Severus said curtly, "Mrs. Probus will see Adora tonight."

"How is she?"

"I told her everything. From mine being a Death-Eater and Probus turning into a spy for us. She handled it well. Not as well as I should like, but not as bad as I feared."

In fact, Severus thought bitterly, Mrs. Probus cried so much that she reminded him of his mother for a while. But no. His mother was a weakling whereas Mrs. Probus was strong and protective toward her children. To see her break down in front of him as he told her the truth was heart-wrenching. Severus knew his words had been inadequate to comfort her. But Mrs. Probus would pull through. She had to. After the loss of her husband and elder daughter, Serena was all she had left. He was grateful that she had not blamed him for not being able to save Adora. It further showed that she was not like his irrational mother, who chose to allow emotions to get the better of her.

So much innocence lost, all for Voldemort's sake.

Hermione herself was exhausted. "Severus, I'm afraid."

"It'll be foolish not to be."

"Well, it was very kind and brave of you to own up to Mrs. Probus."

Severus laughed harshly. "It wasn't kindness. Certainly not bravery. It was a job. I can't be a spy anymore. I might as well do what I can. Even this nasty business."

"You should learn to believe in yourself sometimes."

"Hermione I…" Severus started saying. He saw Hermione crestfallen at his tendency to withdraw from everyone, including himself whenever he met with a serious setback. Old habits died hard, and life had been mostly disappointing for him. He did try to live in the present, away from his past. He had his work and he had friends. Right now, he had Hermione.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"Now there's a surprise."

"I'm serious."

Hermione sighed, "I'm sorry." She paused, "Thank you for what?"

"For having faith in me."

Nervously, almost tenderly, Severus kissed her forehead, a return for what she did for him earlier on.

"Hermione?"

Severus's heart leapt and so did Hermione's. He lifted his head and she turned round to see Harry and Ron standing behind her. The look of betrayal on Harry's face and confusion on Ron's made Hermione wince.

Severus berated himself. Fool to give in to sentimental impulses in the open corridors of all places!

For a long while, they were all speechless.

Then Harry moved closer to them and pulled Hermione aside. He glared at Severus and Severus gladly glared back. Vengeance, hate, pettiness, those Severus reserved for Harry Potter.

"I'll tell Dumbledore! How dare you abuse your position to make Hermione kiss you?" Despite Harry's rage, Severus was secretly amused. So the boy thought they were kissing. He must not have seen clearly. At any rate, he would not contradict Potter's assumption. He wondered if Potter liked Hermione. Potter's love life was well-known. Ginny Weasley's crush on him, his crush on Cho Chang, his brief liaison with said Miss Chang, and was there not an article written about Hermione being, of all things, a scarlet woman? A fabrication of Rita Skeeter no doubt, but he remembered it caused much consternation all round the school and even outside of it. Hermione, ever mature, was the only one who did not care for it.

"What spell did you use? Or potion?"

"I don't see the need to say anything to you Potter."

Harry turned to Hermione and demanded an explanation, prompting Severus to say, "I warn you Potter. If you chide Miss Granger for associating with me, or upset her in any way, rest assured I shall have a discussion with you. It will be distinctly unpleasant, but if it must be done, I shall do it."

"Oh yeah? Since when do you have the rights to protect Hermione?"

"Do you have the rights Potter?"

"Yes! She's my friend!"

"And I am her friend. You will do well to remember it."

The tension between them was tangible. For an instant, Hermione thought flightily that it was a clash of male egos. Over her no less. It was ridiculous. Something like a page from an old memory when Viktor confronted Harry about his relationship with her.

"Will you two stop? For God's sake, Voldemort is getting more and more powerful everyday, Adora is in the Hospital Wing and you two will go on arguing even with Dementors pouring into the school."

Severus and Harry looked at her aghast. For a moment, although they were unaware of it, they had the same idea in their head. That Hermione could be overbearing and if it was possible they would ever get used to a woman bustling them around like children.

Hermione was unperturbed, "I'll see you later Severus. Come on Harry. Let's go back to the Gryffindor Tower. Ron, you too."

Ron was quiet throughout. And no wonder. Although he disliked Snape as much as Harry did, Ron had never contradicted the professor outright before. He might also have been shell-shocked by the sight of she and Severus being friendly. Too friendly in his mind.

When they reached an empty Common Room Ron blurted out, "Did you… did you call him…" he gagged, "Severus?"

Hermione sighed dramatically.

"Blimey Hermione. What's got into you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me Ron."

"You two just snogged!"

"We didn't snog." Hermione frowned indignantly, "I've kissed you before Ron."

"But that's because we were celebrating my birthday!"

"Ron, it's difficult to explain. During my holidays here, I got to know Professor Snape…"

"Oh it's Professor Snape now is it?" Harry interrupted sarcastically.

"As I was saying. I got to know Professor Snape better. Things happened along the way and we became friends. You can ask Lupin. He knows a little of it. Oh, do stop covering your ears Ron. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd react like that. Is it so terrible to think of Professor Snape as being friends with me?" Hermione smiled to herself as she remembered the times Severus and she spent together. Then her mood darkened when she thought of Adora again.

Harry, on the other hand, was disgusted, "Merlin, you think it's wonderful. It's Snape we're talking about here. Maybe it's time you wake up."

"Maybe it's time you realise that you don't know him enough Harry."

"You're defending him in front of us?"

"I've always defended him in front of you." Hermione said exasperatedly. "I've always respected him as a teacher. You _know_ that. You know I've always disapproved of you hating Snape. He's on our side Harry."

"He's a nasty git." Harry insisted.

"Not this discussion again."

"Yes, it is that again. It's gross, the way you go about talking about him." Harry seethed at Hermione. He could accept her scolding him for being angry with everyone over Sirius. He could accept that she did not tell him about her spending her holidays in Hogwarts. But he would not accept that Hermione had anything to do with Snape.

"He's Snape. Greasy-haired, hook-nosed, evil, vile Snape. And a Slytherin! He…"

Without warning, a pain seared Harry through his scar. He fainted.

===

A/N

jenn, Anon, Melwasul, lucy, sara, ilovesnape, chrissy: Updates every two days?! Each chapter is over 4000 words. Please understand. Much as I would like to write more often, there's also real life. Updates take two to three weeks. The only thing I can promise is that I will finish this. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

Dendara: Hot and heavy? Good Merlin, Severus and Hermione won't let me. =P

amsev, tschaem, junkyardkangaroo, wackoramako87, Babyblues, Becky468, Krispies, velvetglove, Greenstuff: Mucho mucho thanks!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Apologies for the delay! Sorry sorry sorry.

The beginning part of this chapter was first added at the end of the previous chapter. So for those who haven't read the edited chapter 15, I'm posting it here too.

Chapter 16

Severus berated himself. Fool to give in to sentimental impulses in the open corridors of all places!

For a long while, they were all speechless.

Then Harry moved closer to them and pulled Hermione aside. He glared at Severus and Severus gladly glared back. Vengeance, hate, pettiness, those Severus reserved for Harry Potter.

"I'll tell Dumbledore! How dare you abuse your position to make Hermione kiss you?" Despite Harry's rage, Severus was secretly amused. So the boy thought they were kissing. He must not have seen clearly. At any rate, he would not contradict Potter's assumption. He wondered if Potter liked Hermione. Potter's love life was well known. Ginny Weasley's crush on him, his crush on Cho Chang, his brief liaison with said Miss Chang, and was there not an article written about Hermione being, of all things, a scarlet woman? A fabrication of Rita Skeeter no doubt, but he remembered it caused much consternation all round the school and even outside of it. Hermione, ever mature, was the only one who did not care for it.

"What spell did you use? Or potion?"

"I don't see the need to say anything to you Potter."

Harry turned to Hermione and demanded an explanation, prompting Severus to say, "I warn you Potter. If you chide Miss Granger for associating with me, or upset her in any way, rest assured I shall have a discussion with you. It will be distinctly unpleasant, but if it must be done, I shall do it."

"Oh yeah? Since when do you have the rights to protect Hermione?"

"Do you have the rights Potter?"

"Yes! She's my friend!"

"And I am her friend. You will do well to remember it."

The tension between them was tangible. For an instant, Hermione thought flightily that it was a clash of male egos. Over her no less. It was ridiculous. Something like a page from an old memory when Viktor confronted Harry about his relationship with her.

"Will you two stop? For God's sake, Voldemort is getting more and more powerful everyday, Adora is in the Hospital Wing and you two will go on arguing even with Dementors pouring into the school."

Severus and Harry looked at her aghast. For a moment, although they were unaware of it, they had the same idea in their head. That Hermione could be overbearing and if it was possible they would ever get used to a woman bustling them around like children.

Hermione was unperturbed, "I'll see you later Severus. Come on Harry. Let's go back to the Gryffindor Tower. Ron, you too."

Ron was quiet throughout. And no wonder. Although he disliked Snape as much as Harry did, Ron had never contradicted the professor outright before. He might also have been shell-shocked by the sight of she and Severus being friendly. Too friendly in his mind.

When they reached an empty Common Room Ron blurted out, "Did you… did you call him…" he gagged, "Severus?"

Hermione sighed dramatically.

"Blimey Hermione. What's got into you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me Ron."

"You two just snogged!"

"We didn't snog." Hermione frowned indignantly, "I've kissed you before Ron."

"But that's because we were celebrating my birthday!"

"Ron, it's difficult to explain. During my holidays here, I got to know Professor Snape…"

"Oh it's Professor Snape now is it?" Harry interrupted sarcastically.

"As I was saying. I got to know Professor Snape better. Things happened along the way and we became friends. You can ask Lupin. He knows a little of it. Oh, do stop covering your ears Ron. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd react like that. Is it so terrible to think of Professor Snape as being friends with me?" Hermione smiled to herself as she remembered the times Severus and she spent together. Then her mood darkened when she thought of Adora again.

Harry, on the other hand, was disgusted, "Merlin, you think it's wonderful. It's Snape we're talking about here. Maybe it's time you wake up."

"Maybe it's time you realise that you don't know him enough Harry."

"You're defending him in front of us?"

"I've always defended him in front of you." Hermione said exasperatedly. "I've always respected him as a teacher. You _know_ that. You know I've always disapproved of you hating Snape. He's on our side Harry."

"He's a nasty git." Harry insisted.

"Not this discussion again."

"Yes, it is that again. It's gross, the way you go about talking about him." Harry seethed at Hermione. He could accept her scolding him for being angry with everyone over Sirius. He could accept that she did not tell him about her spending her holidays in Hogwarts. But he would not accept that Hermione had anything to do with Snape.

"He's Snape. Greasy-haired, hook-nosed, evil, vile Snape. And a Slytherin! He…"

Without warning, a pain seared Harry through his scar. He fainted.

---

When Severus left Hermione and entered his rooms, he found himself staggering towards the bed. The consequences of all that fighting and uncontrolled magic were asserting themselves on him. After the adrenaline rush, exhaustion was making its presence felt. With full force.

Severus collapsed unceremoniously onto his bed, grateful to be able to sleep. However, tired as he was, his mind was still being depressingly active. Thoughts of the day's events filled his mind at a depressingly rapid succession and Severus groaned involuntarily. His eyes kept open, he watched the flickering shadows on the ceiling.

Now that he was alone, the tragedy made Severus crestfallen again. It was one thing to say that the Dark Lord had claimed his victim and move on. It was quite another thing when the victim was someone one knew and loved.

All those years ago… twenty-one years to be exact and Severus still remembered vividly the first time he had killed someone whom he had recognised. He remembered Gerald Matavius, a nurse who had been working at St. Mungo's. Severus had not even spoken to Matavius when the latter was alive. But on that night of one of the Death-Eaters' ambushes, in the midst of killing others, Severus encountered the former Hufflepuff. Seeing Matavius become… empty (it was the only word Severus could think of to describe what he saw) in death, seeing Matavius's horrified expression when he saw the hospital under attack. These rudely awakened Severus to the realisation that he was not killing a nameless or faceless being. Severus knew for a fact that Matavius was a diligent peer and had recently married to his girlfriend. It was Severus who had killed a harmless man and widowed a young bride.

Although Severus told no one about it, that incident had affected him very badly and was one of the main reasons why he first deliberately took on the policy to know as little people as possible. Due to his innate unsociable character, Severus had managed to shun most everyone. Except himself. He could not escape himself and that was why he had gone to Albus and that was why he had gotten into this mess.

Sometimes, Severus wished life were easier to deal with.

Why could he not be as noble as Albus or as amoral as Everett? As deranged as Lestrange or as… (here he grimaced a little) _nice_ as Lupin?

_Why?_ His mind wailed pathetically, _Why__ can't I be an archetypal hero or villain?_

He knew that many times when it mattered, he had chosen the right things to do. But few people realised this and chose to see him as a repulsive, evil wizard. It was so much less complicated to loathe a man they wanted to believe deserved loathing. And when Severus did do something reprehensible, people pointed at him and sneered. So he sneered back and tried not to care for their opinions because they were nitwits who did not know anything. But secretly, he craved for recognition.

At the time he had captured Black from the Shrieking Shack when he truly thought Black was the Dark Lord's follower, Severus had rejoiced. Revenge was indeed sweet. That moment had come, when Severus would glory in his Order of Merlin and stand proudly in society. When he had been robbed of that moment, Severus had lost his temper badly. He knew he had upset Albus, but at that time, he had not bothered and had even blamed Albus. The likes of Albus and Black would never understand the need for acceptance.

Only two years later, Black had died by the hands of Lestrange. Severus thought bitterly that someone could have told Potter to save the trouble to save his godfather. And though he told the apparition at Quadriva that he was not sad about Black's death, he had spent days thinking about it. Thinking about how, after decades of mutual hate and rivalry, it should end thus, with Black leaving without any warning.

In a story, the enemies would fight to the death. Sometimes, the plot came out with a twist and enemies became friends. In stories, one way or another, there was a proper ending.

But in real life, knots remained tied and the living went on living in want and regret. Somehow, Severus felt that he had been robbed of something when Black died. There was no triumph over Black's death. Both Black and he did not even have that chance they swore to each other to fight it out when the war was over and Albus relinquished their obligations to work together. And if Severus were honest with himself, Black's death had affected him. Just like the deaths James Potter and many others who had died for the cause.

_Funny._ Severus wondered. He should have been used to death by now.

But now, as the memory of Adora clouded his brain, Severus's eyes pricked with tears. To him, Adora had died in front of him when reason left her.

How fast it could be for a person to mature. It took Severus four years to learn that recognition was the most useless thing on earth after spending over thirty years to claim it. What did it matter when the community could not be protected? Hermione helped he mused. It was a new experience to have a student who did not hate or fear him but recognised him as a human being, more flawed than others, but still a human being. She was the first person to make an effort to understand him other than Albus.

Speaking of Albus, Severus could hear his voice calling him from the fireplace.

Severus did not move and continued staring at the ceiling, "Yes Headmaster?"

"I'm truly sorry to disturb you Severus. But something's wrong with Harry."

Severus could not resist. "Harry who?"

"This is no time for jokes Severus, especially those in bad taste. Harry's fainted and there is dark magic emitting from him."

Severus sighed.

What was one troubled night compared to twenty over years of troubled nights? He thought wearily. Sleep, he really wanted proper sleep.

"I'll go to the Hospital Wing straightaway Headmaster."

---

Albus was tactful not to say anything about the tearstains on Severus's cheeks when Severus arrived at the Hospital Wing. Instead, he discretely handed him a handkerchief. He watched as Severus stared dumbly at the piece of cloth until comprehension dawned. Nodding curtly, Severus wiped his face and jammed the handkerchief into his pocket.

Hermione and Ron were struggling to read several chants from an ancient book that were supposed to soothe a person's tattered nerves. Harry was moaning and straining against the bindings Poppy had tied him with to prevent him hurting himself and others.

"Well?" Albus asked Poppy and Minerva.

Both shook their heads.

"It's not… promising." Minerva answered.

"Hm. Severus, come we must take over from here. Between you and I, we might be able to… control him."

"Headmaster, even I with my extensive knowledge of the Dark Arts have no idea what's happening to Potter." Severus said.

Inwardly, he sneered at the dark magic emitting from Potter. The dark arts Severus had initially dabbled in were elusive and almost pure in their way. This one was filthy and clung to one's clothes because it was tainted with human vanity and hate. He could feel it. It reeked of Lord Voldemort.

"Is it wise to let these two remain here?" Severus pointed to Hermione and Ron and asked Albus.

Albus did not respond at first. Then he said carefully, "They might be of help."

"Of course Hermione and I can help!" Ron exclaimed. "_We_ are always with Harry through everything." Unconsciously, he frowned at Severus, who thought he understood the underlying meaning.

_Hermione belongs to us. We are the ones who matter and stick together._

Dumbledore gestured for the others except Severus to step back. Only he and Severus had any experience dealing with Voldemort. As they moved closer to Harry, the young wizard struggled more. His eyes began to glow red.

Poppy trembled. "Oh my…"

"Dumbledore," the boy hissed. "Severus."

Severus blinked. It was surreal to hear a Potter call his name. He shook his head and raised his wand to Harry for precaution's sake.

"Ah Severus. Do you think of injuring the boy here in front of everyone?" Voldemort mocked.

"No." Severus lied evenly.

Voldemort gave a laugh that suggested doubt.

"What is it you're trying to show us Tom?" Albus asked almost patiently. "To show that nothing can stop you? Your weakness in always wanting to prove yourself is but one of the many reasons why you will fail to achieve what you want."

"Nothing can stop me, including you. Everything you put in my way to victory I have destroyed. Your plans to train Potter to resist me, your silly Order, your…" Voldemort's eyes shifted to Severus. Amusement flickered in them. "… spies."

It was a break, a tiny break but suddenly, the eyes became a soft brown, They turned to Severus and a voice whispered sadly, "Professor."

There was confusion in the eyes for a while. Then Voldemort's red eyes and rasp voice returned.

"You see Dumbledore, how useless it is for you to try and defeat me."

"Yes." Dumbledore said in a tone of finality, "I do see."

However, there was an inflexion in his tone that Voldemort missed and Severus caught.

Voldemort smiled a little and disappeared, leaving Harry's limp body to fall onto the bed as though released from a physical grip. Possession tended to leave the host body exhausted.

Soon, Harry's breathing became stable. He was sleeping.

"There's nothing we can do now." Albus said, "We should take turns to watch over him of course."

Severus shrugged. He was displeased to see Albus fret over Harry only and not the other students.

"I think you should let Miss Granger and Mister Weasley to stay here too. For a couple of days at least. This exposure to dark magic requires some recuperation."

"I agree Headsmaster." Minerva said firmly. "That was no sight for innocent children." She did not notice the woeful glare from Ron. Hermione was not as affected by their Head of House's comment. On the other hand, she was indeed shaken by the encounter and turned to Severus for support.

"Those eyes…" she started and could not go further.

Severus helped her. "Yes."

"They're terrible."

"Yes."

Severus did not tell Hermione that when he saw the Dark Lord in Potter, he could barely repress himself from killing the Dark Lord by choking Potter to death. It was possible. At least, it would have maimed the Dark Lord seriously.

"Get some sleep Hermione. You'll feel better in the morning." Absent-mindedly, he took Hermione's arm. Then he remembered where they were and who they were with. Woodenly, he passed Hermione to Minerva as though that was what he was planning all along.

Minerva handled it with remarkable restraint, considering that she was not privy to the true extent of Severus's and Hermione's friendship. She recalled the amazement she felt during the summer holidays when Hermione managed to sit with Severus in the library without getting yelled to get out. She heard that Severus was tutoring Hermione. So, Minerva had to admit it was not unexpected that Hermione and Severus seemed to get along better than she thought possible. Still, she needed time to accept what she saw, not because she disapproved of it but she needed to think of the consequences of it. Personally, she still saw Severus as a boy and doted on him in a motherly way. She knew he liked her but that took a number of years, after he had overcome his initial grudge of the injustice he felt he had suffered under her when he was just a Hogwarts student.

"Thank you Severus." Minerva spoke finally.

---

Hermione could not go to sleep. She needed to sort out the events.

From Adora's demise to Severus's storm to Harry's faint to Voldemort's possession. Hermione wondered if life could be any more unpredictable and gloomy. She listened to Mrs. Probus who was nearby, whispering to Adora and pleading whatever gods were listening to take pity and spare her daughter. Hermione fought hard to not make any sound while she wept afresh.

Then she could not hear Mrs. Probus's voice. Wondering at it, she tilted her head forward to see Ron with his wand out. She deduced he had cast silence spells to block out sounds from the outside and keep whatever conversion they would have confined to the small area around them.

"Ron?"

"Hey Hermione, thought I might find you awake. I couldn't sleep either. Look, I need to clarify some… things. I know I should be worried about Harry and I am. But I'm worried about you too mate."

"Hm?" She had an inkling of what was on his mind. Ron was easier to understand than Harry's mood swings. She remembered the look on his face when she talked to Severus.

"Here, can you let me sit beside you? It's freezing just standing here."

At that, Hermione sat up and moved closer to one side of the bed, allowing Ron to slip under the covers.

"Better." Ron said. "Well, you know, I could just yell and I want to but you'd hate it…" he was silent for a while. "What's this about you and Snape?"

"Ron, shouldn't we think about more important things?"

"You're pretty important. Snape, nasty git with his warts and all…"

"Warts?"

"Okay okay. I was saying, Snape's a nasty git. What're you doing with him? Why are you two all chummy suddenly?"

"It's not _suddenly_ Ron."

"So shoot. Come on Hermione you can tell me." Ron put on that puppy voice that was both sweet and hard to resist.

Hermione pondered over it. She had been looking for a chance to tell them and Ron was being reasonable in his request. Like he said, he was not screaming and genuinely wanted to understand. The only thing stopping her was the timing. It did not seem appropriate to talk about Severus while all these were hanging about their necks. The topic almost seemed light-hearted when compared to what was going on. But then, it was not as though they could do anything for the moment.

"Promise you won't get mad?" she asked.

"I'll try not to."

"Good. Then just listen."

After a couple hours of explanation, in which some details were left out for Severus's sake, Hermione saw Ron looking more and more bewildered.

"Ron?"

"You sure this is Snape you're talking about?"

Hermione could not help grinning at that. "A little too good to be true?"

Ron shook his head, "Kind of… He's really taking you as an apprentice?" At Hermione's affirmative nod, he continued, "Well, erm, right. Okay."

"Are you really okay with it?"

Ron gave her a long-suffering look. "No. It's scary. But," he continued philosophically, "I can't stop you. You'll give me troll buggies if I do… You really like him?"

"Yes Ron." Hermione answered in amusement.

"That's even scarier. Ow!" he exclaimed when Hermione slapped him on the back of his head.

---

It was four days before Harry would wake up. When he did, he found himself lying in the Hospital Wing, with a splitting headache to boot.

Harry sighed. He should have been used to waking up in this place by now. They might just as well reserve a bed for him. But, he chided himself, that would be too egocentric.

He wondered what time it was and gingerly moved his muscles to see if he had hurt himself. He could not remember what had exactly happened to him but it did not take brains like Hermione's to figure out that Voldemort was responsible.

"Ah, Potter. You've finally had enough beauty sleep, haven't you? All ready to fight the evil forces again."

Harry immediately sat upright and cursed a little when giddiness threatened to turn to nausea. Frowning at the discomfort, he reached out for the small cabinet beside the bed. His blurred vision could make out where his glasses were.

"A little to the left I think." Harry heard Snape say in infuriating tone that Harry swore Snape used just to annoy him.

"I know where they are!" Harry snapped. _Bastard.___

His hands shook with rage as he put on his glasses. Then he finally turned to glare at Snape, who was sitting in a chair, looking for all the world as though nothing concerned him and he could do whatever he wanted.

_Self-righteous bastard.___

And because the events of the night he saw Snape kiss Hermione seemed to him like it were only an hour ago, fresh anger and indignation ignited in Harry.

Without second thoughts and concern for his headache, Harry leapt out from his bad, marched to the sleeping figure and punched him in the jaw. He watched in grim satisfaction as his punch caused Snape to fall out of the chair and lie sprawled on the ground. Too bad he did not hit Snape hard enough to make him bleed. That hooked nose deserved to be broken into pieces.

Severus grunted. He was surprised that Harry still possessed that much strength in him.

"Potter that was uncalled for. Ten points off ---"

Harry did not give Snape time to finish his sentence but lurched forward, hoping to punch him again. He was now seventeen, and although he was slightly shorter than Snape, Harry was every bit a grown-up. Now all he wanted was to engage Snape in a fistfight. He did not care about consequences. Even if he had not seen that revolting kiss, that smirk of sheer arrogance and confidence on Snape's face was enough to drive him mad and enough justification to beat him.

Severus knew better to fight back. For one thing, Albus would be sure to put the blame on him, although he was not the one who started it. Severus was surprised though. He thought he had already been very mild to only deduct ten points. Considering that his past reactions to Harry knocking him out in his third year with a wretched spell at the Shrieking Shack and snooping around in his Pensive in his fifth year were rather stormy. And Potter's reactions then were to keep quiet. An accumulation of past resentments perhaps?

Severus wondered if he should scream in fright and run away from the Hospital Wing. But Potter might think Severus was mocking him and he would be right. Besides, it was necessary to keep Potter under careful and constant watch. So Severus decided to simply dodge Potter's blows.

"Ouch." Severus remarked dryly when Potter managed to hit him in the chest at one point.

"Coward." Potter yelled. And he went on with what he probably thought was the worst insult. "Slytherin!"

Severus shrugged and had an unsettling sense of déjà vu as Potter continued attacking him. He had not been involved in a fistfight ever since triumphing over James Potter in their third year. That was his first taste of physical fighting and his last. It had been enjoyable, but the wizarding world did not allow for much of it, especially among purebloods who had no such experience. Purebloods usually started mastering their wands even before they entered Hogwarts, Severus included, although he had to learn himself because his father had not been interested in teaching him. Severus remembered it resulted in a few mishaps at first but he had quickly become deft in his wand-work.

Potter probably did not know about the fistfight between his father and Severus. Black would not have told him of James Potter's less-than-glorified incidents in school.

"Bet you've never even fought before." Potter broke into Severus's thoughts at that uncanny moment.

"Wrong as always." Severus said.

He looked at Potter steadily and felt as though he were looking at James Potter all over again. It struck him that it was not right for father and son to look so damn alike. It simply was not right. On the other hand, it also struck him as laughable and apt. After nearly twenty years, Severus was still at odds with Potter. A different Potter, but the relationship was the same as the previous one Severus had with the father. If Severus had a son the same age as Harry Potter, the tradition might have continued too.

"Ah Harry, happy to see you awake. And looking so well too."

Severus threw his hands up to express relief.

"Lupin!" Harry's anger dissipated a little at the sight of his former professor and the only person left in the Marauders. Pettigrew did not count.

Behind Remus were Hermione and Ron.

"Now then, what's going on here?" Remus asked amicably.

"We were going in circles." Severus volunteered. "He was aiming for my stomach when you were coming in Lupin."

Harry yelled indignantly, "For good reason git! Lupin, why isn't he fired yet? Dumbledore should fire him!"

"Whatever for?" Remus asked.

"For kissing Hermione!"

Remus started. He glanced at Severus and Hermione. "Er…" he did not know how to explain that when he did not even know about the circumstances.

"Oh very good Potter," Severus muttered sourly under his breath, "Tell the whole world. Let them add 'pervert' to my list of vices." He rubbed his jaw, feeling it start to bruise.

"Let's not talk about that right now." Hermione said firmly, "It's not important."

"It isn't." Harry retorted. "It's sick."

Hermione sighed and said patiently, "Harry, I'm sorry but you'll have to leave it at that. We must turn to more pressing matters at present."

"Like what? My headache? That's just Voldemort messing with my brain. He likes to do that sometimes."

"This time it's different. The Dark Lord appears to have other plans." Severus said.

Harry scowled. "Dark Lord this Dark Lord that. It's Voldemort. Go on and say it coward."

"Harry…" Remus cautioned.

But Severus knew how to handle Harry. "If I didn't know better Potter, I'd say that the ramifications of having the Dark Lord in you are taking toll on you."

That caused Harry's face to pale.

Then Harry said angrily, "What're you talking about? Voldemort hasn't been in me for a while…"

"Harry, you should sit down."

"No! What's he talking about Lupin?"

"Sit down Harry, your eyes are too bright and you haven't eaten proper food for days. We shall get the House-Elves bring you some nourishment."

Harry stood there staring at them.

"Days?"

"Four to be precise." Remus gently led Harry back to the bed. He explained to Harry what had happened.

Harry was deathly pale. "It can't be. He can't have…"

Severus almost felt sorry for him.

"Look, he's done it before when…" Harry gripped the covers, "when we were at the Department of Mysteries. Voldemort entered my mind to… taunt Dumbledore. But I knew he was using me then all right? I felt him with me when he talked to Dumbledore. I don't recall him talking from me this time."

"He did Harry. We heard him."

"I… I was always conscious before…"

"We'll solve this Harry. And find out a way to stop Voldemort from using you."

"How?"

"By going back to the beginning Harry." Albus walked into the Hospital Wing carrying a tray of food as though he had breakfast prepared everyday in anticipation of Harry regaining consciousness. "Look at this, a nice cup of chocolate and your favourite toast and eggs."

They did not look particularly appetising to Harry though.

_What the hell is going on?_ He thought fearfully, reverting to being just a scared teenager who did not know how to handle this monstrous task that he was forced to accomplish.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Albus refused to say anything until Harry had his fill of breakfast. The latter involved Ron and Hermione feeding spoonful after spoonful of egg and porridge into Harry's mouth until Harry grabbed the spoon grouchily, Remus contributing chocolate, and Severus getting chased out of the Wing because "That bastard's ugly face isn't going to be in front of me while I'm eating."

By and by Harry did finish his food, and when the tray was cleared, Severus was called back despite loud objections. "That bat doesn't have to be here!"

"Harry, you will address Severus as Professor Snape." Albus said sharply. Severus tried not to smirk. It was rare to see Albus lecture Harry. Severus savoured these moments and did not want to spoil them.

Albus continued, "Professor Snape is here because he is of great help to everyone and I won't allow you to disrespect your professor."

"He's disrespecting us! No, he's disrespecting Hermione!" Harry yelled. How many times must he repeat that vile and despicable act before everyone understood what Snape did? "You don't know everything Headmaster. Snape, last night, no, nights ago… He… Hermione… It's disgusting!"

"You are talking about Miss Granger's friendship with Professor Snape?"

Harry looked as though Albus had said something taboo and was causing him to want to vomit now.

Hermione was hard put not to throw an exasperated look at Ron who was standing beside her. When they were… younger, she argued more with Ron than Harry, who seemed more sensible than Ron. And in many ways, Harry was more mature and worldly-wise than Ron because he had no elder siblings and was forced to deal with the unfairness and prejudice of society at an early age. While Ron had his share of household chores at home just as Harry took care of most of the housework at the Dursleys', Harry was treated more like a slave than as a member of the family.

And by the time Harry entered Hogwarts at eleven, he had lost some of his innocence and had never felt the urge as some boys did to boss around because he was too well aware of what being bullied was like. Because of his childhood experience too, Harry was more compassionate about other people's feelings. Hermione remembered Harry did not jeer at her cleverness and "showing off" as other students had put it. Even Ron, before the troll incident, had always despised her for her non-conformity. The student who had tried to prove herself to everyone and raised her hand when the professor asked a question and when the professor did not ask anything at all.

So, where Hermione thought she would have more trouble with Ron than Harry when the time came for her to tell her friends about Severus, she realised that she had underestimated Harry's hatred for Snape.

Where Severus was involved, Harry was like a disagreeable child all over again, just as Severus behaved irrationally with Harry. Those two seemed to have decided in their bones to hate each other ever since they set eyes on each other. It was a rivalry between a man's resentment and a youth's rebellion. Hermione noted that it was Severus's fault for causing the enmity. If Severus had been reasonable from the start, they might have settled for a non-adversarial attitude toward each other. Instead, Severus picked on Harry whenever it struck his fancy, which meant at every opportunity possible. And Harry felt the frequent need to retaliate. Severus knew how to provoke him.

Ron shrugged helplessly when Hermione glanced at him. "What do you expect me to do mate?" he seemed to be saying. In which case, Hermione glared at Severus, who shrugged too. This time, however, Hermione refused to back down. "Get on with it." Her eyes ordered.

This made Severus decide that it was time to intervene.

He said somewhat laboriously, "If I may Headmaster… It is clear that Mr. Potter will require more than the average time before he accepts that Miss Granger and I can be put together in the same sentence without revulsion. Should we move on?"

Albus did not like the prospect of leaving the matter without resolving it. Then again, he did not like anything that did not go his way. However, in this case, he conceded that Severus was right.

"Very well. Harry, we must discuss the matter at another time. Suffice to say that I'm aware of Professor Snape's relationship with Miss Granger and unlike what you think, it is not inappropriate. Miss Granger has come to no harm."

"And I can take care of myself." Hermione added.

"My point exactly. You'll have to respect your friend's actions for now and trust her to know what she's doing Harry. Now, I believe Remus has told you what has occurred to you."

Harry made a noise by way of reply. He was hurt that no one cared for his opinion.

"Yes. Then you know your situation has become more dangerous. Voldemort's shown us clearly that he can use you to see what goes on in Hogwarts. Perhaps he doesn't intend to, but he certainly wishes to show the level of hold he has over you."

"Well, he succeeded." Harry said angrily. He had put in so much effort to practise Occlumency, to please Dumbledore and to prove he's not a self-pitying wreck. What had it all come to? Nothing. No improvements. It was worse than that. Voldemort could practically possess him whenever he chose to. It was not fair. Nothing was fair. Nothing went right in his life. First, his parents died for him. Then he had to live with people who did not want him. When he went to Hogwarts, he thought things were looking up. He had loving friends and teachers. But no… he had to be the Boy-Who-Fought-And-Fought-Just-To-Live-One-More-Year. He had a godfather. But Sirius was robbed from him. With each fleeting happiness came a crushing blow. It was cruel and Harry was sick of it. There came a point when the branch would snap.

He glared at Albus, "Are you going to seal me in a tiny closet then? The Dursleys did that to protect themselves. Am I going to be locked in somewhere so that you are protected this time?"

Albus was shocked. So too was Severus. Whilst it was not unexpected that Harry would blame him for Sirius's death, it had not occurred to Albus that Harry might blame him for abandoning him to the Dursleys for eleven years.

In fact, Harry had never blamed Albus. He had idolised Albus. But, bitter and fed-up at present, Harry was looking for a scapegoat. Anyone would do, including Albus Dumbledore, who was currently providing himself up to be the best candidate. He was not afraid of the greatest wizard in the world. He was not afraid of anyone.

Hermione naturally chided Harry for his insensitivity. "Harry, we're trying to help."

"Don't talk to me Hermione." _You're not fit to._ That was at Harry's tip of the tongue and Hermione could sense it.

It was Ron's turn to speak angrily, "Come on Harry." But Hermione pressed his hand and signalled for him to stop. They should not be wasting time.

After a while, Albus thought that it was safe to continue.

"We're not going to lock you anywhere Harry. But we must find out about how we stand. I have discussed with Professors McGonagall and Snape and also Mr. Lupin. They agreed with my analysis of the situation."

"That night Voldemort possessed you Harry, it was clear that the both of you have a link. One that Voldemort appears to have mastered because he had been pushing through while you were trying to block that link."

"Are you trying to tell me I should just let the link continue so I can possess Voldemort too?" Harry asked incredulously. "He's powerful!"

"And so are you Harry. The only problem is that you're young and have not fully realised your potential. We'll need to remedy that."

Harry panicked. _I can't do this. I can't do anything. It's too big._

Albus sighed, "Oh Harry, I've told that if there were any choice, if I had all the power in the world, I would not have you go through this. But I can't. It's all been set down in the prophecy."

"And to think Muggles have it easy." Harry murmured, "They don't believe in fate."

"Do not for an instance think that the prophecy is all-controlling. We are ultimately the masters of our lives."

"Because we make our choices?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Yes." Albus said seriously.

"I didn't ask for any of this." Harry countered.

Severus could not help but be impressed. It was a formidable feat to unsettle Albus Dumbledore. Not to mention that it had already happened twice in a short span of time.

Remus said quietly, "Neither has any one of us Harry. I didn't ask to become a werewolf, did I?"

Harry looked wretched and Remus consoled him by continuing, "We must do the best we can with what we're given."

Another silence. This time the tension in the room lessened even though everyone was still gloomy. It was depressing to see that everyone had his or her own sorrow that was not his or her own making.

Remus sighed, "Now that that's cleared, Headmaster?"

"Yes." Albus replied softly, "Yes." A little while longer and Albus regained composure, "We might say that Harry, that since it's useless to stop Voldemort, then we should not stop you from entering his mind again. We can turn this thing against him Harry. Don't say anything for now. I know it seems impossible, but it's a theory we can try… There's also the matter regarding that singular interruption…"

Ron coughed, "Sorry sir, what interruption?" Hermione was curious too.

"Do you remember that at one point when Voldemort was talking through Harry, there was suddenly an interruption when another voice came and called for Professor Snape?"

"Oh. Yeah. I… I thought that V… you know, that he lost control for a bit." Ron brightened up, "Does that mean that his hold is not that strong?"

"No Ron, that's not what the interruption meant." Remus said.

"Then…"

"You shall see Mr. Weasley, albeit slowly." Severus said and turned to Harry, "What, Mr. Potter, do you call me behind my back?"

He heard Hermione gasp. She really was a clever witch.

Although Harry was wont to talk to Severus, he could see that there was no choice. Instead, Harry frowned, "I've got several names for you."

"How creative. But do they include Professor?"

Harry scowled, "No."

"Then if you called me when you first regained control of your body, would your natural reaction be to call me Professor?"

Harry thought about it. "No." He said at last, "Look, I don't remember anything about this interruption."

"You won't be mistaken. That's because it wasn't you who interrupted the Dark Lord. The voice we heard wasn't the Dark Lord's. But it wasn't yours either." It had taken Severus a good part of the night to figure it out and it had shaken him. "It was Adora Probus's."

That caught Harry's attention and horror gripped him. He was not thinking for himself now. "You mean… she's in there with Voldemort? But how?"

"We don't know." Albus admitted. "What Voldemort's experimenting have been largely unexplored before, or perhaps have never been recorded. And it seems Voldemort himself doesn't know that Miss Probus has become a part of him. Whether or not this can help us is uncertain."

"Oh gods." Hermione gasped. She had her suspicious and to hear them confirmed made them so much worse.

"That's sick!" Ron exclaimed simultaneously.

Remus sighed. "It's everyone's sentiment I'm sure Ron."

No one knew quite how to continue from there.

---

"Potter isn't taking it well Headmaster." Severus said when he was alone with Albus in the office.

"No. I didn't expect that." Albus responded, "He didn't take it as well as I hoped, but not as bad as I feared."

"What do you suggest we do now?"

"Harry will need extra private lessons in order to defeat Voldemort."

"Weren't you saying Occlumency was useless?"

"I was. Harry isn't going to learn Occlumency. What you need to teach this time is for Harry to master the mental link between Voldemort and him as well as Voldemort has."

"Did you say that I'm to train Potter again?" Severus thought back to the disaster two years ago. "Might I suggest that you do it, even though I know what your answer will be?"

"I've explained Severus. If I take over the teaching it will mean exposing myself to Voldemort. And I will be risking information of the Order to Harry and hence, Voldemort." Albus stared at Severus. _I do wish that there'll come a time when you'll stop flinching whenever his name is mentioned._ "Even if I use the Pensieve, you know very well I can't extract all the memories out of my mind involving the Order. There're too many."

Severus, on the other hand, did not give any thought for Albus's stare. Hearing Albus's old explanation for the umpteenth time, he sighed. "Sometimes I wonder. Albus, you don't mean me to believe such a frail attempt at lying. It insults my intelligence."

"Oh?"

"You've been using that excuse for too long and it's out of respect that I don't try to read your mind."

"I thought it's because you didn't want to see the socks and Gryffindor colours anymore?"

"Yes, that too." Severus snapped. He kept his mind focused. "But that reason you keep giving can very well apply in my situation too."

"Actually, there are two differences. My affections for Harry will one way or another, and make me more vulnerable if Harry unwittingly reads my mind and transfers any information to Voldemort. Whereas your…"

"Hatred?"

"I was going to say your natural disposition to suspicion and wariness."

"Why Albus, how incredibly tactful of you. And after all these years too. I had no idea." Severus grimaced. He knew what Albus's next sentence would and he did not like it. Hence, he decided to finished it for Albus.

"You think my wariness acts as a better guard to Harry's power?" Severus shook his head, "Loathe as I am to admit, his potential to become one of the most powerful wizards is great. It far exceeds mine."

"Come now Severus, your power…"

"Was carefully honed for more than three decades. Potter was only fifteen when he started Occlumency but he succeeded in overcoming my resistance then. Albus, he's seen…"

"I'm aware of that. So he saw your past." Albus paused. "Did he ever mention how disturbingly similar it is to his own?"

"The neglect and abuse in childhood?" Severus snorted, "Albus, I'm above that now."

_That was the most blatant lie yet Severus._

Because Severus did not know what Albus was thinking, he merely went on and said. "Potter won't like it. Besides, I may… dislike him, but you forget that I'll do whatever I can to save Adora. I will be tempted to subject Potter to all kinds of torture just to see if I can draw Adora's soul from Voldemort and return it to her body. I might end up killing him."

"_We can't leave Harry to his own devices!_" It was rare that Albus shouted, which made it unsettling. "Can't you see that it's taken a toll on him? He might not even make it to the… to…"

"Final battle?" Severus asked.

"Poetically put."

Albus poured himself a cup of tea to calm himself. There was silence for a while.

"Is this where I say sorry?" Severus asked after deciding silence was not conducive for discussion.

"What's there to say sorry about?" Albus grumbled.

"You tell me."

"No. You have your point about why you shouldn't take the job. I shouldn't have shouted at you."

Severus shrugged.

It was difficult for students, especially the younger ones, to conceive Albus as anything else apart from a jolly old wizard with a constant twinkle in his eye and made everyone wish grandfathers were like him. They were born after Grindelward and the first rise of Voldemort. Inside Hogwarts, Albus, to all appearances, was a benevolent Headmaster and was always patient with his students. And these students never questioned as to how it was that this gentle wizard was capable of defeating two Dark Wizards. For Albus could be cunning and ruthless too, and on rare occasions, his temper flared so as to frighten even Fawkes. He would wield his authority whenever necessary. It came out like a hidden dagger.

Severus was aware of it. He was also aware that Albus was one of the wisest and most compassionate people ever to walk the earth. People, after all, were only people. They had their own faults. Albus did not have the power to change everything. But Albus continued trying and trying to make things better that it was sometimes painful to watch him press on despite the exhaustion he showed. Hence when Albus could not succeed, he tended to lash out at people at unexpected moments. And because Severus seemed to possess a gift of provoking Albus more often than anyone else, he took most of the brunt of Albus's bursts of anger.

For the most part of it, Severus did not want to make things more difficult for Albus and he decided to be generous and accept Albus's form of apology.

"What was the other difference?" Severus asked casually.

"What?"

"You said there were two differences to make you decide that it was better for me to teach Potter instead."

"Oh yes." Albus compose himself, "You see, although I'm a master of Legilimency, I've never experienced a true test in mind games. You have. Quadrivium Severus. That in itself is a challenge. An amorphous, intangible place where anything can happen. And you survived it without hurting yourself."

"Oh that." Severus carelessly waved a hand, "That was nothing. Sheer dumb luck plus an apparition of Black egging me on."

Albus shook his head while Severus's bravado lessened as he remembered his experience there. It was not terrifying, but in its way, it was harrowing to find oneself wandering with no end in sight.

"Miss Granger was in it too and she survived. It wasn't bad Albus."

"Yes she did. That's why she's joining you to help Harry."

Albus was impressed when Severus did not react. He wondered if Severus saw it coming.

"Did you put her up to it?" Severus asked grimly, knowing Albus would do anything, short of murder, to ensure that Harry had the best preparation before he fought the Dark Lord. Even if it meant Hermione going through that whole mind dimension or whatever it was again, Albus would not shy from it. Besides, they knew Hermione was extremely capable and had the presence of mind to deal with practically any situation.

Albus said, "Hermione's a brave witch who will help a friend in need. In fact, she was the one who approached me to see if she could help."

Hermione, he called her Hermione. Severus thought. Did it mean that Hermione had truly taken after Albus's heart because she was always looking out for Harry, or was Albus was calling her by her name for his sake? Either way, he did not want to know. Not now.

Severus sighed. "I'm sure she did. Bloody Gryffindors and their bloody meddling, lion-hearted ways."

Albus smiled.

---

"No Severus. I'm sure you're mistaken."

"I'm certain I'm not. I've been practising Occlumency since before you were born and I know it like that back of my hand."

"But how many times do you look at the back of your hand Severus?" Hermione asked tartly. "Just hear me out first, all right? To master Occlumency, you should learn Legilimency first."

Hermione scratched her head figuratively as Severus mulled over her theory.

They were currently in the library on a Saturday, free of disturbances because Severus had expressly forbidden anyone to go there. They needed the library to do a little research. Severus had also brought some of his own books for Hermione to look through.

Although Hermione had done some research on Occlumency during the summer holidays, she had not put it to practice. After a furious interrogation of what Hermione's knowledge on Occlumency was, Severus was satisfied that at the very least, Hermione did not have any misconceptions on the subject. Until she suggested that she felt Occlumency is better mastered if it went hand in hand with Legilimency.

"You have learnt Legilimency haven't you?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Of course I have. But Potter hasn't."

"Well, aren't you going to teach him that?"

"I might not. The link between the Dark Lord's and Potter's minds is unique. It was forged out of their first meeting when the Dark Lord gave Potter his scar and their meeting at the cemetery when Potter's blood was used for the Dark Lord's resurrection. Ordinary Legilimens do not have the power to establish themselves in anyone so that they can manipulate that person's mind anytime they want. It's not Legilimency we're looking at Hermione. It's a different scale of mental challenge altogether."

"Maybe, but isn't it true that if you are an Occlumens who also studies Legilimency, you'll have the advantage of learning how to deflect a Legilimens from reading your mind in a more precise fashion?" Hermione saw Severus's distaste when she said "reading your mind" and hastily added, "For want of a better term."

"It's never been proven." Severus said.

"Is Voldemort an Occlumens?" Hermione mused.

Severus winced slightly and replied, "No. Legilimency was and is allowed legally and the Dark Lord might have learnt it after graduating from Hogwarts. Strange, but Albus never could ascertain that. Records in the Ministry weren't kept as meticulously as they are now. Nonetheless, Occlumency is even more obscure than Legilimency. I remember the Dark Lord saying that it's useless against his mastery as a Legilimens."

"Volde--- He doesn't value Occlumency very much."

"So it appears. However, even if he hasn't learnt it, it doesn't mean anyone can use Legilimency on him. He knows when someone is trying to delve into his mind."

Hermione wisely refrained from asking how he knew that. Instead she went on to say, "It might explain why your Occlumency can overcome _his_ Legilimency if my theory is right.

Severus sighed, "Hermione, you can address the Dark Lord any way you prefer in front of me. You don't have to consider about my feelings in that regard. Albus has been training me to stop flinching at the Dark Lord's name for twenty years to no avail. So we decided to settle for Albus to go on calling the Dark Lord however he likes and I to go on flinching."

"Are you afraid of him?"

"Oh yes. Very." Severus marvelled at his readiness to show weakness. On the other hand, Hermione had been in his mind before, and had seen him break down. With Hermione, there was no excuse to hide.

It was Hermione's turn to wince. Still, she did not think a pep talk would suffice. So she switched topics.

"How did you learn Occlumency then?"

"Not a subtle way to change the subject?" Severus raised an eyebrow at the swiftness Hermione went.

"No." But Hermione did not meet his eye.

Severus smiled and said drily, "I read."

"So does he. From what I gather from the older staff, he was one of the most intelligent students around."

"He set a whole new bar to the number of N.E.W.T.S. a student can take, breaking the record held for two centuries. You might try breaking his record if you're keen or mad enough."

"How many…"

"Fourteen."

"Oh." Hermione could only say. "How many did you take?"

Severus kept quiet and leafed through a book to keep himself busy.

"You took fourteen didn't you?" Hermione said almost accusingly.

Severus paid no attention, "The Dark Lord is intelligent, but he lacks the required family background to get into some of the vaults at Gringotts. They used to belong to the Ministry who kept whatever books they found to be priceless or highly suspicious. The Malfoys owned them at one point. It was Lucius's father's stroke of genius to suggest that Fudge transfer the vaults to his name and I had the advantage of gaining access to them as a student. God knows how many wizards and witches have been tearing the earth apart just to find books that are right under their noses. Literally."

"What about later? Didn't he use the vaults?"

"The Dark Lord did not want to risk appearing in public. Hence, he sent his trusted man who he felt was intelligent enough to understand what he was looking for."

"That was you."

Severus grinned, "That was me. I'm quite proud of that achievement. I gave him books that would please him and hid those that were a real danger."

"And now…"

"And now he can't access them. I gave them to Albus to deal with them. I must warn you at this stage Hermione, that I fear the Dark Lord's planning something grand. He isn't as cautious as he was and theatrics like those he displayed with Potter are the first signs that he's happy about something. Things are probably going according to his plans. If so, we'll all be in danger."

"When aren't we?"

"This is serious." Severus admonished.

"You're many things Severus but don't try to be priggish. It doesn't suit you. I know it's serious and I can take care of myself." Hermione paused.

"Just so you understand." Severus said brusquely.

Hermione was slightly startled at the abrupt change in his demeanour. She wondered if she had spoken out of turn, and decided that she had not.

"You shouldn't be here."

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked, now puzzled at his abrupt change in topic.

"You shouldn't be even in this mess."

Ah.

It was rare to see Severus show concern for anyone openly. Voluntarily. His words were seldom kind and Hermione had learnt that when it came to Severus, actions were more important than words. He would scorn Harry in front of everyone, but he would do whatever it took to protect him. He would reduce students to tears or subject them to horrendous punishments but he would make sure that they passed Potions and go into the world prepared. Hence, his personal remarks still took her by surprise.

"You don't deserve this. You're supposed to care only about books and… and more books. You should be thinking about what you'll do after graduation, not whether you'll survive an endless war."

It was almost endearing, if the man were not beside himself with anger. At heart, Hermione thought that it was because Severus never was resigned to the fact that life was unfair.

"I should have known better than to let Albus persuade me into letting you help me."

"We've talked about it before, remember?"

"And I allowed you to convince me that it was all right. I should have thrown you out of the office when I had the chance. You thought that I allowed you to walk around me because I was indulging your whim, didn't you?"

Another turn in direction. This time, Hermione was speechless.

"I believed that too, at first. But then you had to talk about friendship and all the foolish things only Albus ever dared talked to me about. Then I questioned why I did let you in. Now, you're sitting opposite me, talking to me about how to fight the Dark Lord as though we're partners. And that's because I allowed you, us, to become closer. To a point where I can't imagine you not helping. To a point where I get worried sick every time I wonder what would happen if the Dark Lord took you like he did Adora. Potter was right. I've even abused my position. I've even..."

Severus stopped. He had said too much.

Angry at himself and blaming the rest of the world, Severus decided that the best solution was to continuing reading his book. Books occupied his mind and shut his mouth.

Hermione stared at him.

_Yes. We never talked about that. We've held each other and comforted one another in our despair. I've even kissed you to wish you luck when you went to Voldemort. But I'd have done it for anyone in your position. It'd be natural for me. But that you of all people… You were nervous. I know you were. Friends aren't supposed to be nervous with each other._

Severus was oblivious to Hermione's dilemma. He was busy pretending that he was fascinated by the contents of the book.

_Why did you kiss me? A thank you would have been enough for you, wouldn't it?_

Hermione wondered if she dared ask. Wondered if she could prepare herself for his answer. Wondered if he even knew what his answer was.

_This isn't the time. Not now. We can't be distracted now. You won't like it and you won't approve._

_But_, Hermione thought as she watched Severus reach for another book, _when the time comes I'll know what this all means. And then we'll see Severus._

---

A/N:

_"We must do the best we can with what we're given."_ Sounds like a variation of Gandalf's "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.". Wasn't intentional. :)

---

_"I know it like that back of my hand."_

_"But how many times do you look at the back of your hand Severus?" _

is a variation of Sweeper's and Vimes's exchange in Terry Pratchett's Night Watch.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Harry did not think that he would ever have to listen to Snape again other than during Potions classes.

This time, he was not alone with Snape.

Harry did not acknowledge Hermione's presence in Snape's office. In fact, he was doing his best to pretend that she was not there at all. Part of it of course, came out of his being angry. But, another part that was growing within him was a sort of shame. The kind that made him feel that he might be wrong. Somehow. And unbelievably stupid. Harry wanted to disregard that part, but it kept weighing on his conscience.

Dumbledore had told him that Hermione would be there because she was Snape's assistant and apprentice and it would do her good to observe and learn whilst Harry was practising whatever Snape had planned for him. Harry was certain it was also something to do with "maintaining the typical male adrenalin below saturation level" as he had overheard McGonagall confide snidely to Hooch in the staff room.

Hermione had tried to tell him but he had pretended to be busy with Quidditch practice. He felt badly for ignoring her and could hardly blame her for not walking with him to Snape's office this evening. Still, it irritated him to see that she was already there when he had arrived. She was sitting at the corner behind Snape too. It was as though she was not on his side, but Snape's. Being on par with Snape where his friends were concerned was shocking and Harry was miserable. He did not know how to handle with it. He wanted to shout, but he had already done that and no one seemed to mind. He wanted someone to repair this damage, but people were telling him there was no damage in the first place. He wanted explanations, but he did not want to hear those that were in Snape's favour.

In short, just this once, he wanted to be unfair. Snape had never been fair to him. Harry saw no reason why he could not do it either.

The idea that Hermione would keep something as calamitous as a… connection with Snape was to him, a form of betrayal. Harry could tolerate Hermione defending Snape because she was always respectful towards teachers and he knew she was correct to say that Snape was someone Dumbledore trusted. But not befriending Snape. He would never see the point in anyone being friends with Snape unless you were as sadistic as Snape was.

Since he had recovered and was allowed to leave the Hospital Wing, Harry had not said a word to Hermione. That was last week, and Hermione wondered how long Harry was going to stay mad.

Giving a quick glance at Severus, she decided it was better to remain quiet and hide the fact that she was affected by the cold shoulder Harry was giving him. She knew she had done nothing wrong.

Harry had not been truthful about why Severus had abruptly ended lessons, that much Hermione suspected. Severus was usually thorough in whatever he did and he would have made sure that Harry had mastered Occlumency fully before letting Harry off the hook. She had tried to ask subtly what the real reason was, but Harry had stuck resolutely to his explanation that Severus had been satisfied with his progress.

Seeing Severus extract his memories and placing them in the Pensieve, Hermione's mind went _ding_. Harry had always been curious. Seeing as how Severus made a show of placing the Pensieve in the cupboard and locking the cupboard up before glaring at Harry, Hermione was sure she was right and a little mystery of two years had been solved.

"I see we are all assembled" Severus said as though he were speaking to an ordinary class full of tens students. "I trust I don't have to repeat what I've taught you about Legilimency and Occlumency Potter"

Harry answered by way of shrugging.

"A nod would suffice" Severus said drily. Then he added with a hint of warning"And a 'Sir' is always appropriate." He was not as uptight as he was the first time he had to teach Potter. Hermione was here, and oddly, that was enough. At least it was enough to make him self-conscious and remind him not to display any of that violent temper he possessed.

He could sense her observing him and pictured her with her quill poised expectantly in the air and her parchment on her lap. She was even prepared take down notes as she had said when he had raised his eyebrow in bemused fashion when she had entered the office armed with a large roll of parchment and a bottle filled with fresh ink. Shaking his head at her inexhaustible eagerness to learn, Severus did not waste further time. Indicating that Potter should take his position, Severus took out his wand and pointed it at Potter.

"I am told that you have been practising on your own Potter. Let us see how much you have accomplished. _Legilimens_."

Harry in the streets alone. Harry eating leftovers in the kitchen. A woman screaming. Harry fighting in the Department of Mysteries. Harry getting shoved by Dudley. Harry watching Dudley and his numerous presents on Dudley's birthday.

In the midst of the exchange, Harry possessed enough presence of mind to wonder bitterly. _You would think some memory would be happy at least._ And he wondered if Snape heard that.

Dumbledore telling the prophecy to Harry. Sirius falling through the veil. Harry running in the dark with Hermione and Ron. And always, a menacing pair of red eyes following them wherever they went.

_Interesting_, Hermione marvelled at the stillness of the figures as the spell went on. _Both of them look like they're pulled out of time… or caught in a moment in time. Like an interlocking battle of minds._

Just as quickly as the spell was cast, so too did it end abruptly.

Harry took a little more time to recover and readjust to his surroundings compared to a more experienced Severus.

"What was that Potter" Severus asked angrily.

"What"

Severus tried to keep his voice steady. "That pair of eyes hovering over us all the time."

Harry stared at Severus, before asking rhetorically"I think you know what they are, don't you? Sir." At Severus's withering glare, Harry grimaced and said"Those are dreams I've been having."

"For how long"

Harry shrugged"Since Voldemort did his splendid display of proving he's controlling me."

"Of proving he _can_ control you." Severus corrected tersely. Those dreams complicated matters. He wondered if he should continue the lesson and risk the Dark Lord choosing to possess the boy's mind at any time and have the training backfire. Was the Dark Lord inside Potter even as they were talking?

"Why didn't you tell us" Hermione asked, compelling Harry to look at her.

"I don't have to report everything to you." Harry said bitingly"There're things that I want to keep private. It's just like you and your private stuff isn't it"

"You can't keep those that involve Voldemort private." Hermione said, unperturbed.

"And you can't keep your connections with _him_ private." Harry snapped.

Severus sighed. How ironic that Harry Potter would say the Dark Lord's name with absurd ease but refuse to say Severus's name out of disgust or spite.

"We'll try another round" Severus said at last, after deciding that things had not gone out of turn the first time and it was not as though the Dark Lord did not know that Severus was no longer his loyal subject.

Severus pointed his wand at Harry and uttered"_Legilimens_."

To Severus's surprise, Harry cried out another spell at the same time out of sheer exasperation. "_Expelliarmus_."

And to Severus's chagrin, the spell hit him and flung him backwards. What happened afterwards took place so rapidly that there did not seem to be a linear thread, but a convoluted one. If the three of them tried, the experience could be described as such.

When Harry cast the spell to defend himself, Severus's memory was being invaded instead. As Severus struggled to break the link between the both of them, he realised with something akin to shock that he was about to crash into Hermione. Severus then murmured a spell to move Hermione out of the way.

However, Hermione, seeing Severus hurtling backward, cast another spell to cushion his fall.

All three spells met each other simultaneously and produced a result that could only be described as blankness.

-

"Oh look" Harry said sarcastically after regaining a sense of normalcy. "We're floating."

Indeed the three of them appeared to be standing in a grey nothingness that was too familiar to Hermione and Severus.

"Quadrivium" Severus sighed wearily.

"Quadrivium." Hermione confirmed resignedly.

"What's that supposed to mean" Harry asked.

"It's a place, a sort of limbo where our minds are thrown into." Hermione explained. "No one knows exactly what it is. And I certainly don't know how we're going to get out of here."

"Well that's a first." Harry said, although his voice had no malicious tone to which Hermione was relieved. "We're not in anybody's mind"

"No."

"How did we get here"

Severus reasoned to himself. "When I cast_ Legilimens_ on Potter, he caught me off-guard by deflecting the spell more quickly than I expected. He established a link with me… Yes, I must say the phrase irks me more than it does you Potter" he added when he heard Harry scoff"It was my mind you were about to enter if you care to note. When Herm… Miss Granger tried to break my fall with another spell, it must have inevitably linked our minds up as it did before. Perhaps the _Quadriva_spell made our minds more susceptible to each other's. But because Potter is also involved, there is an interchange of three minds instead of two, and we… It seems that the series of events sparked off a trigger that landed us in Quadrivium."

"Right." Harry sneered in a way even Severus would have been proud had he noticed. "So now I not only have to know about you two being together, but that you two have a… what, connection"

"Meeting of the minds." Severus muttered distractedly. In more ways than one. Then it occurred to him the implications of "being together". He frowned. It was amusing at first to see Harry frustrated with Harry's perceived ambiguity of his relationship with Hermione. But now, Severus questioned the appropriateness and proximity of their relationship.

Harry broke into Severus's thoughts. "You wish. Hermione doesn't want to have anything to do with you. She's just scared of you. She doesn't want a connection with you anymore than I want a connection with…"

It finally dawned on all three of them.

Harry's face turned pale. "Oh gods…" he exhaled"Is Voldemort here too"

"He might be" another voice entered the conversation, a lost voice.

Harry stared at the person who appeared seemingly from nowhere. And Hermione, who had been in Quadrivium but had not seen the apparition when she finally caught up with Severus, was no less thrilled.

"Sirius" Harry exalted as he reached out to hold the man's arm. His fingers went through the figure and he felt nothing. Not even a chill.

"I am not your godfather Mr. Potter." The apparition said calmly. "He has gone into another realm long ago."

Harry's pain twisted in his heart. "Then who… what are you"

"A mere manifestation whilst you're in this place. Of course, when I say 'place' that is not wholly true."

Hermione saw Harry's disappointment at how distant this 'Sirius' sounded. It seemed that 'Sirius' sensed it and added sympathetically"You may call me Sirius whilst you are here Harry."

'Sirius''s hand hovered over Harry's head as though he were touching him. Then he spoke to Severus"I must admit my astonishment to find you and your students here professor."

"Can you take us out of here" Severus demanded.

"You make it sound as though Quadrivium is only a mere inconvenience professor." 'Sirius' chided. "How do you do Miss Granger."

Hermione, who was somewhat taken aback by 'Sirius''s graciousness, could only nod in response.

"Nevertheless" Severus insisted"we must leave this instant. If the Dark Lord…"

"Your magic does not work here. You are powerless against him as he you. If he is here, he will not be able to harm you. You will leave this place when it is time."

"When will that be"

"I cannot tell you." 'Sirius' replied. As he said that, two paths began to form at their feet.

"Ah. It seems that a walk is encouraged. There is not much here. But we can use our imagination. Come Harry."

Harry stirred"Are we all going to walk together"

"There are two paths here, and I can only surmise that we are meant to walk whichever path we want. You can choose if you like."

"They look the same to me."

"And they might well lead to the same destination." 'Sirius' smiled. "Just because the paths are different does not mean they will not meet again. Or that anyone will get lost."

Harry took one step towards the path on his left, away from Severus, who raised his eyebrows before taking the other path.

'Sirius' said helpfully"If Harry does not mind, I shall accompany him. And since we should all have a little company, perhaps Miss Granger will risk taking a walk with Professor Snape, that is, if she is agreeable of course."

Hermione was blinked in surprise when she saw 'Sirius' wink at her. Then, she smiled.

"Yes, of course." She joined Severus, who looked at her morosely.

_I think we're in for a mood swing._ Hermione thought.

-

When Harry started walking with 'Sirius', he was fuming, as usual. He refused to talk to 'Sirius' who had tried initially to engage him in conversation. 'Sirius' then stopped trying and fell into step with Harry. That made Harry even angrier, because the real Sirius would be fooling around with Harry to cheer him up or turn into his Animagus form of a dog and prance about. Harry could not understand what was happening and he wondered if, quite possibly, he were going mad.

But Quadrivium had a magic of its own, very different from the world's, which separated magic into dark and light. Like Severus during his first stumble upon Quadrivium, Harry soon appreciated that the place had a strange, comforting presence about it. It was quiet; it was free from shouting and chaos. It was surreal by its very nature and Harry delighted when at one point, he found himself soaring in the air effortlessly. It was as though he was free from all worries and he became light-hearted for the first time in goodness-knew-how-long. He had always enjoyed flying. Soon, he forgot his woes. He forgot everything and everyone, including Hermione and Severus who were elsewhere in Quadrivium.

Next, the walk continued and Harry grinned at the sights around him, sometimes as clear as diamonds, sometimes as undefined as mist. He turned left and saw mountains and streams. He turned right and saw a desert under a black sky twinkling with stars. He jumped and landed in a grassy field. 'Sirius' sat beside him.

"It's like heaven."

'Sirius' looked at Harry sharply.

Harry said dreamily"I can almost imagine that I'll see Dad and Mum here." He turned to 'Sirius'"Did you do all this"

'Sirius' shook his head. "I'm only a caretaker of the place. You might say Quadrivium made me." He paused. "It shows you what you need sometimes. A little respite."

"I can stay here forever. How long have we walked? I don't feel tired at all."

"Exhaustion is physical. There is nothing here, not even time takes part in Quadrivium."

Harry sighed. 'Sirius' sounded… stern.

"You're not Sirius. Do you… do you have his memory"

"No, but I know quite a lot that happens in your world."

"Sirius would be making me laugh now."

"I cannot think of anything that Sirius Black can do to make you laugh. Unless he appears in front of you now. That is all you want." 'Sirius' continued"You haven't laughed for quite some time Harry."

"Why should I" Harry said sadly"Nothing's good happened. Can you turn into Mum? Or Dad"

"I suppose I can. But I still will not be them."

"I wish… they are here. Why did they have to die"

"Love Harry. Your parents loved you and died for you."

"I've heard that before." Harry said"Over and over. Dumbledore keeps telling me that the only way to defeat Voldemort is to love. I don't see that. I only see people dying to protect their loved ones and their loved ones still suffer. Why do I have to love only to get misery in return? People die for no reason, except that they're in Voldemort's way. Look at Probus. She's only a kid. Her father died for her and she hasn't even finished her first year in Hogwarts."

'Sirius' contemplated this. For once, Harry heard 'Sirius' sounding unsure.

"I… I am not a human being. I cannot explain the complexities of human interactions. I have seen history playing over repeatedly and have tried to understand your world's mechanisms. Humans… they are torn between what they think is right and wrong. But somehow, one side will survive in the end and the world tries to repair itself again."

"Do you think we're stupid"

'Sirius' smiled"Not stupid, never that. Perhaps… fools for their ideology, but not stupid fools. And sometimes, fools that get caught up in a war when they don't want to be in it at all. Like you. You have love Harry, you know it. But you suppress it and you resist taking up your responsibility when you should. I sympathise I do. You are young. It is unfair to ask you to lead the world into salvation. Albus Dumbledore sympathises too. He wishes that he can take it all away. But he cannot. This is who you are."

Harry felt deeply moved.

"I wish I hadn't said those things to Dumbledore" he whispered chastised.

"There are ways to make up for it. The Headmaster will understand."

"I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes to not disappoint him, or Dad and Mum. I'll work hard. I'll talk to Lupin. I'll definitely make up to Hermione. But I'm not going to like Snape."

"No." 'Sirius' smiled again"It is quite difficult to like Snape."

Harry grinned"Now that's the first thing you've said that's pleasing on my ears."

"You won't like the following sentence then. It is difficult to like Professor Snape. But it is not impossible. You must at least concede that he is not evil."

Harry threw his hands up. "I don't like him. I don't like him with Hermione. I don't like Hermione hiding things from me and Ron. I'll wish that Snape's not having a good time, except that Hermione's with him. Where are they anyway"

'Sirius' replied"Talking and walking like us. I'll go as far as to say…" He stopped and began to look uneasy. He looked up, like he was receiving wordless orders from the surroundings.

Harry said"Sirius, what is it"

'Sirius' seemed to be listening and had the ferocious look of a hunter when he stood up.

"Something is wrong. Come Harry."

-

Severus grimaced when the path he and Hermione were walking on suddenly disappeared without warning, only to appear again in shimmering colours of silver and gold.

"It's not much, but it certainly is dramatic." Hermione commented when a tree with silver leaves started growing beside her. The leaves fell off the branches and when Hermione reached out to catch them, they disintegrated into silver dust that slipped through her fingers without any sensation.

"This isn't where we're supposed to be." Severus sneered.

He hated this. He hated the feeling of helplessness. He hated that only recently, he had told Hermione that she should not be involved and here she was in Quadrivium again. He hated giving private tuition to Harry Potter on unorthodox skills, even though they were not truly dark magic. He hated not knowing if they were safe from the Dark Lord. He hated not knowing what was happening to their bodies while their minds were currently lingering into limbo. Merlin knew what would happen if a bold student walked into the office to find three apparently unconscious bodies. Merlin knew what rumours would spread.

He shouted in mingled rage and exasperation when he suddenly found himself in a rain that did not drench him.

"Severus, there's no helping it. Relax a little, well at least try. It's very poor company you make to moan and groan about being here."

"I never promised to be good company. You decided to take the risk in joining me." Severus said grouchily.

"Yes yes, I deserve it." Hermione replied drily.

"It has nothing to do with you." Severus said brusquely. _Well, actually, it has, but not the way you think. Oh do stop your whining._

Damn 'Sirius Black' and his suggestions. It would be better if he walked alone. Then again, Severus did want Hermione's company. He derived solace from it. But it was unnatural after decades of solitude. Severus had always conversed well with Hermione after they had begun knowing each other better. But now, he did not know what to say and was tense. He mentally added to his current list of hates these opposing feelings when it came to Hermione. It was that damned kiss. It was not even meant to be forward. He meant to be a form of thank-you. But Harry brought in other implications, and they somehow made horrific sense. Severus had somehow brought their relationship to another level. From distant to cordial to friendly to… what? What exactly?

"Don't look so cross Severus."

All Hermione received was a trademark scowl.

Hermione sighed. Severus had once described Quadrivium. There had been an unbelievable wistfulness in his voice. Then he switched tact when he realised he was giving too much of himself away and started barking at her to give him the ingredients of the _Cessation_ Potion. So Hermione did not think Severus disliked the place. And she was confident that it was not her presence that was upsetting him or she would have been shut out of his office months ago. She wondered and then decided that enjoying the sights was better than deciphering Severus's thoughts. He looked like he was on automatic and he was walking unseeing. The man was too mercurial for her liking sometimes.

The rain stopped moments after and Hermione saw clouds, both above and below, with golden rays shining through them. She blinked when multiple rainbows appeared. In a flickering moment, they were on top of mountains and she instinctively knew that they would not fall off the edge. At times an eagle passed them by like a guardian. It would gaze at them ponderously but Hermione was unafraid. Once, the eagle stooped low and in its beak was a ruby shaped like an apple. It dropped it neatly into Hermione's outstretched hand and flew away. Hermione was surprised that the ruby turned into different shapes at different angles.

She gasped when she found herself sliding down a gentle slope to end up at a beach.

"Severus, Severus, they have your sea"

"What" Severus's mind tried to recall what he had just heard. How long had he been dreaming?

Hermione pointed excitedly, the ruby having disappeared from her hand. "We're at the sea! Or, or something very much like it."

"Humph" was Severus's strangled response.

Indeed it resembled the little sanctuary he went to. But this was glaringly different in that the sea appeared to them in daylight. He had always been to the real sea, which Hermione knew to be the Devil's Elbow, at night. It both shook and frightened him to see the place from a different view. And unbeknownst to him, Hermione saw that fear reflected in his eyes.

Odd that in some ways, Hermione felt that she was older and stronger than Severus was. Odd that in some ways, Severus was his own prisoner.

Hermione had to balance between forcibly pulling Severus by the hand and cajoling him to move closer to the sea.

"It's so beautiful in the day, don't you agree" Hermione exclaimed. "Do you think we can swim in it"

"Hermione, I don't think…"

"I'm sure we can swim in it. We've nothing else to do. We're here. Why don't we make the best of it" Hermione said petulantly. "I'm going in with or without you. But you wouldn't want to leave me alone, would you"

"Are you even giving me an option? Hermione, I'm not a person to give choices that are not choices." Actually, Severus was fed-up with them. All his life, it was the same thing over and over again.

_Do you want to study or do you want to displease your father?_

_Do you want to hop onto that broomstick or have everyone call you a sissy?_

_Severus__, I shouldn't ask you but will you turn spy for us? It's your choice._

At least Voldemort and Lucius had never done that. They had never asked but simply brought him under their wings, believing anyone would think it an honour that he or she was selected by the all-powerful.

Severus sighed. These thoughts were unworthy of Dumbledore. But Severus was himself unworthy.

Hermione finally said quietly"Yes, I forget. You're more sensitive in that way… We don't have to swim if you don't like it, truly. We can just sit here and admire the view."

Severus thought for a while.

"Come on then." And he ran for the sea.

Hermione chuckled in relief and ran after him.

"Like before" she shouted.

"Just as before, we'll swim to the horizon"

"What does that mean"

"Who knows"

Hermione and Severus swam and did not feel tired. In fact they were not putting in any effort at all. The waters parted for them and they found themselves gliding across the surface. With Hermione laughing, they moved in circles before settling on lying on the water surface, staring at a clear blue sky.

And after a while, Severus felt that it was easier to talk to Hermione. They were several feet apart and they did not have to look at each other.

"Hermione"

"Hm"

"I'm terribly sorry for making such a fuss."

"Oh, never mind. I'm used to it." Hermione said jocularly. Then she said seriously"Severus, what's wrong"

Over the calm surface, she could hear him sigh.

"Nothing you need to worry about Hermione." Severus replied. "It's really… nothing."

"You… really don't want to talk"

"Not really. I won't know how to put it into words." Severus sighed again"I wish you aren't caught up in this mess."

"You can't hide me from it, much less keep me from meddling." Hermione pointed out.

_I'm afraid Hermione. You don't know that._

"Severus, why did you…" Hermione managed to stop herself. "Severus, you do… That is, you do care for me, don't you"

Severus tensed. What was Hermione trying to ask?

"Of course I care… As much as I care for Adora and Serena." There. That was a safe answer.

"I'm not a child."

"You're seventeen and I'm twenty-three years older than you Hermione. It's a big difference."

After saying that, Severus wondered in consternation. _Is that it? Is that what's bothering you?_

"You make yourself out to be so old."

"I am Hermione. I'm no longer the impressionable teenager I was. Not that there's much improvement, but there's not much energy or ambition left in me. Except, well, to teach DADA. Look at the disgusting line of professors Dumbledore invites."

"Severus don't you dare change the subject." Hermione caught that red herring irritably and threw it aside. "Is this bothering you very much? Me being with you"

How did an innocent topic become something more dangerous?

"Hermione, I can't…"

"No, I respect that. But why can't you simply accept it first"

"It's not normal" Severus sat up straight and the sea faded away. They were now sitting on a flat plain.

Hermione said calmly, unperturbed by the change of surroundings or by Severus's agitation. "If you think that way, if it makes you feel better, we can stop seeing each other."

"Hermione, what are you saying? I don't… I don't even know what's going on between us. Are you… Do I… I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know what I think about you. Or, or feel."

"I'm not sure about how I feel exactly for you either Severus." Hermione admitted. "But it's stronger than mere friendship. I'm not going to pester you about it or become difficult and ask you questions. I only wish you won't deny what I'm feeling, and it seems, what you're feeling too. After the war is over Severus, we can talk."

Severus was amazed to see Hermione looking so serious. It struck him that he had a lot to be grateful for Hermione and her incredible maturity. And it struck him forcibly how much he did not want to jeopardise their relationship.

"Very well" he said stiffly. A flood of relief came over him when Hermione smiled, albeit nervously, given their awkward situation.

And because he wanted it and this was Quadrivium where no one was watching them, Severus leaned forward to hug Hermione. The moment was brief, for against Severus's mistaken belief, an intruder broke in gleefully.

"I loathe to interrupt the sweet occasion, but where has propriety gone to"

-

Author's Note:

Thanks for all the reviews people and here's a little insert for a doodle I've done of a scene with Severus and the Probus sisters. You have to take out the spaces in between to get the link though.

www. livejournal. com/ users/ btvshond/ 41859. html#cutid1

Definitely something canon will never write about. Snape and children.


	19. Chaper 19

Chapter 19

Voldemort added in part amusement, part aloofness. "This is very interesting."

Hermione felt Severus's embrace turn into a tight grip. She looked at Severus and saw that he was angry.

For a while, Hermione was incredulous as to whether the newcomer really was Voldemort. Then she remembered her first time in Quadrivium and seeing Voldemort in his earlier years through Severus's memory. Although appearing in his seventies now, it was a handsome man standing several feet away from them, and not the vile, snake-like creature that the world had come to recognise and that Harry had described to them. Very handsome, with thick locks of jet-black hair that was only beginning to hint of grey at the temples, chiselled features and dark penetrating eyes that did not glow red.

This was a Voldemort that Severus recognised. His eyes dimmed as he remembered his youth. Outrage and fear fought for dominance over him, as the fresh memories of how he had witnessed Adora succumb to Voldemort overwhelmed him. The incident of losing Adora affected him more than he realised and the prospect of losing Hermione seized him with terror. It would not do, he had nearly gone mad with grief when he had failed to save Adora.

_If Hermione's taken, if she's taken… if she's gone…_

"My lord." He said, his voice surprisingly steady. There was even a hint of warning in it.

Hermione wondered if he was acting in front of Voldemort or whether he really was unafraid. Unlike his voice, he was trembling.

The look on Severus's face was hard to bear and Hermione reached out to hold him.

"Severus," Hermione was startled, "Your hands are cold." And she tried to warm them up by massaging them. "What a touching scene to see two little souls care for the other's well-being more than one's own." Voldemort moved as if to step forward, which prompted Severus to get onto his feet and pull Hermione up with him.

"Keep away from her." Severus yelled. "Just you keep away from her." He released Hermione and urged her to run, only to have her remain beside him stubbornly.

"Hermione, don't, don't worry about me." And he turned to look at Voldemort threateningly. He had not seen Voldemort's human face for a long time. No one had. It stirred in him both anger and pity. Anger because Voldemort had rejected humanity and he had no right to claim it again. Pity because What a great annoyance of great talent which could have been used for… Severus hesitated to use the word 'good'. But it was all he could think of. And he understood how easily it was to succumb to hate and despair when the whole world seemed to be against you since birth. He knew Tom Riddle's story and although Albus kept emphasising people were responsible for their choices in life, Severus felt that sometimes, life did not give the same choices to everyone.

Severus suppressed his pity ruthlessly. He could not afford it, and Voldemort did not want it. He brushed Hermione aside when she stubbornly remained beside him.

"Severus, he can't hurt us here." As she comforted him, Hermione held Severus's hand to reassure him. "We're still standing here quite safely, aren't we?"

"Your young sweetheart seems to have retained her wits more than you have Severus." Voldemort said mockingly, "Really Severus. First it was a parental affection for Adora Probus and now this infatuation with this Mudblood. Aren't you too old for innocent courtship?" Voldemort smiled at Hermione, "I have heard much about you, Miss Granger. I must have missed you when my servants and I were in the Department of Mysteries the last time. What a great annoyance you are and what a great loss I can't kill you here. This place is exceedingly uncooperative. I don't even have my wand with me."

"How did you come here?" Hermione asked coldly, unheeding of Voldemort's insults which were actually compliments because they meant that he viewed her as a hindrance to his work and important enough to kill.

"I was trying to probe Potter's mind when I discovered that you were all doing a little experiment. You weren't controlling each other's minds properly and brought us all to this other realm. A most fascinating experiment. A most interesting result. So much magic here, all not harnessed…"

"A magic beyond the wizarding world's control Tom Riddle." 'Sirius' said calmly. And it was Hermione's and Severus's turn to observe the scene.

When Harry and 'Sirius' had come upon the scene a few moments ago, they had understood the matter quickly. Harry was furious at Voldemort's interference even in this tranquil place and rushed forward in challenge.

'Sirius' continued, not the least worried about Harry standing close to Voldemort. For the first time his voice held a steely hint of anger. "It's a magic that is different from your magic, dark or light. You will do well to respect it."

"Or it'll swallow you up." Harry said defiantly. He did not care if he were mistaken. He wanted to wipe Voldemort's arrogance out of his face. He was himself unsettled to see Voldemort's human face. One that revealed and reminded that Voldemort, too, was human. Had been, Harry corrected himself. Seeing Voldemort's human form in Quadrivium emphasised the change Voldemort had willingly undertaken to become what he was. He had changed into a monster. And Harry realised that that was all there was to Voldemort. Harry had killed monsters before. He remembered the Basilisk. He did not enjoy destroying it, but he was doing what was necessary.

Voldemort was nonchalant about what Harry had said. Instead, he turned to address 'Sirius'.

"I would have thought that a place like Quadrivium will not take any sides." Voldemort said.

"Quadrivium does not choose Mr. Riddle." 'Sirius' replied. "That is true. We do not meddle with your world, and when you enter ours, we'll find a way to bring you back unharmed. We neither help one side nor destroy the other. But." He paused and stared at Voldemort. "One would do well to respect Quadrivium. Our magic is far more powerful than yours."

"And what a waste it all is." Voldemort whispered back. Clearly he was in awe, although he tried to behave superior to everyone around him, including 'Sirius'.

Hermione, worried for Harry because he was too near to Voldemort for her liking, tugged at Severus's hand to indicate that she was leaving. Then she walked slowly to Harry who was still furious.

"Come on Harry, let's get away from him." She said.

Harry's stubbornness refused to listen but his conscience reminded him of his conversation with 'Sirius'. And although he would like nothing better than to beat up Voldemort, there was no knowing the consequences.

Hermione and Harry prepared to back away, and were surprised to see Voldemort clasp his head and curse. Hermione gasped when a grey shade resembling Adora emerged from nowhere.

Hermione gasped. "Adora?"

This shade was forlorn but it spoke confidently. "He can't control me as much here."

"Are you Adora?" Hermione persisted in asking.

"Yes… But Hermione. It is no use. I can never return." The shade spoke sadly. "I will help you fight him. I have succeeded in annoying him a number of times."

"Yes." Voldemort hissed and shook his head as if to clear it. "It appears a person's magic is unique and cannot be reconciled with another's. That girl's more trouble than it's worth. The only problem is I don't know how to destroy her. But I'll find a way."

Adora moved to Severus, who was rooted to the spot when he saw it.

"Professor, it wasn't your fault… Thank you for everything. You will look after my mother and sister won't you? I know you will."

"Stop it. Stop talking like you're gone." Severus found himself blurting out.

Severus tried to pull Adora to his side but like Harry's attempt to hold 'Sirius', his hand went through it.

"Adora…" Severus said helplessly.

"Goodbye professor." Adora said and floated back to Voldemort. It disappeared and Voldemort sighed in relief.

"There's a menace." Voldemort said. Before Severus or anyone else could react in anger, Voldemort reached for Hermione.

"No!" Harry yelled and grasped Voldemort's arm. Voldemort, taller and stronger than Harry, managed to push him away, only to have Harry hurl himself onto him. All three stumbled to the ground. When Severus tried to dash forward, he was flung into the air by an invisible force. In fact, Harry and Hermione were also separated from Voldemort and they were being tossed about by strong winds that were building up into a storm. Only 'Sirius' remained standing.

"You must go now!" 'Sirius' told them. "Quadrivium is letting you return."

"Black, we must get Adora out of here with us. This might be the only chance!" Severus shouted over the storm.

"Now is not the time, Professor. You must give up Adora here."

"There must be a way!" Severus yelled.

"There is but it is not easy. And you will not be the one who can save her."

"Must you be this cryptic?"

'Sirius' said something, but Severus did not catch his word. He found his eyesight dim, but it was the surroundings that were growing dark. Somehow, he knew that they were returning to the real world and this was a phase. He could feel himself holding his wand. He could not see clearly. He made out an outlines of Harry. He heard Voldemort's laugh and Hermione's scream. Then he saw a green light flash. Ages seemed to pass in blackness, until he heard himself scream.

-

"Hermione!"

Hermione woke up with a bolt with someone shouting her name close by. Her head spinning, she orientated herself to the surroundings. Moments later, she was conscious enough to see that she was in Severus's office. Looking around, she saw Harry sitting up and Severus sprawled beside her. It was he who had called her then.

"Here. Severus, I'm here." His vision still blurred, Severus felt arms wrap around him. "We're back in the office."

Grunting, Severus forced himself to sit up. He cursed when his back pained him.

"That bolt of green light… I thought he'd killed you."

"He only wanted to give us a fright Severus. It wasn't even the killing curse I heard him cast. He couldn't take me."

"He always had too much a penchant for dramatics."

Hermione did not comment about how that reminded her of someone else, in other words, Severus.

She merely asked, "Are you hurt?"

Severus shook his head. "Only my back is protesting. Must be the fall. Are you hurt?"

"Oh stop already." Harry exclaimed in mock disgust. "We're back safe. You're hopeless, the both of you."

With that, Harry picked up his bag with superior dignity, and prepared to walk out of the office. Harry was walking up the stairs when he rushed back to the office because Hermione was shouting and pleading for him to come back.

"Harry!" Hermione cried. "He's fainted."

"What perfect timing." Harry said morosely. He might have had a change of heart about Hermione befriending Snape, and had defended Snape in front of Voldemort, but he was not going to like Snape soon. He sighed. It probably meant that he could not escape another trip to Madam Pomfrey now.

"I'll go get the other professors." Harry grimaced, "Snape always likes to make my life miserable, doesn't he?"

-

"You know, it might actually be a good thing that I came here after all," Harry conceded when he sat down on a bed in the Hospital Wing while Dumbledore and Pomfrey were watching over Snape.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked. He had been looking after Harry after being informed of the misadventure.

"I… have… ugh… splitting headache." Harry felt like there were drums in his head pounding in the genre of heavy metal.

Remus said soothingly, "It'll go away after a few hours. Do you want some chocolate?"

"I'll have a whole slab." Harry said.

"You shall take half of it." Remus decided and took the chocolate out of his pocket. "Quickly now, before Poppy sees it. She doesn't like anyone giving out chocolate except herself. It's the only bribe she can give to the younger ones for them to take their potions."

Harry took the chocolate gratefully. Eating it slowly, he pondered over the trip down at Quadrivium. He wondered if he should tell Remus about seeing 'Sirius', even though he really was not Sirius. Remus did not talk much about the Marauders after Sirius's death. Harry remembered how much Remus had loved talking about their antics in their youth, how much he had spoken of them with such fondness. But James had long since died, Sirius's death was still fresh in their memories and Peter was not the friend they had believed in and trusted. Harry decided to tell Remus most bits of what had happened in Quadrivium, but stopped short of describing the guide's appearance. After all, it was only a coincidence that that thing had taken the form of Sirius.

When Harry finished his story, he could not help glancing in the direction of Snape's ward.

"So, erm… how is he?" he asked.

"You mean Severus? Oh good, jolly good. He's sleeping. Finally. I don't suppose you knew that he hadn't slept for quite a while now."

"That might explain why he's always grouchy in his classes." Harry said for the sake of sarcasm.

Remus gave a little grunt. "If you say so. The Headmaster is actually relieved Severus's fainted. He hasn't slept much. Not much since Adora… He took it quite badly."

Harry snapped, "Remus, I don't need another talk about Snape being all good and human, all right? I just want to know if he's not going to die."

"Then… he isn't Harry." Remus said.

"Well. Fine." Harry muttered. "I just don't want everyone to worry over the git."

"I'm glad you're thinking about others' feelings then." Remus smiled wryly. "Perhaps you should spend the rest of the day here."

"I should be used to it by now." Harry muttered.

-

When Hermione was instructed to return to her dormitory for some rest, she first went to find Ron. Seeing that he was practising Quidditch, Hermione went back to her room and turned the incident over and over in her head. She wondered if they were not in a bind. There was no advancement to defeating Voldemort and the Death-Eaters despite the Order's best efforts. There was no help for Adora. She and Severus were going in circles. Being two responsible adults, they knew in this time of war, it was reckless and selfish to think about one's emotions. In the end, Hermione came to the conclusion that people who thought too much and worried too much suffered meaninglessly.

She had dozed off a little and when she woke up, Ron was already in the Common Room. After telling Ron of how the lesson with Severus had backfired, Ron was naturally stunned. They hurried together to visit Harry.

"Ron! Get off! I'm fine but I don't need you beating me up!" Harry yelled when Ron trounced him.

"Just checking to see if you're not possessed Harry." Ron said light-heartedly, and pretended to examine Harry. "Hmm… yes, yes I think you're Harry Potter."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Voldemort isn't going to possess me. Ron, Hermione, I'm going to tell you something. After seeing him in that place, I figured it out. He might be more powerful, but I know I'm stronger than he is. He's a coward. That's why he chose dark magic. I'm going to stop him. You wait, when the time comes, I'll stop him."

Hermione and Ron stared at Harry. They had not seen him

Harry nodded at Hermione towards Severus's direction. "You might want to see him Hermione." He grinned a little, "Dumbledore just force-fed him with soup and refused to give him any wine."

"Oh…" Hermione started, "If it were someone else, I'd be grinning too. Threw a tantrum, did he?"

"Like an overgrown kid."

Hermione smiled, "You aren't angry anymore?"

"Of course I'm angry. But I need a few days to gather my strength to fight Snape. Go ahead while I'm in a good mood."

Hermione smiled, "All right Mr. Potter. Thank you for your understanding ways and big heart and…"

"Oh go away." Harry said.

So while Ron entertained Harry, Hermione popped round to see Severus.

"How's the invalid?" she asked.

"I don't need any snide remarks from anyone." Severus sneered. After Albus, he was not inclined to be fussed over. And he clearly remembered Hermione feeding him on that occasion when his hands were injured.

"Well, it seems you're getting better, if you can become all 'sneery' again." Hermione said drily.

Severus looked at her, and then said, "At least you're not hurt."

"Can't you be a little more generous with your show of concern?" Hermione grumbled, "All right, all right, no one expects that from you when you're your usual self."

Severus sighed. "Old habits are hard to break."

"Don't feel too apologetic about it. None of us are in a particularly jovial mood." Hermione said, "Except Harry. It seems he has gotten it all worked out. I don't know how but maybe talking to Sirius, or whoever he was, did him good. For once, he's actually prepared to fight Voldemort. See Severus, there is hope if he has hope too."

Severus absorbed the new information. "He wouldn't have survived without you and Weasley."

"He had to figure it out himself."

"I give credit where credit's due. Ronald Weasley takes after his family ways."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. Although Severus was not as cold as the public in general would have it, it was unexpected of Severus to express any positive opinions for the Weasley family. Both the Weasleys and Snapes were pureblood and unlike most pureblood families, were not rich. But they were not closely related by blood or belief. The Weasleys were warm while the Snapes were reclusive. Having seen that the Snapes had once lived in the Muggle part of London, Hermione suspected Severus's father having some sort of inferiority complex which he had passed down to Severus. And although they were poor and Ron would complain, the Weasleys did not feel inferior to the rest of the wizarding families. Hermione frowned when she remembered Percy leaving the family for the prestige and recognition in the Ministry. Surely Percy would come round one day.

She turned to Severus as he got out of bed.

"What do you think you're doing?", she asked.

"Don't behave like Madam Pomfrey Hermione. I'm only suffering from a little exhaustion. I'm not sick." Severus said, "I'm going to have a look at Adora."

Hermione cast a glance at Ron and Harry who were not watching them but were concentrating on a game of Wizard's Chess. For a fleeting moment, Hermione saw them as the eleven-year-olds they once were. How innocent and carefree they were then. Sighing, Hermione went with Severus to another room where Adora was. Ever since Severus had brought her back from Voldemort, Adora was kept under a powerful charm to keep her from waking. As they looked at Adora's sleeping form, Hermione marvelled at how peaceful she looked. There was even a slight smile on Adora's face.

"She looks like she's dreaming. Sweet, lovely dreams." Hermione whispered to Severus, who laughed bitterly.

"She told me not to blame myself. One rare chance to speak to us, and that was all she said."

"Severus, was it Adora we saw?"

"You aren't really asking for my opinion, are you? You're trying to confirm yours." Severus responded irritably. "What would you have me say? You heard her."

"Then there is a chance…" Hermione hesitated. "Voldemort said…"

"Yes. And Merlin knows what that would mean if he found a way to destroy her."

"Severus… will she… will she die?"

Severus did not reply because he did not know the answer. He thought there was another chance to save her at that time. He thought that the glimpse of Adora in Potter's eyes was a signal for hope. To be proven otherwise by 'Sirius Black' who would not lie was an added setback. He could not save Adora. That task belonged to someone else. A niggling suspicion told him that it would be Potter because only he had a link to the Dark Lord's mind. He had not felt such a deep sense of uselessness since his failure to save James Potter and Lily Evans. Adora thought that her words that she did not blame him might comfort him, but Severus raged all the more for causing an understanding girl to suffer meaninglessly.

He stirred when Hermione slipped her hand into his. When Hermione handed him a handkerchief, he became confused.

"Severus, you're crying."

Severus blinked and felt tears roll down his cheeks. At that, he shook off Hermione's hand brusquely.

He said stiffly, "Thank you. I… I have my own handkerchief."

He then took it out from his pocket and wiped his cheeks hurriedly. Trust Hermione to be the first person in a long time to witness him crying. He turned his face away surreptitiously to compose himself.

Hermione wondered at Severus's pride. They had practically been honest about their thoughts and opened their hearts to each other and still he would withdraw from her whenever he felt weak. She thought back to their discussion when they said they would deal with their relationship after the war and realised the war was not the main problem. Even if Hermione was willing, Severus had expressed doubts whether a closer relationship would work. Severus had never expected to become involved with anyone and along came Hermione and her determination and fearlessness in the face of Severus's mean-spirited ways. And he was much too proud to admit that he had come to depend on her. Or was it some kind of inverted insecurity that led Severus to withdraw whenever he was vulnerable to attack or scorn?

For now, Hermione had to settle with being the friend-in-need for Severus, just as she was with Harry and Ron.

"We'll get her back," she said softly.

Severus did not respond again. It was a reckless promise Hermione had made for something so difficult, but he derived comfort from that. They had gone through some of the worst scenarios, each time with the other side having the upper hand. Somehow, they managed to scrape through every one of them. Severus prayed for one more miracle. Two more, he corrected himself. One for Adora to be saved and another for the Dark Lord to be subdued forever.

When he was sure he had stopped crying, Severus looked to see Hermione touching Adora's forehead and whispering goodnight to her. As Hermione turned to Severus, he did not meet her eye. Instead, he proceeded to say goodnight to Adora, although he knew that Adora was not quite there and would not hear their wishes.

They walked back to the main hospital room in silence. They heard the clock strike ten. The candle-lights were extinguished except those around Harry's bed where Harry and Ron were still playing chess.

Hermione spoke up.

"Dumbledore's asked Remus to teach your classes tomorrow." She frowned when Severus grumbled a little. "You can rely on Remus. He's good at Potions. I've seen him. And he's much more popular than you are with the students. No doubt he'll teach them properly."

"No doubt he'll give them pointers on how to create potions to defend themselves against werewolves," Severus said without much bite. He had made his peace with Lupin subconsciously and was driven to admit that Lupin was a much better person than he was, werewolf or not. Yes, he could get along with Lupin.

Hermione sighed, "You really were a vicious person when he came to teach DADA."

"That was when I thought he was part of a vicious prank and part of a scheme to get Black into Hogwarts." Severus tried to defend himself.

"Just as you say Severus." Hermione watched as Severus got onto his bed. "I'll say goodnight here. And don't forget that this is the time to sleep, not to think."

Severus said resignedly, "What would happen if you weren't around to lecture me Hermione?" He could have let her leave at that, but he realised he had to say something or he would regret it.

Hence, he continued before prudence interfered, "Hermione, I didn't forget what we said back there."

He could not see Hermione's expression in the semi-darkness. He was reassured however, when Hermione grasped his hand.

"Good night Severus. We'll fix this."

And strangely, Severus did sleep well for the rest of the night.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Right," Hermione said in as steady a voice as she could. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?"

"No," Harry replied jokingly. Then he added in mixture of ruefulness and apology. "I suppose that wasn't the reply you wanted?"

"No," Hermione said exasperatedly, "This is very serious Harry."

"I'm being very serious." Harry said sternly, in a quick change of tone. "I'll never be sure when I'm ready unless I try it."

"You don't go by halves, do you?" Ron remarked wryly as he remembered the times they had been through some of the most exhilarating, and dangerous, adventures that average witches and wizards thrice their age would not even have imagined becoming entangled in. Each was an adventure of a lifetime and Ron felt as though they _had_ survived several lifetimes. Like the first time they went into Hogwarts without knowing much. Well… Hermione did, with all her memorising of books and casting of charms. But it did not mean she knew how to combat trolls and You-Know-Who. He and Hermione were that close to seeing him face to face in their first year. First Year. Merlin, was it really that long ago when he had nearly been suffocated by the Devil's Snare?

The Chamber of Secrets, Sirius, Professor Lupin, Dementors, the Triwizard competition, the Department of Mysteries… these were all incidents where they were at the brink of death. And the word now was that a battle was coming. One that would soon bring death and destruction. It was not practical to listen to gossip but many were frightened. There was no strong leader they could look to for strength in the Ministry. Dumbledore might still be the most powerful wizard, but he was only a Headmaster of a school. And Harry… well, some people still saw him as a kid and not a little bit loony.

Who knew that in Hogwarts, under the watchful eyes of his trusted friends, Harry was about to do something he had not done before?

Ron observed quietly as Harry and Hermione sat cross-legged opposite each other in the Room of Requirement, the one convenient place to have absolute privacy. This time, they were using it for an experiment which demanded no disturbance, something which was difficult to avoid in a castle inhabiting the likes of Peeves and Filch. And students of course. Harry was going to attempt to enter Voldemort's mind for two objectives. He wanted to save Adora and break Voldemort. He forbade Ron and Hermione to tell anyone else because he knew the staff would stop him and he did not want anyone to know if he failed.

Hermione was the most sensible in the Trio and the most likely to dissuade Harry from his decision, one would have thought. But Hermione and Ron were not Harry's friends for nothing. They had done things together that were not 'sensible' or 'wise' throughout their school life. Perhaps this was why the Sorting Hat saw something of a Gryffindor in Hermione. She was willing to plunge into a foolhardy mission without hesitation.

Ron himself could not refrain from complaining, "Why can't I join you?" He was already sore that he had not joined them in Quadrivium.

Hermione shook her head fervently. So did Harry.

"It's bad enough that I'm asking Hermione to take the risk with me." Harry said, "But I'm not complacent enough to think I can do this on my own. I need someone to cover my back and try to pull me out if I go too deep into Voldemort's psyche. He might even discover what we're doing. And Hermione's experienced her mind going into another realm before. She'll know what to look out for."

"Besides," Hermione smiled encouragingly, "You have the most important task actually."

"Yeah?" Ron tilted his head to a side.

"You're our messenger Ron!" Harry exclaimed. "You're going to have to find the professors if this goes wrong."

"Oh…" Ron responded and made an exaggerated O-shape with his mouth. Then he frowned, "So I'm the messenger who isn't the kind who rings the bell and says 'All's well!'. And how would I know when something's wrong?"

"Well, if you see us vomiting blood or growing two heads…"

"Ha. Ha. Ha."

"Why don't we set a time limit?" Hermione suggested. "If we aren't out of our trance after an hour, you'll go and find help."

Ron reluctantly agreed. "I don't like this."

"Try not to worry too much." Harry said lightly, although he did not feel any lightheartedness in him. He looked straight at Hermione. "Okay, Hermione, let's go."

"Yes." Hermione said.

She took out her wand and made a seal around Harry and her to deflect any stray magical interference. Then she made a sign between Harry and her to form a portal. She had made careful studies regarding linking minds and looking into. She had started out with Legilimency and went on from there. She questioned Flitwick innocently and conversed with Severus about his experiences. She felt a little guilty for not telling them the reason for her questions but Harry would not hear of them informing anyone about it. She next found out the limitations a person had to endure while trapped in another person's mind. Finally, she thought up of different ways for Harry to get out of the portal safely.

When she was confident that the portal was stable, she nodded to Harry and indicated that all was ready. The plan was for him to enter Voldemort's mind while Hermione held the fort. She was to act as the guardian, hovering between the tangible and intangible sides of the world, watching over the events of Harry's attempt and making sure there was always a chance for him to return conscious.

"Okay. Think about Voldemort."

Harry snorted.

"Harry…" Hermione remonstrated.

"Sorry."

"Think about Voldemort. Where he might be, what he's doing, find him."

Harry stared at the portal in deep meditation. The portal glowed slightly and appeared to hypnotise himself. Hermione observed carefully as Harry's eyelids grew heavy. Outside the seal, Ron was shuffling his feet uneasily.

Soon, Harry's eyes became dull and expressionless. An odd sensation followed. Hermione felt nauseous because she was suddenly in two realms at one time.

-

"And after the disruption Mr. Lupin has caused, I'm afraid there will be a lot of work to do to reverse the damage." Severus said sardonically to his class that consisted of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Several of them looked indignant, whilst others pretended that they were not in the least perturbed. One Hufflepuff was frowning and Severus thought in amusement at the possibility that the girl was taking him seriously.

Sometimes, in each year that he taught, there would be the bold, stand-up-for-others, type of student, and such a student stood up to defend Lupin.

"Are you quite certain you understand the difference in property between puffer-fish eyes and porcupine quills Mr. Pennifold? Surely Professor Lupin must have taught you that if he is as wonderful as you describe him to be."

When the student sputtered some excuse that those were in the second half of the textbook and Lupin had not taught them about them, Severus nonchalantly deducted ten points from Ravenclaw.

Of course, there were none as audacious as Potter. As for Longbottom, well, Severus would always view in distaste that episode where an image of him was dressed in frightful clothing. That was something more audacious than even anything  
Potter had done to him, but it was Lupin's fault. Amazingly, Longbottom still stood in trepidation around him even though he had passed his DADA, which meant he had overcome his fear and subdued the Boggart.

During class, Severus instructed the students to make a potion and subtly tested their knowledge to see what they had learnt last week. Lupin had told him but Severus wanted to check for himself. As in any other lesson, some students remembered their work, and others did not. It strengthened Severus's belief that a teacher's attitude had no impact on a student's learning process and it was all up to the student's ability and willingness to study. A teacher's friendly and patient attitude was only helpful in gaining popularity and popularity was not something Severus craved for. He did crave for it, once, when he was young and suffered jealousy as a result of seeing James Potter and his cronies liked by everyone, but it was useless to crave for an elusive thing. He was never going to change his personality and he knew later on in life that it was not popularity he sought for but acceptance. And it was the few people who accepted him that meant more to him than huge numbers of the public.

When class was over, Severus's thoughts wandered to Hermione. He guessed she was studying for her N.E.W.T.S. and it made him reluctant to find her. He had not spoken with her since he had come out of the Hospital Wing, which really was only two days ago.

Severus was embarrassed to admit that he already missed her.

-

_This better be worth it Harry._

Hermione communicated telepathically with Harry who was currently orientating himself to a much darker setting. An unsettling mood prevailed. There was something wearisome and sinister about them, but that was to be expected of being in Voldemort's mind. Hermione congratulated them both for succeeding in linking Harry's mind to Voldemort's on the first attempt.

_How are you feeling?_

_Weird._ Harry replied, _And__ I thought I'd be looking out of his eyes so that I can see his surroundings. But I'm all right. We better not communicate with each other too much. We don't to attract any unwanted attention._

_Be careful Harry._

_Ha. I don't need reminding Hermione._

A quiet journey followed as Hermione sensed Harry trying to grasp the inner workings of Voldemort's mind. Everything was blurry and confusing to her but Harry seemed to know what he was doing and he became increasingly confident as he moved about. Voldemort had always been the one taking advantage of the link they shared. Now it was Harry who turned the tables round. He was grimly satisfied.

_Adora__, where are you?_ Hermione could hear Harry ask.

More time passed, and there was no progress. Harry started to feel frustrated. Hermione wondered exactly how much time had passed. She withdrew from the place a little and glanced at Ron, who in turn was checking his watch.

Hermione's stomach lurched forward and her mind started hurting. It was not a normal person's capability to stand being in two places at one time, even for a witch. The pressure exerted upon her threatened to overcome her.

_Harry…_

_Shush. Hermione, I think there's something._

Hermione hesitated. She broke into sweat and wanted Harry to give up and leave the place but just then she felt his delight.

There was someone else with him. Adora?

Hermione felt the portal waver and panicked. She noted that her energy was sapping due to suppressing the pain that was pounding her brain. She decided to concentrate on the portal. Harry would have to work his way through.

She only hoped that he paid attention to the time ticking away. By now, she was oblivious to the exchange Harry and Adora were having.

"Adora," Harry was exclaiming happily. "This is great. This is absolutely great."

"How did you come here Harry?"

"Never mind that. Come on, let's get you out of here first." Harry took Adora's hand and intended to go through the portal. But Adora shook her head.

"That isn't the way to do it Harry." Adora said.

"Oh."

"I overheard… him tell his servant… Peter Pettigrew…"

Harry's mood darkened, "He's still alive then."

"Pettigrew? Yes." Adora said, "Anyway, he was talking about how you can't save me unless you transfer me back to my body directly."

Harry frowned, "How's that possible?"

Adora looked sad, "I don't know."

"Okay." Harry was disappointed, but all was not lost yet. "Is there anything important we should know?"

Adora looked startled. "Now that you've mentioned it…" She shook her head, "This filthy place is oppressive. It makes me forget things." She bit her lower lip, agitated.

Harry looked at her sympathetically.

Adora picked up her courage. "Right. You can't stay here for too long. You're lucky. He's sleeping now, that's why he's not on his guard or he'll be aware of us talking. Don't interrupt me. I need to tell you everything straight before I forget everything."

_Harry… hurry. Please._

Harry blinked at Hermione's words. She sounded horribly weak.

_Hermione?_

But Hermione did not reply.

When Adora told him all that she knew, Harry thanked her and was about to leave when Adora stopped him.

"Harry, get me out of here quickly."

Harry blinked. "Yes."

"And if you can't… just kill him Harry." Adora was solemn. "Destroy him. It's better that I'm dead along with him than for me to linger in here always."

Harry stared at her. Then he nodded curtly and left.

_Hermione, get me out._

Harry was relieved when he felt himself leaving Voldemort's mind. It felt a little like travelling using Floo Powder. As he opened his eyes, he sighed as in release.

"At last! Where did you go? On second thoughts, what did you do?"

"How long was I was there?"

Ron checked the time, "Half an hour."

"It seemed longer." Harry turned to Hermione, "That was excellent Hermi…"

In their distraction to talk with each other, Harry and Ron had not noticed how dreadfully pale Hermione was. Her lips were almost bloodless, and sweat was breaking out profusely from her forehead. Her eyes were shut tight.

"Hermione?" Ron tried to rouse her.

Hermione started swaying. She was panting.

"She's weak." Harry said unsteadily. Not daring to use further magic on her, he picked her up. Walking out of the Room of Requirement swiftly as he carried her, Harry told Ron, "I'm taking her to the Hospital Wing. Get the professors."

-

Severus rubbed his brow wearily. He had written a letter to Lupin curtly thanking him for teaching his students while he was absent and laconically commenting on the results of different teaching techniques. He was not trying to be humourous but knowing Lupin, the man would simply smile and shrug it off. He might even put it down to Severus's sardonic outlook in life.

He mused over what he could do for the rest of the afternoon before dinner as he had a school owl deliver the message to Lupin. Lupin had left immediately after Severus took back to teaching duties. Even Severus thought that he had left a little too hastily, but that was Lupin and his infinite consideration for you. While there were many students who were fond of him, there were others who feared him, knowing he was a werewolf. Furthermore, Lupin would not dream of making it inconvenient for Dumbledore to keep him.

In that way, Severus thought, he was luckier than Lupin. Hogwarts had been a prison, but also a needed refuge for him ever since the end of the first war. Not many knew that he had been a Death-Eater of course, but he was deemed a misfit in society. There was no place for him to go or work in. The Ministry certainly would not accept him because of the confidential information it held regarding his activities as a Death-Eater. If Albus had not offered him this job, Severus knew he would have ended up like his father, cooped in a run-down flat and a meager salary as an independent researcher. Brilliant, but not valued.

Yes, he was lucky. Lupin did not have his own proper place to live in. Severus had learnt something of the wandering days of Lupin when Lupin was conversing with Hooch in the staff room. Lupin tried to make light of them, but Severus understood the underlying unpleasantness. It was amazing to him how anyone could remain cheerful and not bitter under those circumstances. He knew that Lupin was more deserving of staying in Hogwarts than he was. Now no one knew where Lupin was. Albus had suggested that Lupin stay in Grimmauld Place, but Lupin could not stand it even when Sirius and others were there, much less alone.

Maybe one day Severus would have a word with Albus and see if something else could be arranged. Lately however, Albus was always preoccupied with things.

Severus shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. As long as that confounded Dark Circle existed, they would always be preoccupied with hunting it down and subduing it.

A walk. He would take a walk, terrorise the students and deduct points from every House but Slytherin. He had informed Hermione that it was therapeutic and she was not amused. She had suggested that reading was a better outlet and Severus told her that he did not want to sully his reading leisure with petty and morose thoughts. She had not argued against that.

As Severus left his office and walked up the stairs, he wondered again what Hermione was doing. It would just be like her to be in the library. The N.E.W.T.S. examinations were approaching and despite the menacing threat of war, Hermione had kept to her studies as keenly as ever. She planned to do the best in every one of her subjects and was determined to prove to Severus that she could beat him at studies, or at least be on par with him.

He had not told her that he did not take fourteen N.E.W.T.S. That had been her assumption. But he was not about to contradict her for the time being. She knew what she was doing and was fully capable of taking fourteen N.E.W.T.S. if she were so inclined.

The sound of running steps greeted him in the corridor. Looking for the person responsible, he saw Ron Weasley at the other end of the corridor. Well, look who was his first victim.

"Mr. Weasley," Severus started, "This is not a Quidditch field."

But Weasley did not appear perturbed.

He said anxiously, "It's Hermione professor."

Severus's remaining words died in his throat.

-

Many people and many explanations later, the professors in the Hospital Wing were looking disapprovingly at Harry and Ron, except Dumbledore, who marvelled at the Trio's brave antics.

"You couldn't get Adora out," he asked in confirmation after Harry related all the events.

"Yes… but I found out something." Harry said shakily. "Voldemort's going to attack Hogwarts next month."

Dumbledore nodded, "All right. It's a pity. Nevertheless, at least, at least this allows us to prepare ourselves. There's time to gather help." He did not betray any of his shock or nervousness. Either Voldemort was getting impatient, or he was very confident he would win. He was threatening to destroy Hogwarts. Plans must be made with the Order to get the students out of harm's way. That was of utmost importance. The Order would face Voldemort and his followers in battle. It would happen sooner or later, and it was best that it happened when they were expecting it. More had to be done. More aid had to be recruited.

Severus and Minerva were chilled by the news too. On the other hand, they were still seething with rage. The latter was angry at her students for repeatedly risking their lives. The former was angry simply because it was Harry Potter causing trouble again. In addition this time, his attachment to Hermione made him protective over her.

"So you thought up of this splendid idea to test your powers over Voldemort and bring Hermione along with you," he whispered, fighting the urge to scream at Harry.

"I would never want to see Hermione hurt if that's what you're suggesting." Harry stamped his foot hard on the ground in frustration.

"But there she is." Severus pointed to her lying unconscious on the bed while Poppy was attending to her.

"How is she Poppy?" Minerva enquired.

Poppy sighed in relief, "It's nothing serious. Mere exhaustion. She'll sleep it off."

Ron smiled, "That's good, isn't it?" Then he tried to liven things up a bit, "We really make a habit of having meetings in the Hospital Wing now, don't we?"

He grimaced when everyone else glared at him, not at all amused.

-

Hermione stirred in her sleep. When she opened her eyes, she saw shadows dancing above her. Her brain registered that it was night-time, and she was not in her dormitory because there were no shadows on her ceiling.

She felt unbelievably rested. It was as though she had driven herself to extreme exhaustion and had collapsed at the end, without care and worry. She had just allowed herself to fall into a deep sleep to her heart's content.

Turning her head around, she found a dark and lanky silhouette sitting on an armchair beside her. She could barely make out his features. But they were welcome features.

Seeing that she was awake, Severus leaned over her and smiled. Hermione was surprised by how warm his smile was. It was the only way she could describe it. It was touching and oddly soothing. She smiled in return.

"Severus."

Severus's smile broadened. "Hello Hermione."

He had spent the night watching over Hermione after dinner. If he were still that cold logician he used to be when he was a student and later a Death-Eater, he would say accompany an unconscious person was unnecessary and a complete waste of energy. But that was when he did not understand other human complexities. There were things that could not be explained with logic. He had done it for Albus out of loyalty and friendship when Albus was recovering from the first war with the Dark Lord. Now he did it out of affection and concern for Hermione. He felt more at ease here in the Hospital Wing than going to bed in his comfortable chambers, knowing she was sleeping soundly.

Hermione breathed deeply and looked around. She said matter-of-factly. "We're in the Hospital Wing."

"Yes. Do you realise the irony of the situation?"

"Sorry?"

Severus grunted, "I asked if the irony of the situation's occurred to you."

"I'm not hard of hearing Severus. I just lack understanding. What irony are you talking about?"

"That you're the casualty this time and I'm the one gloating over you while you're lying in the Hospital Wing."

Hermione scoffed as Severus continued, "Honestly, perhaps I shouldn't take advantage of the situation. It appears your faculties haven't fully recovered yet if you can't even comprehend such a simple thing."

"I do not gloat." Hermione said without bite.

"We have to make do with the difference in our character." Severus said drily.

"Is Harry all right?"

"Yes, he's in his dormitory now, unless it suddenly strikes his fancy to take a midnight stroll."

"Don't be so hard on him." Hermione said, "He only takes those night walks when they're necessary. So, what happened?"

"I don't think you should work that mind of yours so much after just waking up. How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Hermione replied. "Can't you tell me anything?"

"You're to listen to me this time. Potter's told the Headmaster all the details of his trip to the Dark Lord's mind and you'll learn about everything tomorrow." Severus paused. "That wasn't the cleverest thing to do. Bold, yes, but not clever. It was highly dangerous. I won't give you a lecture because no one can ever stop you, or Potter, or Weasley. I'm just conveying my piece of mind. Now try to relax. Engage in light conversations instead of delving in tasteless topics."

Hermione grinned slightly, "I doubt that it's easy to have light conversations with you Professor Snape."

Severus chuckled in self-deprecation, "I suppose not."

Hermione took in his sallow complexion and the lines around his eyes.

"You should get some sleep yourself."

"I'll sleep when you sleep." Severus said.

Hermione smiled again. Severus could not help being caustic when he talked. Nonetheless he was caring when necessary.

"That's rather sweet of you Severus," she said softly.

She closed her eyes, "Aren't you tired?"

"I know my limits Hermione." His reply came by way of remonstration for her not knowing when to quit when she was on the brink of collapse.

"Touché." Hermione muttered and listened to Severus leaning back against the chair. Soon, she slipped back into slumber, secure in the knowledge that Severus was with her.

Now that Hermione had woken up and chatted a little with him, Severus was calmer. He gazed at Hermione's carefree expression as she slept and smiled. It did his old and tired self good to bask in her youth and innocence. She said it was sweet of him to accompany him. He had yet to thank her for choosing to be with him.

He marvelled at the topsy-turvy feelings human relationships brought. They were a burden. If a person were a hermit, he or she would not enjoy the joys of companionship. Then again, he or she would not experience the woes either. A hermit would live life in peace. It was tempting in its way but that sort of life was… what was it Albus say? Blend, that was it.

A person could not have the best of all worlds. He might as well be resigned to the fact that he appreciated companionship and Hermione was cherished and anyone be damned if that person made fun of sentamentality. As long as Adora was rescued and the wizarding world overcame the present evil,Severus would have no regrets.

When Hermione next woke up, Severus was no longer there. But he had left a thoughtful note that read, "How are you? Do not miss the morning class if you want to score tops in Potions."

_"So I'm the messenger who isn't the kind who rings the bell and says 'All's well!'.":_ Just a skewed reference to The Night Watch in Discworld.

_Amazingly, Longbottom still stood in trepidation around him even though he had passed his DADA, which meant he had overcome his fear and subdued the Boggart.:_ Actually I'm not sure. Did Neville pass?

_"I'll sleep when you sleep.":_ This is from Margaret's and Leo's exchange in The West Wing, fourth season finale.

Leo"I'll sleep when he sleeps But you should sleep for a few hours."  
Margaret"I'll sleep when you sleep."  
Leo"Well, this is going to be interesting 'cause we're going to have a small band of dedicated people who can't lift their arms."

Another two more chapters should do it.


End file.
